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A short, interesting description of a schizophrenic break *DELETED*
    #7293889 -

Post deleted by dorkus

Reason for deletion: .

Edited by dorkus (08/14/07 12:57 PM)

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Re: A short, interesting description of a schizophrenic break [Re: dorkus]
    #7293909 -

i didnt really catch that...

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Re: A short, interesting description of a schizophrenic break [Re: dorkus]
    #7294004 -

I'm unable to see the video... must be my settings though... :shrug:
Anyways, how did that happen?
Were you on psychedelics?


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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Re: A short, interesting description of a schizophrenic break *DELETED* [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #7294321 -

Post deleted by dorkus

Reason for deletion: .

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Re: A short, interesting description of a schizophrenic break [Re: dorkus]
    #7294361 -

I've had similar experience (or to be more exact, feelings) during a few experiences with K. It was a year and a half ago. The feeling also persisted but only for a few days and then it was just there, somewhere on the background. I think that in long term it helped me a lot. I became more relaxed and in touch with the structure of reality and with a better outlook on life.

How do you feel about taking psychedelics or smoking pot again, now after this experience?

I'll watch the video too, thanks for the link. :smile:


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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Re: A short, interesting description of a schizophrenic break [Re: dorkus]
    #7294472 -

I've had two of these breaks during bad psychedelic trips. The bad one's are always the best ones, I think.

The first one was the most frightening experience I've ever had in 40-something years of life. Looking back at it, it was also the most bizarre and interesting experience of my life. Weirder even than anything Salvia has ever shown me.

I had a sitter taking care of me at the time. With his help, I bounced into brief periods of semi-lucid thought, then sank back into complete psychosis for many hours.

The second time I was alone, but with the first experience in hindsight it was navigable.

This isn't ego death. That comes to me with 10 grams of mushrooms and feels like just a pleasant sort disconnectedness. These psychotic breaks were different and took about 30 grams of mushrooms, methamphetamine, marijuana, and a mixture of nitrous oxide and oxygen.

This was a few years ago. I'm not that hard-core any more. :mushroom2:


--------------------
Republican Values:

1) You can't get married to your spouse who is the same sex as you.
2) You can't have an abortion no matter how much you don't want a child.
3) You can't have a certain plant in your possession or you'll get locked up with a rapist and a murderer.

4) We need a smaller, less-intrusive government.

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Re: A short, interesting description of a schizophrenic break [Re: dorkus]
    #7294510 -

dorkus said:
Schizophrenia is weird.


My kid brother is a diagnosed Schizophrenic, whatever that means.

It's interesting how he basically acts like someone who's tripping permanently,
Repeating himself, finding deep significance in everything and obsessing on art.

He's been arrested for climbing up in the catwalks at Madison Square Garden during a Madonna show,
He's somewhere in Europe now stalking the girl from the Harry Potter movies. :smirk:

I think the only reason I haven't had a schiz break is because of all the "spiritual" practice and study...

My bro doesn't seem interested in doing the work and research to heal himself, which he totally could do.

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Re: A short, interesting description of a schizophrenic break *DELETED* [Re: Diploid]
    #7294512 -

Post deleted by dorkus

Reason for deletion: .

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Re: A short, interesting description of a schizophrenic break [Re: dorkus]
    #7294521 -

A bit "damaged" still, but getting better all the time.

Don't let it damage you. Grow from it instead! :thumbup:


--------------------
Republican Values:

1) You can't get married to your spouse who is the same sex as you.
2) You can't have an abortion no matter how much you don't want a child.
3) You can't have a certain plant in your possession or you'll get locked up with a rapist and a murderer.

4) We need a smaller, less-intrusive government.

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Re: A short, interesting description of a schizophrenic break *DELETED* [Re: Middleman]
    #7294538 -

Post deleted by dorkus

Reason for deletion: .

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Re: A short, interesting description of a schizophrenic break [Re: dorkus]
    #7294562 -

Quote:
Also a problem is that everything becomes so open to so many ways of interpreting, so all sentences mean a thousand things and "normal" associative chains are swapped for radically different. I think this is how everything can seem to communicate a very personal message linked directly to ones inner life.


Well you said you have experience with meditation and that before your experience you did great.
Maybe now it's time to apply it to "real life".
Observe the connections you make, let them happen, but don't identify with them.
This way you'll even be able to understand yourself better, after you get used to making these connections. :smile:


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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Re: A short, interesting description of a schizophrenic break [Re: Diploid]
    #7296670 -

Quote:
This isn't ego death. That comes to me with 10 grams of mushrooms and feels like just a pleasant sort disconnectedness. These psychotic breaks were different and took about 30 grams of mushrooms, methamphetamine, marijuana, and a mixture of nitrous oxide and oxygen.


After 10-grams of mushrooms (dry weight), I became very dissociated. It was as if my "self" broke into thousands of "me" inside my head. I remember thinking, "so this is what crazy people mean when they talk about hearing voices in their head". I knew that I was on a drug, but I had a hard time holding onto "me" and not giving up control to one of the other voices. Certainly not egoloss; about as far from egoloss as one can get. This is as close to a psychotic break as I have come.


--------------------
Just another spore in the wind.

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Re: A short, interesting description of a schizophrenic break [Re: Seuss]
    #7297155 -

My schizophrenia seemed to go in stages, and each stage would have an end in which I felt more grounded, only to later on discover more delusion.

It started with a messianic complex and delusions of controlling reality and having audio hallucinations. I felt like the world has gone insane or had been brainwashed and itwas up to me to save everyone- this stage was accompanied by intense anxiety and intense dissociation.

The next stage was the opposite, I didn't feel like anything, all joy and meaning had been sucked out of my life. This was accompanied by severe depression and intense paranoia. It felt like there were too many possibilities behind people's intentions or even the intention of reality and my mind would spiral out of control trying to sort out all the contradictions.

Glad to hear you are better dorkus. Did you use any medication or go to any psychologists during your ordeal? I have not and I feel it is for the better


--------------------

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Re: A short, interesting description of a schizophrenic break [Re: Seuss]
    #7297303 -

I knew that I was on a drug

My sitter kept telling me that it was just the drug. I would look at him and say things like: "Yes, I know I took a drug, but this is different. This has nothing to do with the drug. These things I have been made aware of are true and will still be true when the drug wears off. The drug is irrelevant. Oh my god, how could this be? I'm so scared!"

I believed the delusion completely and thought of the drug as an incidental annoyance and the delusion as reality.

Now sober and years later it's hard to understand how I could have been so psychically bent to lose touch with reality like that. I've since developed a deep empathy for schizophrenics who live in that all the time, especially the ones who become lucid occasionally and understand what's happening to them.


--------------------
Republican Values:

1) You can't get married to your spouse who is the same sex as you.
2) You can't have an abortion no matter how much you don't want a child.
3) You can't have a certain plant in your possession or you'll get locked up with a rapist and a murderer.

4) We need a smaller, less-intrusive government.

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Re: A short, interesting description of a schizophrenic break *DELETED* [Re: EternalCowabunga]
    #7297414 -

Post deleted by dorkus

Reason for deletion: .

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Re: A short, interesting description of a schizophrenic break [Re: dorkus]
    #7297488 -

I think that you should wait with those pills. Or at least that's what I would do.
The fact is that they don't help you with anything, they get you nowhere.
You've been through an experience which has a huge potential and from which you can learn a lot.
You say you don't appreciate and like the things you once used to do.
I think it's from the process of changing. Of growing as a person.
I had so many things that I enjoyed doing and now I find complete boredom in them. I just can't relate to them anymore... it doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with that. :shrug:
To be quite honest, I think that this is a good sign.
Anyways, can you elaborate on that?
Can you give a few examples of what you used to like and now you don't?
Now about finding a psychologist... maybe you should do it, but maybe in the same time you should have a little more patience.
The best person who can help you is yourself. Nobody does a better job than you at that.
It only takes time and sometimes you have the impression you're stagnating. You don't. It happens so because it's what you need at that given moment, so be extremely compassionate with yourself. Only when you relax trust yourself and your instincts you're able to make the shift. The key here is to understand yourself and stop being afraid of moments when you feel unsafe. You feel unsafe for a specific reason that you'll be able to understand only if you let it happen.
On the other hand, if you really feel like going to a psychologist, just do it.
Maybe you won't find the right one right from the start, but the good news is that you're not obliged there of you don't want.
You'll know you'll find someone who can really help you when you feel you can resonate with that person, that you can be yourself, no matter how you feel, without feeling embarrassed or ashamed.


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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Re: A short, interesting description of a schizophrenic break [Re: dorkus]
    #7297614 -

dorkus said:
What do you mean by spiritual work and study? Are you talking about mediation?


Yes, that, Visualization and Breathing exercises, I've found ceremonial magic to be very balancing and Self-empowering as well.

If you study the works of G.I Gurdjieff, P.D. Ouspensky, E.J. Gold and Ancient Egyptian mythology,
you will find that we ALL have dissociative disorders and multiple personalities.

The only difference is that these delusions and multiplicity of voices are SUB-CONSCIOUS in most people.

Some people who never trip only become aware of them as they are falling asleep and write it off as "Dreaming"

Thanks for the well wishes, feel free to PM me if you need any personal support...

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Re: A short, interesting description of a schizophrenic break [Re: EternalCowabunga]
    #7297672 -

EternalCowabunga said:
My schizophrenia seemed to go in stages, and each stage would have an end in which I felt more grounded, only to later on discover more delusion.

It started with a messianic complex and delusions of controlling reality and having audio hallucinations. I felt like the world has gone insane or had been brainwashed and itwas up to me to save everyone- this stage was accompanied by intense anxiety and intense dissociation.

The next stage was the opposite, I didn't feel like anything, all joy and meaning had been sucked out of my life. This was accompanied by severe depression and intense paranoia. It felt like there were too many possibilities behind people's intentions or even the intention of reality and my mind would spiral out of control trying to sort out all the contradictions.

Glad to hear you are better dorkus. Did you use any medication or go to any psychologists during your ordeal? I have not and I feel it is for the better


This is basically how mine went, without the controlling and messianic part, and more of the syncronicities everywhere I looked. The first stage lasted a good 2 months, and the second stage lasted probably another 4 months, and I'm STILL recovering, 2 years later. But I get better and better. And I think it's like you said...

It's not that I haven't gotten better, but like you said in your first paragraph, you find at the end of every stage more delusion. BUT, I think that it's not that it's a never ending thing, I think I am finding more subtle delusions, and in the process of working with each one of those, I'm moving further to self-actualization and realization.

MushroomTrip said:
The fact is that they don't help you with anything, they get you nowhere.



I disagree, and I especially disagree with you calling it a fact. But I do completely understand what you are getting at. Numb, suppress, etc, is what the docs want us to do, because they don't understand that we need to integrate the experience and that most of these type of problems are indicative of a deeper problem that needs resolution.

St. John's Wort, and 5-HTP are what helped me move out of the depression just enough to help me "see the forest from the trees". It helped me gain perspective, and feel better, enough to begin socializing again, and all of the other activities that I had withdrawn from. My reentry into my pre-psychosis life is what helped me get better. And St. John's Wort and 5-HTP helped me get there, which are very similar to SSRI's, except they are pre-cursors to serotonin, not reuptake inhibitors.

The biology of the problem, and the psychology of the problem are both interrelated, with both causing the other. To ignore one side is like running a foot race with only one shoe. Why not just put the other on? Again, though, I'm speaking from a non-"locked up and drugged up" side. More of a self-medicating side.

Anyone in this situation should always do their research and learn as much about their condition as possible.


--------------------
Loving in truth, and fain in verse my love to show, That the dear She might take some pleasure of my pain: Pleasure might cause her read, reading might make her know, Knowledge might pity win, and pity grace obtain.

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Re: A short, interesting description of a schizophrenic break [Re: jonathanseagull]
    #7297690 -

Quote:
St. John's Wort, and 5-HTP are what helped me move out of the depression just enough to help me "see the forest from the trees". It helped me gain perspective, and feel better, enough to begin socializing again, and all of the other activities that I had withdrawn from. My reentry into my pre-psychosis life is what helped me get better. And St. John's Wort and 5-HTP helped me get there, which are very similar to SSRI's, except they are pre-cursors to serotonin, not reuptake inhibitors.


5-HTP and St. John's Worth were not exactly the "medication" I was referring to and I agree, these two can do help a lot.

Quote:
Anyone in this situation should always do their research and learn as much about their condition as possible.


:smile: :thumbup:


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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Re: A short, interesting description of a schizophrenic break [Re: Diploid]
    #7300119 -

> I believed the delusion completely and thought of the drug as an incidental annoyance and the delusion as reality.

I have witnessed this happen to somebody, but luckily, have been spared the experience myself. I had a very good friend (and business partner) that got hooked on DXM. It took around six months, but in the end he snapped pretty hard. Even after sobering up, he was convinced that he could alter reality and perform miracles. He eventually moved to the middle east to "spread the word". The last I heard from him, he had gotten somewhat better. He somehow ended up getting married, lives in Israel, and has a fairly normal life again. (The guy was very smart before he snapped... had a phd in physics and worked for a highly respected research organization before the internet boom).


--------------------
Just another spore in the wind.

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General Interest > Philosophy, Sociology & Psychology
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