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OfflineViaggio
ChemicalConsumer

Registered: 07/05/03
Posts: 1,296
Last seen: 11 years, 4 months
Damn...I have a drug problem.
    #4267773 - 06/07/05 02:47 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

Maybe marking these words will help me. Writing this, though, isn't easy, and it doesn't feel natural. But the promises I make to myself get broken over and over. It's a pathetic, predictable cycle of resisting then giving up. It's taking a toll on my life and well-being. I want relief. I want this to stop. The days when I practiced moderation are hardly memories anymore. I never believed this escalation could sneak on me, but I guess being egotistical also means learning a lot of things the hard way.

Like many of my friends, I consume a variety of drugs on a daily basis. The regulars include marijuana, hydrocodone, and adderall. When my mushrooms are in full swing, tripping two or three times a month is also common. Occasionally, maybe twice a month, I'm offered Oxycontin and cocaine, but railing substances rarely works well enough to justify their use.

My main concern/guilt comes from my excessive adderall use. Carefully constructed excuses helped me justify it. Throughout the week, days when I take three or four 20mg tablets now out number the days when I take none. My tolerance has grown almost beyond satisfaction. I miss the days when a single pill would fill me up with enormous motivation and enthusiasm. Nowadays, I feel a level of content, but with the willingness to do nothing. I actually enjoy popping a few pills and then laying in bed listening to music for hours and hours.

I think the purpose for using adderall has changed from its original good intention: being productive. I'm being destructive. I watch myself abandon the problems, the tasks, and the stress. But they've piled around me so high, I finally submit. I can't do this alone. I gave my prescriptions to room mate to be hidden and kept from me for one week. I hope this will help me get my life back in order.


--------------------
"...yet another in a long series of diversions an attempt to avoid responsibility."


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OfflineSpencyspence28
Texan CubeFarmer
Registered: 03/21/05
Posts: 327
Loc: Tx.
Last seen: 11 years, 11 months
Re: Damn...I have a drug problem. [Re: Viaggio]
    #4267805 - 06/07/05 03:00 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

Good for you.Reading this mad eme think about my own life a little more.Thank you .


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Offlinesignoffate
Only Human
Registered: 02/22/05
Posts: 161
Loc: Where is here?
Last seen: 10 years, 5 months
Re: Damn...I have a drug problem. [Re: Spencyspence28]
    #4268516 - 06/07/05 05:07 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

you know the best feeling I ever get is knowing that I know enough.
Cheer up my friend this is an endless horizon Every direction is before you.


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InvisibleSociety
Pizza Guy

Registered: 07/03/04
Posts: 13,979
Loc: Eating pizza
Re: Damn...I have a drug problem. [Re: signoffate]
    #4268922 - 06/07/05 07:30 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

Giving your meds to your roomate was probably the best thing you could do in this situation... assuming your roomate isn't an addict or an asshole.

I hope you fare well.


--------------------
Delicious Pizza


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Offlineeris
underground
Male User Gallery

Registered: 11/18/98
Posts: 48,009
Loc: North East, USA
Last seen: 1 year, 19 days
Re: Damn...I have a drug problem. [Re: Viaggio]
    #4269144 - 06/07/05 08:29 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

Good luck, I know that adderall and amphetamines can be hard to let go. They can offer us so much motivation, energy, and focus. The only thing that got me to quit amphetamines was my excessive use of them. I think a period of about 2 years of using amphetamines daily got me so tired of it that I just couldn't take it anymore. The effects that they had on me were no longer desirable and just caused anxiety and fear. I believe that daily amphetamine use can cause long term permanent mental damage (if you take it for a long enough time). My social life was totally destroyed, and I could no longer feel comfortable when around people. The drug just made me get all anti-social, tense, and uncomfortable. Things didn't start out this way... it progressed over time. It's been years since I stopped using them regularly. The social problem has improved a lot but it was a slow and painful recovery. I still don't feel totally back to normal.

Keeping a positive and strong attitude will increase your chances of success.

If you need to talk or some support/advice, send me a message. I'm sure that there are many other good people here that would be willing to help also.


--------------------
Immortal / Temporarily Retired
The OG Thread Killer
My mushroom hunting gallery


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InvisibleLe_Canard
The Duk Abides

Registered: 05/17/03
Posts: 94,378
Loc: Earthfarm 1 Flag
Re: Damn...I have a drug problem. [Re: Viaggio]
    #4269491 - 06/07/05 10:21 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

Yes, good luck with that. Adderall is some strong stuff, but you can kick it if you try hard enough. Keep us posted on your progress...


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OfflineViaggio
ChemicalConsumer

Registered: 07/05/03
Posts: 1,296
Last seen: 11 years, 4 months
Re: Damn...I have a drug problem. [Re: Le_Canard]
    #4269544 - 06/07/05 10:36 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

Thanks, folks.


--------------------
"...yet another in a long series of diversions an attempt to avoid responsibility."


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OfflineViaggio
ChemicalConsumer

Registered: 07/05/03
Posts: 1,296
Last seen: 11 years, 4 months
Re: Damn...I have a drug problem. [Re: Viaggio]
    #4271893 - 06/08/05 03:09 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

Day 2 and it feels like I'm running on empty. But I suppose fatigue and depression were expected. I have to be strong for a change. I want to know what it means to have willpower.


--------------------
"...yet another in a long series of diversions an attempt to avoid responsibility."


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Offlinedr0mni
My Own Messiah
 User Gallery

Registered: 08/21/04
Posts: 2,921
Loc: USF Tampa, Fl
Last seen: 10 years, 1 month
Re: Damn...I have a drug problem. [Re: Viaggio]
    #4273948 - 06/09/05 12:13 AM (12 years, 1 month ago)

I know how you feel. I have a drug problem too, just with weed mainly, but I can barely go a day or two without giving up and getting high somehow.

It's like, if I'm not getting fucked up I just don't know what to do with myself. I want to quit, but don't know how to spend my time.

As long as you acknowledge it and make an effort to change then you will succeed eventually.


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OfflineDreamer987
The VerbalHerman Munster
Female

Registered: 04/15/03
Posts: 5,326
Loc: Texas
Last seen: 9 years, 6 months
Re: Damn...I have a drug problem. [Re: Viaggio]
    #4274626 - 06/09/05 03:56 AM (12 years, 1 month ago)

Keep it up homie
you can do it.


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OfflineLiveByFreedom
Catalyst
 User Gallery

Registered: 03/21/05
Posts: 652
Loc: Mountains
Last seen: 10 years, 11 months
Re: Damn...I have a drug problem. [Re: Dreamer987]
    #4275748 - 06/09/05 01:58 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

I have a similar problem man. I don't normally feel content unless i'm altered somehow, it's fucking terrible. Sometimes i even just sit here on the shroomery, chain-smoking and drinking coffee, which makes me feel like shit every time, but somethin keeps me comin back. I would also like to know what having will-power is like. It feels like i'm always going to be this way...like i don't have enough will-power to ever quit certain drugs, to enter a state of sobriety. Thank god i will never try heroin, because i tell you now, i would be an addict in every bad way possible.

I used to be big on coke and crack. When any one of my friends had coke/crack and let me get high, i'd come down, start fiending, and start thinking of ways to get high again. It overpowers your choices. There is hope though, so stick around bro, things eventually change. There is a cosmic plan, and everything you're experiencing is part of it. Just ride it out like a wave.


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"Everything is not as it seems." Eye


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InvisibleLe_Canard
The Duk Abides

Registered: 05/17/03
Posts: 94,378
Loc: Earthfarm 1 Flag
Re: Damn...I have a drug problem. [Re: Viaggio]
    #4275910 - 06/09/05 02:30 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Viaggio said:
Day 2 and it feels like I'm running on empty.  But I suppose fatigue and depression were expected.  I have to be strong for a change.  I want to know what it means to have willpower.





Good going! You can do this! :laugh: And you're stronger than you think. I think you're going to make it.  :thumbup: Keep on posting your progress, please.....


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InvisibleLetto
Load Universeinto Cannon. Aimat Brain. Fire.
Registered: 12/13/02
Posts: 2,321
Re: Damn...I have a drug problem. [Re: Viaggio]
    #4277746 - 06/09/05 10:51 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

Man I wish I saw this sooner so I wasn't tempting you two. You know you have my support, and if you ever feel like talking...


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OfflineThe_Hobbit
Bilbo Baggins
 User Gallery

Registered: 04/06/04
Posts: 1,382
Loc: The Shire
Last seen: 10 years, 4 months
Re: Damn...I have a drug problem. [Re: Letto]
    #4278047 - 06/10/05 12:39 AM (12 years, 1 month ago)

When I'm feeling tired and depressed I take walks. Try it. Walk all day if you have to. Atleast it will change your useless depressed thoughts into useful depressed thoughts. There is something about getting up and being active that turns things around.


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Smoking my hobbit leaf...
Please keep in mind that I am just a human being. Please read my posts carefully and interpret their meaning for yourself.


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OfflineViaggio
ChemicalConsumer

Registered: 07/05/03
Posts: 1,296
Last seen: 11 years, 4 months
Re: Damn...I have a drug problem. [Re: Letto]
    #4280563 - 06/10/05 05:29 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

Nah, it's cool.  Addy is my main concern.  So far so good :thumbup:


--------------------
"...yet another in a long series of diversions an attempt to avoid responsibility."


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OfflineAmber_Glow
Sat Chit Anand

Registered: 09/02/02
Posts: 1,543
Last seen: 4 years, 4 months
Re: Damn...I have a drug problem. [Re: Viaggio]
    #4288204 - 06/12/05 08:10 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

Good diet and exercise can really help to ease depression and raise your energy levels. Do you eat well and exercise?

If not, you should really start. If you already eat pretty well and exercise a little, well maybe step things up!! Focusing on your health will help take the focus off of adderall, and by getting your body fueled up and moving, you will feel better and have more energy naturally.

I'd recommend looking into Raw Diet (eating whole natural foods ie. fruits, vegs, nuts, etc. and some meat if you don't want to go raw vegan). Processed, unhealthy, unnatural foods can really weigh your body down. I'd also recommend getting out there and walking or jogging, throw on some head phones and hit the pavement, you'll enjoy it!

Good luck!


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Offlinebelomor123
Just...trying tofit in
Registered: 10/29/04
Posts: 19
Loc: Down here
Last seen: 11 years, 7 months
Re: Damn...I have a drug problem. [Re: Viaggio]
    #4296795 - 06/14/05 10:58 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

Keep it up man!


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InvisibleLe_Canard
The Duk Abides

Registered: 05/17/03
Posts: 94,378
Loc: Earthfarm 1 Flag
Re: Damn...I have a drug problem. [Re: Viaggio]
    #4297230 - 06/15/05 12:34 AM (12 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Viaggio said:
Nah, it's cool.  Addy is my main concern.  So far so good :thumbup:




That's great news! What belomor123 said... :laugh:


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Offlinedalorean
member
Registered: 04/06/02
Posts: 287
Loc: AZ
Last seen: 12 years, 14 days
Re: Damn...I have a drug problem. [Re: Le_Canard]
    #4298086 - 06/15/05 04:58 AM (12 years, 1 month ago)

Hobbies! these are positive ways to spend time doing something productive with your time, making yourself feel like your accomplishing something in your life, hence, making you more positive, energized, and of coarse increasing your willpower to maintain a clean healthy positive growing lifestyle!!
I would recommend growing plants(or mushrooms!!). plants feed off of your energy and give back yours in return. watch that plant start as a seedling and grow to a healthy mature beautiful natural god given creation, that YOU made. NOTHING can take that from you.
Music. can you play an insturment? I've been playing guitar for 11 years now. And I still haven't reached my full potential. The sky is the limit. And boy, does it take your soul with it! Eternal. Neverending. Just like life, man.
Keep ur chin up man. Don't let a manmade piece of shit chemical tell you what to do. cuz it has no power. Thats in you, my friend. you're doin fine.


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OfflineIGnosticAbhorI
Stranger-er

Registered: 11/06/04
Posts: 4,898
Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
Re: Damn...I have a drug problem. [Re: dalorean]
    #4298285 - 06/15/05 09:00 AM (12 years, 1 month ago)

sucks.....=/

gl

-Gnostic


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