Sometimes I find myself thinking that life could and should be so much simpler... Eat sleep shit fuck and die, that should be priority. I look around all the time at all the "sheeople" who do the daily grind... Awake at 6am, traffic from hell all the way to work, Bosses, co workers, deadlines, appointments... then guess what, when the days all over you get to Grind your ass thru traffic all the way home just to get there and step in a cold pile of dog shit that all 3 kids looked at as they walked past on their way in the door, and get in a fight with the wife (for those of you who have them) to go out and get drunk/stoned to kill the pain of Reality, Just so you can wake up and do it all again the next day, and the next...
So when is life supposed to become interesting?
Sometimes I contemplate the thought of setting my house on fire, fueling the flames with all of the "Evidence" and just disappearing to fuck only knows where, no cares no looking back.
I probably think all of this because im the guy that had it all... Wife, Kids, Good Job, Home, Cars, Toys and Hobbies. Then all in 1 fateful day, she flipped out, had me arrested, evicted and reposessed. She took the kids, just to keep me from seeing the STILL TO THIS DAY! We Divorced a very short time later, and I havent seen my kids in over 2 months now and 1 of them just turned 4 a few days ago...
If it werent for my kids, I think id be dead by now, and her keeping me from them makes me feel like im going back into my old ways, before kids ways.... Im finding myself slipping..... slipping into depression and slipping into myself badly... I feel more "at home" when I am totally alone in my house ( i have roommates) when im around people i find myself getting edgy, ballsy and rude to people, because I just want to be alone, when im alone i just want life to end... Im always saying out loud when im alone "I hate life" and "I hate my life" and when people begin to even "act" like they care about me I end up yelling in their faces "No Body Cares About Me!!!" My Mother Admittedly Hates me, and my Dad stays out of it, My sisters hate me because I hate them or their Husbands... I have 3 "friends" and I always think to myself that they arent very smart.
So intelligent conversation is out of the question, because i strike up a seemingly intelligent conversation with them and it ends up being me Knowledgeably explaining something that they have no care about in the world, so i get what i like to call "wall responses" in return... Yes im known to physically talk to the walls when im being ignored... Then at that the stuff i know does me no good in a normal society, or if so its because im the best "Good, Bad Example"
It seems that I am just rambling about shit i need off my chest so i will stop here and see if anyone else posts behind this in response...
M
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