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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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I Suffer From Shyness!
    #7805404 -

haha, well, after answering a billion of these posts since I registered, I guess it's about time to tell everyone about my fuck-ups.

I just moved to a new place and started a new job and my social anxiety is back. Once I get into a routine and am familiar with everyone and everything I can function pretty normally. But I'm just awkward as shit lately, I'm away from all my friends and have a job that requires I talk to a billion strangers a day.

These days I have absolutely no reason to be shy, in middle/high-school I went through an awkward stage, but now I'm a beautiful stalion still carrying the baggage of my early teenage years. It bothers me a great deal because I love talking to people and ironically some people interpret my shyness as arrogance, which couldn't be further from the truth.

So, does anyone here have some advice? I took zoloft a few years back, but I couldn't ejaculate and that was reason enough to not take it.


Edited by oliveplume (12/27/07 08:27 PM)

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Re: I Suffer From Shyness! [Re: mushroomplume]
    #7805485 -

Quote:
So, does anyone here have some advice?


yes... stop thinking that you are a stallion

remember... you are a human being

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Re: I Suffer From Shyness! [Re: mushroomplume]
    #7805518 -

You've been on and off with this... so the first thing I would do would be to remind myself that this is a phase in my life.
Also I would remind myself how it all happened in the past and how I got out of it. It's easy to pick up on past feelings, that's what got you here in the first place. :smile:
So if you (less consciously) turned into that mind frame that makes you behave shy, you can also (this time consciously, therefore more efficient) tune into the person that you were when you got over your shyness.


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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Re: I Suffer From Shyness! [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #7805559 -

Thanks mushtrip.

I've been shy my entire life, my father was and so was my grandfather, I wonder how much genetics has to do with it.

It seems like I have honestly no control over this, it just gradually diminishes when I am familiar with a place or people given a certain amount of time. Even then, I am only comfortable in that routine, parties or meeting new people reverts me right back to my ol self...

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Re: I Suffer From Shyness! [Re: mushroomplume]
    #7805638 -

Take some MDMA at work!


--------------------

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Re: I Suffer From Shyness! [Re: RonaldFuckingPaul]
    #7805647 -

reeferaddict69 said:
Take some MDMA at work!


OMG, best idea yet!

Check your pm's, I just sent a message titled "Can you get me beans?"

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Re: I Suffer From Shyness! [Re: mushroomplume]
    #7805669 -

No, leave genetics out of it because it's not the way to go if you want any problems fixed. :lol:
Tell me, did you ever really consider that you're not really shy?
Shyness is only determined when compared.
Would your behavior be considered shy 100 years ago?
Would you be labeled shy (by others or you) if you lived amongst Tibetan monks?
Perhaps you are not so much of a social person, which is not quite the same thing with being shy.
Maybe your personality has a different structure than the majority of people.
I considered myself to be shy for a long time for basically the same reasons that you do, and it turned out... that I was not shy at all. :lol:
It's just that I have OVERexposed myself to social situations which didn't match my personality. The reason why I socially overexposed myself like that was exactly because I couldn't get along with the idea that I can't do what the rest of the people do, not because I felt the need to do so... looking back, it was so silly :lol:
So yeah I was getting more & more miserable and confused and then I decided that maybe it's just not me the person that I was trying to be.
I love people and I love talking and connecting to people. But most of the times my idea of being with people doesn't click with the principle on which they usually interact. :tongue:
So yeah... where was I? :lol:
In my mind it all sounded more structured but right now my thoughts seem to have a life of their own. :strokebeard:
Yes. so, where I was getting at is that maybe a similar thing is happening to you. You love people and probably on certain occasions you are so sociable that you can't believe that it's you doing all that. :lol: And then... you experience those feelings.
Maybe look for people who you are really compatible with?
As a reverse to all this, I met lots of people who have incredible social skills but in fact are really shy. Which leads me to the conclusion that probably being a social person has almost nothing to do with who you are but more likely with what you learn.
Some people are just educated into being social.
I guess that following this logic you could educate yourself and become the heart of all parties and other mass social activities.
The question is: do you REALLY want that?
I suggest that you think about it and see what's driving you. :hehehe:
Might as well be just the desire of having what you can't have, an ambition. And then you can start thinking about how constructive this ambition is for you.
Will it make you happy? I think that's the final question... at least that's what would be for me, since everything comes down to feeling happy. :mushroom2:

Ahh yes! :lol:
I knew I wanted to say something more. :smirk:
The reason why your grandfather and you father and now you... were/are all shy is NOT because of genetics, but because your father was grown up by your grand father (and... he picked up on his shyness from an early age that he didn't have the time nor the awareness to see that it was all from the way he was grown)... and you... were grown by your father and practically repeated his history. :shrug: :smile:


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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Re: I Suffer From Shyness! [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #7805676 -

MushroomTrip said:
No, leave genetics out of it because it's not the way to go if you want any problems fixed. :lol:
Tell me, did you ever really consider that you're not really shy?
Shyness is only determined when compared.
Would your behavior be considered shy 100 years ago?
Would you be labeled shy (by others or you) if you lived amongst Tibetan monks?
Perhaps you are not so much of a social person, which is not quite the same thing with being shy.
Maybe your personality has a different structure than the majority of people.
I considered myself to be shy for a long time for basically the same reasons that you do, and it turned out... that I was not shy at all. :lol:
It's just that I have OVERexposed myself to social situations which didn't match my personality. The reason why I socially overexposed myself like that was exactly because I couldn't get along with the idea that I can't do what the rest of the people do, not because I felt the need to do so... looking back, it was so silly :lol:
So yeah I was getting more & more miserable and confused and then I decided that maybe it's just not me the person that I was trying to be.
I love people and I love talking and connecting to people. But most of the times my idea of being with people doesn't click with the principle on which they usually interact. :tongue:
So yeah... where was I? :lol:
In my mind it all sounded more structured but right now my thoughts seem to have a life of their own. :strokebeard:
Yes. so, where I was getting at is that maybe a similar thing is happening to you. You love people and probably on certain occasions you are so sociable that you can't believe that it's you doing all that. :lol: And then... you experience those feelings.
Maybe look for people who you are really compatible with?
As a reverse to all this, I met lots of people who have incredible social skills but in fact are really shy. Which leads me to the conclusion that probably being a social person has almost nothing to do with who you are but more likely with what you learn.
Some people are just educated into being social.
I guess that following this logic you could educate yourself and become the heart of all parties and other mass social activities.
The question is: do you REALLY want that?
I suggest that you think about it and see what's driving you. :hehehe:
Might as well be just the desire of having what you can't have, an ambition. And then you can start thinking about how constructive this ambition is for you.
Will it make you happy? I think that's the final question... at least that's what would be for me, since everything comes down to feeling happy. :mushroom2:

Ahh yes! :lol:
I knew I wanted to say something more. :smirk:
The reason why your grandfather and you father and now you... were/are all shy is NOT because of genetics, but because your father was grown up by your grand father (and... he picked up on his shyness from an early age that he didn't have the time nor the awareness to see that it was all from the way he was grown)... and you... were grown by your father and practically repeated his history. :shrug: :smile:


Exactly:thumbup:


--------------------

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Re: I Suffer From Shyness! [Re: RonaldFuckingPaul]
    #7805740 -

Something I'll keep in mind mush. I picked up a psychology today issue once about shyness and one guy in there theorized that shyness is actually a defensive mechanism going back to the stone age. Apparently, by being shy, tribes were better able to protect themselves by being more apprehensive of other tribes.

I do want to be a social butterfly because I believe that will make me happy, I love people and want to open up to them as much as possible. I've missed out on so many great relationships because of my shyness. It's painful when some really cute girl will flirt with me and I do nothing about it. I usually have to make the friendship connection with women before I can put my moves on them :craven:

In the meantime, thanks for the sick price on those beans reefer, I'll try those out as soon as they reach my house :thumbup:

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Re: I Suffer From Shyness! [Re: mushroomplume]
    #7805933 -

here is a definition of shy

Adj. 1. shy - lacking self-confidence; "stood in the doorway diffident and abashed"; "problems that call for bold not timid responses"; "a very unsure young man"
unsure, diffident, timid

and mushroomtrip, i think it is called subconscious, not less conscious :smile:

as far as i know, social anxiety and shyness is a type of defense mechanism that exists in some peoples subconscious mind.. stuck there like a piece of bubble gum.. and my guess is that it can be somewhat easily removed with hypnotherapy and other methods similar to that

social anxiety sits in the simplest parts of the mind, and can be removed

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Re: I Suffer From Shyness! [Re: mushroomplume]
    #7805953 -

oliveplume said:
Something I'll keep in mind mush. I picked up a psychology today issue once about shyness and one guy in there theorized that shyness is actually a defensive mechanism going back to the stone age. Apparently, by being shy, tribes were better able to protect themselves by being more apprehensive of other tribes.

I do want to be a social butterfly because I believe that will make me happy, I love people and want to open up to them as much as possible. I've missed out on so many great relationships because of my shyness. It's painful when some really cute girl will flirt with me and I do nothing about it. I usually have to make the friendship connection with women before I can put my moves on them :craven:

In the meantime, thanks for the sick price on those beans reefer, I'll try those out as soon as they reach my house :thumbup:


Anything to help a brotha in need!


--------------------

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Re: I Suffer From Shyness! [Re: GGreatOne234]
    #7805963 -

GG,

what the hell happened to that number you were supposed to pm me? huh?

:toomuchacid:

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Re: I Suffer From Shyness! [Re: mushroomplume]
    #7805988 -

oliveplume said:
GG,

what the hell happened to that number you were supposed to pm me? huh?

:toomuchacid:


Huh?


--------------------

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Re: I Suffer From Shyness! [Re: RonaldFuckingPaul]
    #7805997 -

that was directed at GG

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Re: I Suffer From Shyness! [Re: RonaldFuckingPaul]
    #7805999 -

i know of a really brilliant therapist doctor from when i used to live in florida

i will make a phone call right now and find it for you olive

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Re: I Suffer From Shyness! [Re: mushroomplume]
    #7807361 -

ironically some people interpret my shyness as arrogance, which couldn't be further from the truth.


I think more accurately, self-importance/self consciousness is the issue in shyness. We think about ourselves too much and worry that others will see us the way we see ourselves. They are usually too busy worrying about themselves for that. To change this is a life long struggle IMO and my experience. It usually gets a little better with time but can have acute recurrences from time to time.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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Re: I Suffer From Shyness! [Re: mushroomplume]
    #7811740 -

I've always been shy. I'm slowly realizing how limiting it can be. I know I come off as arrogant sometimes because of my self-consciousness. I have been working on it though, and one thing that's helped me consistently is to emulate people who are not shy. Be the first one to talk for once, even though it feels awkward at first.

In any case it's something that has to be practiced.


--------------------
Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man.  For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire.  Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.

~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"

:heartpump:

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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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