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something so right... could it be wrong?
    #503828 -

has anyone ever known something to feel so perfect and believe that it is the right thing, only to have it fall out of reach due to circumstances beyond their control?

i shroomed last night with - among others - my old girlfriend. all in all the night was wonderful, filled with spectacular feelings and insight and the general euphoria that has been present during all my trips. the only difference was that this time the previously known unspoken bond between me and that girl was severed. on the few occasions our eyes met throughout the night, i was left wanting more. i wanted to feel her, not in a physical way, but entirely emotionally. i wanted to connect. all i have desired for the past months has been the love of this girl. i don't care where i live, i don't care what i eat, i don't care if i'm rich, i don't care if i'm poor, i don't care what school i go to, i don't care what job i end up with, the only care i have in my mind is the yearning want of the magical connection i had with this girl. yet she tells me it cannot be... not that there are other people, for i asked what someone else could provide her that i couldn't and there came no reply other than that she simply doesn't want a relationship. but how could it be that the power that kept us together for so long and kept us loving each other could cease to exist almost instantaneously when neither one of us did anything to wrong the other?

people change and in most cases i see it for the worse. i hear people tell me that if something is meant to be then everything will work out. i have been told by that girl over the past few days that i needn't worry because everything will be fine. all i can say is that i'm not so sure. so many thoughts, so little language, so little time... the time keeps ticking away the chances for reconciliation. what am i to do? how many of you believe in fate? up until now i have not. i only hope i am wrong and that fate may bring my soul to rest calmly once more in the sea of love and contentedness that i once knew so well.


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┼ ··∙   long live the shroomery  ∙·· ┼
...╬π╥ ╥π╬...

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Re: something so right... could it be wrong? [Re: geokills]
    #503867 -

Hey man..

It could be that she doesn't have feelings for you anymore, and it's not something that you or she can control. There is nothing wrong with either of you, thats just the way that things can work out. I think its best to just try your best to accept it (that is, unless she is going through a temporary phase), but try and move on.
Your love deserves someone who can requite it, and there is someone out there for you.

Best of luck my friend.

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Re: something so right... could it be wrong? [Re: geokills]
    #504169 -

This probably wont mean much at the moment, but it looks like it is a relationship come and gone, you need to get over her, and direct your thinking to something else. Its harsh but its true - the human mind is very adaptable, and the feelings you have about her will easily fade to be just occasional thoughts, wondering how she is doing. I definitely dont think you should be shrooming with her, you could make the situation a lot worse and never leave things amicably.

I hope things work out ok for you :)

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Re: something so right... could it be wrong? [Re: geokills]
    #504258 -

Whatever happens is right. Hmm, damn...cool.
Let go.
You'll find it, just don't look so hard.


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I'm praying for infinite lapdances in heaven and an infinite supply of cocaine to snort out of Angelina Jolie's ass crack.

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Re: something so right... could it be wrong? [Re: geokills]
    #504363 -

My situation to a T, bro. I know how bad it sucks. Except Bec occasionally ALMOST comes around and things ALMOST get back to old times again for a few days/week then shit hits the fan all over again. But I care for her too much just to give up without trying to reconcile things.

Love is the most beautiful, enjoyable thing in the world. I really understand what you are going through and wish i could tell you what to do; when/if I figure it out, I'll let you know. I tell myself just to let things go because they are out of my control, not to analyze/worry over things.... easier said than done, when you want something so incredibly bad.

Bec and I are planning on shrooming together on NYE... probably not the smartest thing, but who knows, it could unlock something within her that allows her to accept us as us again...

I'm rambling. I'll stop. I'm sorry about your situation, Geokills.

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Re: something so right... could it be wrong? [Re: ]
    #504886 -

>Except Bec occasionally ALMOST comes around and things ALMOST get back to old times again for a few days
your situation is incredibly similar to mine. the first couple days that this girl came back from vacation were smooth. we could have fallen back into the old rhythm with ease, however we never quite did. and i always tell myself not to worry about things i cannot control, but that was so much easier when she was living hundreds of miles away. now that she's back in town it's brought back all the pain and then some. i also find it interesting that you're planning on shrooming on NYE - because we were also, either that or acid (which neither of us has tried, and which is why i have decided i will not be doing the acid).

>the feelings you have about her will easily fade to be just occasional thoughts, wondering how she is doing.
they had faded, but seeing her again and being with her on a daily basis for the past week or so has slammed them all into my head again. i don't know what to do.

i never realized how much people can change in such a short amount of time. i can see the old girl behind those eyes that i had shared the most incredible years of my life with, but it's as if that person is locked behind an impenetrable wall that i will never be able to knock down. i can see my happy place but i just can't get to it. i guess i'll have to do my best to simply forget about it, god knows i've tried...

thanks for the comments people, it's nice to know that there are others out there in very difficult situations as well as myself. although i wouldn't want anyone to feel the way i do, it's somehow comforting knowing others deal with the same shit. good luck peachman, i hope you will find yourself back in that happy place soon enough


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┼ ··∙   long live the shroomery  ∙·· ┼
...╬π╥ ╥π╬...

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Re: something so right... could it be wrong? [Re: geokills]
    #504997 -

Listen to carefully to one who has walked the same road that you are on several times. I, too, have loved fully and would have done everything to win back my love. Sometimes I have wasted years waiting for my "true love". Don't be a shmuck like I have been.

Here is what you need to do, no matter how difficult or painful:

1. STOP telling her, you love her, want her, need her, would do anything for her, etc.

2.STOP telling yourself, you love her, want her, need her, would do anything for her, etc.

3.STOP telling your friends and family, you love her, want her, need her, would do anything for her, etc.

4. Start dating all kinds of women, even if you are not that interested. Get more comfortable with them. Practice flirting and teasing.

5. Get your life together. Start accumulating power. Women love men with money, position, self-assurance, a good physique, positive outlook. etc.

6. Don't give a shit.

Several things may happen.

She will get curious as to why you stopped lamenting her and contact you. When she does, she will be strongly attracted to the new you as "real" women despise dependent men and adore men that can't be controlled.

You will meet someone else that you like better. As you build your charisma, you will magnetize many new and beautiful women to you.




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The proof is in the pudding.

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Re: something so right... could it be wrong? [Re: geokills]
    #505010 -

<>

Exactly. It really feels like Becca is making a concious effort not to let things get back to old times, for whatever reason. She's turned part of her personality 'off'... or maybe that is my own wishful thinking and she has really changed. But then there are *moments* when things are perfect all over again. So I don't know.

I hope things work out for you too, Geokills. Believe me, i know how bad this sucks. And bec and i aren't shrooming together tomorrow now... one of her friends (who i hate) told her she wouldn't enjoy it. and, for whatever reason, she trusts this bitch, who has tripped maybe twice, more than she does me. whatever. at least we are still spenind NYE together (for the time being, that is the plan, anyway)

Swami- hmmm. i doubt whether you have experienced real love if you are that willing to just give it up. I don't want a girl who is attracted to me because i have money or power or whatever. thats fake. real love can never be based on wealth or position. This isn't a dig at you, i just don't understand how someone who has been honestly in love could advocate that course of action. then again, you may be much wiser than i, and i've just yet to realize my errors in beliefs.

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Re: something so right... could it be wrong? [Re: ]
    #505031 -

As Billy Bob used to say dude "I feel your pain"

My wife and I met on the internet about 2 1/2 years ago. During our time together sometimes she will go into a blind rage and will run my ass, and my family down for hours on in. (usally when I'm haveing an otherwise "good day") I try to let her blow off steam but I can only take it to a point and then I start giveing her the same mediciene. Most people would discribe this as a love/hate relationship and that it cant work. I know that I dont provoke her in this way. Whats really odd is that our love is realy very intense. The sex has never ever been better.

From my expierence, many women want a guy to fight back sometimes. A women might get real out of hand and say/do shit that she has no right to. At some point, I believe that a guy has to be a dick to his women. I guess what I'm getting at here, is that I recall you saying how she left you for like a week, then came back and you never wanted to know what she did during that week. Dude, in my opinion, you have to push the issue sometimes or she will never ever change.

I wish you the best sir.


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>>Jammer>>

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Re: something so right... could it be wrong? [Re: Jammer]
    #505309 -

Well, i'm relatively certain she didn't get with anyone else during that week (i don't think i ever said that i never wnated to know; i just knew not to press the issue just yet). not that it matters, really.
Thanks for all of the advice and kind words through all of this, Jammer.

Have a grand NYE!

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Re: something so right... could it be wrong? [Re: ]
    #505311 -

Hey man, I'm really good at giveing bad advice! - no prob.

Say, have you change for a $5 spot?

haha


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>>Jammer>>

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Re: something so right... could it be wrong? [Re: Jammer]
    #505331 -

its a shame that you told her that you want her, i believe the key is to not let them know, if somehow you could make her believe that you dont want her you may have a better chance. then go from there, you must make her love you regardless if she does at the moment, i hate to say it, but it might be to late


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If I didn't have such a great drive (golf) the American people would thing I wasn't working so hard. George W. Bush

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Re: something so right... could it be wrong? [Re: geokills]
    #505804 -

Dude---
I just checked you bio-info to see if you were my friend Nick! He just went through a break up and is saying EXACTLY the same things as you did! I really thought it was him. You're not alone...

What I told my friend was: every time she rejects you it just hurts you even deeper. Date other people (which he said he didn't want to do right now). So I said, Then be safe but have the time of your life with "the guys" (my friend is 16). Don't be stupid and don't even party (my friend's been in drug treatment for like seven months now) just enjoy the time you have with your friends. There will be time enough to date when you feel like it again but relax-get away from it!

My friend hasn't taken my advice yet. He goes through down and depressed times and just talks about getting back together with this girl. (I've even caught him and pointed it out to him that he still calls her his girlfriend. They broke up like 3mths ago.) I told him he was addicted to her and he was just hurting himself with this dream of getting back together.

You have one picture and feeling of what is right---she seems to have another picture/feeling...

...and if you're like my friend, you're probably thinking, "Yeah but she'll never find anyone that will treat her as good as I would"...
...peace out hurting brother...Tannis

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Re: something so right... could it be wrong? [Re: Swami]
    #505939 -

I love what Swami said. That was so powerful and real. It really showed wisdom and knowledge,and yes, women love those things too! Lettting Go Works!!

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Re: something so right... could it be wrong? [Re: ]
    #505949 -

In reply to:

It really feels like Becca is making a concious effort not to let things get back to old times, for whatever reason. She's turned part of her personality 'off'... or maybe that is my own wishful thinking and she has really changed.

it's interesting that you just stole a thought from my head and wrote it down before i got the chance :wink:, that is very nearly how i feel. 

In reply to:

I don't want a girl who is attracted to me because i have money or power or whatever. thats fake

i feel the exact same way.  i don't want to play the same games most people are playing.  i just want to find someone that i can vibe with while still allowing me to be whoever/whatever i am.  that's how the old relationship used to feel, in a word: perfect. 

swami - i totally feel like i am the schmuck in this situation too.  i'm here stressing, completely depressed while she doesn't seem to care much about it at all, so i ask myself, why am i wasting my time?  but the answer i come up with seems fair enough, that i she is the only thing i really want.  however it has dragged on long enough with no resolution, and therefore i suppose i will have to start letting go...

tannis - your advise is so good, but so hard to actually follow.  as it is, easier said then done.
In reply to:

...and if you're like my friend, you're probably thinking, "Yeah but she'll never find anyone that will treat her as good as I would"...

at the same time i think to myself, why should i even be concerned when she has showed so much lack of concern towards me?  it's a very confusing situation that i have been obsessing over for too long. 

thanks for all the advise


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┼ ··∙   long live the shroomery  ∙·· ┼
...╬π╥ ╥π╬...

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Re: something so right... could it be wrong? [Re: geokills]
    #507324 -

Probably doesn't make you feel any better, but the past two days, Bec and I have ALMOST (so incredibly close...) been back to old times. Its been absolute bliss... so there is hope, geokills.... hope things work out. For both of us.

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Re: something so right... could it be wrong? [Re: ]
    #509332 -

yea i saw that in some other post. congrats! well we went up to my cabin the other night and shroomed. and i can say it was also so incredibly close to the "old tyme feelin'", but i'm afraid it won't ever be complete again. she tells me that she loves me and how easy it would be to spark up our relationship again - it sounded as if she really wanted to be back together with me. but then came the tears when she explained how distraught she was when i didn't support her decision to go to a school in colorado back in the spring months last year. so aparently that was what caused this whole mess, and shit am i payin for it. i regret it and i tried to tell her that if she would just be open with her feelings and talk with me that situation might have been avoided... but that's neither here nor there, it's in the past and i can't do anything about it. i assured her that it was a huge mistake on my part, but the damage has been done. i only wish i could be givin' a second chance.

it's also a little strange because although i can fall back into the old rhythm so easily, she has definitely changed a lot and i don't really know who she is anymore. i keep finding out little bits and pieces of the person she has become. she is now experimenting with a lot of different drugs, as i found out when she told me she had tried x and when she said in the middle of a conversation, "yea, don't take painkillers with alcohol" and i found out she had tried a drug which she couldn't even recall the name of the night before she came home for winter break. i don't know if i'm being ridiculous, but i'm slightly concerned with her. she has also taken up smoking ~5 cigarettes a day in addition to drinking "all the time."

but again, i shouldn't judge other people, it's just startling to see a girl that i knew so well become so unknown to me.

happy to hear your story peachman... it does raise my spirits a little, but then again, i think i'm doing pretty well anyway. seeing how she has learned to bottle her feelings away to eliminate any emotional stress makes me second-guess if she is right for me. don't get me wrong, i love her with all my heart and would take her back in a split-second, however characteristics have surfaced which worry me.


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┼ ··∙   long live the shroomery  ∙·· ┼
...╬π╥ ╥π╬...

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