st1llnox said:

I started crying like halfway through and when he mentioned kicking me out of the house and I brought up how he'd be sad if I killed myself, he just said "maybe...".

I'm starting to understand and realize that my family doesn't need me. Things aren't going to go back to the way they were. Ashes to ashes.

I haven't been this sad in forever. :'(

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st1llnox said:

My thumb's in stupid extreme pain from an infection and I was prescribed 1-2 Vicodin every 4-6 hours over 3 days, I ran out, and I got a new antibiotic and a painkiller refill today for 20 hydrocodone (I only wanted 10, enough for like 2.5 days).

The doctor said 1 every 6-8 hours but they only last 4 so I was insisting on the way out that I be allowed to take one every 4. My dad insisted on doing it as the doctor said and when we sent a nurse back to ask if going by the original prescription was okay (since again, they only kill the pain for like 4 hours if that) and she said I could take them a half an hour early.

Uhhh... what? I'm not going to writhe in pain for an hour and a half several times a day, so I insisted on taking them every 4 hours and took the bottles from my dad at the clinic. The nurse said we could talk to the doctor again but my dad said, "I'm through here."

We got home and I wouldn't give him the bottles. We had a shouting match with my door leveraged between us and I thought it might break. I started crying like halfway through and when he mentioned kicking me out of the house and I brought up how he'd be sad if I killed myself, he just said "maybe...".

I'm starting to understand and realize that my family doesn't need me. Things aren't going to go back to the way they were. Ashes to ashes.

I haven't been this sad in forever. :'(

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trampis said:

Throwing the whole, ". . . blah, blah, if I kill myself. . . " just kind of makes you seem like a drama queen

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Lizard Eyes said:

Your posts keep making me more and more sad... Dude seriously one day you're going to realize that drugs just aren't worth it. Not making judgements but it sounds like you're always looking for another high.  You may be in serious pain but what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. You'll make it. Take some ibuprofen and try and tough it out. 

In general I think you should forget about drugs for a while, they will always be there for you when you are ready and in a position to use them.  Is all this tension and hate between you and your parents really worth a few highs?  Go hit the gym and start eating better those 2 things have made me feel so good that drugs have been the last thing on my mind.

Hang in there buddy everything will work itself out. Sounds like your parents love you their just really scared and frustrated. Been in the same place with mine as well.

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Aww thanks and I'm sorry I made you (and presumably others) sad! I'm not that attached to drugs, I don't think--it's just that I know 100% clean perfection sobriety is never going to happen for me. Could I be happy using drugs so rarely that my family doesn't even notice? Sure, and I'd be happy to but in theory there is only a month of this left... IN THEORY. They may just cut me off after this and my bright, no-strings-attached future, well... the sun starts setting on it. It sucks cause I feel like I'm a good person with a good heart... they just don't see that through recreational drug use and my (lately) dire attitude from all that I've been going through.

I just hope they don't kick me out tonight. Again. There's a reason I made that "Anyone from northern KC" thread and it wasn't purely for funsies... I literally worry I may end up out on the streets and it wouldn't have been for drug use. Me and my best friend are supposed to hang out today though... maybe that would be a good escape. or chance to change the locks... again. heh

mylfgur said:

st1llnox said:

I started crying like halfway through and when he mentioned kicking me out of the house and I brought up how he'd be sad if I killed myself, he just said "maybe...".

I'm starting to understand and realize that my family doesn't need me. Things aren't going to go back to the way they were. Ashes to ashes.

I haven't been this sad in forever. :'(

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Grow up and talk to your father like a man. You should have just not said a word and taken them every how ever often you felt you needed them instead of making a big deal out of the instructions. If you and your family cannot compromise or work this out, just take some ibuprofen or acetaminophen. You have an infected thumb, not terminal cancer. Quit crying and feeling sorry for yourself because its only making things worse for everyone.

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Thanks for the advice, even if it's a little coarse for the situation. Unfortunately he was the one who immediately went into screamo mode while I tried to deliberate and compromise (I told him up to nearly the end that I'd give it to him if he'd give me a tablet every 4 hours, not every 6-8).

And you're right, it's an easy problem to have but at the same time the pain has been nothing less than debilitating. I broke my leg in 3 places last autumn and this LITERALLY hurt worse than that triple fracture.

The medicine is helping though!

rbalzer said:

thats really sad bro. People lose their minds over the stupidest things, just because a drug is involved. It sounds like you're responsible with it ffs

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Thanks man. It really is just sad that it had to get all explosive, so fast. I wish we could have talked it out or even used this as an opportunity to show him I can be trusted, but my relationship with him has been crumbling. I miss my dad so much.

Acaterpillar said:

St1llnox, you're going to get through this.
Try your very hardest to not let this experience deteriorate your relationship with your parents.
Not everyone has good parents to rely on; but yours clearly care about you very much, even if they wont admit it.

I know it's hard, but sometimes it's better to surrender to your situation and give into compassion.

I'm hoping for the best for you and your family

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And thanks so much for this too. I mean I've half thought about giving them the pills as a gesture of good will, but I'm being totally serious that I'm not worried about getting high... I'm literally just worried they will only dispense me one every 6-8 hours like this second doctor said and that I'm going to spend nearly 2 hours in extreme pain several times a day for the next 2-3 days.

More than that though, this was about taking a stand for being an adult.

trampis said:

Sounds like you made a scene over nothing. Should have just not mentioned anything and then just take one as the pain becomes unbearable.

Throwing the whole, ". . . blah, blah, if I kill myself. . . " just kind of makes you seem like a drama queen

I don't mean to be rude, but it just comes across like you freaked out over nothing and now there is this awkward tension.

Freaking out like that is only bound to make you look like a fiend.

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Repertoire89 said:

trampis said:

Throwing the whole, ". . . blah, blah, if I kill myself. . . " just kind of makes you seem like a drama queen

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I agree with this much, definitely a very juvenile thing to say. As far as making a scene over nothing I would throw down with one of my brothers if they tried to take my pain killers when I felt that I might potentially need them.

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And you guys are right, I really shouldn't have gone there. It's not one of those Borderline Personality things where someone says it trying to get their way though, it's more just the airing of a personal thought/worry.

I would never kill myself over one or even many such incidents and it actually takes a LOT to get me down. It's just... there've been a lot of "a LOT"'s lately.

And whoever called me a junkie clearly just can't read. I mean hell, I have the whole bottle right here... If I wanted to abuse them, I'd just do it.

Midnight_Toker said:

How old are you?  You should have some degree of freedom to make your own decisions if you're an adult, even if you live under your parents roof.  Why does your dad even need to be involved in your conversation with the doctor or your use of your prescription anyway?  You have the right to confidentiality and privacy.

P.S. - Even if he's wrong and you are right you should have the respect to not try to guilt trip your father into getting what you want, especially not with the threat of suicide.  That's beyond childish and so very wrong.

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This suicide thing keeps getting misconstrued. I assure you I wasn't threatening suicide, only alluding to it. It was more like "you'll regret times like these when I'm gone" rather than "I'm going to kill myself because you do this".

I have mad respect for you being able to both honor my independence and scorn my childishness in the same reply though!

I'm 23 and they just don't trust me. Maybe this helps clear up the suicide thing, but they hide my sleeping pills because they're afraid I'll go through with it I've been down for so long.

rbalzer said:

And whoever called me a junkie clearly just can't read. I mean hell, I have the whole bottle right here... If I wanted to abuse them, I'd just do it.

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yeah for real

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shLong said:

And why is your father dispensing your meds?
There's something else going on that you're not telling us.

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st1llnox said:

This suicide thing keeps getting misconstrued. I assure you I wasn't threatening suicide, only alluding to it. It was more like "you'll regret times like these when I'm gone" rather than "I'm going to kill myself because you do this".

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That's still threatening suicide. He gave you a neutral response because it's a bitch move to threaten suicide when you don't get what you want.

I don't understand why your father was present when you went to the doctors. When I was underage my mom would wait in the reception area while I went in to see the doctor.