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Offlinekroum
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Registered: 04/04/04
Posts: 54
Loc: CA
Last seen: 10 years, 11 months
Getting over girlfriend
    #2533143 - 04/06/04 10:59 PM (13 years, 23 days ago)

This is going to seem trivial compared to the post about the end of a FOUR year relationship, but to me it's not.

I got dumped last saturday night by my girlfriend of 1 month. This may seem insignificant to you, but this is the first real relationship I've had in highschool, heck the first real relationship I've EVER had. We had been friends pretty much the whole year, we have lit together, and at first we talked in class, then we started talking on AIM, and about a month and half ago she mentioned to me that she was "interested" in me. Until then i had never seriously entertained the notion to ask her out, not because I was not attracted to her... she was hot, but because I had never had anyone really like me before and i didn't think that anyone was really capable... So immediately I took up the opportunity and asked her out. We went out on 4 dates and things were going really well from where I was standing... For that month I was happier than I had been in the last 4 years, I was care free, nothing could really bring me down... And then Satuday she messages me on AIM (didn't even do it in person) and she basically says that she isn't ready for a relationship, that she missed the single life, and that I deserved much better than her because she didn't want "it" as much as I did. I was so happy that I would have someone to go to prom with (being a senior and all...) and this was like a punch to the face. Ever since then I've felt like someone was literally squeezing my heart. I am unhappier than I have been in 4 years. The things that I found happiness in before mean nothing to me now. I want my old life back, I want to find happiness in the simple things I used to do like take a drive up in the mountains, listen to music, read a book, stargase... nothing deterrs me from my sadness now. I don't know how to get over her and continue my life... Any help at all would be a blessing.


--------------------
"Why not?"
Last words of Timothy Leary


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Offlinekosmic_charlie
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Registered: 03/18/01
Posts: 5,202
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Re: Getting over girlfriend [Re: kroum]
    #2533196 - 04/06/04 11:23 PM (13 years, 23 days ago)

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Even though you went out with her for a month, I'm sure you still felt some attachment for her and I'm sure what you're feeling is difficult right now. It's the classic "I was more into it than her." That's the story of my life. I've even had a few single dates with girls where everything seemed to go perfectly and it seemed like we would go out again. And for the next day or two I would feel like I was walking on air until discovering that she was purposely not answering the phone because she didn't want to talk to me ever again (fucking caller id.) You're still young and you have a lot to learn. I'm 23 and I was about where you are (in level of experience with relationships) when I was senior in highschool. You're gonna face a lot of rejection in the future. You're gonna win some and you're gonna lose some. You have to learn to appreciate the times that you're single because you will learn a lot about yourself that will help you in future relationships. I know how bad you want to be with someone and share your life with someone. We all have that desire. And let me tell you, your desire for it will grow as you sail through your twenties. Now so far this post must seem negative but it's not all negative. Basically I have learned that you can't be in a hurry for things to happen. The right person will come along eventually. You'll probably be with many girls that are "the right person" and those may not last forever. You have to cherish the time that you had with each person, whether you were with them for a month or several years. My fist and longest relationship was 6 months and when she broke up with me I was devasted for months. But time heals all. Time slowly healed the pain I felt and now I look back at our time together without feeling very sad at all. So my advice to you is this. Don't worry about how you're feeling at this very moment because those feelings will pass shortly. And eventually you'll find anohther girl and you'll hardly even be able to recall that girl you dated in highschool. Also, learn from your time being single and learn to be happy by yourself. We enter this world alone and we die alone. You have to be comfortable with the idea of being alone and not let your biological urge to procreate make you miserable. And I'm no expert on the subject. I'm just passing along what I've already learned so far on this extremely bumpy ride in search for that heart of gold.


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Goin' where the water tastes like wine.


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Invisiblesilversoul7
Chill the FuckOut!
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Registered: 10/10/02
Posts: 27,301
Loc: mndfreeze's puppet army
Re: Getting over girlfriend [Re: kroum]
    #2533230 - 04/06/04 11:37 PM (13 years, 23 days ago)

You're not going to like this, but you need to hear it because it's the truth. Only time will heal your wounds. You've got a tough time ahead of you, and there's nothing I or anyone else can say to you to make the pain go away. Only time can do that.

I've been there before and it totally sucks. I was severely depressed for about a month, and then it took another couple more months to completely get over her. And this wasn't even a girl I loved(tho I thought I did at the time). After a while, I found someone else. We were friends for a while and eventually became something more. This girl was my first and only love. But even that didn't last. She broke up with me, and while we stayed friends for a little while longer, she eventually stopped talking to me. She blocked my number, my screenname, and probably my email. It's been almost a year since I last heard from her, and I still love her to death. It doesn't hurt as bad as it used to, but still not a day goes by that I don't think about her.


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"It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong."--Voltaire


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Offlinekroum
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Registered: 04/04/04
Posts: 54
Loc: CA
Last seen: 10 years, 11 months
Re: Getting over girlfriend [Re: silversoul7]
    #2533279 - 04/06/04 11:57 PM (13 years, 23 days ago)

Thank you for the replies, time does heal, I know that from previous experiences, but it still doesn't make it easy. I know I can be happy alone because I WAS until she came along, i became so dependent on her for my happiness that now I feel like half a person. I need some alone time. This friday I'm going to go to my astronomical society meeting, and after tht I'm gonna take a long drive in the mountains... always relaxes me. I'm going to park somewhere and just think. The problem is that I know I need to be alone to think, but when i'm alone I always think of being with her, and how complete that felt :\


--------------------
"Why not?"
Last words of Timothy Leary


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Invisiblefailbot999
Registered: 02/18/02
Posts: 590
Re: Getting over girlfriend *DELETED* [Re: kroum]
    #2533312 - 04/07/04 12:08 AM (13 years, 23 days ago)

Post deleted by ski_stoned

Reason for deletion: delete



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Invisiblesilversoul7
Chill the FuckOut!
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Registered: 10/10/02
Posts: 27,301
Loc: mndfreeze's puppet army
Re: Getting over girlfriend [Re: kroum]
    #2533335 - 04/07/04 12:17 AM (13 years, 23 days ago)

Quote:

I'm going to park somewhere and just think.



NOOOOOO!!!!!! Thinking is not what you need to be doing right now. You'll just end up dwelling on her. You need to do something that will distract your mind as much as possible from her. I remember shortly after my first girlfriend broke up with me, I went to Disneyland with some friends. That really helped me out, at least temporarily. Basically, go out and have fun, but not if it involves girls, because then you'll dwell on her.


--------------------


"It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong."--Voltaire


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Offlinekroum
Stranger
Registered: 04/04/04
Posts: 54
Loc: CA
Last seen: 10 years, 11 months
Re: Getting over girlfriend [Re: failbot999]
    #2533346 - 04/07/04 12:20 AM (13 years, 23 days ago)

supabeav:

Ya man, I read your post... horrible... I was trying to imagine what it would be to break up after four years and I didn't even want to venture down that road...

I'm really sorry you can't just stop smoking, pot is mentally addictive, and it would suck if you don't have the freedom to stop doing it even when you know you aught to...to simplify your life...that's why I do it 1ce every 2 months tops...keeps it new and I don't have motivation to do it more often. I wish you the best of luck as well.

Most important thing, i believe, is to learn to be happy alone again.


--------------------
"Why not?"
Last words of Timothy Leary


Edited by kroum (04/07/04 12:23 AM)


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Anonymous #1

Re: Getting over girlfriend [Re: kroum]
    #2535764 - 04/07/04 05:24 PM (13 years, 22 days ago)

No worries man be happy, JAH!
Get ire and let thy mind soar to the I and I jah hights.
Every ting be cool mon.


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