Alright, so this is strange to write... i think ive written it before.
(sorry, very long, the jyst is in bold.)
Anyways, after leaving home and being back for a few weeks.. and seeing my mothers irrational actions, and the way things are going - here goes;
The background: When i was in grade 2 my parents divorced, my mom left my dad without telling him, moved everything out of his house, took me and his last paycheque and wouldnt let him see me or know where i lived (when he practically raised me) Traumatizing and whatever.. ive always heard what a bitch she is from my dad..
K, so i was put into homeschool after grade 3 and in grade 4 practically lived with my mom at college while she got her ESL teaching degree and then we nursed my great grandmother her mothers mother to death.. at which point she finished school and met this dude. Sam. They got married i was best man..
A year and a bit later her mother, my grandmother (a wealthy spunky active awesome women of 53) contracted breast cancer which promptly moved through her body.. Again i was taken out of school and we travelled alot, and nursed her to death (i was in grade 6-7)...
So.. after that, with Sam... we uprooted and moved to Oliver (a small orchard town) because we inherited their property, her father became an isolated alcoholic... and we just got 300,000... Things didnt work out there for work and friends and life...
So we came back home...
So basically here's where the problem begins: We move back home, my mom has just gotten her degree and quits teaching college and it seems she's developed mysterious chronic pain. She cries in her sleep, and aches... but she's still active and loving and fun... and gradually over the next year degraded into a pale frail human being seeing every doctor and specialist under the sun. No diagnosis, she's had surgery and every pain killer... and no diagnosis. Talking to her doctor in private after 2 years of this, he agreed "good things come to those who help themselves."
Its been 5 years.. and she's active in the garden (our yard is amazing) and she'll be out there until midnight sometimes, but she's a total utter bitch to Sam who provides everything, makes meals, does groceries, has sacrificed his social life (and probably made alot of people wonder), does laundry, does ALL the house renovations after she'll randomly rip up the carpet or knock down a fence or order wood flooring materials while he's at work on HIS credit cards...
its ridiculous, she's completely irrational, she has NO friends, She's cut herself off from her father (who is a raging drunk) but said he would pay for her to go get any treatment anywhere in the world, has cut herself off from her family, talks to my dog and these tadpolls in her pond as if they were people, bitches and complains at all the good things in her life and offers made towards her, issue's demands all the time...
She's eating upwards of 10 extra strength tylenol each day, and Benadryl to counteract the allergic reactions (surely delerium inducing amounts!) - she cannot drive and always breaks things. She refuses to cook meals, or go shopping, or even go for coffee or icecream or vacation...
Since ive been back, ive talked with Sam (we're closer than we've ever been.) and he's had it... ( i would too! ).. and its a horrible position to walk out on someone whose needy, but he says things have got to change or he's going to have to leave. She's utterly irrational, unloving and unappreciative and he is ALL she has. he took care of me in my less than friendly highschool days.. and he's awesome. I definately love him like my father.. My mother i have a little more trouble with.
ive argued with her a few times, but its pointless. The conversation goes in circles and she'll say one thing and do another. She doesnt even realize what she's doing, even when you point it out to her. She'll just turn the blame on you.
He's had it. And she's fucked without him. She's a good lookin lady.. I just want her to be healthy, I want her to go out, to have friends, to enjoy life, and for Sam to have a lover...
Anyways, Id like to know... 1st about how to educate her on what these pills are doing to her and emotional strategies to help her help herself.
She's got every financial oppurtunity and ive expressed overly how much shes cared about and all we want is for her to enjoy life again.
She keeps making excuses. She's living in this garden wonderland and no one else is allowed inside her world. She's isolated and her opinions get formed from the TV.. she wont even sleep with Sam. This is horrible for a women with every advantage, who was once educated..
She lives off cigarettes, coffee and OTC pills..
I told her to just get off everything - and she tells me i havent walked a day in her shoes.
Mom - if you can swing a hammer, or carry a plant - you can make dinner, or exercise rational buying and renovation strategies. If you can stand for 8 or 10 hours a day - you can show your husband some affection..
Im scared she's going to loose everything and i sure as hell cant be there for her - its like connection to a brick wall.
In my mind - i think that her body is reacting to her emotional distress of losing her mother, a bond i dont think she ever severed - she was independant but connected at the hip (i see patterns repeating, fuck its scary)
So basically, i think its all in her head, a psychosomatic reaction to her mothers death. And i think she'll make excuses and continue to be in pain until she accepts the fact that she's gone and has to move on.
Anyways, alot to talk about... i hope someone can.. at least talk to me about it.
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