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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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This might be the end of my relationship...
    #7868899 -

I don't know how to react.

I too have had feelings that we should break up. We've grown to be two completely different people. I respect her decision, and it isn't setting in how I thought it would. Normally whenever things like this happen, I cry my heart out (I cry more than most).

I have shed some tears, but nothing that I would consider crying. As I'm writing this however, I think I'm about to.

We've shared so much time with each other, and so many experiences, good and bad...

nevermind... I'm crying now..

I love her to death, and though I think it may be time to break up, or at least take a break, I love her more than anyone in the world. I can honestly say that is true.

I hardly have people I can consider true friends anymore. Off the top of my head, I could name about 5.

Whenever none of them are able to do anything, I could always fall back on her, and we would just cuddle the day away.

Recently though, she has been acting very strange towards me. I don't believe I've changed much, other than knowledge and maturity wise since we've been going out. I feel that talking to her would make things worse for her.

I rescued her from the depths of hell. Whenever we first started going out, I honestly didn't know much about her. I found out a month in that she was cutting, and she was suicidal (don't ask how I didn't know before).

Now, she is very stable, and doesn't need me anymore.

I made a scrap book for our first anniversary... I can't bare to look at it. I took it back from her so I could add more to it, and give to to her on her birthday. Oh my god... The memories we have together...

At first, I wasn't affected too much, but as I'm writing this, it's really hitting me. I'm a fucking wreck. What did I do wrong? I've supported her through everything.

It adds up I guess... Lately shes been ditching me, and hasn't invited me to do anything.

Shes also been hanging out with people that essentially just do things that they aren't supposed to do for fun.

This has happened before, so this may or may not be the end. I just needed to vent. And whenever I talked to her about it last time, it just ended in tears. The pain was unbearable.

She's taught me so much in life. I'm going to be so lost for a while. I know I'll pull through just fine. I'm more worried about her than me. She says that she still loves me more than anyone, and that I'm the best thing thats ever happened to her, but she doesn't know if it's romantically or not anymore. Maybe thats how I feel about her. I really can't tell anymore...

If this is how she really feels, I am happy to let her go. I wouldn't want her to feel restrained because of me.

She says she doesn't want me out of her life either. I don't think I'll be able to uphold that. I'm too emotionally attatched to her. I'd ball my eyes out trying to talk to her while knowing her head will never be pressed up against my chest, or her arms around me again.

Becoming just friends would be impossible. I wouldn't know what to say to her. I wouldn't want to hang out with her. I would be just like anyone else she hangs out with.

God I hope there isn't some one else. Please let that not be the case.:sad:

Just had to vent my feelings...


--------------------


Anyone need a glass pipe? : http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002435158931

Love powerfully :peace::heart::peace:

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Re: This might be the end of my relationship... [Re: Drewwyann]
    #7869282 -

It's tough man. The truth of the matter is you don't know what is going to happen. But because you had these feelings too means you both have grown together to a place where you realize it's best to be apart. Is it a phase or really the end of a relationship? It really could go either way and no one can read the future. So, take care of yourself right now. You obviously are good at taking care of others (hence the state she was in when you first started dating). You even said that she's stable right now so that's one less thing you don't have to worry about her. Consider yourself lucky in at least that respect & make sure you embrace the possibilities of you can do anything YOU want to right now.

I didn't read the whole thing... but I realized you were venting & felt the urge to reply halfway through. Keep your head up. Things could always be worse.


--------------------
"The Highways of Life are Paved with Flat Squirrels who Couldn't Make Up Their Minds"

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Re: This might be the end of my relationship... [Re: DrCamacho89]
    #7869463 -

I think a part of your distress comes from an ingrained idea that you should label your feelings for her. IE. We have feelings of boyfriend and girlfriend towards each other of loving partners.

A relationship with a person is no different than any other, we simply have different capacities to love them in different ways...making it seem like something special that should be analyzed and formally decided upon.

I think this is why so many people who consider each other boy friend and girlfriend, and especially husband and wife argue so much....they thouhgt the agreed upon formally announcing and agreeing to eachothyer that they are husband and wife for example...but they couldnt see that they have different ideas about what the expectations of 'husband' and 'wifel' meant when they agreed to be that to each other.(check out those high as divorce rates within the 5 years too)

Letting these ideas go on their own path in your mind, will allow you to experience whatever there is between you two, without having to stop and say...wait does this kiss mean were in love again?

Really you are just two people expressing feelings of love that you have towards each other...what differs between how you express love to her in comparison to your 'friends', is in the facy that you dont have the capacity love your friends that way.

By love i mean compassionate and caring feelings, not the usual 'im in love' love.

Smoothly ride out whats between you too and talk to her about this if it helpes you any way, i know it has for me.

Do not be frustrated and resentful when you see that your mind will label and categorize the meaning behind the way you love each other. Simply see that it is just a way to love, which is only different in relation to the person and the same in relation to all those you can love, the only way you have the capacity to.


--------------------
The mind is a creative tool. It searches to protect you, through message sensations(feelings). It is no different than a computer, you need to make sure its anti-virus program is in check and that it doesnt have a script that limits your experience, because of to much precaution.

And remember the computer does not appear to respond to words of anger and frustration - just give it input, in the form of new meanings that you know to be true and its messages to you and the limits it lays out for you, will change.

Guilt is an outcome of believing you are the cause of the problems.

Yet, we are not a cause to something, we see is negative or bad - Unless you believe your intentions are directed towards a bad outcome....

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Re: This might be the end of my relationship... [Re: Drewwyann]
    #7872608 -

Hey, I am sorry you feel down right now. :hug:

From what you described here, it seems that you two really love each other.
What's the future of your relationship, only you both will determine and decide.
From what it looks like, it might go any way. Meaning that ANY options are clear, no road is blocked.
Personally I see no reason why you two should end the relationship.
I think that both of you are confused.
ANY healthy and ALIVE relationship is in a state of continuous change. It's just their nature. Maybe what you are experiencing right now is exactly that, another face of your connection. And the reason why you're having second thoughts about it is because you don't experience the same flame that you once did.
But you know, life itself feeds on fluxes. It doesn't mean that the romantic aspect of your relationship is dead, it just means that right now you two result in whatever both of you feel at the given moment.
Why not explore that? Why not embrace? :mushroom2:

Usually I would think that this would be a situation of an end, but something from your attitude is letting me believe that you still love each other and have all the chance to be happy together. IF you allow yourself and your situation follow it's natural course.
Many couples break up when their situation is changing.
I think that the social and cultural aspect is playing an essential role here, because relationships have a standard model that they must follow, but this is just an image that's being sold. And it does not translate into reality. It does not equate with the complexity of feelings and emotions that people usually feel when involved. That's exactly why, in many cases after a break up, both partners end up feeling confused.


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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Re: This might be the end of my relationship... [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #7873099 -

well, that didn't last too long. :smile:

She called me on the phone last night around 6, and said "I don't like this, can you please come to dinner with me?".

We discussed, and the night ended with me and her in bed, with the lights off. At first, we were both silent, and unmoving. I moved my head closer to hers and started to rub our noses together, and then we started to kiss. It was beautiful :heart:.

Then she told me she loves me.

So all is good now. I was thinking it was going to be like last time this happened, where it went on for over a month.

However...

I found cuts on her arm, the first time in about a year (I definitely was not expecting it), I haven't asked her what they were about yet. I'm giving her time to tell me if she wants to.

Two nights ago she went to a party at an abandoned apartment (stupid stupid stupid) with a bunch of drunk coked out guys, and two of her friends cheated on their current boyfriends. She says that she didn't do anything like that, and I believe her. She isn't one to give into things like that, or lie about things like that. The guilt would eat away at her too much.

Though she didn't do anything wrong, I'm still disappointed that she was even there in the first place.

The tables have turned I guess. She used to hate being at public places, and hated parties, and I used to love them, now its the complete opposite. :shrug:

Aaanyway... We are still in love. Bottom line. Yes! :heart::smile::heart:


--------------------


Anyone need a glass pipe? : http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002435158931

Love powerfully :peace::heart::peace:

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Re: This might be the end of my relationship... [Re: Drewwyann]
    #7873131 -

This sounds like it's been a pretty substantial pattern in your relationship, ie. needing space, pushing away, breaking up, getting back together.  While it is clear that you two have weathered many storms together & are deeply in love.  Perhaps that pattern needs to be disrupted if you two are going to sustain long lasting fidelity.  I know nothing about the details of your relationship so I will not offer any advice on how to do that, I guess that's for you AND her to decide.  I do have one suggestion though, take it or leave it, when she does bring up the cutting, ask her if she knew that would hurt you & gain your sympathy.  That's something that she needs to know isn't necessary immediately so it won't happen again (for yours and hers sake).  If that is the case, the cutting has now become a weapon to manipulate your feelings.  It's regressive to all of the therapy your obviously healthy relationship has done for her. 

Congrats on the refinding your love within each other.  :smile:


--------------------
"The Highways of Life are Paved with Flat Squirrels who Couldn't Make Up Their Minds"

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Re: This might be the end of my relationship... [Re: DrCamacho89]
    #7875022 -

Glad to hear this. A phase's a phase, but sometimes it's so freakin long that you think it's the end. I've been there before.

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Re: This might be the end of my relationship... [Re: Justice_Fish]
    #7875087 -

Thanks for the support, and for hearing me out guys (and girl). It means a lot. :smile:


--------------------


Anyone need a glass pipe? : http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002435158931

Love powerfully :peace::heart::peace:

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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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