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OfflineRenegade8
Niggar please

Registered: 10/11/03
Posts: 386
Loc: Orange County
Last seen: 8 years, 2 months
Why is negativity so much easier? (warning: long)
    #2301396 - 02/04/04 05:06 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Why is it so much easier to say something negative instead of encouraging someone?

I know some people are insecure and resent others for their success, but why do people do that to their own kids? Seems to me that a lot of adults are bitter because of the negativity they received from their parents, but then they turn around and tell their kids "you'll never amount to anything, etc." That's kind of a sad commentary on humanity that we don't evolve from generation to generation.

I've had plenty of situations in my life where I've seen the difference that a little encouragement can make. Hell, a lot of times just eliminating the negative comments is enough.

I've been seeing this 8 hours a day with my assistant. The kid (22) had been told her whole life how stupid she is 'cause she has ADD and did shitty in school. She was working here at her dad's company as the receptionist 'cause "she can't do anything else." Problem was nobody had ever tried to show her something new and she didn't ask 'cause she "knew" she was too dumb to learn it.

Then I came here, showed her a few easy things & was impressed, and just kept giving her harder stuff to do. I have yet to find anything she couldn't understand after I took the time to explain it right. (BTW - I do construction accounting, so it's not simple stuff she's learning.) There's been days I can't keep up 'cause she's learning so fast. Now, in addition to work stuff, she's asking me about taxes, accounting, science, etc. At her request, I even outlined a college math textbook for her to read in her spare time!

And all I did was give her a shot & see what she was capable of. I didn't go into it saying she definitely could do it 'cause I didn't know yet, but I also didn't start off by expecting her to fuck up like everyone else had.

This has made me think back to another time when I had one of my stoner boys (19) come live with me 'cause his dad beat him up and he was suicidal. After the thing with his dad, he started trouble with his band, got kicked out, did way too many drugs, then lost his job too.

I let him come stay with me to hit bottom in a safe place and after a while of not being continually yelled at and called a pussy (dad's favorite word), he took it upon himself to go see a therapist, got on anti-depressants for a while (he's off now), got back in the band, found a good construction job, and moved out.

I'm not saying that works for everyone 'cause each of us have our own issues or chemical imbalances to deal with, but it disturbs me that something that simple can make such a big difference in someone's life. At the time he was living with me, I was stuck in my own downward spiral and couldn't have been very supportive. I was miserable at work, sick with tonsillitis (for 11 months!...damn doctors), and doing as many drugs as I could to get through the day.

I think that's what bothers me the most - I didn't even do anything, but both people were able to turn themselves around because of the things I didn't do. I said to someone else once, "I know you haven't had many people say things like this to you, but you're doing good with (whatever)." The response was "nope, no one's ever said that before." Made me want to fuckin cry to hear that.

Fuck if I know what I'm trying to say here 'cause now it's after lunch & I'm all stoned, but it's something I'm starting to notice & it pisses me off. Any thoughts?


--------------------
I'm just see-through faded, super jaded, and out of my mind. - R.I.P. Layne


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OfflineSpecialEd
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Re: Why is negativity so much easier? (warning: long) [Re: Renegade8]
    #2301418 - 02/04/04 05:13 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

The humanistic theory of psychology says that for people to be their best, they need "unconditional positive regard."

As for why negativity is easier, I don't know.


--------------------
"Plus one upvote +1..."
--- //
-- :meff:
  /l_l\/
--\-/----


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Offlinefireworks_godS
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Re: Why is negativity so much easier? (warning: long) [Re: SpecialEd]
    #2301431 - 02/04/04 05:18 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

It is probably easier for a lot of people because they received it a hell of a lot, so they just pass it along... which is why passing along positivity is of so much valuable, because it could turn that around. Nice post, Renegade! :grin: Post more often!
Peace.


--------------------
:redpanda:
If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you

:heartpump: :bunnyhug: :yinyang:

:yinyang: :levitate: :earth: :levitate: :yinyang:


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OfflineFrog
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Re: Why is negativity so much easier? (warning: long) [Re: fireworks_god]
    #2301486 - 02/04/04 05:29 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

fireworks_god said:
It is probably easier for a lot of people because they received it a hell of a lot, so they just pass it along... which is why passing along positivity is of so much valuable, because it could turn that around.




Yep. If people are raised with negativity in their lives, they will pass it on to their children, usually.

Of course, that's one of those "false positive", that just because someone was spoken to in a negative manner, he will grow up to say negative things to his kids. But it's more likely.

People can stop the cycle of abuse in families. This is what the bible calls "visiting the sins of the parents on the children".

If a man is verbally abused while he is raised from childhood, in turn, he will verbally abuse his children. He merely parrots what he learned as a child. Most people don't go get counseling to fix themselves before they become parents.


--------------------
The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard


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OfflineRenegade8
Niggar please

Registered: 10/11/03
Posts: 386
Loc: Orange County
Last seen: 8 years, 2 months
Re: Why is negativity so much easier? (warning: long) [Re: fireworks_god]
    #2301694 - 02/04/04 06:23 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

That's a good point, Fireworks.

OK, so why then do some people who grow up with the negativity manage to break that cycle while others don't?

My miserable, shallow parents have verbally abused me and everyone else around them for as long as I can remember. I'm 29, but every time I go visit those people, I get the same shit - my job's not good enough, my friends are too old, friends are too young, I do drugs, I'm not married, I didn't give a shit about school (who cares now?), I'm an asshole, I'm too nice, etc...whatever random shit they can come up with.

Then they always have some negative thing to say about everyone else they see, of course. I remember walking out of the room once 'cause I was watching the NBA playoffs with my dad and he kept bitching at Michael Jordan for missing shots. Like he's supposed to be perfect? Ironically, that was the game against the Blazers where he set the record for most 3-pointers.

Obviously, I haven't had it anywhere near as bad as some people, but I did grow up surrounded by negativity. Why don't I just keep doing the same bad things to the people around me?


--------------------
I'm just see-through faded, super jaded, and out of my mind. - R.I.P. Layne


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InvisibleSkorpivoMusterion
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Re: Why is negativity so much easier? (warning: long) [Re: Renegade8]
    #2301776 - 02/04/04 06:46 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I'm sure we all know how important our childhood stage is as far as the outcome and the way our personalities and so on are shaped, in the long run, and so forth.

Studies show that 70-80% of the input we recieve as children is on the negative side. ("This is bad." "Don't do that!", "That's a no-no!", etc etc)

See where I'm going..?



--------------------
Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.


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InvisibletrendalM
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Re: Why is negativity so much easier? (warning: long) [Re: Renegade8]
    #2301858 - 02/04/04 07:20 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I'm sure part of it is the self-importance and ego-boost that comes hand in hand with putting someone else down (marking them "below" you, in a sense). In my experience most humans tend to be looking out for one thing: to feel good about themselves. One of the easiest ways to do this appears to be putting yourself on a higher pedestal than everyone else - by sending negativity their way you feel "better" about yourself without having to work at actually making yourself better.


--------------------
You're here because you know something.
What you know you can't explain,
But you feel it;
You've felt it your entire life.
That there's something wrong with the world.
You don't know what it is, but it's there....
Like a splinter in your mind...
Driving you mad.


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InvisibleSkorpivoMusterion
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Re: Why is negativity so much easier? (warning: long) [Re: trendal]
    #2301870 - 02/04/04 07:25 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Ooh, good answer too. :thumbup:

If you had babies with an equally smart woman, I bet your Child would be like, the next Alfred Einstienen!

oh wait, you're Canoodian. nevermind. =P :wink:



--------------------
Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.


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InvisibleCosmicJokeM
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Re: Why is negativity so much easier? (warning: long) [Re: Renegade8]
    #2301887 - 02/04/04 07:29 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

lateef and lyrics born - bad news

I'm
bettin' ya think ya nice cuz you give free add-vice right? / but unless you
got a tight alternative it's best to let it just live! / and raise the
octave up to the positive / even though they try and stop you up / arteries
cloggeded / the Black man targeted that's how they set it off, they said it
/ but in the end it will be only them that's effected by they negative vibe
/ I know it hurts, there is no indigestion worse /than that which comes
from having to eat your own word(s), / I heard two(2) people need not
bicker in a burning home / but some people know how to live everybodies
life but their own so, / here's the poem dedicated / to the hatred
propagated by the ill-fated / snakes that's waitin' in grass / those that
talk the most got the least to say / but that ain't nothin' new / and it
ain't even really all that


--------------------
Everything is better than it was the last time.  I'm good.

If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care.

It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence.

I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too.  If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.


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InvisibletrendalM
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Re: Why is negativity so much easier? (warning: long) [Re: SkorpivoMusterion]
    #2301893 - 02/04/04 07:31 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

If you had babies with an equally smart woman, I bet your Child would be like, the next Alfred Einstienen!

oh wait, you're Canoodian. nevermind. =P


Oh that just means that instead of hearing "vell you see zee answer to zat question is..." all the time you would hear "well I'm aboot to tell you the answer, no doubt, eh?"

:smirk:


--------------------
You're here because you know something.
What you know you can't explain,
But you feel it;
You've felt it your entire life.
That there's something wrong with the world.
You don't know what it is, but it's there....
Like a splinter in your mind...
Driving you mad.


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InvisibleSkorpivoMusterion
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Re: Why is negativity so much easier? (warning: long) [Re: trendal]
    #2301912 - 02/04/04 07:35 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

:lol:



--------------------
Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.


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Offlinerecalcitrant
My Own God

Registered: 04/20/02
Posts: 2,927
Loc: Canada West
Last seen: 6 months, 24 days
Re: Why is negativity so much easier? (warning: long) [Re: trendal]
    #2302022 - 02/04/04 07:59 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I am going to apply this to my next mushroom trip. I'm sure it will be negative, so I will try very hard to influence it to be positive.

thank u


--------------------

We have to answer our own prayers


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Offlinepsumms
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Registered: 02/04/04
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Loc: Mostly SC
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
Re: Why is negativity so much easier? (warning: long) [Re: Renegade8]
    #2302036 - 02/04/04 08:04 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Negativity is easier because people want to place blame anywhere but themselves. Obviously placing blame elsewhere does not mean that the person placing blame should be labeled a "negative" person, but it does seem to be a common trait among negative people. It is far easier to pass blame than to accept responsiblity for one's actions.


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InvisibletrendalM
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Re: Why is negativity so much easier? (warning: long) [Re: recalcitrant]
    #2302044 - 02/04/04 08:06 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Best of luck in your journey! And if you don't mind...I sure wouldn't mind hearing aboout how it goes! You can PM me if you want or make a post :smile:


--------------------
You're here because you know something.
What you know you can't explain,
But you feel it;
You've felt it your entire life.
That there's something wrong with the world.
You don't know what it is, but it's there....
Like a splinter in your mind...
Driving you mad.


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Invisiblekaiowas
mndfrayze'speppet urme
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Re: Why is negativity so much easier? (warning: long) [Re: Renegade8]
    #2302162 - 02/04/04 08:34 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

great post renegade!

i think you did the best thing possible actually, and btw you DID do something. you helped these people out. you showed thme love that is unconditional, and that's the best stuff right there!!

an unhealthy environment is oging to yield unhealthy an unhealthy mind because htat's what the child knows. belive me I was abused consistently for 8 years of my life, and I had to work my hardest to nap myself out of negativity (I am still on that process today).

To me, most hting depend on the situation. you saw the situation and then you DID something about it. so really you DID DO something. you did a lot actually. encouraging words is like magic to a child that has been abused (either physically or verbally).

you show them a new world, filled with new ideas.

I was told I had adhd too, but my learning problem was there because I was afraid that if I said the wrong answer, I'd get a beating.

"Why is it so much easier to say something negative instead of encouraging someone?"

to me, someone is negative because there is something within themselves that says the world isn't "correct" It's like an automative response, the person that dwells in negativity a lot of the times is only doing what they were "taught" or "shown" what life has to "offer"

really it's just as easy to be negative as it is to be positive, but to be positive, some unconditional love needs to be shown. you showed them love, without asking for any in return, the way it ought to be IMHO.

you showed them that renegade, and so you DID A LOT!!! comign form an abusive background, what you did was (for lack of better terms) fuckin awesome!!!! trust me on this.


--------------------
Annnnnnd I had a light saber and my friend was there and I said "you look like an indian" and he said "you look like satan" and he found a stick and a rock and he named the rock ooga booga and he named the stick Stick and we both thought that was pretty funny. We got eaten alive by mosquitos but didn't notice til the next day. I stepped on some glass while wading in the swamp and cut my foot open, didn't bother me til the next day either....yeah it was a good time, ended the night by buying some liquor for minors and drinking nips and going to he diner and eating chicken fingers, and then I went home and went to bed.---senior doobie


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Offlinepsumms
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Re: Why is negativity so much easier? (warning: long) [Re: kaiowas]
    #2302187 - 02/04/04 08:40 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I think a big part of being a positive person also lies in who you surround yourself with. When I am around negative people, I tend to complain about little shit more. I am for the most part, a positive person, I do not like hearing people complain; but even the most positive person can be influenced by their surroundings.

As far as acts of unconditional love go: it is incredibly difficult to do something good without expecting something in return. Anyone who can say that they did a good deed without any thought of whether or not it would affect them in a positive way is the type of person I strive to be like.


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Offlineskoomaguitarist
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Registered: 12/20/03
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Re: Why is negativity so much easier? (warning: long) [Re: Renegade8]
    #2302196 - 02/04/04 08:42 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

negativity is easier because it's less work than being positive.
loving, caring and showing support for people takes time and effort. these things also require you, as a person, to understand some things about yourself... and most people are not willing, for whatever reason, to learn these things, and expand themselves... this coming from a negative person, keep that in mind... :wink:


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Offlinepsumms
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Re: Why is negativity so much easier? (warning: long) [Re: skoomaguitarist]
    #2302216 - 02/04/04 08:49 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

That is a point that I tried to make earlier, but you conveyed it much better than I. As I said, it is easier to place blame than to accept responsibility.


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OfflineIamHungry
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Re: Why is negativity so much easier? (warning: long) [Re: skoomaguitarist]
    #2302237 - 02/04/04 08:55 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

exactly...anything worth doing is worth doing well. if you ask me, being positive to everyone is well worth the effort, but in our day and age of shortcuts and getting the most out of the least work, people just arent willing to give that extra effort.

i think it also has to do with the immediate results. most people expect immediate results when giving out compliments, and often those compliments go unrewarded. i think people expect too much out of being a nice person.


--------------------
Here comes the sun, do n do do,
Here comes the sun, and I say,
It's alright...


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InvisibleShroomismM
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Re: Why is negativity so much easier? (warning: long) [Re: Renegade8]
    #2302242 - 02/04/04 08:56 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

negativity exist to balance the positive. It gives us perspective on things.
Viewed in the right light, negativity can be an extremely spiritual process of learning.

However, I do think that in modern society, there is WAY too much negativity, everywhere. People can be downright cruel to one another. Part of it is conditioning, I think, but another big part of it is that we are divided as a civilization. Divided on many many levels. There is different walls and barriers and classes and borders and social groups and MONEY.

We are running away from ourselves. People negatively criticize others because they feel that way or insecure in that manner towards their very self. They feel that by putting others down, they put themselves up, as that is partly what our society teaches in the "cutthroat real world"..however this does not usually work, and ends up causing pain on both ends.

We must embrace each others diversity, embrace all of life, and practice spreading love and acceptance to all we come across. That is the only way out of this mess.


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