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Willing yourself to die...
    #2134165 -

Ok has anyone ever tried this? i dont mean trying to shoot yourself or actually commit suicide but lying there and just trying to die, or atleast completely let go of any fear of death, facing it competely head on and with purpose, realizing all the implications of it... or um something.
I've started doing this lately, because when i meditate recently i always run head long into this wall, a point that for the most part i just can't by pass, seems like occasionally i'll get past it more then usual but ultimately i eventually slam into it. I can feel "me" slipping away, my breathing will spontaneously start to increase, and i feel an intense sense of anticipation, and then bam...its gone and i'm back to square one. i know if i could get past it everything would be better,  or that i could reach my goal or something, but i can't let go completely. I want to, i know i should, but i can't, i think its fear, even though the thing i fear is the exact thing i feel i have to work towards, have to have, or experience. so i've started trying to will myself to die, i've read that to obtain enlightenment you have to seek in a way that is  basically like saying, ok i'm going to get it or i'm going to die trying, and resign yourself to that. or atleast this is how some people have managed to do it. I guess thats what i'm trying to do....but damnit i just can't let go. I've already had two experiences that fit the descriptions of satori to a tee, and they have had a profound effect on who i am and my life, but i know i still have so much further to go, but i'm starting to feel like i've platued, that this is it atleast for awhile, that the next step is a doosy, and i can't get myself to take it just yet. The other experiences were nearly spontaneous, one was drug induced and the other was shortly after i seriously began meditating, but it actually occured just during the course of my normal activities on a normal day, but completely, and literally altered the way i saw things, and caught me completely by surprise, i wasn't conciencely working towards it in that moment, maybe thats the secret, damn how'd i do that? Anyways i've heard that platueing for awhile isn't uncommon or anything, but damned if it isn't a lil frustrating, anyways, just thought i'd share. :wink:
Sincerely,
That which is, and has no choice but to be 

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Re: Willing yourself to die... [Re: ZenGecko]
    #2134296 -

That's a tough spot to be in...
All I can advise is to have sex with 2 women at the same time...
come to think of it, that's all I ever advise :crazy: 


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"no-mind un-thinks no-thought..."

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Re: Willing yourself to die... [Re: ZenGecko]
    #2134299 -

> my breathing will spontaneously start to increase, and i feel an intense sense of anticipation, and then bam...its gone and i'm back to square one.

I went through a period where I was certain that I would quit breating during meditation.  I would be sitting, and then all the sudden I would realize that I hadn't been breathing... and would gasp for breath.  Long story short, the ego is very tricky.

> I guess thats what i'm trying to do....but damnit i just can't let go.

Don't try... just sit.  :smile:  Don't get upset... just sit.

> i wasn't conciencely working towards it in that moment, maybe thats the secret, damn how'd i do that?

*laugh*  You are absolutely correct.  How does one become lost on purpose?  A good koan.


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Just another spore in the wind.

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Re: Willing yourself to die... [Re: Seuss]
    #2134302 -

I got this idea mainly from the readings of Terence Mckenna and a little from what i read or had heard about Timothy Leary. They talk about their last trip as if they knew they were going to pass away afterwards. So i'm thinking maybe they were a true master over themselves where they had control of when they wanted to pass away. Like a switch in there brain that they now could possess to shut themselves off.

Just a thought.

Droz


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Evolution of Time.

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Re: Willing yourself to die... [Re: Droz]
    #2134305 -

Another thing if it can't happen, that means that your true self will either not let it happen, which could mean that you on a different level has not met the criteria for a completed human life. Or there are others holding on to you trying to show you that there is still more wonderful things in this being that one can see and accomplish, so much to see.. not enough time to view it all.

Perhaps we met in a different life.

Droz


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Evolution of Time.

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Re: Willing yourself to die... [Re: Droz]
    #2134544 -

That's kind of odd, because just the other day i had the idea to try and lie there and die...and i tried (in which i thought i would be the first one :laugh: ). Found myself not breathing a couple of times aswell, and had to take in a quick deep breath. Peace

Btw, what does 'satori to a tee' mean?

and what does 'platued' mean? Thanks


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See, the shrooms explore me. They riddle my mind, they teach me the eternal with direct experience. My soul is one with existance.

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Re: Willing yourself to die... [Re: anarchyhollow]
    #2134564 -

Well all you have to do it to concentrate on your breathing and heart rate and slowly bring them both down. You should be eventuialy be able to stop your heart this way. I think technieques like this where used for people to breath under water for VERY long periods of time.

Or just keep on concentrating on the fact you will have an accedent, then the chances are your sub-concious would take over and you would.



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Fighting the man the best way I can.

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Re: Willing yourself to die... [Re: EvilGir]
    #2134602 -

> I think technieques like this where used for people to breath under water for VERY long periods of time.

*laugh* I think you mean hold breath underwater... I would like to see people that can actually breath underwater without scuba gear, etc...

> and what does 'platued' mean?

Spelling error... means to reach your limit... like if you were trying to sprint faster... each day you get a little bit faster, but after a while nothing you do will help... you have reached your limit of progression.


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Just another spore in the wind.

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Re: Willing yourself to die... [Re: ZenGecko]
    #2134996 -

Gecko,

If you want to experience a death like state, increase your dose. I am not trying sound like a baddass or anything. Until I took a real dose did I experience death. Playing with ego loss won't be the same. You have to die, or kill the ego/personality to move on to the next levels. Until then everything will seem to hard to attain. Just some advice from someone who's life completely changed after experiencing ego/personality death. Later.

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Re: Willing yourself to die... [Re: medicinebag]
    #2135016 -

> increase your dose

Where did dosage or drugs come into this? The last I read, he was speaking about meditation.


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Just another spore in the wind.

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Re: Willing yourself to die... [Re: Seuss]
    #2136841 -

Ok satori, or kensho is basically another word for enlightenment or enlightenment experience, ofcourse there are degrees of enlightenment, and integrating it into your daily life is another thing entirely, or actually its THE thing. In my various readings about zen and enlightenment i've read many accounts of these experiences and for the most part my experiences mess with them.
The first one was pretty shallow and occured at the tail end of my first shroom trip, in which i took about 30-35 grams of freshy picked shroom, my understanding is that is roughly equivelent to 3.5 dried grams. the first 4 hours of the trip were awsome, the last 2 with the exception of my mild kensho, were hell, i though i was going insain and i thought i was dead for about half an hour atleast. But in the end it was all good, and very profound. Great learning experience. Basically i just felt what i had come to believe in the last few years that everything is one whatever, i believed it but i didn't feel it till then. But the second and most profound experience was just during the course of a normal sober day after i had started meditating seriously for a few days. I have also seen way trippier things while meditating then i have tripping. But anyways that last experience was completely life altering, and literally changed my perception of everything including everyday objects. That feeling was indescribable, it was like god putting his hand on your shoulder and telling you that everything was exactly as it should be, and that there is never anything to fear, and oh by the way your right, its all one, your me, i'm you, we're everything, and/or no thing, cool huh? The after effects of that experience have faded somewhat but everything still does literally feel and look different, and if for a moment it seems to go back to the way it used to be, as soon as i realize that it all goes back to being different again. It feels more real, and any experience i have feels more like its the first time i've had the experience, even if its just simply looking at some mundane everyday thing, like this pepsi can next to me. Ofcourse i've gotten somewhat used to all this so i'm not as conscience of it as i was right after the experience. I also feel more detatched from everything, but ironically everything still feels more real, and i'm more in the moment at any given instance usually then i used to be. The shift in who i am is as noticiable as it would probably be if you could suddenly go back to being 12 but still remember what you felt like when your were 26. Anyways yes my spelling sucks, suess has the right definition for that other word i cant spell in his post :wink:
sincerely,
That which is, and has no choice but to be

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Re: Willing yourself to die... [Re: ZenGecko]
    #2136887 -

> laugh* I think you mean hold breath underwater... I would like to see people that can actually breath underwater without scuba gear, etc...

Hmm yeah your right dam what was i thinking  :lol:


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Fighting the man the best way I can.

Edited by jezu (11/26/03 05:36 AM)

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Re: Willing yourself to die... [Re: ZenGecko]
    #2137606 -

It is possible to will yourself to die and not just metaphorically. Senior citizens who have been married a long time frequently die shortly after a spouse passes away.

I almost died of a broken heart (no jokes please - ty). I got incredibly ill and after thousands of dollars of tests were performed, they could find nothing - yet I even looked like death and had no energy. Finally I decided it was not yet time and worked my way back to good health. I knew that if I had not changed my mindset that I was certainly headed for the grave. The pain of loss will probably always be with me, but I learned not to let it consume me.


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The proof is in the pudding.

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Re: Willing yourself to die... [Re: Swami]
    #2137804 -

This is beginning to sound like the plot of Where the Red Fern Grows... 


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Note: In desperate need of a cure...

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Re: Willing yourself to die... [Re: Sclorch]
    #2137898 -

I was thinking of getting you to direct the movie. :cool: 


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The proof is in the pudding.

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Re: Willing yourself to die... [Re: Swami]
    #2139104 -

i'm trying more to kill my ego, then my physical body...but  i still smoke :wink:
Sincerely,
That which is, and has no choice but to be

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General Interest > Philosophy, Sociology & Psychology
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