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OfflinePooPs
What's thisfor???

Registered: 03/05/03
Posts: 4,510
Loc: Stirrin up the pile!
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The Girl.. the Weed... the Problem... ( updated, finished )
    #1493382 - 04/25/03 03:36 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Well.. here goes... i would have posted this in OTD.. but i know what kind of replies i would have gotten... so hopefully i get some real advise over here..!!  :smirk:

Met this girl on Jan 25, after ending a relationship with my ex in late nov last year, we broke up for TRUST problems after i caught her eatin pussy behind my back ( many guys would just dream of this.... however the problem was more complex than that.. this is not why i'm posting here.. so i'll go on )..

This girl is a real " Momma's girl, " she's got a good job, looks real nice, intelligent, responsible, never in a bad mood, all around good .  She's never been exposed to drugs other than her EX-boyfriend who hid his smoking habbit from her, also was on depression meds, was posessive, cheated on her, abusive,  the whole works...

Here lies the problem.. i smoke on a daily basis, well, nightly, i don't smoke at work, i'm not a slave to pot, i'll have a puff during the night while  i do house chores,,, all my friends smoke, and most are real cool poeple, got their own house, jobs, GF's, , all that..

I really want to be honest with her, and tell her the WHOLE truth, but i'm not sure she can handle it.. and this is the problem...

I'm buying a house soon, and have been thinking about picking up an old hobby *( cultivation.. ) wich i love. not for the money, but for personal pleasure, and not having to depend on " Dealers "...  I don't think she'd be into that at all...

Anyone had to deal with this kind of problem before.. how do you go about explaining it all?? in a common sense manner to somone who has never smoked before, and has a negative attitude towards it...

I've told her i smoke on a regular basis ( i never miss a week ).. sorta deal, so she now knows that much. .. we have alot in common, and i reallly would like this to work out... i want it all.. damnit.. 

HELP!


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Sniff, Sniff... What's that smell???... ohhhhh.!!
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Pot Free for another : nevermind.. never made it..


Edited by PooPs (05/29/03 07:19 PM)


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Offlinephishytrip
Gillious Supreme
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Registered: 10/08/02
Posts: 2,455
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Re: The Girl.. the Weed... the Problem... [Re: PooPs]
    #1493731 - 04/25/03 05:23 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

i lost many girls to the pot or drugs....it seems like it will never work...

your best way to go though....tell her the truth in the best way possible and if she can deal with it you know its true....becuase if she cant then you know it wasnt meant to be. and if you lie and she finds out...no good. so hope for the best and be honest. honesty gets you brownie points


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Remember: First you pillage, then you burn.


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OfflineAbFab
me

Registered: 12/16/02
Posts: 363
Loc: Here
Last seen: 12 years, 7 months
Re: The Girl.. the Weed... the Problem... [Re: phishytrip]
    #1494280 - 04/25/03 09:58 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

be honest and make sure that she knows that she is way more important than the drugs. ask her if she has any questions about weed or why you smoke and answer honestly, but iwouldn't offer her any or anything like that b/c you don't want her to feel like you are going to pressure her to do it with you. she can probably handle more than you think, and if she can't then do you best to reassure her and that you are lightyears different than her last guy. wait until she is comfortable with you smoking to bring up that you want to grow again.


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The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when your uncool.


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OfflinePooPs
What's thisfor???

Registered: 03/05/03
Posts: 4,510
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Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
Re: The Girl.. the Weed... the Problem... [Re: AbFab]
    #1494549 - 04/26/03 12:45 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Hmmm... yes.. that sond like the only option..

She just left form a great date.. we went to see " Anger Management " great movie btw..

The topic of pot did not come up tonight. we spoke about it over the phone yesterday, so i'll give her time to digest..

This girl is great.. just very green.. she's 22, soon to be 23 and i THINK. i have not confirmed this yet *( will very soon!! ) but i think she's a virgin!!

She wants to fuck, but won't get nekid!!!!!!! yet.

But i don't want to push it. i respect that in her. it will happen in due time.. oh man am i ever going to corrupt this girl or what!!!

thanks for the words peeps... !


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Sniff, Sniff... What's that smell???... ohhhhh.!!
------------------


Pot Free for another : nevermind.. never made it..


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OfflineMarkostheGnostic
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Re: The Girl.. the Weed... the Problem... [Re: PooPs]
    #1495981 - 04/26/03 03:31 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Maybe it's time to finish with regressive, self-soothing behavior (oral needs resulting in blissful, tensionless state of consciousness [stoned] - camoflaged infantile orality; surrogate mother's breast), and engage a woman on an adult level. This is the psychoanalytic take on pot smoking, which is accurate as far as this therapist is concerned.

Why do you think women are so put off by pot smoking men? They may not know the theory, but they intuitively know that it is infantile, self-centered soothing behavior that prevents any kind of growth through adult interactions. A person is not going to develop past a  certain point unless and until his needs are met through mature psychodynamic processes - through verbal discourse with one's partner, and emotional honesty. Women have no patience, if they're healthy, with camoflaged 'bottle-babies.' So, perhaps it's time to let go of the 'introjected internal mother's breast,' and start approaching your girlfriend in an adult manner, without hiding this fixation for sucking on a pipe or joint. Clearly, she should prefer that you seek HER out for your oral and emotional needs, thereby placing your regressive tendencies in the service of adult sexual love.  No fee...this time :smile: 


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γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself


Edited by MarkostheGnostic (04/26/03 07:05 PM)


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Offlinejimcon202000
member

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Re: The Girl.. the Weed... the Problem... [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #1499047 - 04/27/03 11:33 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

simply make a choice what means more to you ........... smoking and staying "who you are" if so then you will sind someone that will go along with that. or adapting who you might be for a girl that means more to you then smoking ect. the main thing is to do what is wright for you, but dont lye, if you do and she finds out later it will be bad. i went throught a simmilar expearence with my current GF (of almost 4 yrs.) i cleand up for her with the excption of alcohol. (that was ok with her) i liked drugs but i do love her. after a while of talking about drugs and expearences and why i "used" she is now comprimising with me and excpting my use of weed mushrooms and opium in the "right situation" and that was all i asked for my promis on the flip side is not to let it interfear with ..."us", work, future.

good luck man

do what is "right for you..."


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Offlinemonoamine
umask 077(nonefor you)

Registered: 09/07/02
Posts: 3,095
Loc: Jacksonville,FL
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Re: The Girl.. the Weed... the Problem... [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #1499794 - 04/28/03 03:42 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Freud=overrated moron


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People think that if you just say the word "hallucinations" it explains everything you want it to explain and eventually whatever it is you can't explain will just go away.It's just a word,it doesn't explain anything...
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OfflineSkikid16
fungus fan

Registered: 06/27/02
Posts: 5,666
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Re: The Girl.. the Weed... the Problem... [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #1499866 - 04/28/03 04:23 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

First off, I'm with him ^^^^

Mark,

While I think that you're analysis fits very well for some smokers, I would think it rather ignorant if you were to apply that to all.

Interesting, nonetheless.


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Re-Defeat Bush in '04


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OfflinePooPs
What's thisfor???

Registered: 03/05/03
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Re: The Girl.. the Weed... the Problem... [Re: Skikid16]
    #1500117 - 04/28/03 09:52 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

That " Momma's tit " post was a heavy read.... English please!!!! ( but i got the just of it!! ).

Well, i agree with the honesty bit... Every situation is different, i understand her point of view as she has never smoked, and just like her, before i went to college i had never done any drugs other than tylonol..  :smirk:...... and i had a very NEGATIVE attitude towards them..

Having done them pretty much all except injectables, i now know that the drug propaganda is highly overrated... People have this thought that once you try drugs you will be hooked for life and become a braind dead zombie!!..

I would not somke when i'm alone with her, i would not enjoy my buzz, but i know that if we spend any major amount of time together that at one point, when hanging out with my friends,  joints will get lit, and i'd like to have a puff without having to freak her out....

I think this can be done,, but it will take some time to clear the years of anti-drug programing she's gone thru!!


--------------------


-----------
Sniff, Sniff... What's that smell???... ohhhhh.!!
------------------


Pot Free for another : nevermind.. never made it..


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OfflineMarkostheGnostic
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Registered: 12/10/99
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Re: The Girl.. the Weed... the Problem... [Re: PooPs]
    #1504934 - 04/29/03 05:18 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Mind you now, that my take is not merely academic. I used cannabis products from 1969 to the early 1980's. Also, I am not strictly Freudian, but I pretty much know how to use the right tool for the right job. This kind of analytic description (which you handled better than some on-lookers - congrats :smile:  ), applies to ALL of us, and most people are going to be heavily defended against it. Seeing pot-smoking in a pathological light is just not gonna be popular at the Shroomery. A psychologically mature (which goes along with chronologically mature) individual will tend to somewhat shamefacedly agree, even if [s]he continues to use. That is his/her choice. I am not averse to medicinal use of herbs, but I know that chronic use of 'chronic' is not medicinal - it is self-medicating, addictive behavior. It is done, if not for pleasure alone (a Freudian principle), then for escapist motivations: lack of self-knowledge, boredom, intrapsychic conflicts, the quelling of sexual desire, the intensification of [jaded] sexual desire, as anti-intellectualism, as surrogate spirituality, for sedation, etc., etc., etc.

Your own attachment to this has gotten you to think in a manipulative manner toward your girlfriend. Ultimately, health is on the side of non-use, if health is one's goal or value. Values are the most important aspect of mature relationships, and your attitude basically shows no respect to her values, IF healthiness is important to her. Aside from mere propaganda, the cumulative effect of THC does not belong to people who must cultivate clear-mindedness. I'm thinking, pilots, surgeons, the lab techs checking your biopsy for cancer cells, therapists who ought to be at least a step above in mental health themselves, etc. So, I don't know what her values are, or what her goals are in life, but I do know that control issues do not result in a happy, or sucessful relationship.

 


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γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself


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OfflinePooPs
What's thisfor???

Registered: 03/05/03
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Re: The Girl.. the Weed... the Problem... [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #1507240 - 04/30/03 12:14 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Hmmm i agree with what you are saying, her values are just as important as mine, and i respect this as much as possible.

But i'm not going to lie to myself and quit pot smoking cold-turkey to be with a girl who will dump me on the spot if she finds out i had a puff.

I've been smoking for over 6 years now , i like it, i have no plans to quit, i don't smoke for medical reasons ie: cancer, glaucoma... whatever. but i do find it relaxing and good for stress. and most of my friends smoke as well, yes , you could call it " Childish " . but i look at it as more of a social drug.

We all have different tastes in women, ME.. i want one who respects me and whom i can trust, and i offer the same in return. I won't tell her wha to do or who to see, or put any restrictions on her.... and i expect no less. to me this is a healthy relationship in the making....


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-----------
Sniff, Sniff... What's that smell???... ohhhhh.!!
------------------


Pot Free for another : nevermind.. never made it..


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OfflinePooPs
What's thisfor???

Registered: 03/05/03
Posts: 4,510
Loc: Stirrin up the pile!
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
Re: The Girl.. the Weed... the Problem... [Re: PooPs]
    #1507311 - 04/30/03 12:49 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

OH, and i also agree that too much " Chronic " prevents or slows mental and maturity development.. i see this in many people, and i also see it in myself, as i'm not as sharp as i used to be..

But as a tradeoff i beleive i've grown in many aspects from my drug use, and have gone thry a journey that many will never know or understand because of this " Habit "...


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-----------
Sniff, Sniff... What's that smell???... ohhhhh.!!
------------------


Pot Free for another : nevermind.. never made it..


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OfflineAbsolut_B
Just some guy

Registered: 01/26/03
Posts: 113
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Re: The Girl.. the Weed... the Problem... [Re: PooPs]
    #1512421 - 05/01/03 08:44 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

You're completely right, it is a tradeoff. What one's values are is the first piece of information needed. Pleasure, sex, love, achievement, knowledge, and security( either physical, mentally, or money-wise) are all valid things to value. I've seen people ruin their lives with pot, but I've seen more ruin their lives with choosing a bad partner. I couldn't be with a woman who was against weed, and I don't even smoke it. To me it would be a sign of weakness or ignorance. If she were to be confronted with the truth about drug use and still be closeminded then she would be weak and illogical, and ignorance would no longer be an excuse. Good luck, you're playing with fire when you mention drugs to a person not in the know.

As far as pot being used for self indulgence, of course it is. People do many things to calm themselves or make themselves feel complete. Pot is one of those things, but so are careers. If one values a great enhancement of momentary pleasure versus a slight decrease in overall, longterm health it does not mean they haven't looked at the full picture.( although some people misjudge such values) In fact the person who eats their greens and makes sure to exercise may just as well die in a car accident or live a long boring life compared to the person who goes all out. I'm somewhere in between, and I'd bet most of us are.

oooh, almost forgot, quoting gmf "Freud=overrated moron"


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OfflinePooPs
What's thisfor???

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Re: The Girl.. the Weed... the Problem... [Re: Absolut_B]
    #1515309 - 05/02/03 05:20 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Had a chat on the phone last night, the " Topic " came up again, we were talking about family and what not, and she started talking about her junkie uncle, who her whole mother's side of the family will not even talk to anymore.....

I took it upon myself to remind her that i smoke, and we talked about it some more.

she's definately against drugs, and i told her that i respect that , but that i'd be lying to her if i'd say that i'm going to quit drugs, and that i know a few of my friends who hide it from their GF/wife .. ... ... and that i thought that it was totaly wrong to have to lie and hide.

Oh.. and i also confirmed.. she is a virgin!! :tongue:. ..

We have a date tomorrow, i told her i'd make her supper, BBQ as long as it's not raining.

I plan to come clean and ask her what her expectations are.. i asked her how she would feel if we visited some of my friends and a joint was lit in her presence. she explained that she does not like the smell, so i assured her that we'd do it in another room. ( wich is no big deal, as long as she's ok with this. ).

Drugs are a big deal when you have never been exposed to them, but once you get to be around alot of it, it's not as much of a big deal after a while... so hopefully things will work out..  i'll be back with updates!

wish me luck!


--------------------


-----------
Sniff, Sniff... What's that smell???... ohhhhh.!!
------------------


Pot Free for another : nevermind.. never made it..


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OfflineNapkinOfDoom
The CombatWombat

Registered: 11/30/02
Posts: 458
Last seen: 9 years, 6 months
Re: The Girl.. the Weed... the Problem... [Re: PooPs]
    #1518069 - 05/03/03 08:22 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

my suggestion, my friend, tell her everything. in the words of Wayne "i say barf. if you blow chunks and she bails, it was never meant to be...if you hurl and she hangs, you've found the one." (hurl in this case being you telling her everything)


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OfflineAbsolut_B
Just some guy

Registered: 01/26/03
Posts: 113
Loc: In my pants
Last seen: 2 years, 9 months
Re: The Girl.. the Weed... the Problem... [Re: NapkinOfDoom]
    #1518953 - 05/04/03 06:35 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

A 22 year old virgin?  Well, she is either extremely distrustful(not good) or has great moral character.(very good)  For a good time, show her this board with the intimate details of your relationship, i'm SURE that wouldn't cause problems. :blush:

Good luck, nothing turns a woman on like a good BBQ....shurg?


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OfflineJazzMatazz
addict

Registered: 09/07/02
Posts: 770
Loc: Vienna, Austria
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Re: The Girl.. the Weed... the Problem... [Re: PooPs]
    #1518998 - 05/04/03 07:42 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Well, I guess it would be best to quote a german hiphop song here called "Weisser Rauch" (Transl: White smoke) One passage of the rap goes as follows:
"Soll ich?s einfach machen, rauch ich die Blunts,
oder h?r ich auf meinen Schwanz und lass es lieber ganz?!"
Translated this would be: "Should I just smoke the blunt, or listen to what my dick?s saying and not do it?!"
This is always the question! As far as I am concerned my experience is , that Female (despite what age) mostly don?t like drugs other than the "pussy" drugs (see the relation ?! :wink: ) Alcohol and Nicotin. Other than that they usually always show the same reaction: At first , you ask them if they smoke up, or if they?ve got a problem with smoking up. They usually say "Ive tried it, and havn?t got a problem with it". At this point however they cannot imagine , that smoking on a daily basis can be something normal, and only expect you to smoke up once in a month or so.
After they?ve noticed , that you toke a lot, they often try to talk it out of you.
With harder drugs, I am not really experienced, other than with Shrooms. As I am 18 and still at school, I am concidered "druggy" of the class, cause I cultivate and take shrooms. Most people think I will fall into life of Crack and Cocaine, or similar.
In a nutshell: Drugs, and girls, usually dont mix for me. But, I just wanted to ask you, how you expect it to work out, if you see her after work, and your always blunted?? Imagine: Your mouth really dry, and therefore your breath bad. Your whole rooms smells of lovely sweet skunk, and your Eyes are red as rubbies, and small. Everything she says is all of a sudden VERY funny, and you keep laughing at what she says.  -  Nope, not gonna work!
So: If you want the cunt,
      leavealone the Blunt! 


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Perception is limited to consciousness.Expand it and unfold other realities.


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OfflineBaby_Hitler
Errorist
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Re: The Girl.. the Weed... the Problem... [Re: PooPs]
    #1519685 - 05/04/03 05:00 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Baby Hitler sez: Corrupt da bitch, yo!


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OfflineFliquid
Back from being gone.
Male User Gallery

Registered: 03/18/02
Posts: 6,953
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Re: The Girl.. the Weed... the Problem... [Re: PooPs]
    #1521347 - 05/05/03 09:27 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Well, came back here... Waiting for updates... Guess i have to wait a bit more....


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:dancing: My latest music! :yesnod:


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OfflinePooPs
What's thisfor???

Registered: 03/05/03
Posts: 4,510
Loc: Stirrin up the pile!
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
Re: The Girl.. the Weed... the Problem... [Re: Fliquid]
    #1521357 - 05/05/03 09:45 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

yup . workign on it!! be right up!!


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-----------
Sniff, Sniff... What's that smell???... ohhhhh.!!
------------------


Pot Free for another : nevermind.. never made it..


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