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I missed theark.

Registered: 10/10/02
Posts: 1,988
Loc: CA
My Mother...
    #1820790 - 08/16/03 08:30 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

As I'm growing up, I realize that I don't have a real mother, which is a very troubling and discouraging feeling.

When I was little, my parents got divorced and my Mom had me live with her. My Mom was my hero, I worshiped everything about her. Men followed her everywhere, which I thought was amazing. She had her own business and we lived in this huge house, everything was perfect.

Then, my older sister and my Mother started having problems. They fought about everything, and would always put me in between it. My sister even tried poisoning me to upset my Mother.

Things started getting really bad when I was around 7, to the point where my Mom would lock my sister and I in her closet for entire nights because she couldn't handle it. She would have men over every night, and beat my sister whenever she talked back to her.

One night, I tried to stand up to my Mom, when I was 12, and she took my sister and I into her room and beat us with belts for hours. I still have nightmares about this.

The day after that, she had my Dad take custody of me, and she was put in prison for tax fraud.

I now live with my Dad, and my Mom only contacts me when she needs something. I just feel incomplete knowing my Mom was never there for me when I was growing up, and now when I am becoming a woman...

People try and tell me to realize that she's crazy and that I shouldn't care about her, but I don't have a Mother in my life and it will always bother me.

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Jack's AlteredConsciousness

Registered: 03/29/03
Posts: 6,319
Loc: up on the bidet
Last seen: 4 years, 7 months
Re: My Mother... [Re: LeViTY] * 1
    #1820820 - 08/16/03 08:50 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

Hi Levity, I deeply sympathise with u. I realize it must have been
very difficult for u. I had a slightly abusive father while growing
up and he and my mom were always viciously fighting and then as
my brother got older he started to get violent and threaten my
dad to the point where the possibility existed that one of them
might do something crazy (I'm talking homocide crazy...). My brother
left home a few times and life was quite tough while growing up.
Interestingly my dad sez he regrets some of it, but he still yells
and loses his temper with my mom, I think he just can't help it, he
had a traumatic childhood as well. The important thing is to accept the past, make peace with it...u are here right now, this moment as
I type these very words is a snapshot in the Universe, and u have the power to go ahead and lead a happy life rich with love and
experiences. Forgive your mom, I know it's hard, but people do the
best that they can. We've been taught thro the media etc of how life "should be", and we're discouraged and feel robbed when our
own lives don't live up to that expectation. But don't feel that your
life is bad or empty "nothing is good or evil, but thinking maketh it so" -Shakespeare. I feel like I didn't have a father, and my mom didn't exactly live up to my expectations either, but all I can do is accept them for what they are, not just as my parents but as people
who tried the best that they could. Remember that u are loved, u
are never alone and that we are all part of Mother Earth, amazing
little processes unfolding on a living planet :smile:

"no-mind un-thinks no-thought..."

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The Duk Abides

Registered: 05/17/03
Posts: 94,392
Loc: Earthfarm 1
Re: My Mother... [Re: LeViTY]
    #1820922 - 08/16/03 09:42 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

That must have been hell..I feel for you! :smile:
I dont think I'd take people's advice and stop caring about her..after all she's your mother! And I do think that one of the hardest parts of growing up is finding out your heroes aren't all they're cracked up to be....I used to idolise my father, and I remember being a bit alienated when I found out he wasn't quite what I thought him to..but then, later, I realised that my father was only human, and like all us humans, he had his flaws as well as virtues. Ah well...we live and learn...  :smile: 

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The VerbalHerman Munster

Registered: 04/15/03
Posts: 5,326
Loc: Texas
Last seen: 10 years, 5 months
Re: My Mother... [Re: LeViTY]
    #1822797 - 08/17/03 03:17 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

sorry you had to go through all that i'm glad i can't relate
Just cuz she's blood dosen't mean she's family. She lost her chance to redeem herself. Just forget about her and consentrate on making the ties to your real family, and friends stronger.
You just gotta leave the past wher it is and live in the present


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Amateur Mycologist

Registered: 05/28/02
Posts: 3,774
Loc: Arizona
Re: My Mother... [Re: LeViTY]
    #1823455 - 08/17/03 06:41 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

aw, i can't relate, but here is a hug:

:heartpump:((((((((HUG)))))))) :heartpump:

you are a wonderful person!!! :laugh: 


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Trip'n Time

Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 2,207
Loc: Florida
Last seen: 12 years, 4 months
Re: My Mother... [Re: RebelSteve33]
    #1823585 - 08/17/03 07:26 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

Sometimes things like that happen, its sucks but theres not much you can do about it. I think your best bet would be typing somethnig out (like your post) and sending it to her to let her know how you feel. If nothing changes shut her out and make the best of life, not much else that can be done. My dad has never been a dad, now my parents are divorces and I never see him, last month I tryed to talk to him to tell him how I feel and how he effected me and my brothers, no change, so now I move on :frown:

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Registered: 07/19/02
Posts: 2,183
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 3 years, 3 months
Re: My Mother... [Re: LeViTY]
    #1823870 - 08/17/03 08:57 PM (14 years, 9 months ago)


LeViTY said:
As I'm growing up, I realize that I don't have a real mother, which is a very troubling and discouraging feeling.

People try and tell me to realize that she's crazy and that I shouldn't care about her, but I don't have a Mother in my life and it will always bother me.

I dont know my real mother but my adopted mother has always been there for me. Your mom probably still thinks about you...

Your parents teach you lessons, directly or indirectly. Learn from your mothers mistakes, don't repeat them.

man = monkey + mushroom

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Fungus Fan

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 720
Loc: In a spore
Last seen: 12 years, 7 months
Re: My Mother... [Re: pattern]
    #1823899 - 08/17/03 09:04 PM (14 years, 9 months ago)

Im sorry to hear that, that is a horrible thing to hear about. I really hope you can keep in touch at the least with your mother, its such an important thing when dealing with such close family.

"With a bit of luck, his life was ruined forever. Always thinking that just behind some narrow door in all of his favorite bars, men in red woolen shirts are getting incredible kicks from things he'll never know."

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Dance EnergyConjuror

Registered: 07/10/03
Posts: 872
Last seen: 3 years, 4 months
Re: My Mother... [Re: RespectTheFungus]
    #1828002 - 08/18/03 10:51 PM (14 years, 9 months ago)

I cannot bring myself to talk to my mother. It has taken a lot of comfort out of my life, not having a mother. She has done such evil and screwed my life and my fathers so much that, I fear I may never speak to her again. It doesnt really bother me when I weigh it. <-- this sounds twisted, but she is a very, very bad person. I still love her, however I dont know why. It seems the only reason I love her is because I am biologically from her and as a human I have been indocrinated to "love my parents". Seemingly everyone wants to have a good relation with parents, and I would understand why you would want to with your mother, Levity. What she did to you was wrong, and she sounds to have been a bad mother. It is ok, you can take all of that bad that happened and turn it into good. People can change, but many are set in their ways.

I have replaced that need for feminine comfort with my grandmothers, and my ladyfriend.


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Male User Gallery

Registered: 12/10/99
Posts: 13,466
Loc: South Florida Flag
Last seen: 4 hours, 24 minutes
Re: My Mother... [Re: LeViTY]
    #1834424 - 08/20/03 06:53 PM (14 years, 9 months ago)

I am sorry to hear of your abuse at the hands of your mother. Yes, I am certain that she was quite disturbed to have acted in the way you describe. You can honor the vessel which brought you into this world, and know that even your mother has goodness insofar as she gestated you in her womb. You are obviously a survivor, but you have need for therapy to help you to integrate your suffering and perhaps to shed your identification with the "pain body" [see Eckhart Tolle's 'The Power of Now'].

I strongly recommend a support group for victims of child abuse. I been a therapist for over 20 years, and have attended group counseling for divorce as well as an Alanon group. I've been conducting counseling groups for a great number of problems for my entire career, and specialize in adolescent treatment. Please try it out, or feel free to PM me.

γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself

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