GenesisCorrupted said:

If you're at the point where you're on an Internet website trying to grow your own drugs to fix your broken brain. It's a pretty safe assumption that you got some damage and baggage.

It's really inspiring seeing so many people share. The world is a better place for all of us having found this space to share together.

---

Belintaf said:

I'll choose to refrain from making a list of people I've lost, because I don't think it would be therapeutic — and measuring suffering against each other doesn't strike me as elegant, at least not in this context.

I won't downplay grief — but grief, though necessary, is naturally a brief period. Everything beyond that — and by that I mean the endless suffering over loss — carries a very strong egocentric component. We suffer for what we imagine we will no longer have. I'm sorry, but that has to be acknowledged. You suffer for yourself — not for the person who died.

So although I've said this here before — I'll say it again. If you truly want to honor the people whose time ended before yours, drag your suffering ass out of bed in the morning and smile. Live — live your fucking life with appetite and enjoy what you have left. Smile at the people who still put up with you, and smile at those who no longer do. Seize life with every last cell of your body. Only then will you honor the life that those who left once had.

---

PuffM4gicDr4gon said:

Something to keep in mind is trauma is a relative thing and trying to rank it against others is a losing game.

The worst thing I've ever faced is probably significantly less than most people but it doesn't make it any less terrible to me. As soon as we start ranking ourselves amongst others we lose all empathy. Thinking that way means that there's only one person in this world who is allowed to claim trauma because they have it the worst

---

blakeyface said:

I appreciated all of the supportive comments. I usually keep my past under wraps, but the ex-prison guard topic caused a momentary unraveling. When today I read some drivel about just smiling and eat ice cream, I almost went into another soliloquy about the effects of sadistic prison guards and grief that lasts decades. But what would be the point?  When I first got out I had a conversation with my stepdad, another one of those eternal optimists. He told me I was choosing to be traumatized, that depression was a choice. I told him that his talk was very uplifting... so uplifting that I thought he should go to a VA hospital, maybe visit a ward of crippled, traumatized, grief stricken soldiers. Maybe he should go give them that little talk...we could even make bets as to whether he would make it out of that exposition alive.
here is a passage I read when I was in prison that meant a lot to me: 'He would present clearly, simply, intelligibly, and assuredly the truth that it is impossible to write clearly, simply, intelligibly, and assuredly. He would take the pose that the reader will share his recognition of the truth that it is impossible for the reader to share his recognition of anything.' That little ditty has stuck with me for years.

---

blakeyface said:

'He would present clearly, simply, intelligibly, and assuredly the truth that it is impossible to write clearly, simply, intelligibly, and assuredly. He would take the pose that the reader will share his recognition of the truth that it is impossible for the reader to share his recognition of anything.'

---

That reminded me of a scene from The Hours, I'm not going to post it and spoil the movie for anyone, but it's a great watch.

Good to see you Blakey