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Invisiblekaiowas
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being responsible for your feelings
    #2418100 - 03/11/04 05:48 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

would it be too outlandish for me to say that most of the suffering in this world is not needed? furthermore, most of the time it isn't the external world that creates our suffering, but rather our view of the way the world "should be" that creates our suffering. thus we are responsible for it.

Possessions don't make you greedy, it's the way you feel about the possessions that has greed take fold. it is becuse sometime in your life you thought to yourself the one of the prime reasons for living is to take what you can, and fuck others. you made the agreement in your head.

What do I mean by suffering? I mean hate, jealousy, anger, resentment, frustration, pity, worry, anxiety and boredom, jsut to name a few. unless your life the situation is life threatening you are creating this idea of the world.

Now I'm not saying there is anything WRONG with suffering, but I am saying that it can be a hinderence on you, and it may hinder what you are trying to get in life. you can still be right and all, but jsut the way you go about seeing the world would be tweeked a little.

In order to do something like this though, we would have to see the utter futility in us trying to change the world around us to fit our demand and desires. I'm not syaing desires are bad, but you get a negative feedback in your head if your desires aren't met and you think they SHOULD. can't we desire things, but at the same time, if they aren't met, we don't need to feel disappointment or worry? if it happens it happens, I did my best. if it doesn't, no sweat, there's always more options. often in life you win some and you lose some, you can't change that. but you can definately have a say on how you feel, which is directly related to how you experience the world around you.

An agry person lives in a an angry world. and is it any wonder that an angry person will meet others who are the same way? a peaceful person is t he same. they live in a peaceful world, and oftentimes meet people who think the same way.


let's take boredom. being bored is a result of a desire not being met. how??? say you are in your room and you "feel" bored. it's not the environment around you that makes you bored because that same place could be "experienced" in a different way, maybe on a different day even. what's the difference in one day than the other? just the external happenings. It's jsut that there is something inside of you that makes you think "there's nothing to do" when in fact there could be a lot. maybe you can't listen to music. you desire to listen to it but can't, and you feel frustrated because your demand to listen to music. can't you not have music and still have peace of mind so you don't feel bored? so that you can use your thoughts for finding something to do or actually doing something, rather than thinking about how much you don't have to do.

so where does society lead into this? there's a lot of drama going on in the media about what is happening in the world around us. there's a lot of people pissed off when they go work, because they don't want to do what they are doing. sure you could say, yeah but that's natural.

why not be control of what you feel and how you feel about it all the time. why are people losing control of themselves? why is it that I have to depend on external reality for my happiness? and the answer is that, I can suffer if I want, or I can stop suffering and start doing.

we have all experienced those days when things go "wrong." During those days "everything goes wrong" because when one thing sets you off, the rest of the day will be that way. you will notice more and more of how things are they way you want them to be. you may notice small things that don't even matter.

YOu were in traffic, you come into the office and it isn';t as cool as you would like it. you come into the office, alredy mad because you didn't get the parking spot you wanted and your in a place you don't want to be. furthermore, people don't even acknowledge you when you say hi to them. the boss comes in and tells you what you need to do, and then leaves. to many everyday of this for i dunno 3-4 years will drive them nuts. is it the external world, or is it because the person doesn't agree with it and thus feels bad.

you can still think you are right, but why give up your serenity if things don't happen the way you think they should? this what it is meant be creating reality. don't give up the inside world because the outside is a piece of garbage. can't we still do things on a preference level rather than on a demanding level?


--------------------
Annnnnnd I had a light saber and my friend was there and I said "you look like an indian" and he said "you look like satan" and he found a stick and a rock and he named the rock ooga booga and he named the stick Stick and we both thought that was pretty funny. We got eaten alive by mosquitos but didn't notice til the next day. I stepped on some glass while wading in the swamp and cut my foot open, didn't bother me til the next day either....yeah it was a good time, ended the night by buying some liquor for minors and drinking nips and going to he diner and eating chicken fingers, and then I went home and went to bed.---senior doobie


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Offlinecastaway
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Re: being responsible for your feelings [Re: kaiowas]
    #2418300 - 03/11/04 08:45 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I gained serenity once when I wanted to be happy, but lost it when I wanted to understand. Serenity is a worthwhile goal I think and perhaps understanding is over-rated. I'm still in the pursuit of happiness but realize that serenity is limiting in its scope. The truly serene cannot interact and therefore live in a limited reality (ant-like I guess...nothing wrong with that)


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OfflineFrog
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Re: being responsible for your feelings [Re: kaiowas]
    #2418374 - 03/11/04 09:14 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Nice topic.  Of course, I am always working on this, and I don't always get it right, but I learned this about 12 years ago, when I was in counseling. 

We will not be happy if we look to other people or to things for our happiness or fulfillment, or if we look to others or to things to blame for our unhappiness, or if we put ourselves in "victim" mode.

And yes, it's all about our perception, or making the agreement with yourself in your head.  I've had to go inside my head and have arguments with myself about what really matters, when it comes to possessions.  And I/we finally came to the conclusion that things don't really matter.  When things stopped mattering, my mind was freed up from worrying about having or obtaining or taking care of those things. 

All those emotions you listed - hate, jealousy, anger, resentment, frustration, pity, worry, anxiety and boredom - they are overcome by us taking control over our lives and not being victims. 

For instance, if I am meeting someone and that person is late, I am not going to sit there and be a victim of that person's tardiness and slowly boil into a temper.  I take control of my situation and decide how long I will wait, and what I will do in the meantime, to pass the time. 

My ex used to use my toothbrush, and I hated that.  Really, really hated that.  I would be pissed inside, and no matter how much I nicely asked, he kept using it.  So, one day I thought of a solution.  I hid it in my drawer.  He didn't use it any more and I wasn't resentful any more.

Of course, there are bigger events in our lives that are worse than what I just mentioned.  I won't go into the worst thing that happened to me, when my divorce started, but there was something else that happened at about the same time.

I was renting an office from an attorney, who was going to refer to me family law cases and I would give him a 25% referral fee.  These were his clients for whom he was doing other types of law, who just ended up needing a divorce, and he didn't want to refer them out to another law office.

He would collect the money, then write me a check for 75% of the fee.  I found out, about a year after we started doing this, that he had been collecting more than he had told me, and so therefore was getting more than the 25% to which he was entitled. 

Yes, I was pissed, but more than that I was extremely hurt because I trusted him.  He was a "Christian", and went to church every Sunday, and talked about God, and the Universe, and just sounded really good. 

I wanted to hurt him back, but I had already learned by this point that fighting with someone only escalates the problems and makes me feel worse.  I absolutely hate fighting.  It makes my head hurt. 

So, first, I asked God to get even for me.  :grin:  Then, I simply moved out.  I felt better taking control of my situation.  I wasn't stuck there, dependent  on him, although he thought I was because he didn't think I had any other alternatives.  But there are always other alternatives. 

Everything ended up working out in the end, money-wise.  Let me tell ya, he lost some clients over that deal to me.  Some of them went with me, and not because I pulled anything.  As I talked to some of the clients, and found out more, I found out he had lied about other things.  I was happy to clear the lies up, and they didn't want to stay with a liar.  So he was hurt in the end.  I didn't need to go through the books and figure out how much he had ripped me off for.  My peace of mind was worth more than anything he might owe me financially.  And by not embroiling myself in a battle, it freed my mind up to think about other things I could do to make money. 

There are many tricks to dealing with situations that cause all the emotions that Kaiowas listed.  We don't have to be victims of circumstance.  It all comes down to how you think about whatever situation, learning to think about it differently, and taking control in a creative way.


--------------------
The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard


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InvisibleSkorpivoMusterion
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Re: being responsible for your feelings [Re: kaiowas]
    #2418388 - 03/11/04 09:25 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Yes! Very good Post. It all stems...From Within

:wink:


--------------------
Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.


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Invisiblekaiowas
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Re: being responsible for your feelings [Re: SkorpivoMusterion]
    #2418404 - 03/11/04 09:39 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

"Serenity is a worthwhile goal I think and perhaps understanding is over-rated."

i consider serenity the means to the goal of happiness. continuous happiness or bliss is what most of us want.

Frog, you showed some great examples that many of us could relate to or learn from (or both!)

Why not use anger instead of the opposite? how do we use any negative emotions? easy! when you get mad or angry, that's just your ego and rational mind telling you "this isn't the way i think it should be" But we all know that you can't really change what's happening right? so thinking about should's and shouldn't doesn't help, does it? it isn't the reality of the situation...

focus and see why you got mad and see if you can slowly tell yourself to change that. WE can do that right? if we know that most suffering is pointless and useless, then we also know that it is only you that gets mad when something happens. Be specific, desires can work on even the smallest levels that will get you in a negative loops within seconds.

Like in traffic...you may not agree with it, and that's fine. but can we not stress about it? you can't change traffic, and it doesn't help you to feel frustrated or worried because you don't agree with it. bliss is available right now...we jsut have to let ourselves experience it.


--------------------
Annnnnnd I had a light saber and my friend was there and I said "you look like an indian" and he said "you look like satan" and he found a stick and a rock and he named the rock ooga booga and he named the stick Stick and we both thought that was pretty funny. We got eaten alive by mosquitos but didn't notice til the next day. I stepped on some glass while wading in the swamp and cut my foot open, didn't bother me til the next day either....yeah it was a good time, ended the night by buying some liquor for minors and drinking nips and going to he diner and eating chicken fingers, and then I went home and went to bed.---senior doobie


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OfflineFrog
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Re: being responsible for your feelings [Re: kaiowas]
    #2418423 - 03/11/04 09:45 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I think Skorpivo is cheating when, instead of responding with a new post, he simply posts a link to a previous post. That is sheer laziness and the behavior is deserving of at least one demerit.


--------------------
The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard


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OfflineMAIA
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Re: being responsible for your feelings [Re: Frog]
    #2418727 - 03/11/04 11:57 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Frog, nobody is obliged to give a straight answer. Also the linked thread as something to do with this one.
It's ok :wink: .

MAIA


--------------------
Spiritual being, living a human experience ... The Shroomery Mandala



Use, do not abuse; neither abstinence nor excess ever renders man happy.
Voltaire


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OfflineFrog
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Re: being responsible for your feelings [Re: MAIA]
    #2418793 - 03/11/04 12:25 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I hope your response to my post takes into consideration that I was just teasing Skorpivo.  If not, my apologies.  I forgot to do the little smiley face thingy.  :grin:


--------------------
The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard


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InvisibleSkorpivoMusterion
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Re: being responsible for your feelings [Re: Frog]
    #2418828 - 03/11/04 12:44 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

And here I thought you must've woke up on the wrong side of the bed, had your shoes on too tight, going through a bad hair day, and riding the crimson tide. Sheesh. :grin:

:wink:


--------------------
Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.


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Offlinepeleg
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Re: being responsible for your feelings [Re: MAIA]
    #2418843 - 03/11/04 12:51 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

surrender is a key word here that comes to mind...By holding on to desires thts what brings about suffering,but by forgiven others we are forgiven by loving others we experince love, and so on....In giving we recieve, not to be placed on selfish desires but a pure and honest motive.


--------------------
"Well the first days are the hardest days." When life looks like easy street there is danger at your door.....


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OfflineFrog
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Re: being responsible for your feelings [Re: SkorpivoMusterion]
    #2419383 - 03/11/04 03:45 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

SkorpivoMusterion said:
And here I thought you must've woke up on the wrong side of the bed, had your shoes on too tight, going through a bad hair day, and riding the crimson tide. Sheesh. :grin:

:wink:





Actually, I had a good night's sleep, woke up early, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, went for a run, and came back feeling like a smart-ass.  :wink:


--------------------
The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard


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Invisiblekaiowas
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Re: being responsible for your feelings [Re: peleg]
    #2433506 - 03/15/04 02:45 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

"surrender is a key word here that comes to mind...By holding on to desires thts what brings about suffering,but by forgiven others we are forgiven by loving others we experince love, and so on....In giving we recieve, not to be placed on selfish desires but a pure and honest motive. "

is it surrender, or is it acceptance?


--------------------
Annnnnnd I had a light saber and my friend was there and I said "you look like an indian" and he said "you look like satan" and he found a stick and a rock and he named the rock ooga booga and he named the stick Stick and we both thought that was pretty funny. We got eaten alive by mosquitos but didn't notice til the next day. I stepped on some glass while wading in the swamp and cut my foot open, didn't bother me til the next day either....yeah it was a good time, ended the night by buying some liquor for minors and drinking nips and going to he diner and eating chicken fingers, and then I went home and went to bed.---senior doobie


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