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InvisibleRebelSteve33
Amateur Mycologist
Male

Registered: 05/28/02
Posts: 3,774
Loc: Arizona
Is it wrong...?
    #1102756 - 12/02/02 02:39 AM (14 years, 10 months ago)

Is it wrong to hate a parent who helped create and raise you? Not necessarily to hate them, but to feel no love or compassion towards them whatsoever.

I feel like I am a bad person for not loving my father. What makes it worse is that he is the one who raised me for most of my life, not my mother. And I do feel love for my mother.

Of course I feel a certain amount of gratitude towards my father for doing all that he has done for me, but I am unable to feel any love towards him.

I don't even remember the last time that he or I have said 'I love you' to each other. I don't remember the last meaningful conversation that we've had. He values things like cars and computers, whereas I value things like nature and books. We have no common ground, and it's simply impossible for me to love him.

Is that wrong?


--------------------
Namaste.


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OfflineTeKn0
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Registered: 08/30/02
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Loc: ŵįţĥįń ? ?ŧąţĩ...
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Re: Is it wrong...? [Re: RebelSteve33]
    #1102796 - 12/02/02 02:52 AM (14 years, 10 months ago)

Must you have common ground to love someone?
You mean to say after being raised by him you don?t have any sort of unconditional love for this person?
I could understand where you are coming from, I have seen my father all of about 8-10 times in my entire life, I don?t think I love him, but if he were to come into my life again and became a part of it, I would most definitely try.
Are you sure you just don?t respect him, or his outlook on life, or does he treat you like shit?
But out of all that does he love you?
If you don?t know, why not ask?
And try and work it out with him, after all he is your father.
Good Luck :wink: 


--------------------
Listen, or your tongue will keep you deaf. :wink:
ŦēҜй? - ??ĜįĈ?? ҒűČҝĮńĜ ?đVǻŃčЄмЄńŦ


Edited by TeKn0 (12/02/02 02:53 AM)


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InvisibleSwami
Eggshell Walker

Registered: 01/19/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
Re: Is it wrong...? [Re: RebelSteve33]
    #1102923 - 12/02/02 03:20 AM (14 years, 10 months ago)

He values things like cars and computers, whereas I value things like nature and books.

*coughs hypocrite*

You are communicating this message how?


--------------------



The proof is in the pudding.


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InvisibleSclorch
Clyster

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 07/13/99
Posts: 4,805
Loc: On the Brink of Madness
Re: Is it wrong...? [Re: RebelSteve33]
    #1103475 - 12/02/02 11:24 AM (14 years, 10 months ago)

I know what you're talking about...

I have to put up with "oh that philosophy stuff... blah blah...", so I think I can relate. There's no law that mandates that you must have a strong bond with your parents... obviously. It's not wrong.

However, if he's trying to reach out (no indication of this...) and YOU aren't... that's not cool. Even if he's being selfish and trying to form a bond by inviting you into HIS world (though he never thinks of coming to yours)... he still has the intention of having a good relationship even though he doesn't understand that he is being selfish.

I still love my parents although they have very little in common with me. But then again, I'm lucky in that they love me back. If they were cold, uncaring, and distant... I'd definitely have a problem with it. I don't know what your father is like, so I can only tell you a little about how I cope with differences...

I just go along with "their" game and try to culture some flexibility in them (my parents). You can't just tell them what their faults are... you have to show it to them. But there's a certain way of doing such things. You have to show them something that they'll see and at the same time they have to percieve you as not trying to show this to them (Socratic method).


--------------------
Note: In desperate need of a cure...


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OfflineGrav
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Registered: 02/06/02
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Re: Is it wrong...? [Re: RebelSteve33]
    #1103544 - 12/02/02 12:00 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

Talk to him as honestly as possible.

If you're questioning this then you might not know how you really feel. Are you scared of something?


Edited by Grav (12/02/02 12:03 PM)


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OfflineDavid_Scape
Anti Genius
Male

Registered: 08/05/02
Posts: 878
Loc: U.S. of muthafuckin A.
Last seen: 8 years, 4 months
Re: Is it wrong...? [Re: RebelSteve33]
    #1103786 - 12/02/02 01:40 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

I feel the same way about my father. I can't help but feel pure annoyance in his presence. I try and be nice to him as much as possible, but it never works as smoothly as planned. I try and show him gratitude and appreciation but i just end up tolerating him.

The good thing on my side is that he has a couple intrests in common with me. And if i ever need him on somthing he's knowledgeable in he is a wealth of usefull information. The only time I somwhat enjoy his presence is when i'm having a conversation with him. I doubt however that this will serve as a springboard to love. I am guessing I will learn to love him more when i get older...


--------------------
focusing
Flow
The Enneagram


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Offlinepsilocybinist
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Registered: 12/01/02
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Last seen: 13 years, 9 months
Re: Is it wrong...? [Re: David_Scape]
    #1104162 - 12/02/02 03:55 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

I hate my father. For one he is a psycotic Scientologist. For two he is the most materialistic selfish son of a bitch I have ever met. My father thinks that he is the most enlightend person on the face of the earth and that everyone else is "implanted" and he is perfect. He also has no respect for my spiritual path of using shamanic hallucinogens. He also tells me that people use marijuana and psychedelics are the reason why the world is so fucked up. He is very verbaly abusive, all my life he has told me that I was a stupid little asshole and that I would never amount to anything. I have contaplated(sp) killing him many times just because I hate him that much. Another thing is he has 2 other children that he just completely abandoned along time ago.Plus two weeks before I was born he ran to florida and then came back to my mom about a month after I was alive. My dad is just basically a horrible excuse for a human being and I feel no love towards him whatsoever and I long for the day that he dies and I don't ever have to look at his ugly face ever again.


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InvisibleFreakQlibrium
Son of Uncle Meat
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Registered: 06/06/02
Posts: 19,058
Loc: Toronto Canada
Re: Is it wrong...? [Re: psilocybinist]
    #1104224 - 12/02/02 04:19 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

He also has no respect for my spiritual path of using shamanic hallucinogens

I have contaplated(sp) killing him many times just because I hate him that much.

I feel no love towards him whatsoever and I long for the day that he dies and I don't ever have to look at his ugly face ever again.

Perhaps yopu should consider another spiritual path as the one you are on doesn't seem to be filling you with love and compassion.....



--------------------
"Being crazier than a shithouse rat is not sufficient grounds for banishment"



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Offlinepsilocybinist
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Registered: 12/01/02
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Re: Is it wrong...? [Re: FreakQlibrium]
    #1104259 - 12/02/02 04:31 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

I am full of love and compassion. I have forgiven my dad for his actions many times and enough is enough. Im tired of his bullshit and his hatred towards me and everyone else. He is incapable of feeling love and compassion, he doesn't want it he is happy being miserable and he wants everyone else around him to be miserable too.


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Offlinepsilocybinist
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Registered: 12/01/02
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Re: Is it wrong...? [Re: psilocybinist]
    #1104269 - 12/02/02 04:36 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

and who are you to think I am not on the right path? Just because of one stupid post on the internet you think you know me. Maybe im not on the right path, maybe I should become a catholic priest and sexually abuse little boys or some shit and then I would be on the right path then wouldn't I???


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InvisibleFreakQlibrium
Son of Uncle Meat
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Registered: 06/06/02
Posts: 19,058
Loc: Toronto Canada
Re: Is it wrong...? [Re: psilocybinist]
    #1104388 - 12/02/02 05:21 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

I am full of love and compassion.
LOL! Your words are ample testimony to THAT fact :grin:

Who are you to tell me I'm not on the right path?

Once again your anger clouds your ability to see what i actualy said......all i did was to "suggest you consider" an alternate path, i did not ask that you do it as a dogmatic tautology......sheesh..... 


--------------------
"Being crazier than a shithouse rat is not sufficient grounds for banishment"



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InvisibleSwami
Eggshell Walker

Registered: 01/19/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
Re: Is it wrong...? [Re: psilocybinist]
    #1104399 - 12/02/02 05:27 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

Sounds like you do not have the vaguest notion of what forgiveness is.


--------------------



The proof is in the pudding.


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Offlinepsilocybinist
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Registered: 12/01/02
Posts: 135
Last seen: 13 years, 9 months
Re: Is it wrong...? [Re: Swami]
    #1104450 - 12/02/02 05:41 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

I don't even talk to my dad anymore. I havn't talked to him in about 2 years. And it seems like some of you people on here are really good at judging other people when maybe you need to be worried about your own lifes than some complete stranger YOu have no clue about.


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InvisibleSwami
Eggshell Walker

Registered: 01/19/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
Re: Is it wrong...? [Re: psilocybinist]
    #1104468 - 12/02/02 05:47 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

Judgement? A desire to kill someone is hardly indicative of a state of forgiveness, now is it?


--------------------



The proof is in the pudding.


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Offlinepsilocybinist
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Registered: 12/01/02
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Re: Is it wrong...? [Re: psilocybinist]
    #1104489 - 12/02/02 05:53 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

And I am full of love and compassion but I also have alot of hatred to. My problem is I let shit get under my skin and my pety anger goes to my head. I have been trying very hard to overcome this. And mushrooms are really helping because I used to be alot worse. But I can atleast recognize it and im tryin my damndest to overcome it.THe above posts about me goin on about my father is a prime example of how I let stupid shit like my father get under my skin but the thing is no one has ever pissed me off as bad as my dad. When I used to live with him we would gett into the worse cuss fights you could imagine. But the last time I talked to my dad he was screaming at me trying to belitttle me and I didn't say A word and decided the best thing would be for me and him just to not see each other anymore or I would end up probably killing him.


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Offlinepsilocybinist
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Registered: 12/01/02
Posts: 135
Last seen: 13 years, 9 months
Re: Is it wrong...? [Re: psilocybinist]
    #1104513 - 12/02/02 06:04 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

Oh! And nobody as ever pissed you off to the point you wanna choke the last breath out of em. Every time me and my dad try to talk he pisses me off to that point by calling me stupid and a little asshole. You don't know my dad so you really have no idea of what kind of person he is. If you tried to talk to him about spirituality, religion, and what reality is and he started tellin you were stupid and you don't know anything about anything and that he knows everything about everything, you can't tell me you wouldn't wannna kick his ass. Me he pisses me off pass the point of kicking his ass but I wanna joke the last breath out of him because he pisses me off to that point and that's the reason I won't talk to him.


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InvisibleSwami
Eggshell Walker

Registered: 01/19/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
Re: Is it wrong...? [Re: psilocybinist]
    #1104594 - 12/02/02 06:29 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

Oh! And nobody as ever pissed you off to the point you wanna choke the last breath out of em.
Why would I? I am not so uncentered that a mere harsh word or gesture could cause me to forget all the teachings and discipline.

Every time me and my dad try to talk he pisses me off to that point by calling me stupid and a little asshole.
If there is truth in that statement then what are you angry at? If there is not truth in that statement, then why would a falsehood upset you?

You don't know my dad so you really have no idea of what kind of person he is.
Irrelevant. People are what they are, not what you want them to be. Learn to control yourself.

If you tried to talk to him about spirituality
What good is talk? Why not demonstrate your loving awareness of the cosmic all? Seems you have not grasped the basics, so what could you possibly share?



--------------------



The proof is in the pudding.


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Offlinepsilocybinist
member
Registered: 12/01/02
Posts: 135
Last seen: 13 years, 9 months
Re: Is it wrong...? [Re: Swami]
    #1104603 - 12/02/02 06:33 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

Alright Swami, you are right and Im in the wrong here. Im sorry I ever even tried to discuss anything with your holiness. If only I could be perfect like you me and my dad would get along and I wouldn't have to post about my problems on the internet.


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InvisibleSwami
Eggshell Walker

Registered: 01/19/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
Re: Is it wrong...? [Re: psilocybinist]
    #1104650 - 12/02/02 06:50 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

Thought you wanted some feedback else why post in a public forum?

Here, let me try again:

Your dad is a jerk and you are correct in wanting to strangle him. Anyone that does not want to discuss spirituality should have their head bashed in until they listen to your words of love.

Better?


--------------------



The proof is in the pudding.


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Offlinepsilocybinist
member
Registered: 12/01/02
Posts: 135
Last seen: 13 years, 9 months
Re: Is it wrong...? [Re: Swami]
    #1104670 - 12/02/02 06:58 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

I didn't say he didn't wanna talk about spirituality he just won't let you say anything and tries to push his scientologist ways on other people. I just wanna talk to my dad with out him losing his temper and screaming at me and calling me names. Is that to much to ask?


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