You said it yourself, you were stuck inside your mind. Our connection with god is not found within the mind. The mind is born within this level of existance for the purpose of being able to deal with this reality, a reality of forms, of selfprojected meaning, a reality in which we must do things and understand them as such. The mind is separation. This reality is just a manifestation of energies, boundless and unformed, energies that are enabled to 'become' and express theirselves through the perception of the mind. The meanings we attach to them dont have any substance without mind, that is why we need the mind to function on this level. Yet the mind imprisons us also, it binds us to this level of existance and burdens us with attachments. The mind is powerfull and we are able to do many thing with the mind, even create reality, yet this reality is still bound by the mind, unable to transcend itself because it is selfcreated. How to get beyond this void? How to reconnect with the source of all energies, the brightness that makes light itself shine? Leave your Mind behind Free yourself from its prison, clear yourself from all attachments which bind you to this plane of existance. How to do that, one asks? First start with discipline, be in control of your mind, dont let it take you on a wild ride. Most of us are distracted all the time, lost in obscurations which keep us from the moment which is Now. Focus on Mindfullness, on being aware all the time, without the mind distracting you. Like sogyal rinpoche says: 'all we are rises with our thoughts. with our thoughts we create the world, so keep your mind and heart pure.' If you have difficulties calming your mind, just concentrate on your breath, concentrate on spaciousness, being aware of yourself and your surroundings. If thoughts arise, just let them come and look at them as you would look at a car passing by, dont go with them, just observe and let them go. Calm the mind.
The mind is what keeps us here, unable to see the true nature of appearances. Leave the mind behind and realise that there is no attainment, no 'there' to go to. We already are I AM.
Yes, i found god. I entered the temple of light and finally was able to really believe. It is so difficult to be able to believe and i am gratefull i found my faith. It didnt find it in any religion, didnt find it through a guru, didnt find it in a book. I found it in life, ironically enough, i found it through the mind. I found it in the experiences i was able to have because of existing on this plane of existance, which is mind and by being able to go beyond the mind to receive the insight that in thruth there is no separation, that we are already one with god.
The strongest experience ive had, which made me see the true nature of existance and afterwards even enabled me to understand it still (understand it, yes, but more as a feeling, a certainty, instead of a piece of knowledge) was an experience i had on ketamine. Now ketamine can take you many places and if sniffed rarely does it take you beyond the confines of your mind. Often it will show you a story of mind only to kick you out without finishing the story leaving you with a desire to come back for it, like an addiction, another attachment. Yet if injected and done with the right intentions it can take you straight to the source, it will allow you to enter the temple of light itself and exist as a guest on the plane of deities. It takes you outside your mind, detaches you from ego and a concentric perception of existance. Its difficult to explain how your perception works at this stage. Its like, normally you are looking inside a bubble, one which starts left and right of your eyes and this bubble moves where you move your eyes, this is your visual range. Yet now its like you leave the bubble and can see it for what it is, and your perception grows into a nondirectional 'awareness' of what is there. At this point having your eyes closed or open has little effect on what you perceive. (but watch out for bright lights though, they can center you back) The division between observer and observed dissolves and you are just consciousness being aware of itself. I still had a distant connection with my person somewhere, yet it was as if it was another object out there. There was three of us, and i 'remember' at one point being like a blob of consciousness, all of us together, no seperation. Then there was this light, this amazingly beautifull allpervading light everything moving in exactly the right movements and all you can do is woaw (vibrate on this frequency of woawness.. hehe) and revel in true bliss. I felt one, beyond acceptance. I felt whole, beyond forgiveness. The separation of the first division behind me, shown as the illusion it truly is, an illusion contained by mind alone. The beauty, the love, the wonder, beyond description and i know how lame that sounds, but thats what it is, really. It was probably also these very strong mantras my russian friends brought with them which we were playing. This was the first time i really experienced a mantra. It is a vibration, it is an actual place you can go to. And with the ketamine i could hear the voice of everyone who ever experienced this vibration through chanting it, i heard infinite voices going all directions, and after a while i was surprised to discover i was chanting to, i was hearing my own voice without consciously directing it, leaving behind an echo of myself in this infinite space. But after an infinity we were (rather roughly) booted back into mind and reality and the transition back is not so nice. But after all we were just visitors, travelling on a very cheap pass which we knew would not keep us there. It was like we were shown this light at the end of our paths, but were then booted back with the warning that there are no shortcuts, we must get there on our own power. But at least now i know what the light at the end of the tunnel is, and where it is we are actually trying to go to, it is found inside our hearts. It put a lot of things back in perspective and it brought into my heart a kind of yearning for life, an ache like an unanswered love, and a desire to transcend it.
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Thought is born blind but Mind knows what is Seeing
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