This may end up being a little long, but I'd appreciate it if you read it....
My brother and I ate our first 4 grams last night, and it was not a good idea. I'm in the middle of finals right now at U of M and because of this and my procrastination I only got about 3 hours of sleep Thursday and Friday night. My bro and I decided to munch them at about 11:30 p.m. last night, and after about 20 minutes of chilling in my room and nothing, my brother went to bed and said he'd be back if he started seeing pretty colors. I was tired as hell, and all I wanted was sleep, so I decided to lay down. The high started to kick in, and I was enjoying the feeling for a while and the way everything seemed to look a little different. However, I was so fuckin tired I just thought I'd lay back and doze off... well that wasn't gonna work.
I regularly would have tried to stay up and enjoy, but aside from me being tired, I have a huge paper I really need to write today and I wanted to get up early to get a start. Aside from finals, I've been having the most busy and stressful couple weeks of my life. A couple weeks ago I lost my management job at Hot 'n Now hamburgers when my boss walked in on us smoking a joint. He called the cops, and I got a misdemeanor charge for "loitering where drugs are kept." I appeared in court, but sentencing is still coming up. On top of that, I've spent over 600 dollar in the past couple weeks on car troubles, including but not limited to brake pad replacements, a battery replacement, and the loss of my tail pipe. Back to my job, I went to work last week to get my check and found no check there, apparently the owner doesn't think I deserve to be paid. I've been trying to contact him telling him that if he doesn't pay me this will go to court. On top of that I have this annoying girlfriend of my friend's wanting to be my best friend that I can't stand, almost to the point of stalking me. I thought I could get all this off my mind....
Anyway, at about 3 am I realized "Hey, I haven't fuckin slept for four hours." Or did I? I had this weird Fight Club-esque situation where I wasn't sure if I slept or not, but all I know was that I was miserable and tired, so it sure as hell didn't feel like it. At that point I was really fuckin hot, and really really tired. I was so hot I decided to get completely naked for comfort. Still too hot so I got out of my blanket and got under my sheet blanket. Too cold. Back under the warm blanket. This happened many times along with me tossing and turning for hours and hours. I had a high going, but no visuals... I heard it was hard to sleep on shrooms, but I didn't know it was FUCKIN IMPOSSIBLE.
Laying there in bed, I tried anything to make it better. I put on some Phish, hoping that "Bouncing Around the Room" would make me happy as always. I started to think about everything, and I started wishing someone else was there with me. You may not want to hear this, but I jerked off for the momentary release. I was so miserable and so wanting of sleep I realized and said to myself at one point "If I was suicidal, I'd do it here." I'm serious, too, at that point I felt so miserable and my life seemed so miserable, it seemed like the easiest way out of it all was to go get my locknife and jam it into my neck, which didn't even seem like it would be painfall at that time. I understood how people felt when they got that far, especially on a drug like heroin where you don't even feel pain. Anyway, I'm far too mentally stable to think of doing that seriously, so I just rolled around in bed trying to make the best of it for the next hour or so. I also realized, being an atheist, why many people would believe in god with no evidence.... at such a stressful moment being able to fall back on something like a god could be sanity-saving, almost like a defense mechanism of sorts.
After going through the tossing and turning process for a little while longer a weird tripped-out trip or two to the bathroom, my brother walked into the room. Words can't express the joy I felt when I saw him walk into my room... he was my savior. Another human being to talk to! He said that he woke up at about 2 am seeing pretty colors, and went downstairs to play some Unreal Tournament. He explained to me that the first time we ate shrooms together he felt miserable for the night too, even at one point saying to himself "If I were suicidal, I'd do it now." Holy shit, I thought when he said that. He said that was probably because he wanted sleep really really bad because he had to get up at 6 in the morning the next day. I went downstairs with him, had something to drink, and we talked for a while. We went back upstairs where I fell asleep sometime around 6 am.
That was one of the weirdest and most miserable experiences of my life. It's not quite such a big deal now, I'm not traumatized of shrooms, and I plan to shroom again next weekend, having school overwith at that point and all. I'm just going to do it earlier on in the evening of a day when I am well-slept. I think I could have made a better experience out of it if it weren't for my blind 4-hour struggle for sleep. Or did I sleep? Weird. I'm confident I can make something positive out of this next time, and I was fucking surprised at the potency of my homegrown B+!
Has anyone else ever had an experience like this before?
-------------------- Anything stated above is fictional roleplay dialog by the character that is Slapnut Rob, in no way representing the actions or beliefs of the man behind the keys.
Edited by geokills (04/20/03 03:27 PM)
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