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Offlinefung_us_among_us
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Registered: 12/08/02
Posts: 6,906
Loc: Central Oregon Flag
Last seen: 1 year, 3 months
problems with my ex
    #2912969 - 07/21/04 06:30 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

allright.. i'll try to do my best to explain all of this. i posted in OTD awhile back (when we were still dating but going through problems), but now i've got different questions and a different problem.

i was dating her for about three months.. things were going great. we were both really happy, liked eachother a lot, and always joked around. things weren't all weird and serious always. anywho.. she decided that she needed some alone time to figure things out, and we broke up. the reason that she needed alone time was that we started dating about a week after her and her other boyfriend (who i'm friends with) broke up. it was a really bad situation and she was emotionally hurt by him. so i guess now she doesn't think she pushed it away and dealt with things right, since she didn't have much alone time after the relationship.

i'm not sure if she just wants alone time or if she just isen't attracted to me anymore. the more i read about it, the more i come to the conclusion that you can't be too nice of a guy or give everything to a girl and expect her to be interested in you for very long. i was very nice.. anything she ever asked for i would do. i was blindly loyal and would have done anything for her. she was always the one in control. but i'm really not sure if she's the type of girl who could ever be "controlled" by a man. she is very assertive, independant, sometimes angry.. i don't even know how i could have had more control in a relationship with her. she's almost intimidating in a way.

so here's the really bad part. after we broke up, i was desperately clinging to her and being pathetic. i cried, i asked her to give me another chance, i made every fucking mistake in the book and let her see what a weak person i can be. she said that maybe after she has alone time we can get back together or something, which i still somewhat believe (we have a LOT in common.. more than anyone else i've ever met has in common with me.. there's always been a connection between us to some extent)... but i dont' know if she was just saying that to make me feel better.

i continued to fuck things up even more. i tried hating her and wanted to make her hurt just as much as i did.. i sent her all of the poetry i wrote about her (which i'm sure didn't make her feel too good about herself), along with many very, very long emails where i spilled my guts and let her know everything. it was pathetic. i guess i just stopped thinking rationally because of how much i wanted her back.

i know that some of you are just going to say "move on, meet other girls, she's not the only one".. and i'm trying to, but it's hard when you live in a small town and she is pretty much the ONLY cool girl here. maybe i'm just picky, but i don't think i could revert to dating some of the other women around here. they're nice and all.. but she's the only one that actually shares interests with me. especially music.. that's become a big criteria for me.

anyways, i don't really know what i'm asking for. just advice i guess. whether it seems like i have any chance with her in the future.. what i can do to make things better.. how to make her want me back. thanks.


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:feelsgoodman::dancingshroom::dancingshroom::dancingshroom::ahahaha::dancingshroom::dancingshroom::dancingshroom::feelsgoodman:


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Offlinehybridphil
Student

Registered: 03/04/04
Posts: 323
Loc: Milky Way....they'll neve...
Last seen: 8 years, 11 months
Re: problems with my ex [Re: fung_us_among_us]
    #2913164 - 07/21/04 07:31 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

Well I really don't know what to say. I'm sorry about your situation and all and this kind of stuff happens all the time. I know how it is because just recently I have found a girl that is more similar to me than any other. I guess i'm still at the point where i'm very happy about it all but reading your story made me realize that even though my girl and I have so much in common, things can always go wrong. I know if something happened like did in your relationship, I would be clinging on desperately though it would propably be pointless and would just make it worse. The relationship I am in now is the most valuable one I ever had but I guess you can't get too into it because it could be ended at any time no matter how much you doubt and dread the thought. If I were you, I'd give her some time and maybe she could realize how much you care. I really hope things work out for you and best of luck buddy.


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Psilocybin anonymous



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Invisiblequestion_for_joo
i'm left. youall can bite me
Registered: 04/30/03
Posts: 1,591
Re: problems with my ex [Re: fung_us_among_us]
    #2913183 - 07/21/04 07:37 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

yeah, good advice above. I would say you just have to accept the iron law of dating which is that if one person wants to seperate then you have to just let it happen and either hope or move on but begging definitely isn't gonna turn out well.


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Invisible40oz
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Registered: 01/19/01
Posts: 30,035
Loc: Sandy Eggo. Ca.
Re: problems with my ex [Re: fung_us_among_us]
    #2914828 - 07/22/04 05:05 AM (12 years, 4 months ago)


some gurlz just dont know what they want.
be nice, but dont be a pushover.
and dont spill your heart out,
if she wanted a pussy, she'd get with a chick. :wink:

be assertive, stand confident.


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:sun::heart::sun:

tiny_rabid_birds said:
"your avatar is dirty."


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OfflineMorbidHamster
Total Head Fook
Registered: 10/21/02
Posts: 121
Loc: Un-United Kingdom
Last seen: 11 years, 7 months
Re: problems with my ex [Re: fung_us_among_us]
    #2916574 - 07/22/04 05:20 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

sorry to hear this, but ive learnt in the short itme ive been on this earth that being a bit mean to woman helps in a relationship, know what i mean? All my last relationships ive been so good to woman, pretty much exactly what u have been. Ive found they get bored of the nice guy act after a while.

I've got a girl after me at the moment. I'm letting her do the persuing because i don't want to get screwed over like the last relationship.

Anyway, good luck with getting over this girl, it sounds like its over to me, sorry to say... if u genuinely want her to get back to u dont act mean and ignore her, seriously if u ignore her she'll think of you more than if you're bombarding her with emails and poetry.


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InvisibleJohn
ssdp.org

Registered: 08/08/03
Posts: 7,026
Loc: Vancouver, B.C.
Re: problems with my ex [Re: fung_us_among_us]
    #2916808 - 07/22/04 06:14 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

the reason that she needed alone time was that we started dating about a week after her and her other boyfriend (who i'm friends with) broke up.




:thumbdown:

that's just something you don't do, reguardless of he's "okay" with it, he dumped her, whatever.

i agree with the guy above saying to ignore her, pretend you don't care anymore and don't throw no subtile hints, if she wants to get back together tell her you need sometime to think about it. though i think you already fucked up with the e-mails and shit, plenty of fish... blahblah


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Offlinefung_us_among_us
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Registered: 12/08/02
Posts: 6,906
Loc: Central Oregon Flag
Last seen: 1 year, 3 months
Re: problems with my ex [Re: John]
    #2919372 - 07/23/04 05:32 AM (12 years, 4 months ago)

thanks for the advice guys. i also think that's it's over and i'll just need some time to get over it.

i just wish there were more cool women in this town.. most of them are really stupid.


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:feelsgoodman::dancingshroom::dancingshroom::dancingshroom::ahahaha::dancingshroom::dancingshroom::dancingshroom::feelsgoodman:


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OfflineUncleMike
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Registered: 05/18/03
Posts: 964
Loc: S.W. Virginia
Last seen: 8 years, 15 days
Re: problems with my ex [Re: fung_us_among_us]
    #2921607 - 07/23/04 07:58 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

It sounds like she started dating you on the re-bound. You and her ex was friends. what a better to get even. Let her go if she wants she will come back to you. For now get on with your life. I'm sure there are other girls in that small town. you just need to start looking. If you start looking in the ruff you will probably find a diamond in there. good luck


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Offlinebrowndustin
dustybuddy

Registered: 10/03/03
Posts: 2,957
Last seen: 2 years, 7 months
Re: problems with my ex [Re: UncleMike]
    #2931232 - 07/27/04 03:56 AM (12 years, 4 months ago)

Very sorry to hear..

My advice to you would to be sticking it out, just be as tough as you can be for now. She may or may not come back(hopefully she does), but it's the best you can do for both, right? Easier said than done, hey.. good look. And be prepared to completely lose her all together, it's a grim reality but I'd rather cushion the blow for myself.

Good luck with everything.


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Offlinehybridphil
Student

Registered: 03/04/04
Posts: 323
Loc: Milky Way....they'll neve...
Last seen: 8 years, 11 months
Re: problems with my ex [Re: browndustin]
    #2944314 - 07/30/04 01:11 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

Well I posted what seems like ages ago and mentioned that I was happy in a relationship and I didn't doubt that it could last forever. That was like.. a week ago. The best relationship I have ever been in and I've lost that feeling. I've done everything for her yet she is really doubtful about the relationship and seems totally not involved in it anymore. She's just gone away for two weeks and left me in the worst slum. I'm crying just writing this and thinking about the good tmes we had. It's not over and hopefully I can talk to her about it but it's the worst feeling knowing that I can't do shit right now.
I'm going to use your experience as an example and just wait it out. I totally feel like writing her an e-mail but I know that then she'll only come back to an inbox full of long ass e-mails. She gave me some pictures before she left but I asked my friend to hide them somewhere because they only bring tears to my eyes. Girls can definitely be bittersweet, I've never been so happy before and now I've never been so sad now. At least now I have two weeks to think things out and think of things to say to make her feel absolutely special, which is what I've been doing this whole time. It hurts too much to think about but I think I've mentioned my point. I will use your story as a learning experience. Thanks for bothering..


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Psilocybin anonymous



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Offlinehybridphil
Student

Registered: 03/04/04
Posts: 323
Loc: Milky Way....they'll neve...
Last seen: 8 years, 11 months
Re: problems with my ex [Re: hybridphil]
    #2944377 - 07/30/04 01:35 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

Instead of writing her e-mails, I'll just write all my feelings here and whoever wants to read them can do so. I'm not going to be blabbing..I'm putting thought into it. Well I was reading a bunch of various threads about love and compiled some good comments that all should read.



"For example, many people believe that romantic relationships are a reliable source of happiness and meaning. However, when we enter into a relationship with the expectation to find happiness, we are developing a feeling for the other person contaminated with self interest. This is not love, it is attachment. True love is void of self-concern. When we attach ourselves to another person, we are attaching ourself to a highly transistory object. It will not be long before that object begins to change. When there is change, we will become frustrated and unhappy, like children. We lose our happiness. This is especially true if our attachment to the other person is particularly superficial. In this way, when we are entering into a relationship with another human being motivated primarily by self-concern, it's through this attachment that we are trading the suffering of loneliness for the suffering of our inevitable disappointment. This would be an example of a samsaric cycle."



Makes me think about if my relationship really is attachment. There is change and i'm frustrated and unhappy, meaning that this is attachment. It totally doesn't seem like it but I guess it's a comforting thought. Seems like the same thing for you fung_us_among_us. Hopefully this can bring some comforting thought..


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Psilocybin anonymous



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Offlinebrowndustin
dustybuddy

Registered: 10/03/03
Posts: 2,957
Last seen: 2 years, 7 months
Re: problems with my ex [Re: hybridphil]
    #2945017 - 07/30/04 03:48 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

I know how hard it is to sit around and try being tough. There's been times when I fought with my now ex girlfriend, and when all I wanted to do was email/phone her to explain myself, it would only piss her off more. I found that if and when I delt with those things by myself, not only did it make myself stronger, but it also showed her that I've grown up and can take care of problems on my own.
I'll be the first to admit that when you're REALLY in love with a person, it's easy to become dependant on their love. I'm not assuming that you're 100% dependant on her for happiness, but just check out that option and ask yourself what you can do to break the habit.

P.S. I just broke up with my gf, Page. 1 year and 22 days, first real relationship and true love. I'm doing great seeing as how it was mutual(Mostly my idea however), so if you or anyone else wants to pm me. I'm totally open for some chit chats. :smirk:


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Anonymous #1

Re: problems with my ex [Re: fung_us_among_us]
    #2949800 - 07/31/04 09:38 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

if you really love her and really want her bad back, tell her that.
If you really love her then tell her that shes happy with whoever she meets and youll always be there for her, no matter what happens (this is like saying ill be your best friend and always be there for you). She will think that your really nice and sweet. she dates other guys and say like Congratulations! and stuff like that.shell eventually give in and come running back to you.


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Offlinebrowndustin
dustybuddy

Registered: 10/03/03
Posts: 2,957
Last seen: 2 years, 7 months
Re: problems with my ex [Re: ]
    #2952842 - 08/01/04 06:35 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

Hmm... if only it were that simple, Gawk. You do bring up a lot of good points, but sometimes there's just wildcards and other variables that ultimately fuck up all your plans.
The route I took was salvaging my awesome, yet somewhat sketchy relationship to try having a really kickass friendship. We're still working out the 'rules', such as how kissing and hugging's going to work. It's been a week, we still peck, hugs tons, hold hands... I'm sure it will die down, but for now we're just trying to be there for eachother ya know?

I think I'm fucking blessed that Page and I have this kind of understanding... not all breakups go nearly as good as ours. I'm happy, sad, etc.

Again, the best peice of advice I can give would probably be to stay strong. No matter how sketchy and freaky your situation may become, just be there for her when she needs it. It sort of sucks how guys can't really go running to their gf's or they'll be dubbed as clingy and weak, etc... blah. It all pays off in the end I suppose.


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