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OfflinePsilygirl
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problems with trust...
    #3030436 - 08/20/04 11:59 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

hola... wow i've never posted in here before looking for advice... but i feel its finally time to come to terms with some things and this is the best way i see fit at the moment... bear with me this might be long...

i have been with my bf for almost a year now, and i love him so much and i see myself being with him for a long time to come.

problem is, when i was a junior in high school i discovered my dad was sleeping with another woman.  i didnt know who to turn to or what to do; my mom is so beautiful, and so kind and would never hurt anyone--just one of the best people ever put on this good earth.  i had always loved my dad very much and we are very much alike in our personalities--almost identical.  it was hard to think someone i respected so much could hurt someone so wonderful, i had always looked up to my father sooo much.

anyways, long story short, i think this is affecting my current relationship.  my bf is not the most romantic guy in the world (and i'm a hopeless romantic) and sometimes that gets me down, but alot of times i feel like i cant control alot of emotions--mostly jealousy and insecurity.  i dont trust him when he goes out without me, even though i know i should.  i feel unloved because he's not romantic (even though he loves me) and i feel unattractive because i dont look like a porn star (my dad had a porn fetish)

i dont know if my father is the reason for all of these relationship issues, but i need them to be resolved, we fight more than we should over silly stuff.  how do i move on from this?  i guess i'm just afraid that if someone as wonderful and beautiful as my mother can get hurt and screwed over, i can too.  plus i've had my share of past relationships that hurt so much it just adds to the insecurity.  theres so many factors; but i just feel like i cant be comfortable ever.  and everyone i talk to is like "you're so smart, beautiful, nice blah blah" but i just cant ever believe that a guy might feel truly deeply loving towards me.

any thoughts are welcome; this is mosty just an expression of thoughts.

thanks
:sun:


oh yeah, my dad doesnt know i know.


--------------------
"Love says 'I am everything.' Wisdom says 'I am nothing.' Between the two, my life flows."


Puget Sound Mycological Society


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Invisiblefunkymonk
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Re: problems with trust... [Re: Psilygirl]
    #3030507 - 08/21/04 12:21 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Is this your first serious relationship?


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OfflinePsilygirl
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Re: problems with trust... [Re: funkymonk]
    #3030517 - 08/21/04 12:23 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

no, the first one i was in i got really emotionally screwed over. that was in like 10th grade before the stuff with my dad happened.

then i dated my best friend on and off for a few years, and he was so amazing to me. thats why its sometimes hard to be with my bf now; my best friend really knew how to love me, he was so romantic, but i didnt love him the way he loved me.

ahh its confusing i dont know.


--------------------
"Love says 'I am everything.' Wisdom says 'I am nothing.' Between the two, my life flows."


Puget Sound Mycological Society


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Offlinecrusher101
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Re: problems with trust... [Re: Psilygirl]
    #3030968 - 08/21/04 02:12 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

i would think that it would have been a mistake to date your best friend and this guy may be sleeping around and he may not but it all depends on if u can really trust somebody ... when u can trust somebody then u have found somebody that u can date


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OfflineUnenlightenedOne
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Re: problems with trust... [Re: Psilygirl]
    #3031376 - 08/21/04 04:13 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

The problem is this: You are trying to compare your boyfriend to your father and your ex-bf.Your boyfriend is your boyfriend,your father is your father and your ex is your ex.Period.Just because your father cheated on your mother does NOT mean your boyfriend will do the same.You cannot possibly know every detail of your parents relationship nor the actual reason why your father cheated.Things could have been wrong between them no matter how perfect it seemed or maybe your father cant commit.Theres a million and one reasons for anything.Secondly your ex-bf was romantic.Your current bf isnt.Different people have different ways of showing love and different ways of dating people.Just because your current bf isnt romantic does NOT mean he doesnt love you.Perhaps he doesnt know hwo to be romantic.Believe it or not that is a common problem.It sounds like you are not communicating very well with your bf.If something is bothering you you must talk it out with him.Good Communication is the blood and life of any relationship.Without it,it will die.If your bf's not being romantic bothers you talk to him about it.Maybe teach him what you would like him to do.Many guys simply dont know how to be romantic.Also YOU are NOT your mother.Justr because they had relationship problems does NOT mean you will.You need to learn to seperate people and things and realize that just because one person does something doesnt mean that everyone else will do the same thing.

You have deep seated trust issues because you were hurt/shocked by your father's adultery,which is causing you to assume all men are like him.This is not healthy.You also feel undesirable and unloved because you feel you dont measure up.This is also not good at all.I think you should seriously consider counseling to get these issues talked out and taken care of.You should probably involve your bf in it as well to help you talk out any issues with him.

Frankly,who the hell cares what your father does,likes or did...it has NO bearing on anyone elses relationship or life other than those he involved.He is not your boyfriend.Your boyfriend is not him.I feel sorry for your boyfriend because he hasnt done anything yet you are almost punishing him for what your father did and because he doesnt measure up to your ex which is not fair to him at all.Everyone is different and not everyone is the same or does the same things.

The shock/pain from your father's adultery and your low self esteem needs to be taken care of before you can have a healthy relationship.

Also it does not matter if a million past boyfriends cheated on you or hurt you.That still does not mean your current boyfriend will.He is him not anyone else but him.

And just so you know...guys generally do not go for porn star looks.Well not mature ones anyways lmao.Look around.How many people are married to or are dating someone with porn star looks?lmao Probably very few if any.Guys go for the girl next door type often times.One person can be gorgeous to one and ugly to another.Beauty is subjective.I persoally do NOT go for porn star looks.I find glammed up girls very unattractive.I personally go for an elegant,classy lady with fine taste.And she should wear light makeup.Enough to enhance her best features but not too much.One should never look like they are wearing makeup.lol.Their makeup should generally look very natural and subtle with a few exceptions.Not like porn stars who like to wear heavy eyeshadow and bright/very obvious lipsticks and etc...

Gentleman prefer ladies and immature boys go for pornstars types.The people who generally try to date porn star types are either 15 to ear twenties(ie 21 22 or so) or they have a peter pan complex(meaning they never want to grow up).My stepfather has a peter pan complex which is why at 42 years old he still runs around trying to romance youg women half his age and its also why he still acts like a teen boy.Thats precisely the cause of his divorce from my mom.He couldnt settle down and take care of all us kids and my mother and instead chose to refuse to grow up and took off.A handful of guys are like this.

As far as people telling you that you're smart,beautiful and nice...What does everyone you know have to gain by conspiring a mass lie lmao...chances are they are quite right.If the general consensus is that you're beautiful,smart and nice,you probably are and you're gonna have to live with that fact. :tongue: :grin: lol


--------------------
Do not desire to reach a high level.Rather work without thought of reward to iron out flaws and impurities in one's self for the sake of one's self.When one has done this one needs not to desire anymore. http://www.lifeforceonlinestore.com/yc/


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Offlinestefan
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Re: problems with trust... [Re: Psilygirl]
    #3031395 - 08/21/04 04:17 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

sounds like you know yourselfpretty good

indeed all of these things, insecurity/trust issues, probably have somethin to do with what your father did and your experiance with being threated bad by a boyfriend. these sort of things leave mental 'scars' that take a long time to heal.
I have been 'emotionally screwed over' too and automatically it affects your thoughts about other people even though it's probably completely not true about them, but that's just how the mind works unfortunately. You just have to learn to trust people again (wich isn't something that goes automatically, and isn't easy, I know).
>> i feel unloved because he's not romantic
maybe you shoud talk to your bf about this, lots of guys just don't know how to be romantic. you could learn him maybe. just say what you would like him to do/say sometimes or what you feel you need. If you're already together for a year he'll probably understand it.
>>and i feel unattractive because i dont look like a porn star
you should be glad you don't look like a porn star. be happy with the way you look, I've seen the pics and nothing to worry about :wink:

good luck with everyting :heart:


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OfflineUnenlightenedOne
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Registered: 08/12/04
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Re: problems with trust... [Re: crusher101]
    #3031397 - 08/21/04 04:17 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

i would think that it would have been a mistake to date your best friend and this guy may be sleeping around and he may not but it all depends on if u can really trust somebody ... when u can trust somebody then u have found somebody that u can date




I completely have to disagree with your line of thinking.Her issues arise from the personal trauma of her father's adultery not because her bf isnt trustworthy.She will continue to distrust all guys pretty much until she coems to terms with her father's adultery.

Just because one feels one can trust someone doesnt mean they are trustworthy.Feelings are often misleading.Also just because one feels someone cant be trusted doesnt mean they arent worthy of trust.Trust is always based on one's self rather than the other person.I mean someone could be a saint and people still might not trust them.


--------------------
Do not desire to reach a high level.Rather work without thought of reward to iron out flaws and impurities in one's self for the sake of one's self.When one has done this one needs not to desire anymore. http://www.lifeforceonlinestore.com/yc/


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InvisibleTheDude
is waiting forthe peak

Registered: 04/15/03
Posts: 2,876
Re: problems with trust... [Re: Psilygirl]
    #3031498 - 08/21/04 05:05 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

people can't be trusted, thats what ive learned so far. trusting or putting too much faith in some one will ONLY lead to you getting hurt. sure there may be great times but in the long run you will get hurt (and those great times may make the pain that much worse when you think 'what the hell happened, it was all so perfect?). my advice, don't trust anybody but yourself. i know thats not what you want to hear but its the only sound advice i can offer you. and before you think 'geez, whats wrong with this guy', my viewpoint is that i would rather not trust anybody and then be surprised when someone comes through than to trust people and be constantly disapointed (all from my experience, take it or leave it). best of luck though....


--------------------
"this lebowski he called himself 'the dude'. now, 'dude', that's a name no one would self-apply where i come from but there was a lot about the dude that didn't make sense to me...."--the Stranger


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Offlinesykobish
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Re: problems with trust... [Re: Psilygirl]
    #3031665 - 08/21/04 07:24 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

I must admit, I didn't read all of this because I didn't want to lose my train of thought.  So, bear with me if I'm regurgitating what someone else already said.

In your initial post, you mentioned that you felt like you weren't as good looking as some porn star.. That's your first mistake.  You need to work on the self esteem.  I know it's easier said than done because many of us feel that we aren't good enough to do something or we don't look good enough, etc.  You have to realize that you are a great person and if someone doesn't want to treat you the way you deserve to be treated, then they don't deserve you.

Your lack of self esteem or self worth may have sprouted from the bad relationships that you have encountered.  You feel that they didn't treat you well.. or they cheated on you.. etc.. you feel that you can't or don't deserve someone who will treat you like a princess. (I'm sorry if this is scattered and hard to follow.. My mind is going a mile a minute because I have so much I want to comment on and I don't exactly know where to start)

You said that one of your not so nice experiences occured before you realized or found out that your father did that to your mother.  That may have been the beginning and the fact that your father did that, someone that you respected and looked up to, it sure did a number on you.  Since you respect him so much, you ask yourself.. "Why? How could he do that?" And you carry that with you into every relationship that you begin.  You have a mistrust for men because of that, and because of your low self esteem and self worth and because of the men that did you wrong.

Everything else just makes you worry more, like when your man doesn't show you the attention or love that you need, you think that because of that, he doesn't love you.  Or that something is going on.

(My thoughts are so scattered.. mainly because I know what you are going thru and know how you feel because I feel the same.)

You find yourself saying in your head that "I shouldn't feel like this, he's never given me any valid reason to feel like this.." but you still do.  And it's hard to put it out of your mind.  You need to talk to him.  If you feel confident enough that you can tell him how you really feel, do it.  How long have you been with him?  If it hasn't been that long, it wouldn't be such a good idea to talk about your deep feelings right away.  You may scare him and he may think you are into it more than you should be.  If it's been quite a while, a year at least, let him know.  Tell him that you know that you shouldn't feel the way you do.. Tell him that you have trust issues with men, because of the past.  But also inform him that it's you.  Don't give him any reason to believe that it's his fault.  If he loves you and cares about you, he will want to help you and will go that extra little bit to make you feel better.  Even a wink or a smile when he feels that your anxiety is up.

Keep in mind, you are a great girl.  I don't know you in real life but I've seen your posts and you are always happy and sweet to everyone.  Work on the self esteem.  And your confidence.  It's hard.. I know.  But I'll help you if you would like.  PM me anytime.  Or catch me on aim.  My sn is sykobsh.  I'd love to talk to you more.  I felt like I had to reply because I know exactly how you feel and you aren't the only one.  I've been there and I'm still there.  But I'm working on it myself.  I wish you the best of luck with everything and remember, I'm here for you.  Anytime you need me.

Keep your chin up and know that I'm here.
:heart:


--------------------
I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.
-={Nite-Crew}=-

*-_Thread_Jacker_-*
To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind. - Th?ophile Gautier.
Seek not every quality in one individual - Confucius.
Global Living Space


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OfflinePsilygirl
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Re: problems with trust... [Re: sykobish]
    #3034149 - 08/21/04 09:49 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

thanks for all the responses :heart:  i really appreciate them.

i have told my bf all of these things and he's been really supportive.  and its exactly as syko said: i feel these things even though i know i shouldnt.

i realize i shouldnt compare people, but its hard.  i need to stop doing that.  i think thats my biggest problem.... i just dont know how to take the steps to get over some of the things that bother me from past relationships. 

and i've talked to my mother about the adultery.  i guess their relationship was bad at the time but i dont see how sleeping with another woman is an excuse.  i especially get nervous when things are rocky in my current relationship because he has purposefully hurt me behind my back with the same logic (i.e., we were in a fight).  i dont know.

anyways, thanks again for the response, and i'll respond again when my thoughts are less scattered...


--------------------
"Love says 'I am everything.' Wisdom says 'I am nothing.' Between the two, my life flows."


Puget Sound Mycological Society


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OfflinePsilygirl
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Re: problems with trust... [Re: Psilygirl]
    #3036056 - 08/22/04 01:31 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

wow, its amazing how much just writing out thoughts and hearing other people's responses can help.

my bf read my post and all of your responses, and we talked about it a good deal.

hopefully just being more open about it will help solve things.  maybe when i start to get jealous/insecure he can reference this post/these ideas and remind me that there is no valid basis for them.

thanks guys.  i hope all of this gets better, one step at a time.  dissassociating from painful things in the past isn't the easiest of tasks but i am willing to work at it.

:sun:


--------------------
"Love says 'I am everything.' Wisdom says 'I am nothing.' Between the two, my life flows."


Puget Sound Mycological Society


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InvisibleDoctorJ
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Re: problems with trust... [Re: Psilygirl]
    #3036099 - 08/22/04 01:44 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

I know excatly how you feel

some scars just never heal. no matter how much you realize that your feelings are irational, they just wont go away. they keep prying at the back of your mind and sometimes they are just impossible to ignore

the only advice I can give you is to try and live each new day of your life as if it was your first. try to see the potential in things instead of seeing dead ends everywhere. Try to realize that the future is not the past.

Pain is a very effective teacher, and sometimes its lessons are very difficult to unlearn. But you have to use your logical mind as a weapon against the emotions which have besieged you. try to avoid clinging to trhe patterns of the past, and realize that the universe before you is full of potential.


--------------------
peace, pot, and microdot!


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Offlinesykobish
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Re: problems with trust... [Re: Psilygirl]
    #3039712 - 08/23/04 03:28 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Anytime you wanna talk, you can catch me on aim. My screen name is in my profile and if I'm here, I'll reply. If not, I'll reply when I get in.

I'm glad to hear that things are going a little smoother. Just getting it off your chest is one huge step.

Next time you get those jealous or insecure moments, just sit down and step back so you can see the whole picture from a different prospective. Then ask yourself: Is there really a need for me to feel this way? Is it something he did.. or is it just me?


--------------------
I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.
-={Nite-Crew}=-

*-_Thread_Jacker_-*
To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind. - Th?ophile Gautier.
Seek not every quality in one individual - Confucius.
Global Living Space


Edited by sykobish (08/23/04 07:50 PM)


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OfflineUncleMike
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Re: problems with trust... [Re: Psilygirl]
    #3050046 - 08/25/04 09:11 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Sharing your feelings with him was the first place to start. Your're on the right track now.


--------------------
Live each day like it will be your last, tomorrow my never come.
SporeSmart


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Invisiblesilversoul7
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Re: problems with trust... [Re: Psilygirl]
    #3050283 - 08/25/04 10:04 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

First of all, about the trust thing:  It sounds like mentally you know you can trust him, but it's those damn emotions that get in the way(us Cancers really got screwed in that department, huh?).  Here's what ya do:  Next time he goes out with his friends and you feel that jealousy and insecurity coming on, take a deep breath(one of the most underrated stress relievers) and let it go.  Know that he loves you, and let that love warm you and comfort you, even in his absense.  Now, obviously that's easier said than done, but give it some practice, and eventually you will learn to have better control over your emotions.

As for the romantic thing, I feel ya.  I'm a hopeless romantic myself, and I can relate to that need for affection(unfortunately, that need ended up ruining my first relationship).  One way of getting past this which has worked for me is to think about and feel the love you have for each other, and know that that love is a greater gift than any physical expression of it.  Just feel the love wrapping around you like a blanket.  If need be, look into his eyes and actually see that love peering right back at you.  On the other hand, you should be able to demand that he be romantic at least some of the time.  A romantic candle-light dinner every now and then isn't too much to ask, is it?

Oh, and for the record, I think you'd make an awesome porn star. :thumbup:


--------------------


"It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong."--Voltaire


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OfflinePsilygirl
cyan goddess
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Re: problems with trust... [Re: silversoul7]
    #3055356 - 08/26/04 10:10 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

thanks for all the kind words, everyone.

this week has actually been a really great week! :sun:

making this thread--while i admit was an idea i had while being drunk by myself--has actually made a difference.  i feel better to talk about it with someone other than my boyfriend and get outside reassurance.

i think i knew all these things to begin with, but all your guys's comments have really helped reinforce it.  plus i think making this thread made my boyfriend realize how much some things really hurt, and he's been great :sun:

thanks guys, everyday is getting better! :heart:


--------------------
"Love says 'I am everything.' Wisdom says 'I am nothing.' Between the two, my life flows."


Puget Sound Mycological Society


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InvisibleKingOftheThing
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Re: problems with trust... [Re: Psilygirl]
    #3055684 - 08/26/04 11:27 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

i cant trust women anymore...its my curse...i refuse to have a girlfriend  :mad:


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OfflinePsilygirl
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Re: problems with trust... [Re: KingOftheThing]
    #3055782 - 08/26/04 11:42 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

i hope one day you can :sun:


i've realized what a beautiful thing a loving relationship is these past few months...


--------------------
"Love says 'I am everything.' Wisdom says 'I am nothing.' Between the two, my life flows."


Puget Sound Mycological Society


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Invisiblemyndreach
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Registered: 08/07/04
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Re: problems with trust... [Re: Psilygirl]
    #3056760 - 08/27/04 04:31 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

People may love each other, but the fact remains (especially with men) that being with the same woman for a while makes that woman become "comfortable" to you. This happens no matter how beautiful that woman is.

Men feel an intense excitement (women also, but men are weaker in this area I believe) when with someone "new". It's all up to the man to be strong enough to know not to fall into this trap.

Myself, for example...I have been with the same woman for what will be ten years this september. Started going "steady" sept18 1994, and got married sept18 1998. Part of the adjustment comes when that initial "infatuation" wears off. This happens to everyone, at different times. For some it is months, for others (myself) it was after a couple years. We went through some struggles, broke up for a few weeks, but stayed in touch, and then got back together. I saw someone else during those weeks, and fooled around a bit but never had sex with her.

I realized that this initial "rush" of the relationship, while exciting, is fleeting. The only true, lasting love, is the love that comes from knowing someone almost as yourself...and that only comes with years of being intimate with someone. The real beauty seen in someone is knowing them. My wife is tremendously beautiful physically, but I have only seen how truly beautiful she is after getting to really know her feelings, hopes, dreams, personality, etc.

I can now see her as a whole, beyond just being something sexually pleasing to look at.

I would take a lifetime of monogomy with someone I love and care for and know than a lifetime of fleeting, "exciting" relationships.

Not really answering your questions, but just stating something relevant I think to understanding your father's actions.


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