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MANNALORD
Vagabond Ninjafor Hire

Registered: 07/02/01
Posts: 128
Loc: F- R
Last seen: 20 years, 9 months

More Writing - "us"

#1726168 - 07/17/03 10:38 PM (23 years, 3 months ago)

Was doing more writing, couldn't sleep and it all just came out. You know the drill just tell me what ya think....

I never thought that we would,
I never thought that we actually could,
but now, I'm not sure of anything, anymore
I cant help how I feel about this whole thing
still praying im gonna wake up, and its all a bad dream
feeling regret, for things ive done, or things that ive said
wondering how things could have been, lying alone in my bed
wondering after I hang up, about what else I could say
still wishing you'd call, with the answers to keep my questions at bay
and all I can do is just wait it out
losing my mind, till I just wanna scream and shout
remember the times we shared, and wondering what its all about
your voice and your eyes, such a soothing disguise
was soothing at first, but now burns to the touch
heads feelin ready to burst, falling down with no crutch
lust or trust, what was it blinding me from seeing
the simple truth, which it seems to be to me,
should have always been plain to see, that we were never meant to be

what is it that keeps me, from hitting the floor?
thought it was faith, but I lost alot of that since before
cant keep going this way, cause i got lost along ways back
how many times has it been, i must have lost track
how many times I thought to myself, how I want you back
no matter how doubtful I hold onto a hope, maybe things will get better
that maybe through all this we can cope, feel that happiness again whenever
cause im sick of the sad times, we've had to share together
but you know, truthfully my love for you, is always and forever
just remember the fun times we had, and the smiles we shared
everything you did for me, just to show me that you cared
dont be afraid your not alone, your not the only one scared
I never wanted to say goodbye, or to make you cry
just wanted to help spread your wings, so that you could fly
fly away with me......

--------------------
Live and Die in FALL RIVER

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AislingGheal
A wave on the ocean

Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 988
Loc: Northern Ohio
Last seen: 4 years, 8 months

Re: More Writing - "us"

[Re: MANNALORD]
#1727128 - 07/18/03 09:25 AM (23 years, 3 months ago)

Your poem is pretty good, a clear snapshot of an ended relationship and the mixed emotions it brings. I think this part in particular is well said;

"how many times I thought to myself, how I want you back
no matter how doubtful I hold onto a hope, maybe things will get better
that maybe through all this we can cope, feel that happiness again whenever
cause im sick of the sad times, we've had to share together
but you know, truthfully my love for you, is always and forever"

Your poem reminds me of this one, one of my favorites, written by Louis MacNiece after his wife left him for another man. It shares the bittersweet flavor of your poem, hope you like it.

The Sunlight on the Garden

The sunlight on the garden
Hardens and grows cold,
We cannot cage the minute
Within its nets of gold;
When all is told
We cannot beg for pardon.

Our freedom as free lances
Advances towards its end;
The earth compels, upon it
Sonnets and birds descend;
And soon, my friend,
We shall have no time for dances.

The sky was good for flying
Defying the church bells
And every evil iron
Siren and what it tells:
The earth compels,
We are dying, Egypt, dying

And not expecting pardon,
Hardened in heart anew,
But glad to have sat under
Thunder and rain with you,
And grateful too
For sunlight on the garden.

-Louis MacNiece
?

--------------------

"I hate having to pick between the lesser of two evils. But I'm glad Obama was elected. McCain was another war monger. I'd rather deal with our country going into debt than trying to take on afghanistan...oh wait FUCK!" - Fungus_tao