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OfflineRetired
Registered: 03/01/05
Posts: 635
Last seen: 5 years, 3 months
Casual Sex
    #4533028 - 08/14/05 09:24 AM (11 years, 8 months ago)

So I am a male and I have been scooping this chick that I have like since high school(years ago!).

Anyway we went out the other night and we ended up having very casual sex(the best I have ever had!).

My question is what do I do now?
I would love to make things serious but for some reason I see a problem with that...First she has a boyfriend already, and I just sense some trouble...How should I go about wooing her? Flowers? Drugs? Phone Calls?

Thanks for your help...


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OfflineVulture
Pursuer ofWisdom
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Registered: 06/18/02
Posts: 3,546
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Last seen: 2 years, 1 month
Re: Casual Sex [Re: Retired]
    #4533032 - 08/14/05 09:26 AM (11 years, 8 months ago)

for the sake of her BF let it go untill shes moved on


--------------------
Work like you dont need the money.

Love like you never been hurt.

Dance like nobody is watching.


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OfflineRetired
Registered: 03/01/05
Posts: 635
Last seen: 5 years, 3 months
Re: Casual Sex [Re: Vulture]
    #4533033 - 08/14/05 09:27 AM (11 years, 8 months ago)

But I could care less about her boyfriend...She and I had a nice talk and he sounds like a bitch anyway...what do I care about him?


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InvisibleTHE KRAT BARON
one-eyed willie
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Registered: 07/08/03
Posts: 42,326
Re: Casual Sex [Re: Retired]
    #4533034 - 08/14/05 09:27 AM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Did you know she had a boyfriend when you slept with her??


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m00nshine is currently vacationing in Maui. Rumor has it he got rolled by drunken natives and is currently prostituting himself in order to pay for airfare back to the mainland but he's having trouble juggling a hairon addiction. He won't be back for a long while.


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OfflineRetired
Registered: 03/01/05
Posts: 635
Last seen: 5 years, 3 months
Re: Casual Sex [Re: THE KRAT BARON]
    #4533036 - 08/14/05 09:28 AM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Yeah...


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InvisibleTHE KRAT BARON
one-eyed willie
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Posts: 42,326
Re: Casual Sex [Re: Retired]
    #4533038 - 08/14/05 09:29 AM (11 years, 8 months ago)

You're treading on dangerous territory my friend.


--------------------
m00nshine is currently vacationing in Maui. Rumor has it he got rolled by drunken natives and is currently prostituting himself in order to pay for airfare back to the mainland but he's having trouble juggling a hairon addiction. He won't be back for a long while.


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InvisibletrendalM
point of inflection
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Registered: 04/17/01
Posts: 19,712
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Re: Casual Sex [Re: Retired]
    #4533040 - 08/14/05 09:29 AM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Tradenmar said:
But I could care less about her boyfriend...She and I had a nice talk and he sounds like a bitch anyway...what do I care about him?




How would you feel if some guy had casual sex with your girlfriend?

Doesn't anyone know the Golden Rule anymore?


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BTC - 1KqrSHZ1C3NsQP4g3PkHhppBnhdgyXr6sB


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InvisibleTHE KRAT BARON
one-eyed willie
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Registered: 07/08/03
Posts: 42,326
Re: Casual Sex [Re: trendal]
    #4533042 - 08/14/05 09:31 AM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

trendal said:
Quote:

Tradenmar said:
But I could care less about her boyfriend...She and I had a nice talk and he sounds like a bitch anyway...what do I care about him?




How would you feel if some guy had casual sex with your girlfriend?

Doesn't anyone know the Golden Rule anymore?




Very well said.

Even though this girl was sleezy enough to cheat on him this dude may very well be in love with her.

Say you do get with her look at the circumstances on how you hooked up. Could you trust this chick?


--------------------
m00nshine is currently vacationing in Maui. Rumor has it he got rolled by drunken natives and is currently prostituting himself in order to pay for airfare back to the mainland but he's having trouble juggling a hairon addiction. He won't be back for a long while.


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OfflineRetired
Registered: 03/01/05
Posts: 635
Last seen: 5 years, 3 months
Re: Casual Sex [Re: trendal]
    #4533043 - 08/14/05 09:31 AM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Yes golden rule I get it...But I still could care less about this guy...

She does not sound happy in that relationship anyway...

Even so I should wait it out with her and her boyfriend...I get that...

What should I do now that I slept with her? Keep hanging out like friends that and pretend that never happened?

This woman is the kind that I would be happy with forever...


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OfflineRetired
Registered: 03/01/05
Posts: 635
Last seen: 5 years, 3 months
Re: Casual Sex [Re: THE KRAT BARON]
    #4533048 - 08/14/05 09:33 AM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

mattzdope said:
Very well said.

Even though this girl was sleezy enough to cheat on him this dude may very well be in love with her.

Say you do get with her look at the circumstances on how you hooked up. Could you trust this chick?




That is a good call...But yes I do believe I could trust her.


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Offlinehawksapprentice
Yearns to Snowboard
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Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 3,193
Loc: Oregon
Last seen: 7 months, 14 days
Re: Casual Sex [Re: Retired]
    #4533051 - 08/14/05 09:36 AM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Tradenmar said:


This woman is the kind that I would be happy with forever...






Until she becomes unhappy in the relationship and cheats on you. :thumbup:


--------------------
"I celebrate the Earth, my home, my mother, my grave, and as long as men are Man they must, if they would preserve the integrated being, do the same---[and preserve]--this rank casual hungry smelly sweaty lusting transitory body, my oozy pulpy liquid-bag-swollen body, bones, blood, hair glands, my bejeweled sex; I love and celebrate it all.  never to let men forget that they are animals as much as gods---that is one thing I shall say."

  Edward Abbey


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OfflineRetired
Registered: 03/01/05
Posts: 635
Last seen: 5 years, 3 months
Re: Casual Sex [Re: hawksapprentice]
    #4533055 - 08/14/05 09:38 AM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Damn! This has taken a turn for the worst...

I understand the consequences of being with this lady...

All I really want to know is good wooing strategies...


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InvisibleTHE KRAT BARON
one-eyed willie
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Registered: 07/08/03
Posts: 42,326
Re: Casual Sex [Re: Retired]
    #4533058 - 08/14/05 09:39 AM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Maybe there is no 'right' thing to do in this situation. You both already made a mistake. Just go with your instinct and what you want. If you want this girl or even if you want to just casually fuck her you should talk to her and tell her you want her to tell her boyfriend because you don't feel right about it. If she won't tell her boyfriend obviously she's a sleeze and just wanted some new dick in her. :shrug:


--------------------
m00nshine is currently vacationing in Maui. Rumor has it he got rolled by drunken natives and is currently prostituting himself in order to pay for airfare back to the mainland but he's having trouble juggling a hairon addiction. He won't be back for a long while.


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InvisibleCaptainH13
Scum
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Registered: 10/29/04
Posts: 10,287
Re: Casual Sex [Re: hawksapprentice]
    #4533059 - 08/14/05 09:39 AM (11 years, 8 months ago)

^ exactly......


i really look down upon cheaters,i understand some situations are different,but you Knew she has a boyfriend.....



that's some bad JuJu........


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OfflineRetired
Registered: 03/01/05
Posts: 635
Last seen: 5 years, 3 months
Re: Casual Sex [Re: CaptainH13]
    #4533073 - 08/14/05 09:42 AM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Yeah Im saving that stuff up...Bad JuJu that is.

Well I guess that all makes sense and I knew most of that all along...I was just hoping one of you would have some magical cure to the situation which I guess is not so.

I will indeed talk to her and let her know what my scoop is. I can only wish for the outcome I want tho...

Thanks


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InvisibletrendalM
point of inflection
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Registered: 04/17/01
Posts: 19,712
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Re: Casual Sex [Re: Retired]
    #4533075 - 08/14/05 09:42 AM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Tradenmar said:
She does not sound happy in that relationship anyway...




If she wasn't so happy in the relationship, she wouldn't be in the relationship anymore, would she? :wink:

What if you do start dating her...and she becomes "unhappy" with your relationship? Isn't she just as likely to not discuss it with you, as she has apparently avoided doing with her current bf? Isn't she just as likely to just start sleeping around with other guys, instead of talking to you about it (or just breaking it off)?

Obviously I don't know this girl whatsoever, and you do, but I would certainly be very careful with a girl who badmouths her boyfriend so she can go have casual sex with other guys...I've met plenty of girls who do that before and I certainly wouldn't have dated any of them.

Quote:

What should I do now that I slept with her? Keep hanging out like friends that and pretend that never happened?




That's tricky. If you really think something could eventually happen (a relationship) between the two of you, then by all means remain her friend! I doubt you can just ignore what happened, so don't try...but don't bring it up all the time or anything like that either.

Also, If you really care for this girl, I would refuse any more casual sex until she has broken it off with her current boyfriend. Explain (if needed) to her that because you want something more than just casual sex you are willing to wait for the right time. I think if you continue to have casual sex with her while she's still seeing her bf you will only show her that, to you, such an act isn't so bad. That could be, to her, implied acceptance of such behavior in her - which would increase the chances of her cheating on you should the two of you end up together.


--------------------
BTC - 1KqrSHZ1C3NsQP4g3PkHhppBnhdgyXr6sB


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OfflineRetired
Registered: 03/01/05
Posts: 635
Last seen: 5 years, 3 months
Re: Casual Sex [Re: trendal]
    #4533097 - 08/14/05 09:53 AM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

trendal said:
Also, If you really care for this girl, I would refuse any more casual sex until she has broken it off with her current boyfriend. Explain (if needed) to her that because you want something more than just casual sex you are willing to wait for the right time. I think if you continue to have casual sex with her while she's still seeing her bf you will only show her that, to you, such an act isn't so bad. That could be, to her, implied acceptance of such behavior in her - which would increase the chances of her cheating on you should the two of you end up together.




That is good advice. I will tell her no more casual sex. After work I'm going to find her and tell her whats going on...

Thanks for your good advice


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Offlinekillme
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Registered: 02/09/05
Posts: 5,425
Last seen: 17 hours, 53 minutes
Re: Casual Sex [Re: Retired]
    #4533466 - 08/14/05 12:34 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Tradenmar said:
Yes golden rule I get it...But I still could care less about this guy...





Shouldn't you say you COULDN'T care less about the guy. I don't know why everyone always says they could care less because that implies that you care and usually people say that in the context of not caring about something.


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Offlinetomk
King of OTD

Registered: 09/22/04
Posts: 1,559
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
Re: Casual Sex [Re: Retired]
    #4533570 - 08/14/05 01:21 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

I have a little bit different of perspective on this, since I'm gay. But here it goes.

I've slept with lots of married men, who's wifes were away. If a judgement is made about cheating, it is on the men I've slept with who cheated on their wives. As for me, I have no obligation to help 2 people keep their promise to each other. Furthermore, people are under enormous societal pressures to marry, be in committed relationships, and oaths made under duress are not ethically binding. When the man is honest with me that he is married, it isn't a big deal. Rather then condemn him for cheating, I sympathize with how hard it must be to be trapped in a sexless marriage and be gay. I have no obligation to either member of the couple, or to their bond. In fact, I tend to think that their bonds are bad. Why should I be obligated to help someone keep an oath I didn't take, I don't believe in, I think is harmful to the guy who took it, I think contributes to a social situation where people like myself and the trapped man wind up with huge rates of suicide and depression, and is only a social tool to control people into behaving a direction I think is often bad? Personally, I think the only two reasons so many people blame the person who sleeps with one member of a committed relationship are 1.) that their own relationships are insecure and it causes less cognitive dissonance to blame the third then to blame themselves or their partner, who is always actually at fault and 2.) because, rather then love their partner, they are merely possessive of them and feel the same anger they would feel at someone they didn't like driving their car and feel violated because they think they possess the person and their possession was challenged. I say go ahead and keep having casual sex with her, but ask yourself if this person as she is right now is really someone you want to be with, or if you are desiring to possess her like some trophy because of the high school crush.

Further, if this is a person you loved, you wouldn't care at all if she cheats on you later in the relationship. Hopefully, you would realize that either she is responding to some physical need that she needs to have satisfied (and you want people you love to be happy, unconditionally, right?) or she is reacting to some psychological pain from a trauma, which you can then help her out of (you want people you love to be released from their psychological pain and should be grateful for signs they need help, right?). Just my thoughts.


--------------------
"I am eternally free"


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OfflineSerioOria
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Registered: 07/23/05
Posts: 566
Loc: upstate, SC
Last seen: 11 years, 7 months
Re: Casual Sex [Re: tomk]
    #4533585 - 08/14/05 01:26 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

i would talk to her and see if shes interested in actually having a relationship with you, if so tell her that you really want to wait until she is through with her current boyfriend and you feel bad about doin her while shes already involved (dont use my words) but you would love to see her more if they were broken up

this shows integrity on your part that you, at least have a little respect left for this guy, it also gives her the impression that your really serious and don't just see her as an easy lay or something

tough call, it does seem like you already messed up, just dont mess it up with her, i dont care if you could give a rats ass about this guy, if you act that way to her she might think you are capable of not giving a rats ass about her as well, all comes back to the golden rule like someone pointed out


--------------------
Live every day like it is your first
or
Live every day like it is your last
My ArT!!


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