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justAkid
Member of myCulture

Registered: 11/05/05
Posts: 323
Loc: The Present
Last seen: 13 years, 6 months
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I feel Despair
#5363216 - 03/03/06 10:21 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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I feel that despair is the only thing I can feel.
I have always been inclined to believe in God. Though my beliefs about what God is have changed I have remained almost unwavering that God must exist.
Now my mom has always been the sweetest person to me as her son and to everyone she has contact with. She has had a crhonic pain disorder for ten years now. I have seen her suffer incredibly not only from the pain but from the emotional despair she feels from being disabled by her pain. I can hardly describe her suffering.
What can I think of my Loving God?
I feel the deepest hatred. I wish to see God feel all the pain he has subjected to his creations. I wish to see him burn in hell. I want agony and torture for him. How can God be so unjust if he is to be God? I feel despair in the injustice.
But then I see there is no God that I wish God to be. There is no God that would let this happen. No God.
Then I see my life without God and I see meaninglessness and I feel despair.
So you see I have a problem. This can't be life.
-------------------- Trust thyself.
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it stars saddam
Satan

Registered: 05/19/05
Posts: 15,571
Loc: Spahn Ranch
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Re: I feel Despair [Re: justAkid]
#5363226 - 03/03/06 10:24 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
justAkid said: I feel the deepest hatred. I wish to see God feel all the pain he has subjected to his creations. I wish to see him burn in hell. I want agony and torture for him. How can God be so unjust if he is to be God? I feel despair in the injustice.
He's not real man. Sorry to hear about your mom.
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shroomydan
exshroomerite


Registered: 07/04/04
Posts: 4,126
Loc: In the woods
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Re: I feel Despair [Re: justAkid]
#5363293 - 03/03/06 10:38 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
I feel the deepest hatred. I wish to see God feel all the pain he has subjected to his creations. I wish to see him burn in hell. I want agony and torture for him.

"He was crucified died and was buried. He descended into hell."
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dblaney
Human Being

Registered: 10/03/04
Posts: 7,894
Loc: Here & Now
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Re: I feel Despair [Re: justAkid]
#5363323 - 03/03/06 10:46 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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God is not anthropomorphic. While it might be nice at times to envision God as a friendly old man in the clouds overseeing everything, that simply isn't the way it is. Anything you can say about God cannot describe him. Even by putting a word "God" to it, he is beyond that. In technical terms, he is immanent and transcendent.
I am terribly sorry you have had to suffer. But rest assured that you and your mother aren't the only ones who suffer. Suffering is a significant part of our present form. There is a way to become liberated. It is the Eightfold Path.
Remember, Heaven and Hell are just states of mind, your will is free.
-------------------- "What is in us that turns a deaf ear to the cries of human suffering?" "Belief is a beautiful armor But makes for the heaviest sword" - John Mayer Making the noise "penicillin" is no substitute for actually taking penicillin. "This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or their revolutionary right to dismember or overthrow it." -Abraham Lincoln
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Cherk
Fashionable


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Posts: 46,493
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Re: I feel Despair [Re: justAkid]
#5363369 - 03/03/06 11:00 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
justAkid said: This can't be life.
But it is. You've got to find something that makes this all worthwhile, whether it be yourself or a hobby. Your mom does not want to see you suffer because of her suffering. The best thing you can do for her is to live a life fully experiencing what we humans experience. You know this is what she wants.
Life is tough, it's one unfair world, but millions have passed before us through thousands of years and I guess there's something out there that makes it all worthwhile because we're still here, and I have a pretty big hunch that something is love. Good luck brother you have my unconditional love no matter what. We're all here for you.
--------------------
I have considered such matters. SIKE
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psyka
Praetorian


Registered: 06/09/03
Posts: 1,652
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Re: I feel Despair [Re: justAkid]
#5363885 - 03/04/06 08:15 AM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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dblaney: If god is unable to be grasped... then what the hell is everybody worshipping?
justakid: Disillusionment is painful at first. Like ripping out unwanted nose hair. In doing so, you will breath better and easier, eventually. Listen to Smoker For Peace. There are several things you can do to make the passing of time wonderful. The despair you feel is a false emotion and is only wasting your energy. Don't be problematic, become a solution.
-------------------- As the life of a candle, my wick will burn out. But, the fire of my mind shall beam into infinite.

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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs


Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
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Re: I feel Despair [Re: justAkid]
#5363978 - 03/04/06 09:11 AM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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Maybe God isn't the way we imagine Him to be. But he is. And I'm telling you that I had huge unfair and pailful moments in life, and if I wasn't able to see their reasons, this doesn't mean that the reason doesn't exist. There are many things which we just don't get but we always learn something from them sooner or later. I'm not saying that your mother should be suffering. I'm not sain that God must has a "bigger plan" for her. What I'm saying just don't jump to conclusions. This experience you and your mother are going through could make anything of you: better persons, wiser persons, bad persons, etc. Don't let yourself down. It sounds hard and it is even harder to do it, but I'm sure that hating God doesn't help you at all.
--------------------
   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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dblaney
Human Being

Registered: 10/03/04
Posts: 7,894
Loc: Here & Now
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Re: I feel Despair [Re: psyka]
#5364046 - 03/04/06 09:41 AM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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A symbol.
-------------------- "What is in us that turns a deaf ear to the cries of human suffering?" "Belief is a beautiful armor But makes for the heaviest sword" - John Mayer Making the noise "penicillin" is no substitute for actually taking penicillin. "This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or their revolutionary right to dismember or overthrow it." -Abraham Lincoln
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leery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
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Re: I feel Despair [Re: dblaney]
#5364211 - 03/04/06 10:53 AM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
justAkid said: There is no God that would let this happen. No God.
Then I see my life without God and I see meaninglessness and I feel despair.
So you see I have a problem. This can't be life.
correct. No God is DOING this to your mother. That does not mean that there is no spirituality and no "God" though, it just isn't some guy in the clouds smoting and blessing random people.
Look into Buddhism....... look into karma.
So.......... can your mother get access to medical marijuana (form of brownies, you don't want to risk damaging her lungs!) ? Because that has really helped people with chronic pain a lot and even allowed some to walk again. But... you don't want to break the laws and risk the consequences of that upon her, non-medical states have a tendency to punish medical users severely. [even up to the point of life in prison]
Perhaps you could make her some medium strength brownies or something from a good soothing indica?
I don't know, it's something to think about........ better than opiates.
Do not lose faith in the concept of faith. Some of your concepts of God don't fit with REALITY and this causes you grief, but "God" is just a word and is beyond conceptualizing.......... as said all religions draw a shape around DAO but dao is formless and beyond description.
-------------------- I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo! ....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human...... Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!
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Deviate
newbie
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Re: I feel Despair [Re: leery11]
#5364699 - 03/04/06 02:01 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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I feel the deepest hatred. I wish to see God feel all the pain he has subjected to his creations. I wish to see him burn in hell. I want agony and torture for him. How can God be so unjust if he is to be God? I feel despair in the injustice.
God is us so he is subjected to all the pain he has subjected to his creations, when we suffer God suffers through us.
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chucksteak
Stranger

Registered: 10/01/04
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Loc: saskatchewan, canada
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Re: I feel Despair [Re: Deviate]
#5364798 - 03/04/06 02:33 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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there isn't a God. that is, there isn't some being in the sky who watches us and manipulates our lives. nothing happens for a reason, things just happen and we experience and watch them happen. that's all life is. pain happens to everybody, in many different ways. but it's our perseverance that makes us so special, our will to live and ability to see beauty in anything and everything. just love, that's all that really matters.
-------------------- DON'T PANIC
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Deviate
newbie
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Re: I feel Despair [Re: chucksteak]
#5364833 - 03/04/06 02:42 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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God is love.
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redtailedhawk
Explorer of the Mystery


Registered: 11/24/04
Posts: 559
Loc: The Old Continent
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Re: I feel Despair [Re: justAkid]
#5364991 - 03/04/06 03:48 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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Let's say for example God is love. We have decided to remove ourselves from that existence, incarnate and live through our separate sense of self that is our Ego. Before we can reach that state of pure love again, our ego must fall. There is no other way around it. If suffering is seen in the light of shedding the ego, becoming humble and returning home to our true nature than this can ease some of the pain we experience and give it some reason.
What probably helps most is just being around those who suffer and love them unconditionally.
I hope your mother get's better.
--------------------
"Who are you who live in all these many forms? You're death that captures all. You too are the source of all that's gonna be born. You're glory, mercy, peace, truth. You give calm a spirit, understanding, courage, the contented heart."
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justAkid
Member of myCulture

Registered: 11/05/05
Posts: 323
Loc: The Present
Last seen: 13 years, 6 months
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Re: I feel Despair [Re: justAkid]
#5365663 - 03/04/06 08:08 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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Thank you all.
But all I can see is injustice.
I feel that I can't devote myself to any good, to love, to life, if this good is in no way just; in which case it is not good at all.
If I can see how the misplaced suffering of all those who seemingly don't deserve this suffering is just, maybe I'll see things in a different way.
-------------------- Trust thyself.
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secretmachine
lover of mystery

Registered: 08/27/04
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Re: I feel Despair [Re: justAkid]
#5366101 - 03/04/06 11:30 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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you have to remember this hatred and resistance of pain is a cultural phenomenom. God never promised you will feel no pain and anguish. This is a god who killed all the first born sons in egypt, who ordered one of his followers to kill his own son, who let the devil torture job into despair. This does not sound like a god that doesnt want you to feel pain. Indeed He created pain in the first place, people want to blame the devil, but he didnt create humanity, god did.
-------------------- --- A civilization based on authority-and-submission is a civilization without the means of self-correction. Effective communication flows only one way: from master-group to servile-group. Any cyberneticist knows that such a one-way communication channel lacks feedback and cannot behave "intelligently." the principle of authority" was the "eminently theological, metaphysical and political idea that the masses, always incapable of governing themselves, must submit at all times to the benevolent yoke of a wisdom and a justice, which in one way or another, is imposed from above." "no one should be entrusted with power, inasmuch as anyone invested with authority must . . . became an oppressor and exploiter of society."
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Dmonikal
Bareback up inthis neden


Registered: 09/06/04
Posts: 474
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God is the creator. He does not interfere with the day to day life of humans too much. I walk down the line between good and evil. Half of me is altruistic, the other half wants to burn the whole world down. If you sit on the fence you will get nothing. I myself am yet to decide whether I will be good or evil. Evil is very obvious, tempting and easy. Good is rather ethereal difficult and unpleasant. On one hand fuck love and god and do whatever the fuck you want. On the other you must live for others and love being your only reward. This is a very difficult decision for me. I have had everything taken from me and I want to take it back from everything and everyone. Neutral sucks, worst of both sides and none of the benefits.
-------------------- Give your money or your life Take 'em both for all I care Dump your bullets right here
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it stars saddam
Satan

Registered: 05/19/05
Posts: 15,571
Loc: Spahn Ranch
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Re: I feel Despair [Re: Dmonikal]
#5366152 - 03/04/06 11:47 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
Evil is very obvious, tempting and easy. Good is rather ethereal difficult and unpleasant. On one hand fuck love and god and do whatever the fuck you want. On the other you must live for others and love being your only reward. This is a very difficult decision for me.
Evil sounds like the better option in this case.
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Deviate
newbie
Registered: 04/20/03
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indeed, that is why so many more people on earth choose evil to some degree. it SEEMS (key word "seems") like the better choice and its certainly the easier choice upfront. however, just like not doing your homework is far easier than doing it and there is no immediate consequence , it will catch up with you somewhere down the line and youll wish youd done it.
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it stars saddam
Satan

Registered: 05/19/05
Posts: 15,571
Loc: Spahn Ranch
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Re: I feel Despair [Re: Deviate]
#5366206 - 03/05/06 12:13 AM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
Deviate said: indeed, that is why so many more people on earth choose evil to some degree. it SEEMS (key word "seems") like the better choice and its certainly the easier choice upfront. however, just like not doing your homework is far easier than doing it and there is no immediate consequence , it will catch up with you somewhere down the line and youll wish youd done it.
Consider those who spend their entire lives committing evil acts and manipulating and harming others, yet experience nothing other than happiness and prosperity until that day finally comes when they die in their sleep (or experience an equally painless death) after living a long and healthy life. When would you say their choices caught up with them?
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Deviate
newbie
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obviously people who believe in God do not believe consciousness ends at death.
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