bug said:

That would be very cool.

Two days old???  Wha-??  I could've sworn you were posting here two days ago.

I can only think of really sappy things to say.  Babies... their beauty makes the whole human adventure worthwhile.  I hope you enjoy her company and that she grows up into a strong, healthy, open minded and open hearted individual. 

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MyInnerChild said:

I became a grandmother yesterday and I gotta say I can't explain the love i felt for that little baby less than a day old that was palpable as I held her. There's a connection I felt. There's the beauty of a new born too but it's beyond that. She happens to be a very  pretty baby objectively speaking and I've seen enough to be able to say that even though you might think I can't say any diff cuz I'm the grandma.

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The love I feel for my sons is like this.  I like to use the metaphor of my critical mind as the bouncer standing outside the wild dance club that is my heart...most people had to wait in line, get checked out, show their ID, etc... before I granted them admission.  My sons just got "the nod" and walked right in. 

Veritas said:

I have a teenager, too.  So far so good, he's terrific & we have a close, loving relationship.   

When he turned 12, I explained my parenting strategy for his transition into adulthood: "I want you to take control over your life, but I want you to be successful at it.  I will give you more and more control, and will only take it back temporarily when you show me that you need to learn more before you are ready to handle more.  My goal is for you to feel totally competent as an adult when you move out, and for our relationship to become one of peers.  If I have to choose between pleasing you in the moment & fostering your success, I will choose your success every time."

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Quote:

attachment, by it's reciprocal nature and the fact that nothing earthly is permanent, is always followed by loss. loss is the pain most people associate with love, when they are away from their lovers and it hurts, that is the loss of the attachment to another, separate, being. when your are not conscious of the fact that everything is one, including people, then you are under the impression that everybody is a separate being and you feel you need a specific, other, being to fulfill you (soul mates anyone?). that is just dysfunctional. it is not love, it is selfishness. it is attachment.

if you feel attachment is love, than you have forgotten what it is to truly "feel".

did that make any sense?

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I wanted to quote the whole thing but thought it would be too long a post so I quoted the conclusion though, that is not to take away from the significance of the rest of it.

1st I'll say, separate from this thread's intention, that I too felt moments of deep reflection as a youngster and I've heard that from other posters as well. For you, it was satisfying. For me, I felt it was abnormal, it bothered me and I stopped it as it began each time. I felt the experience to be intense and never-ending unless I "pulled out" of it. I allowed it to continue only after I clarified with my Mum that it was normal and that other people experience it. By that time it was occurring less and less and I had to almost hold onto it rather than let it dissipate each time.

About your understanding the concept of love, and I don't claim I know all about what it is and how it works or I wouldn't have posted this right? so I'm just commenting on your take here.

I hope I got clear what you meant. If not, please give further clarity. I'll say about the idea of attachment that you brought up, that it reminds me of a point I've (re-)thought about recently. I feel it's significant to mention here and I hope it adds and doesn't detract from your point.

After 9-11 I read that several partners of individuals who died in the twin towers killed themselves. This seems to fall into the category of the dysfunctional attachment some people call love or to be kind, the over-attachment that stemmed from the love-base of the relationship. As an aside; the person who died is never forgotten but the pain lessens with time and if support is given to the surviving party to point this out, it could possibly make all the difference. I'll also add that it is healthy that one morn the loss of a life's partner in a real way. This would apply on a smaller but not less significant scale in it's own way, to the adjustment time following being dumped by a b/f or g/f.

An individual who allows themselves to be so attached to another that they lose their individual identity or can't see themselves without that person to the point that the grief would send them out of their minds goes beyond love. Of course, the people who killed themselves after 9-11 must have had other issues as well. Pre-existing mental illness could have been a factor or some other of a myriad of possible scenarios.

I've discussed that with my husband and it's understood between us that the one who lived on would, after a time, actively look to re-marry. I hope we never have to be faced with that but reality dictates that it's something to discuss while both are living.

Other posters on this thread hit the nail on the head with ideas that I'll combine here to sum up the solution to the over-attachment syndrome (which I just coined myself just now ) that one must enjoy one's own company before enjoying anyones else's or expecting someone else to enjoy yours and wanting the company of a specific other, in a healthy way, to the point where one doesn't want to be without them.

I don't feel one saying "I can't picture being without them" is healthy while I feel that it's okay to picture it, then decide you wouldn't want that, decide what you'd do if you found yourself w/o that person in your life and then put it out of your mind again.

Thanks for your input man...it's gr8ly appreciated! ~ MIC