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poke smot!
floccinocci floofinator
Registered: 01/08/03
Posts: 5,248
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Two dilemmas
#1797645 - 08/10/03 08:23 AM (20 years, 7 months ago) |
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#1) The last blunt that rested on my lips was on Thursday night. It's been dry since. I used to smoke every day, but now I'm split. Not having pot has caused some tension, in trying to get more. My friends pressure me for the same reasons.
But I'm starting to be so split. Like I'm both ways: One, I am ready to receive the next quantity of herb and begin smoking again. The other, to just continue this abstinence from pot. I've been feeling a little anxiety over the matter but nothing I can't manage.
Unfortunately, I'm not sure if this has to do with the lack of pot, but I might be depressed. I can sorta think about what is depressing me though, which is where #2 comes in.
#2) Why do I think so much? I was at a party last night, with a few friends and a bunch of unknowns. Everyone there was wasted on something, except myself. This sorta made me more tense about shit. But that's not my concern.
So I met some people I apparently knew from a while ago (elementary school). These people are older, more like my brother's friends. But in discussing things with them, they presented me with a potential problem.
The people there who know me (also the people who know of me) universally accepted and stated that I'm really smart. I don't know how to react to that... I acknowledged that I know a little, but I also said that nobody knows everything (they said that was a really smart thing to say). I also said that I guessed I was sorta humbled by the confrontation.
But why the fuck do I have to think so much??!!?!? This isn't a matter of IQ or intelligence. My mind is constantly running, analyzing, contemplating, theorizing, philosophizing, thinking. This has afflicted me since elementary school.
I was the kid who took apart all his toys to see how they work. I had a keen interest in electronics (and still do somewhat). While the rest of my classmates went on their daily doshit, I'de bring in my crazy circuits and shit. It was my curiosity.
But now this is starting to affect me. I'm not genius like the typical genius, so please don't kid me. But I think that my depth of thought is far deeper than the average, and I don't want it to drive me crazy.
None of my friends can comprehend some of the things I think about. Actually, I don't think I've ever had a friend that totally related to me on my level. I've had a friend that was smart-motivated, but he was only knowledgeable because of how hard he applied himself in school.
I never really really <i>tried</i> in school. I feel really bad, because I would sleep through super-advanced-math and ace tests while my classmates would struggle to understand [to me] simple concepts.
Maybe it boils down to being really lonely. A lot of my friends look to me when they need answers. They say I'm really under control, and I guess this comes from thinking out and trying to predict every situation. But this isn't possible, so perhaps this extreme sense of self-control and calm is an illusion to the chaos within?
I worry, about finding the right relationship. If I'm having trouble finding a single friend that relates to me and thinks as deeply as I do, then how will I ever find a true relationship with the girl that's right for me?
Then I think, maybe it's supposed to be like that. I shouldn't have a girl that thinks that deeply. Instead, we would compensate for each other's weaknesses. I would be the source of knowledge, she would be the source of hope and emotional attachment. Who fuckin knows? Nobody.
Can anyone relate? Please PLEASE offer me your insight into how to cope! I'm only 20, yet some older adults say I know so much more than them. I truly don't believe this! What's more important, plain knowledge, or sheer experience?
Thanks for reading and hopefully understanding.
Edited by poke smot! (09/07/20 01:32 PM)
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tak
geo's henchman
Registered: 11/20/00
Posts: 3,776
Loc: nowhereland
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2) I think you are just like most of us here. There aint no cure, nor is it a disease, anylize on brother. Knowledge is power, and knowing and understanding are two diffrent things. You sound like you understand things more than just know them..if that makes sense. Experience is important too, but that comes with age, you are only 20!
1) Stopping will make you think a little quicker IMO. I stopped a few months ago and gained alot of my potential that ive lost a long time ago. I could do it again if i wanted to, or not..im pretty neutral on the situation too, so i dunno what to tell you, except dont let your friends decide for you. Do what you want because you want.
-------------------- The DJ's took pills to stay awake and play for seven days.
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poke smot!
floccinocci floofinator
Registered: 01/08/03
Posts: 5,248
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Re: Two dilemmas *DELETED* [Re: tak]
#1797972 - 08/10/03 11:21 AM (20 years, 7 months ago) |
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Post deleted by poke smot!Reason for deletion: x
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manna_man
High onlife.....andcrack
Registered: 06/10/03
Posts: 481
Loc: Vancouver
Last seen: 18 years, 5 months
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The same thing happens to me. People always comment on how "smart" I am. Personally, I dont think I'm very smart at all, but just have a more abstract way of thinking. I dunno, but it shocks me when I just say normal shit and people will say, " jesus man, why are you so smart?" I've had this from parents, friends, teachers. I don't see it. Maybe I'm not that smart and everyone else is just really stupid.
If you're worried about over analyzing people and situations, then turn those thoughts off, at least momentarily. I find that nothing positive comes from over analizing things, it just allows me to see the fallacies and almost have less respect for whatever it is, making me somewhat angry or frustrated. However,as you know deep thinking is very healthy. Just use it appropriately. As for fear of being lonely, I know what you are talking about. In order to connect with people, you have to somewhat lower your "intelligence level" so they can comprehend, or because you don't want to exhibit your true thoughts and make them think, "damn this guy is too smart", am I right? Hang in there because there are plently of people out there who are just like you who are looking to truly express their thoughts.
-------------------- This post is protected under copyrite law.All above content is strictly the property of ?manna_man.Any infringement of copyright property is strictly prohibited.Any violators will be stretched, shot, and then vaporized into a state of anti-matter, where they will cease to exist.
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HarveyWalbanger
Demiurge
Registered: 06/24/02
Posts: 3,076
Loc: 8b
Last seen: 1 month, 24 days
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I quit smoking.... hey, 4 weeks ago today. I smoked every day for 2 1/2 - 3 years. It's not hard at all man. Drink some alcohol instead. It sure as hell aint pot, but at those stressful times of the day when you think you'll go crazy if you dont feel better, and you're just about to go get some more bud. And alcohol is better for trying to quit abusing things cuz you feel like crap the next day if you overdid it. Soberity.... is alright. I can honestly say I feel no need to take up smoking again after 4 weeks. Even sitting in the same room as it is pretty easy.
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Adden
Registered: 06/04/03
Posts: 39,201
Loc:
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Congrats on quitting, Harvey. I went from smoking every day for 3 years to smoking three times in the past 2 months, and that's just for special occasions (tripping).
Poke, do things that will improve your life. Going to school and doing well is one of them. Sitting around and smoking blunts all day is not. An education betters your future.
However, it is summer, so take a toke... But keep yourself in line once school starts You're a deep enough thinker, it seems, that you could have figured this out for yourself, had you waited to post.
Be well,
2dope
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FileSoup
member
Registered: 08/09/03
Posts: 142
Last seen: 20 years, 4 months
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I can understand where you are coming from. I was in the top of my class in high school and a lot of people I knew were not. It is hard to have an intelligent conversation with someone who isn't intelligent themselves. This was no longer a problem when I when I went away to school and met only people who are roughly on the same intellilectual level as I am. Maybe you could try meeting some new people however that can be difficult to do. You could also try joining some club in your local area that might cater to people who are more like you (possibly something like meditation or karate, or maybe something with electronics, that would also give you some time away from your friends and drugs). Hope this helps.
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sroc
connect the dots
Registered: 08/08/03
Posts: 102
Loc: on paper
Last seen: 19 years, 8 months
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The reason why you think so much is because actually you care about yourself and your trying to make decisions as inteligently and rational as possible.You know what's going to benefit you the best.W just sometimes need a little help.knowledge an experience go hand in hand.
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