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Man I have really let myself go. I mean, really. I'm disgusted.
    #17272700 -

I wasn't sure where to post this. It seemed too heavy to lay on The Pub, :lol: but this seemed to be the best place for it, so here goes.

I guess it's been ten years or more since I've partaken of the sacred mushroom. The last time wasn't very good in the beginning. Terrifying actually to some degree, but the experience improved toward the end of it. Until that point, I'd never had a bad experience, and I really can't call that one bad because it did get much better after a while.

It seemed somehow though... final.

It's a young man's tool, I had decided. Now though, I'm not so sure. I can almost hear it calling me again. As I am now, I would not partake, and here's why:

Over time, I've really let myself go. Is there such a thing as being too  out of shape to benefit from the mushroom experience?

I've gotten fat and sedentary where I was once lean and full of energy.  I have health issues now that I never thought I would have. High blood pressure, high cholesterol, my joints ache and I have disc problems in my neck. I'm pretty sure I'm suffering from depression. I get my work done and pay my bills, but the rest of the time, nothing. I try, but I feel bad most of the time.

But I think maybe the mushrooms are calling to me again. It's hard to explain but it's there. A voice way off in the distance, telling me to come back. Maybe they do have something else to say, or maybe they just want to take me on another hellish ride one more time. :lol:

So, I have started watching what I'm eating. I've been exercising every day, and I've got to tell you, it is hard. I'm sore, hungry, jonesing  for cigarettes, and feeling weak.

I think that maybe by struggling and overcoming this terrible curse I
have brought upon myself will give me the strength and purpose to once again benefit from what can be gleaned from the ritual use of psychedelics. One thing I do know is that I will not partake again until I have regained some semblance of a healthy state, and when I do partake it will be with respect and with purpose.


Maybe someone here has been there. Out of shape, depressed, and searching for answers after a long hiatus and possibly the losing of one's way.

So, any  links, personal stories, and encouragement I can get from the community is appreciated. Any ideas on how some of you might have conquered your demons and came back better than ever would be of great benefit to me, and maybe karma will bless you for sharing. :smile:


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Flip-flop, hippety-hop, offa your rocker and over the top, life’s a fiction and the world’s a lie, so put on some Creedence and let’s get high.

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Re: Man I have really let myself go. I mean, really. I'm disgusted. [Re: innerspace]
    #17272913 -

innerspace said:
So, I have started watching what I'm eating. I've been exercising every day, and I've got to tell you, it is hard. I'm sore, hungry, jonesing  for cigarettes, and feeling weak.




you sure you're eating enough?
i don't think your problem has anything to do with needing to take mushrooms again though maybe it could help you get in the right frame of mind. but we all get lazy and sucked into a monotonous life and become sedentary when we don't have to be working our asses off. maybe you should give yoga a try?


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Re: Man I have really let myself go. I mean, really. I'm disgusted. [Re: claraclairvoyant]
    #17273261 -

Yeah, I'm eating at least 1500 calories a day, but as far as "needing" to take mushrooms again, maybe you're right. I haven't decided whether or not I will take another trip down the road. I think first, the thing to to is just to try and get back into shape, stay off the cigarettes, eat as well as I can and see how I feel.

:lol: I'm not that old, I just feel like it. It would just be nice to feel good again. I've looked at the P90X workout, which I believe does incorporate some yoga, but I had to start out with power 90 because of my low energy levels and quick fatigue.

I didn't get in this condition overnight, so I'll just keep plugging away. Thanks for the reply. :smile:


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Flip-flop, hippety-hop, offa your rocker and over the top, life’s a fiction and the world’s a lie, so put on some Creedence and let’s get high.

Edited by innerspace (11/24/12 01:18 PM)

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Re: Man I have really let myself go. I mean, really. I'm disgusted. [Re: innerspace]
    #17273341 -

I hear you OP. I used to (10 years ago) regularly partake in the ritual use of psychedelics and it affected my life profoundly both positively and negatively. It is fair to say that mushrooms especially refocused my heart and cut the bullshit in my brain ....

My experimentation with psychedelics led to addiction to party drugs, and for the past 4 years i've been "clean." - Maybe tripping a couple times in a party atmosphere, and taking ayahuasca in South America.

The Ayahuasca experiences were really healing and profoundly useful to me while transitioning from drug addict to a normal person in my mid 20's. That said, it kind of felt like a "last hurrah" and that i had nothing else to gain. It put me in a space where i had to work on myself and my lifestyle and that there was nothing in my head to gain from taking mind altering substances.

So, where did that get me?

I got healthy and fit, started eating well, entered a relationship, held a job and steadily have moved forward with that. Realistically it's made me feel stagnant in life, and sore in the body... I feel like i've become a work-a-holic who has lost the pursuit of passion from my life. My job makes me feel shitty in body and mind, The day to day is an exercise in mediocrity ... (it is worth noting that the glory days of discovery during psychedelic experimentation in our youth will probably never come back.)

So - i also feel like i would benefit from reentering the psychedelic realm now that i am in a different stage of life, and of a more mature mindset. I've been feeling a call towards a trip strongly for the past couple months, as i've come to the conclusions i've posted above ... and slowly my life is shifting towards a less stagnant path...

So, are psychedelics useful to be used as a catalyst of self betterment? Of course.

They are just tools of empowerment... So use them wisely, and re-imagine your self.


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GO OUTSIDE.

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Re: Man I have really let myself go. I mean, really. I'm disgusted. [Re: PDU]
    #17273526 -

Exactly!

I think that my current mindset started to take root when I took the family to Disney World a few weeks ago. We spent a week there and toured The Magic Kingdom, Hollywood Studios, Animal Kingdom, and Epcot.

Weird as it might sound, that trip woke me up on a deep level somehow.

I did at one stage in my life, try to experience a psychedelic altered state at least once a year, mainly in the Fall. Those were some good times. Thinking back, I do have a strong sense of nostalgia for the magical quality the world regained during and after a good mushroom experience. It would last for months. No need to repeat usually more than once in the same year. I think that trip we took spoke to that part of me. It rekindled my desire to see the world in a better light.

I'm only in my 40's. I should feel a lot better than I do, and I realize that I am the way I am because of my own weaknesses and bad choices.

Fortunately, I've never really been addicted to anything except for cigarettes and fast food but that's bad enough. That shit will kill you just as dead as any drug you can abuse. It just takes longer I think, and hard drugs might even be more merciful :lol:. (j/k)

Thanks for the reply. You gave me some things to think about, and that's what I'm after. I need to do some deep thinking and like you said, "re-imagine" myself. I dig the hell out of that idea. :smile: Good luck, traveler. I know how you feel and I hope we both can find what it is we're looking for. 


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Flip-flop, hippety-hop, offa your rocker and over the top, life’s a fiction and the world’s a lie, so put on some Creedence and let’s get high.

Edited by innerspace (11/24/12 02:25 PM)

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