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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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selfesteem and relationships.
    #7986442 -

I had no friends in elementary school and the first year of high school. I was teased for those 7 years and had no one except myself. I used to get beatings for no reason during my first year of high school. I wanted to kill myself, thankfully, my parents transfered me to another high school. I gained a lot of friends and everything, and they were the best years of my life.

However, Ive realized i have problems with relationships.
I am very dependent on them to make me feel loved. Is this due to my early days? I dont have any self confidence.... What do i do?

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Re: selfesteem and relationships. [Re: distgre1]
    #7986505 -

I started having friends at around 13-14.. Im 20 now.
I had a girlfriend at 18, i was too insecure and unconfident and i never believed that she loved me. My mood would rely on her. Now, im with another girl, ive been with her for a year, and its getting out of control.. My feels rely on her. When she makes me feel loved, im in a good mood.

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Re: selfesteem and relationships. [Re: distgre1]
    #7986539 -

That's because your concern is your own safety and need for attention, not enjoying the connection that you two share. Because you most likely take things too serious that you forget that you forget what's most essential: enjoying the ride. This probably applies in every aspect of your life, not only your relationship with this girl.
Are you with her because it's what you want, or because you don't want to be alone?


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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Re: selfesteem and relationships. [Re: distgre1]
    #7986572 -

you're going to get a lot of replies to this thread that may be helpful on a superficial level. but until you have more control and insight into the nature of reality, you're going to be a victim of your own ego.

let's say tomorrow, an amazingly hot chick comes up to you and proclaims that you are the hottest man she has seen alive and must have her way with you right then and there. no doubt you would be feeling pretty fucking amazing, eh? you would be walking tall for a pretty good week after that. what about 2 years down the road though and no longer having a hot chick like that approaching you, do you think you would still be as confident? most likely not.

if you want to learn how to be at peace with yourself, I highly suggest looking into Buddhism if you haven't already. :hippie:


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Re: selfesteem and relationships. [Re: appleorange]
    #7986587 -

Quote:
Are you with her because it's what you want, or because you don't want to be alone?



No, I like her a lot. She is a great person.

Quote:
you're going to get a lot of replies to this thread that may be helpful on a superficial level. but until you have more control and insight into the nature of reality, you're going to be a victim of your own ego.


I like what you said....

I ordered a book on amazon... Do you think it might help me?

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Re: selfesteem and relationships. [Re: distgre1]
    #7986647 -

haha, depends on what book you ordered. there's a lot of bad books on buddhism out there written by burned out hippies.

this is probably a good one for ya, you should be able to relate to it pretty well.

CLICK ME

*Anything written by the Dalai Lama is amazing too

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Re: selfesteem and relationships. [Re: distgre1]
    #7986662 -

A book can't help you, it can merely point out some techniques by which you can help yourself.
You are doing the same mistake you do with your girlfriend: expect.
You are the one who can produce a change, by shedding reason and intention into your life.
Reason because you need to understand the process of your thoughts, the results of your actions and what influences you and in which manner, and intention in order to become independent.


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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Re: selfesteem and relationships. [Re: distgre1]
    #7986675 -

How can I can about correcting my self? I am scared my past has put me in a hole. I want to be confident. I want to feel good.

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Re: selfesteem and relationships. [Re: distgre1]
    #7986728 -

Your past will keep you prisoner as long as you allow it to do that, and this is as long as you'll give it importance and think that it has some power over you. The past is called "the past" for a reason: it makes reference to something that used to be, not that IS. :wink:
Everybody had their share of difficult moments in the past, don't think that you are the only one.
Basically, the more you think about what you've been through, asking yourself why or what you have dome to deserve all that and feel sorry about yourself, the more you restrain yourself from feeling joy about the present moment. It is no lie when you hear the we only live in the now. Everything else is just memories or imagination.

When you feel sad or angry or unconfined just relax, center yourself, take some time away from whatever it is that's bothering you, try some breathing techniques and just detach yourself from all that negativity. This only requires exercise. :shrug:


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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Re: selfesteem and relationships. [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #7986762 -

Quote:
A book can't help you, it can merely point out some techniques by which you can help yourself.


Does this apply to message boards or only books? :smirk:

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Re: selfesteem and relationships. [Re: distgre1]
    #7986775 -

The feelings your girlfriend gets are feelings that arise from the interaction of each others beliefs and the feelings that arise from the way they interact with the world.

Right now you have no conception about the nature of your feelings and i think this is where you lack something that would help you actualize your intentions of feeling more independent. 

Every being in this world is the same thing. We all share the common nature to follow the truth and bring good things to our lives.

The only thing that differes is the truth that we can see are real and how they shape what we think would be a good thing to bring into our lives.

In this we all share ONE form of existence, call it concious life.

With relation to your friend, her feelings for you and anything, are  dependent on her beliefs and her beliefs are representations of what she thinks is real. This IS the source of her feeling for you, in the same FORM that your feelings for her, are. The Quality of the feelings, is relative, its in relation to the life you have had and the intentions that you have for yourself and each other in the future, in no way are they caused by either one of you, but rather by what happens when you two get together....ie/ think being naked with her, why do you feel like that...is it cause of her, or a Cause of what happens when your Genetic make up mixes with hers? hehe.

Take care and bring love!

I trust that our intentions are for the best!

:laugh:


--------------------
The mind is a creative tool. It searches to protect you, through message sensations(feelings). It is no different than a computer, you need to make sure its anti-virus program is in check and that it doesnt have a script that limits your experience, because of to much precaution.

And remember the computer does not appear to respond to words of anger and frustration - just give it input, in the form of new meanings that you know to be true and its messages to you and the limits it lays out for you, will change.

Guilt is an outcome of believing you are the cause of the problems.

Yet, we are not a cause to something, we see is negative or bad - Unless you believe your intentions are directed towards a bad outcome....

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Re: selfesteem and relationships. [Re: appleorange]
    #7986780 -

To books, message boards and anything else that's not his own will.


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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