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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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Re: When you have a major crush on ur boyfriends good friend.... LADY'S help [Re: MajickMuffin]
    #22125712 -

MajickMuffin said:
CookieCrumbs said:
Okay yeah your boyfriend sounds like a control freak. It sounds really unhealthy.


I remember someone saying something to me once. When someone says "I love every part of them except..." then that's a problem. Because in love you accept someone for their flaws if they are acceptable. This controlling jealousy doesn't sound acceptable at all.



In my first two immature longer than year long relationships I was jealously controlling, and that ruined both of the relationships for me.

I didn't realize how I was until long after it was all over.
Realizing how I was, I would never act like that in any way again, because its not right.

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Re: When you have a major crush on ur boyfriends good friend.... LADY'S help [Re: burningstar06] * 6
    #22125935 -

OP, I understand how difficult this is for you.  It sounds like you're in a severely dysfunctional relationship, and you want to get out of it but are afraid of the tremendous leap of faith required to pull it off.  I've been in a very similar situation myself, and I can honestly tell you that getting yourself away from this guy will be beyond worth it.  You are still young and you have no children, so the breakup will be simple.  Not easy, but simple. 

I know how scary it is to strike out on your own with no real support system and only the vaguest idea of a plan.  But believe me, you are capable of a lot more than you think.  Once you make the decision to take your fate into your own hands, you start seeing opportunities everywhere.  I'm not going to tell you that it'll be easy, because it probably won't, but it will be liberating and empowering.  Leaving this relationship may just be the best thing you've ever done for yourself.

As for the other dude, I feel like the feelings you're having towards him probably have more to do with the excitement of the idea of freedom from your bad relationship than actually wanting to be with him.  I'm sure you are attracted to him, but I think the attraction may have a lot to do with the fact that he's not your boyfriend, and not necessarily so much to do with who this other guy is.  Just something to consider.


--------------------
ShiVersblood said:
shut ur fucking mouth. before a penis is are be enters

LordSenate said:
Cheese poop... Who gives a fuck gotta eat lots of cheese.

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Re: When you have a major crush on ur boyfriends good friend.... LADY'S help [Re: sun_spots]
    #22126038 -

Quote:
As for the other dude, I feel like the feelings you're having towards him probably have more to do with the excitement of the idea of freedom from your bad relationship than actually wanting to be with him.  I'm sure you are attracted to him, but I think the attraction may have a lot to do with the fact that he's not your boyfriend, and not necessarily so much to do with who this other guy is.  Just something to consider.


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Re: When you have a major crush on ur boyfriends good friend.... LADY'S help [Re: burningstar06]
    #22126039 -

Run away from both of them. Your boyfriend is a controlling asshole and his friend will likely want to "hit it and quit it" leaving you with even more feelings for him. It's your boyfriend's friend. Also, this is better off in the ladies' forum. It will decrease your chances of typical male responses from typical males encouraging a threesome and to suck your boyfriend's dick.

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Re: When you have a major crush on ur boyfriends good friend.... LADY'S help [Re: bukkake]
    #22126110 -

Girl you need to clit up. Seriously. Get away from this dude. A crappy movie and you're a slut?  What the crap.
Anywhere really is better than where you are. I would seriously save up more money and try to bounce. If you can't take it anymore then maybe you could ask someone you work with if you can crash at theirs. Where is your father? You said you don't get along with your mom, so I was just wondering. And honestly, you could still go back to your mom's just to save up money. You don't have to love the woman but you just need a place to stay to move on.
Man I feel for you. But don't be stupid. This is unhealthy in the little bit you've mentioned.


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:heartpump::heartpump: :heartpump::heartpump:

Edited by pachoo (08/22/15 11:33 AM)

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Re: When you have a major crush on ur boyfriends good friend.... LADY'S help [Re: sun_spots]
    #22126112 -

sun_spots said:
OP, I understand how difficult this is for you.  It sounds like you're in a severely dysfunctional relationship, and you want to get out of it but are afraid of the tremendous leap of faith required to pull it off.  I've been in a very similar situation myself, and I can honestly tell you that getting yourself away from this guy will be beyond worth it.  You are still young and you have no children, so the breakup will be simple.  Not easy, but simple. 

I know how scary it is to strike out on your own with no real support system and only the vaguest idea of a plan.  But believe me, you are capable of a lot more than you think.  Once you make the decision to take your fate into your own hands, you start seeing opportunities everywhere.  I'm not going to tell you that it'll be easy, because it probably won't, but it will be liberating and empowering.  Leaving this relationship may just be the best thing you've ever done for yourself.

As for the other dude, I feel like the feelings you're having towards him probably have more to do with the excitement of the idea of freedom from your bad relationship than actually wanting to be with him.  I'm sure you are attracted to him, but I think the attraction may have a lot to do with the fact that he's not your boyfriend, and not necessarily so much to do with who this other guy is.  Just something to consider.


^^ This. I'd say have some sort of plan though. Don't just straight up "run away" with nothing.


I was in a similar situation to this too. At first the realization that it wasn't going to work goddamn near broke me (didn't have anywhere to go myself) but once I finally got away, it was the happiest I have ever been in my life.


Whatever you decide I wish you the best of luck and I hope that you find your own happiness.


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          :dancingbear: Free time is the only time :dancingbear:                    :thatsinteresting:

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Re: When you have a major crush on ur boyfriends good friend.... LADY'S help [Re: CookieCrumbs]
    #22126120 -

I'm glad you got out of this kind of situation. I don't know what I would do if someone would be super controlling that I was dating.


--------------------


:heartpump::heartpump: :heartpump::heartpump:

Edited by pachoo (08/22/15 11:35 AM)

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Re: When you have a major crush on ur boyfriends good friend.... LADY'S help [Re: pachoo] * 1
    #22126272 -

It's harder than most people can comprehend. Love is a powerful thing... the human mind is a powerful thing. In bad and even abusive relationships there's an idea that "if I just do better then they would treat me better" and an overall general idea of "things will get better". And there's a load of denial that excuses their behavior or just tries to find ways to ignore it because, at some point, the mind becomes convinced that this person is one your life depends on.

It's not true. But it feels like that. It will feel like the entire world will fall apart if you leave that person, that you may as well be dead. But that's not true either.


In tarot the Death card is actually one of the most optimistic cards you can pull. When one thing ends another begins and the death of a bad relationship you were stuck in is nothing but a great new beginning.

Getting out of a life you made around a bad partner is only opening the first door to finding a new and better life. But you have to want a better life. You have to understand that you deserve a better life. No one walks out that door without that.


--------------------
          :dancingbear: Free time is the only time :dancingbear:                    :thatsinteresting:

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Re: When you have a major crush on ur boyfriends good friend.... LADY'S help [Re: burningstar06] * 2
    #22126477 -

I haven't read anything in this thread except for the OP, and please don't do anything with his best friend. Your girlfriend leaving you already sucks (not saying you shouldn't dump him if you want to) but if it's for one of your friends or if she does something with one of your friends it hurts soooo much more. I've had friends do that to me with my girl and while that says more about our friendship it still is something I wouldn't want to see anyone go through.

I'd say dump him if you don't want to be with him, but there will be other crushes so avoid his friends, it can give him lots of trust issues, especially if it's his best friend, and that I can say from experience.

Granted that if the dude truly is a best friend he'd say no and not want anything to do with it, but I'm sure your bf still trusts him as of now. Idk but even if you do like his friend, if you care about your boyfriend, don't go for his friends.

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Re: When you have a major crush on ur boyfriends good friend.... LADY'S help [Re: SirShroomsAlott]
    #22126504 -

SirShroomsAlott said:
I haven't read anything in this thread except for the OP, and please don't do anything with his best friend. Your girlfriend leaving you already sucks (not saying you shouldn't dump him if you want to) but if it's for one of your friends or if she does something with one of your friends it hurts soooo much more. I've had friends do that to me with my girl and while that says more about our friendship it still is something I wouldn't want to see anyone go through.

I'd say dump him if you don't want to be with him, but there will be other crushes so avoid his friends, it can give him lots of trust issues, especially if it's his best friend, and that I can say from experience.

Granted that if the dude truly is a best friend he'd say no and not want anything to do with it, but I'm sure your bf still trusts him as of now. Idk but even if you do like his friend, if you care about your boyfriend, don't go for his friends.


This. This is the first thing ive read in this thread that makes sense, wspecially as the boyfriend of a long term relationship.


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Re: When you have a major crush on ur boyfriends good friend.... LADY'S help [Re: SirShroomsAlott]
    #22126512 -

Sounds like dude already has trust issues.  Besides, no one is responsible for anyone else's happiness, nor anyone else's misery.


--------------------
ShiVersblood said:
shut ur fucking mouth. before a penis is are be enters

LordSenate said:
Cheese poop... Who gives a fuck gotta eat lots of cheese.

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Re: When you have a major crush on ur boyfriends good friend.... LADY'S help [Re: sun_spots] * 1
    #22126547 -

I don't disagree with that, and I'm not saying she is obligated to make her choices based on her current BF's happiness especially if she wants to be done with him, but putting myself in that position I wouldn't want my friends to date the people they know I care about and while I don't know you I would think that you wouldn't want your friends to go after someone you've cared about and had a relationship with, especially if you still care about them.

She's probably young and it's just a crush, there will be others so it's not like her happiness is dependent on dating his friend and it would cause a lot more problems than it would solve IMO. I'm sure even OP would be way more upset if her bf dumped her and even if she wanted to break up she probably wouldn't be okay with him dating her best friend. It's kinda a do to others as you would have them do to you type of thing, if you wouldn't want it to happen to you why would you do it to someone else :shrug:

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Re: When you have a major crush on ur boyfriends good friend.... LADY'S help [Re: SirShroomsAlott] * 1
    #22126561 -

:whathesaid:
For a community full of psychedelic users, empathy really seems to be lacking in the advice given


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Re: When you have a major crush on ur boyfriends good friend.... LADY'S help [Re: JvF]
    #22126577 -

jfischer218 said:
:whathesaid:
For a community full of psychedelic users, empathy really seems to be lacking in the advice given


Don't know what you're on about. I don't think anyone has seriously advised her to shack up with her bf's friend.


--------------------
          :dancingbear: Free time is the only time :dancingbear:                    :thatsinteresting:

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Re: When you have a major crush on ur boyfriends good friend.... LADY'S help [Re: SirShroomsAlott]
    #22126613 -

I couldn't care less if my friends wanted to date my exes.  I'd question their judgment, but it wouldn't hurt my feelings.


--------------------
ShiVersblood said:
shut ur fucking mouth. before a penis is are be enters

LordSenate said:
Cheese poop... Who gives a fuck gotta eat lots of cheese.

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Re: When you have a major crush on ur boyfriends good friend.... LADY'S help [Re: sun_spots]
    #22126629 -

Fair enough, I guess I'd feel the same if I was the one who dumped them and then I wouldn't care if my friends went for them, but I know I wouldn't be okay with it if they dumped me and I still cared for them since that's what happened to me a long time ago and it hurt way more that way because I thought I was close with the dude. I guess it's just a matter of opinion in these situations

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Re: When you have a major crush on ur boyfriends good friend.... LADY'S help [Re: burningstar06] * 1
    #22126709 -

There is the known and you don't like it, and this unknown aspect you DON'T know at all but imagine you like.

If they are good friends... it won't end well for the two of them if you and the friend get together. maybe it would be good riddance that the bros don't talk anymore who knows.

But you are the wedge, you are the separating tool. Do what you will.

But as of this moment it seems you're into the IDEA of this guy you have a crush on. Yet reject the REALITY of the current dating situation. Could be a subconscious theme playing out indefinitely in your life who knows

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Re: When you have a major crush on ur boyfriends good friend.... LADY'S help [Re: sun_spots] * 1
    #22126727 -

sun_spots said:
I couldn't care less if my friends wanted to date my exes.  I'd question their judgment, but it wouldn't hurt my feelings.


You must compartmentalize your emotions well.

Envy? Pity?
I dunno;
Has that never backfired on you before?


--------------------
Aaa...E I O Uuu...A E I O Uuu..A E I O uh Uuu..
*Cough* *Cough*
Ooo...U E I O Aaa...U E I Aaa..A E I O Uuuuu...
At first sight, The Perfection of Wisdom is bewildering, full of paradox and apparent irrationality.

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Re: When you have a major crush on ur boyfriends good friend.... LADY'S help [Re: Acaterpillar]
    #22126750 -

Given some time I'd be okay with it too. But if they like broke up with me and I saw them with my friend about a week later I'd feel betrayed and I'd feel like my partner was just waiting to leave me so that they could get with my friend if they weren't cheating already.

But like a year or 2 or more? I might even be happy for them.


--------------------
          :dancingbear: Free time is the only time :dancingbear:                    :thatsinteresting:

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Re: When you have a major crush on ur boyfriends good friend.... LADY'S help [Re: CookieCrumbs]
    #22126763 -

It's funny because the logical part of me says "Yeah, that makes total sense"
But then the drunken emotional part of me stabs him in the eye and says "THAT'S MINE!!!!!"

But in reality, I'd feel a tinge of hurt though I'd be cordial about it.


--------------------
Aaa...E I O Uuu...A E I O Uuu..A E I O uh Uuu..
*Cough* *Cough*
Ooo...U E I O Aaa...U E I Aaa..A E I O Uuuuu...
At first sight, The Perfection of Wisdom is bewildering, full of paradox and apparent irrationality.

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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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