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Mushroom + Meditation = Danger?
    #11025716 -

Hi!

My latest two trips alone has been somewhat scary, this is what happened:

On one trip a while ago, I tried to know things that I just could't know, things such as what is the point with all this, what happens after death, e.t.c. and I could't stop thinking about things like this and I had no answers either, since I have no religion there is no belief I can slap on it and drop it. So basically whole peak I sat confused in anxiety having those thoughts/questions just coming and coming and no answers, I had to go and distract myself in order for those thoughts to stop, but as soon as I had nothing to do they came back.

Next trip alone same thing happened as above, this time I figured distraction did't work too well last time so I will just stop thinking for a while, so I sat in meditation. Meditation worked in the begging, I would guess for about 15 minutes, but then meditation broke down and thought started coming again. 

More I sat in meditation the less connection with this reality I felt, nothing made cense, there was no right and wrong, no true and false. Everything I knew I forgot, I was in a state with zero certainty. But that was the easy part the part I am concerned about is this:

After a while in meditation those thoughts mentioned above, total confusion could be ignored, it is hard to describe but those thought was just flowing like water and I was just present but not attached to them, I was not my thoughts so to speak. And I could walk in my mind it is hard to describe how but:

I could move to different places horizontally which controlled what kind of thoughts I had, but I could also move vertically go deeper into my mind. And this is what this post is really about:

Deeper I went more scary and crazy it got, it got darker and more evil, until I finally hit the core, it felt like a compressed dark matter and as soon as I got close to it all kind of evil thoughts came to mind, monsters, pain, death, screams, madness. I spent few minutes being there, bordering madness but then I had to stop meditation because I was afraid being there in that mindset, being so close to madness.

When I stopped meditation it all went away and came back to a normal trip.

I an concerned about this, it really felt that if I would to cross that line into the madness I would not come out of it the same person I was going in. 

As a sober person though not psychologist I could guess that there is some traumas I experienced that are buried deep in the bran that I probably touched.  But still I am afraid to go there because loosing my mind feels like a real threat if I do.

Has anyone experienced something like this?
Should I stop meditating and go deep while on mushrooms?
Has anyone gone into madness and remained the same person afterwards?

I take mushrooms and meditate as a means of self exploration, but I feel that I have hit a wall, I can not go deeper because there is only madness left to explore.


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My blog with thoughts I get.

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Drugs are paradoxical, you think you can solve all the worlds problems with philosophy, but if you drop a coin you will never fucking find it.


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Re: Mushroom + Meditation = Danger? [Re: Buben]
    #11027392 -

Yes, I have experienced what your talking about while meditating on psychedelics. There is a well known spiritual teacher who explains the totality of mind as a conglomerate of cities. These cities are states of mind such as happiness, fear, etc. He explains you can travel to anywhere you want, but don't mistake the city for who you are.

I have been in the midst of that madness, died and came back. Especially on large smoked doses of dmt. From what I can put together. There are various terms people use, such as ego death. But some people use the term ego death as a release from who they are, a liberation. Which is fine, but that is just a small portion of the psychedelic experience. Then there is another way of using it. Meaning total annihilation of anything and everything. Who you are and losing all thoughts, conditioning, existence. Like you said, no right or wrong. There are many people who have experienced both while using psychedelics.

While there I experienced disturbing images, and felt death approaching. I believe those disturbing images are the result of the inherent fear of death. Since you are on psychedelics, it paints a picture of those feelings and thoughts. Now your able to see feelings and thoughts as actual matter instead of ethereal and fleeting. The so called ego tries to grab onto anything. Fear stops you from going deeper, it knows this. All you can do is surrender. If theres anything I learned from psychedelics, there is only surrender/acceptance.

I must admit that even though the freeing liberating experience is blissful. There is something more profound about the total annihilation. I guess thats what spiritual and religious teachers say about meditating. You must move pass the blissful experiences, and psychic imagery to realize the "Self." Beyond form, time, and space.

Also, meditation is supposed to reveal the suppressed feelings, thoughts, and images that lie in the depths of your mind. You bring it to the foreground to resolve it. But you don't resolve it by analyzing. By doing that your just probing it more, and feeding it. Instead you just stay alert and allow it to dissolve within your awareness. By not reacting the previous way you did when you suppressed it. Don't react at all. Just observe, don't judge, or label it.

Who knows, maybe what I'm saying is all bullshit. But, thats just my take on it...

Edited by Truth_Within (09/09/09 01:34 PM)

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Re: Mushroom + Meditation = Danger? [Re: Truth_Within]
    #11032567 -

Thanks for your answer.

Well no one has objected thus far hence I go for what you said. :smile:


--------------------
My blog with thoughts I get.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Drugs are paradoxical, you think you can solve all the worlds problems with philosophy, but if you drop a coin you will never fucking find it.


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Re: Mushroom + Meditation = Danger? [Re: Buben]
    #11034158 -

I'd call it waking up .  :psychsplit: Welcome Brother


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