Its strange, because of all the times that I was in a good mood and set out to continue this over all of my future days, to keep a fire of energy going that keeps me focused and not on my ass, sitting in the dark and rotting in negativity, it seems that I have finally done so.
I don't even remember what the turning point was, what caused it... all I know is how I now have been managing myself. How I have been keeping myself occupied with all the different areas of interest I have always meant to be working on... different aspects of music (theory and synth, my own bass playing, writing), working on learning Norwegian, keeping my ass working on exercising and my posture, getting back into reading and posting here (well, always been reading, but not with much focus)... the list goes on and on, and I have been doing all of this and more every day and feeling good about it...
Anyways, this isn't about me ranting about myself. Or even about the mental battles and how it is important to live in the moment and gaining the ability to direct focus... its all a registered fact in my head and doesn't need further questioning.
We have these perspectives. And we have this consciousness. We are able to focus on things and use that to whatever end we want... We decide how much of reality we want to experience. The more limits you put on your mind, the more questions you give an answer to with nothing towards it, the more you seperate yourself from reality....
Its like "What causes snow to fall?", and you tell yourself "Oh, snow is caused by God throwing it from the sky". No more questioning. Your mind has figured out that end of the program and you carry on....
Well, God doesn't throw snow down. There are all sorts of variables that account for snow... since "God throwing snow down from the sky" isn't actually what is happening, then your worldview is that much more seperated from reality... the snow example doesn't really live up to my expecations, because one could continue to live with that assumption....
But anyways. Nothing new, right? You can't just make blind assumptions and shit.. you can, but it will end up biting your ass sooner or later. You can't just say "God is going to protect me from my enemies", when the fucking British come over the hill, you are fucked.
The order has always been there, we have only been discovering it. I don't know about anyone else, but everytime I figure something out, like steer my thoughts in some direction, I always find that the concept falls right into place, no difficult straining of my mind or anything. And it doesn't feel like I just learned something new, it always feels as if I once knew it and simply forgot about it.
So, basically, the more variables we take into account, the more understanding we have of what this is; we will be able to continue this evolution, this path of rediscovering what this is all about and what is to come...
We think in boxes, and the more we limit the way we think about things, the less we bring into our equation, the more seperated we are from reality. You can tell yourself that there IS a pot of real gold at the rainbow... but it isn't going to hold up.
You know those businessmen that grow up poor and develop a strive to get to the top, and they reap their benefits, and then their kids who have had it all grow up the way they do? Pretty damn near disconnected from reality because they have never taken the tests?
Well, that's ignorance. You grow up in a system that supports you and you aren't going to be able to just automatically know what it is all about... you are going to have to do a lot of reprogramming and perspective changing if you are going to be able to find the hidden encapsulation we are binded in...
Like how some people who have had a traumatic experience or something, they are depressed all the time, and it is really hard for them to move on, to stop thinking through that perspective.. for others who are capable of keeping a damn near consistent positive mindset, its like "what is keeping you down". Our different experiences act as lenses that we view the world through..
The ability to conceptualize... fuckin' damn! Where did this fucking come from? We are blessed with the ability to piece together the knowledge of the Universe. To consciously understand life itself... We gotta keep on keeping on, and we can't close ourself off from the potential... there are unaccounted-for variables everywhere, and we can't decide to finish putting the puzzle together before all the pieces are there. 
Peace.
--------------------
 
If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you
  
 
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