Love or friendship, this is difficult for me.

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CaRnAgECaNdY
Tool's groupie

Registered: 04/09/04
Posts: 11,505
Loc: Billy Howerdel's closet

Last seen: 3 years, 1 month

Love or friendship, this is difficult for me.

#2749202 - 05/31/04 05:49 AM (22 years, 2 months ago)

Here's a story. It's long so prepare yourselves.

A few months ago, I met someone. We used to work together. At first we really hated eachother. We couldn't stand working together so much that we each requested that we'd not get put together on eachothers shifts. Everybody knew that we didn't get along so our requests were granted.

Well, times got tough at work and one night we ended up getting stuck working together. Not only did we have to work together, that night was a night from hell. We had long lines, angry customers and a huge mess, not to mention we had a brand new trainee and two people called off, so we were short handed. I was getting frustrated to the point where I wanted to walk out. He began to calm me down, by making comments like, "Don't worry, we'll all look back at this and laugh," or "Things could always be worse" and so on... :thumbup:

(thank you for that)

I thought that was a cool gesture on his part, considering he was a major asshole who didn't give a shit about how I was feeling.

Finally, business slowed down. We went outside, sat on the curb, and took a much-needed long ass cigarette break. That's when we had our first real conversation, and that's when I realized things were going to change.

We both apologized for our shitty attitudes at work. Not towards eachother, since it was well deserved on both our parts. Just wrong time, wrong place. See, he is an asshole(sort of) as much as I am a bitch(at times). We're both stubborn, we're either right or everyone else is wrong, and we think alot alike which is why we would butt heads so much. (we're also both aries<rams>) I thought he was real cocky, ironically, that attitude is what later got me interested.

Anyways, me and this guy ended up stuck at work until 6 a.m. By ourselves. I'll never complain about that, we had lots of cigarette breaks and lot's of conversation.

As the days went on, we came across more long nights together. I began to learn alot of things about him. His interests, his career goals, his whole outtake on life. The way he percieves this world and how he's living it is amazing! To say the least, he had me hooked. Well one night while hanging out, off the clock, I admitted my attraction to him..............My mistake, but not my fault. I was definitly interested in him, but he did not have any interest in me at all. Damb, I was shot down. OK, that sucked, but we remained friends. I had no hard feelings towards him whatsoever. That's how he felt. You gotta respect a man for telling the truth. A couple of weeks later, I tell him that what I was feeling for him was only temporary and that I was over it. I told him that I only liked him on a "friends only" basis, and hoped we would stay that way. A couple of months have gone by now, during this time, my feelings have only gotten stronger.

Everybody I know, thinks I really am over him. I haven't told anybody how I really feel. Not even my closest friend. So far, I've been playing the part of "friend", but I can't do that anymore. Don't get me wrong, I really am his friend, I just want more. I can no longer pretend that I don't have feelings for him. I'm not saying i'm in love or anything, but there's very strong feeling's inside of me that I can't let go of. I think it's so awesome that he always knows what i'm thinking, that he can finish my sentences, and how he always trys to make me feel better when i'm feeling shitty.

Since he does know what i'm thinking, I'm pretty sure he knows how I feel. He knows that I have feelings for him. What's so cool about it is that he hasn't said a word about it. Maybe he doesn't want to ruin our friendship, I don't know? :confused:

As far as i'm concerned, this friendship is about to get ruined. I can't continue to be "just friends" anymore. I want more! Since I know he doesn't want more than that from me, it makes our situation an uncomfortable one for me. So after this, because he will read it, our friendship will be over. :sorry:

I wish it wouldn't end like this but I have to make a choice. I can't continue on like this, I would only be lying to myself.

The point of this post....to get this off my chest. To let him know how I really feel, even though I'm pretty damb sure he already knows.

p.s.

When you do read this (u know who you are)
I don't mind if you reveal yourself.

___________________________________
And I'll miss you! xoxoxoxoxox
~D~ :crying:

--------------------

The secret to being funny is to say smart things stupidly, or is it stupid things smartly? Whatever..it's not rocket surgery...or something like that.

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