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InvisibleYarry
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Socially Inept Reclusive Drunk
    #4231140 - 05/28/05 09:23 PM (11 years, 6 months ago)

The title is me to a T. i have maybe 2 good friends in the world that i spend any amount of time with. when im around anyone else on a one on one basis i simply feel overwhelmed. i dont know what to say, or how to respond.

I hate going outside. i dont know why... there are days i dont even leave my bedroom other then to pee...

and to top it off im an alcoholic for sure..


please.. how the hell do i end this... i need the confidence to talk to people i dont know, and to be liked.. but i dont know where to start or how to take that first step.




i feel so fucking alone tonight


--------------------
Grumpy Old Man.


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InvisibleRandalFlagg
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Re: Socially Inept Reclusive Drunk [Re: Yarry]
    #4231463 - 05/28/05 10:30 PM (11 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Yarry said:
The title is me to a T.  i have maybe 2 good friends in the world that i spend any amount of time with. when im around anyone else on a one on one basis i simply feel overwhelmed. i dont know what to say, or how to respond.

I hate going outside. i dont know why... there are days i dont even leave my bedroom other then to pee...

and to top it off im an alcoholic for sure..


please.. how the hell do i end this... i need the confidence to talk to people i dont know, and to be liked.. but i dont know where to start or how to take that first step.




i feel so fucking alone tonight




Aren't you 6'3.  Man...if I was that tall I would be oozing with confidence and self-esteem.  :grin:

I am in a similar boat.  Remove the "Drunk" part of your post and that is me.  If alcohol made me forget all of my problems, I would definately be a drunk.  But, alcohol has the unfortunate side affect of making me dwell on my problems.  Sobriety is the only thing that enables me to stifle any negative feelings.

I am reclusive a lot.  The situation ebbs and flows.  Sometimes I will find myself hanging out with people and being quite normal.  There are other times when I find myself completely alone.  I have learned to deal with it when it happens.  You either need to change your situation....or learn to live with it.  I wish I could give you some all-encompassing cure for what ails you.  I don't think there is one.  You just have to figure out what works for you and do it.


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Offlinefreddurgan
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Re: Socially Inept Reclusive Drunk [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #4231785 - 05/28/05 11:33 PM (11 years, 6 months ago)

The only thing I can give you is this :
doing the same thing over and over again (what you're doing now) and hoping it will fix itself is NOT how it's going to get fixed.


--------------------
Ishmael
http://www.ishmael.org

Ron Paul 2008!
http://www.ronpaul2008.com/


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Offlinebhopkinz
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Re: Socially Inept Reclusive Drunk [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #4231795 - 05/28/05 11:36 PM (11 years, 6 months ago)

you can only really do this yourself....if you wanna get out of the situation you can, but only if you believe you're able to.

two years ago i was a complete recluse, had sweaty hands wherever i went and had huge problems socializing with anybody let alone women....

i had smoked weed on a daily basis since the age of 13.and i did shrooms too...and each time i did them in a group i would realise i felt completely out of place and stifled by anxiety. i could very well have gone on living a life of a recluse, going out ocassionally with the only few real friends i had, never having a girlfriend, watching tv and taking refuge in weed and food. my studies were going decently, but not half of what i was capable of achieving.

ive been reading a few threads on the shroomery and it seems to me like many of you (similarly to me) are very much thinkers and philosophical types. this is great. but its only great if you use philosophy in the right way. its fine to hang around all day thinking about the meaning of life and why we're here. but dont. use philosophy and combine it with real life experience to improve yourself overall. i cant really explain this well in words...but everything comes down to you. dare to rise above what society wants. ur gonna have to live with society whether u like it or not...so get used to it. what you dont have to be conned and fooled by the often ridiculous and superficial expectations of society. but on the other hand i feel that whether u hate society or not, u have to live with it. and i believe that everybody loves praise and to be recognised as being "good" at something or several things. find something you want and/or uve always wanted. get good at it.grab it. dont listen to any1 around u that tells u u cant do it. just dare to be all you can be. i kno all this sounds like a bunch of clich? bullshit...but it really isnt.

first off, stop watching tv. if there was one thing which i think causes anxiety unconsciously its television. show after show of fake laughter, programmed to tell us what is funny and what is not.countless commercials brainwashing us by telling a person theyre better than another because they have a more expensive cell phone. cop shows where the good guys win and the bad guys get locked in jail. its all bullshit.all of it. cut tv out if u watch it. watch movies once in a while, and if u do try and go to a theatre so that u get out more.

life goes quickly, who gives a shit man just go out there, train urself to no longer be afraid of death. all anxiety in effect stems from fear of death. just think "so what, if i die, i die- at least ill die doing my best". if u think this bullshit u can say it plain...im sure alot of it sounds like a load of shit.

all im saying is i come from a home where both my parents had social anxiety and they drank huge amounts to compensate for it. never did them any good... i was sexually abused when i was a kid also. for these and other reasons i got heavily into drugs and had terrible social anxiety.

but no longer. dont expect life to be constant. doesnt mean im a smile-happy machine all day. some days i feel like shit and i hate every1, but hey who doesnt have those days? life isnt constant u just gotta grab it by both hands and dont look back. dont hang around like sorry prick feelin sorry for yourself. stick up for yourself..dont take shit from any1 if they try to put u down.

ive just come back from a night out in a club. i was able to dance perfectly, socialise with friends (and friends of theirs who i didnt kno) and also managed to hook up with a very pretty young lady. every1 was comlimenting me on how "pimp" it was. i recognised that this is nothing but a stupid term for ppl stupid enough to buy into mainstream hip hop culture. but who cares...i dont have time for that...im too busy planning my 10k morning run and going out with the same girl later today.

dare to be great and all you can be. and you will begin to love life.


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OfflineDrink_Punk_Soda
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Re: Socially Inept Reclusive Drunk [Re: Yarry]
    #4231807 - 05/28/05 11:38 PM (11 years, 6 months ago)

Sounds like a mixture of agoraphobia and anxiety.  The alcoholism could be pre-disposed, or could be self-medication.  I don't know you well enough to know.  But if you can bring yourself to speak with a doctor, and are willing, there are medications that can help dramatically with the anxiety and agoraphobia.  It won't make you more confident, but it can definately lessen the "overwhelming" feeling.  I assume (although one never should) that you don't like to leave because you feel safe in your own place, where you don't have to deal with people?  Treating the anxiety will make that easier as well, over time.

Hope that helps a bit.  :thumbup:


--------------------

Kumbayah my lord, Kumbayah...


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InvisibleLe_Canard
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Registered: 05/17/03
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Re: Socially Inept Reclusive Drunk [Re: Yarry]
    #4231846 - 05/28/05 11:52 PM (11 years, 6 months ago)

Good advice, Drink_Punk_Soda.  :thumbup:

Also Yarry, you might want to work on cutting back on your drinking before it turns into a real problem. Alcohol is a depressant, and will only exacerbate your problems in the long run....


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InvisibleYarry
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Re: Socially Inept Reclusive Drunk [Re: Le_Canard]
    #4231866 - 05/29/05 12:00 AM (11 years, 6 months ago)

yea... it seems alcohol is my only escape but then i end up more depressed then ever... its not easy..

thanks for the advice so far guys.. keep it coming though, it really helps


--------------------
Grumpy Old Man.


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Offlinecrunchytoast
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Re: Socially Inept Reclusive Drunk [Re: Yarry]
    #4232142 - 05/29/05 02:15 AM (11 years, 6 months ago)

you should seek help for your alcoholism.  maybe try al-anon?  i've heard of people taking lots of lsd to break heroine addictions.  i'd research that one first :wink:

you may find talk-therapy, meds helpful.  support groups, live or online.  read books about social anxiety.  talk!  talk about your feelings.  even keep a journal.  there's lots of research to show that just talking about your feelings helps.

depending on how comfortable you feel, you may want to try getting involved in the community.  meetup.com is one place to look (although i hear they're charging some fee).  maybe personals for just meeting people, if they exist (probably do).  a friend of mine joined a shyness meetup.com group and then he joined a few others- now he's a lot more extraverted.  this happened in 2 months.  he was also having talk therapy once a week.

alcoholism is a problem.  but it sounds like you're taking the obstacles you face and you're serious about facing them.  good for you!!  :heart: :heart: :heart:  we only get one chance at this life, it's great you're taking it seriously.  you ask for a first step but posting like this was a good first step for you i think  :thumbup: :thumbup:

edit: one more thing: exercise!  exercise (if you dont have a heart condition or something like that) is great for mental health!



--------------------
"consensus on the nature of equilibrium is usually established by periodic conflict." -henry kissinger


Edited by crunchytoast (05/29/05 02:19 AM)


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OfflineKalix
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Re: Socially Inept Reclusive Drunk [Re: crunchytoast]
    #4232215 - 05/29/05 02:39 AM (11 years, 6 months ago)

"5 dry grams in the dark, by yourself, my answer to all life's problems.." Terence McKenna


--------------------


My Unitarian Jihad Name is: The Shotgun of Sweet Reason


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Invisiblebudsicle
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Re: Socially Inept Reclusive Drunk [Re: Kalix]
    #4232949 - 05/29/05 11:56 AM (11 years, 6 months ago)

"ur gonna have to live with society whether u like it or not...so get used to it"

whys that? any1 can go and live in wilderness as hermit if they want. im gonna do that this summer for several months and hopin that some day ive arranged my stuff so that i can move out of modern society for good. society that i could accept and live with is probably similar to sum tribe that lives in natures terms.


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Offlinebhopkinz
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Re: Socially Inept Reclusive Drunk [Re: budsicle]
    #4233704 - 05/29/05 04:49 PM (11 years, 6 months ago)

this guy obviously has a will to integrate society and not being able to is what is making him feel terrible. i respect that you want to live away from society but in this guy's case he actually at least ppartially wants to be part of society and make friends


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InvisibleTHE KRAT BARON
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Re: Socially Inept Reclusive Drunk [Re: Yarry]
    #4233798 - 05/29/05 05:31 PM (11 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Yarry said:
The title is me to a T. i have maybe 2 good friends in the world that i spend any amount of time with. when im around anyone else on a one on one basis i simply feel overwhelmed. i dont know what to say, or how to respond.

I hate going outside. i dont know why... there are days i dont even leave my bedroom other then to pee...

and to top it off im an alcoholic for sure..


please.. how the hell do i end this... i need the confidence to talk to people i dont know, and to be liked.. but i dont know where to start or how to take that first step.




i feel so fucking alone tonight




Do not feel alone man I am in the same situation as yourself. Reading that you described myself. It's literally hell and I can totally sympathise with you.

Edit.. I must say today is especially bad. Im sick of being this way and basically sick of my life. I want so bad to change but Im lost on where to start. I feel like there is no help for me. Does this sound at all similar to the way you feel bro?


--------------------
m00nshine is currently vacationing in Maui. Rumor has it he got rolled by drunken natives and is currently prostituting himself in order to pay for airfare back to the mainland but he's having trouble juggling a hairon addiction. He won't be back for a long while.


Edited by mattzdope (05/29/05 05:42 PM)


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Offlinebhopkinz
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Re: Socially Inept Reclusive Drunk [Re: budsicle]
    #4234208 - 05/29/05 08:09 PM (11 years, 6 months ago)

wow hang around on the internet feeling sorry for yourself. if you were truly gonna do anything about your situation you wouldnt be doing this. at the end of the day you've got yourself to blame, and at the rate you're going ull be like this for the rest of ur life.

if u wanna beat social anxiety going on drug forums where people exchange ideas about how to beat social anxiety by closing themselves of from the outside world and consuming large amounts of drugs is not a viable option. hell, "finding yourself" doesnt come from shrooms, it comes from gettin into the outside world and seeing how you react to situations and challenges. this is seriously pathetic.

shrooms are great but sort ur life out first, without drugs and then go back to them to have fun/ become englightened when uve dealt with ur problems. until then if u even go on this forum once ur not doing all you can do to beat your anxiety.like i said its all down to you


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OfflinebizzaroSquirrel
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Registered: 05/28/05
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Re: Socially Inept Reclusive Drunk [Re: bhopkinz]
    #4237709 - 05/30/05 08:35 PM (11 years, 6 months ago)

"you should seek help for your alcoholism. maybe try al-anon? i've heard of people taking lots of lsd to break heroine addictions. i'd research that one first " -crunchytoast

Maybe that would be a good start?  My brother was in a similar situation to this for around a year.  He started cutting down on the alcohol which helped a lot (like from every day to a few nights a week, then just to weekends).  Once he could control that he started making progress in other areas. 

squirrel

bhopkinz, you're a dumbass.  :thumbdown:


--------------------
Hello Friends.
I am a perfectly normal human worm baby.
You have nothing, absolutely nothing to fear from me, just pay no attention to me and we will get along fine.


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InvisibleHolydiver
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Re: Socially Inept Reclusive Drunk [Re: bizzaroSquirrel]
    #4237718 - 05/30/05 08:37 PM (11 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

bizzaroSquirrel said:
bhopkinz, you're a dumbass.  :thumbdown:




I think it's pretty rude of you to throw insults around like that.  bhopkinz offered some of the best advice to be found in this thread.


--------------------
To find a place to live between the negatives and positives.


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OfflinebizzaroSquirrel
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Re: Socially Inept Reclusive Drunk [Re: Holydiver]
    #4237986 - 05/30/05 10:15 PM (11 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Diver said:
I think it's pretty rude of you to throw insults around like that. bhopkinz offered some of the best advice to be found in this thread.




The underlying advice is good, however that comment was sort of directed to the tone of post. eg: ""wow hang around on the internet feeling sorry for yourself", and "this is seriously pathetic". Just didn't see the need for that.

But I guess some people won't start to make a change without some strong words (not sugarcoating things).
Apologies to bhopkins and yarry if it was helpful.

cheers,
squirrel


--------------------
Hello Friends.
I am a perfectly normal human worm baby.
You have nothing, absolutely nothing to fear from me, just pay no attention to me and we will get along fine.


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OfflineQuantumMeltdown
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Re: Socially Inept Reclusive Drunk [Re: Yarry]
    #4239886 - 05/31/05 02:22 PM (11 years, 6 months ago)

I think this thread kind of describes alot of us to a T. I think anxiety stems from the fear of losing control. When you consider the fact you really have no control over what other people think of you anyways then the anxiety is really irrational. All you can really do is just be yourself and if people accept you they except you if they don't oh well theres tons of other wierdos out there that will. Oh yeah and sitting around posting in the Pub/Otd all day won't help your situation either.


--------------------
-QuantumMeltdown

Total abstinence is so excellent a thing that it cannot be carried to too great an extent. In my passion for it I even carry it so far as to totally abstain from total abstinence itself.
  -Mark Twain

"The time has come the walrus said, little oysters  hide their heads, my Twain of thought is loosely bound I guess its time to Mark this down, Be good and you will be lonesome
Be lonesome and you will be free
Live a lie and you will live to regret it
That's what livin' is to me
That's what livin' is to me"
Jimmy Buffett


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Offlinebhopkinz
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Re: Socially Inept Reclusive Drunk [Re: QuantumMeltdown]
    #4244479 - 06/01/05 04:38 PM (11 years, 6 months ago)

anxiety is just part of some people for various reasons.i am one such person. it cannot be "cured" just like alchoholism cannot be cured.but it can be contained. much like everything in life this comes from hard, hard work.it comes from an inner strength.a strength that allows you to be yourself without lying to other people...and even more importantly not lying to yourself. it is as much about physical aspects as it is mental.anxiety often seems overwhelming, but it needn't be. once you have the power to accept yourself...then you will have the power to be accepted by other people.

i realise that many of my posts may seem "harsh" and i apologise if they seem so. but often, in my experience harsh words are needed to arouse the inspiration and heart to take anxiety full on.not in the sense of a battle, because you will only be beating yourself.in the sense of creating a way of life which feels comfortable to you. often to arouse the feelings and motivation to confront the problem you will need to bring out much of the pain and anger that resides in all of us, im sure. however well-intentioned and benevolent a person is, they always have a dark,agressive and violent side. in dealing with anxiety, it is capital to channel this energy into activities which fulfil you, and teach you about life. that allow you to evolve as a person, to meet other people preferably and sometimes just to have plain old fun and forget about your life.in my case fighting sports have helped me on belief. the sacrifices i have made in training and yet the thrill of engaging in combat with another person is something which cannot be truly described.it is human nature and emotions at its rawest. but it also taught me many lessons to apply in life outside the ring. namely, to stand up for yourself, and do not accept anything less than ur best...but also to respect your opponent to the fullest. now, i recognize the fact that this may not be for everybody, but i would say it is by far the most effective tretment for anxiety. the search for self-improvement in the ring, as a person, and the motivation to go further is greater than any high that drugs have ever given me. there is motivation to work out, to eat healthily and to abstain from drug/alcohol abuse. being able to protect myself in situations has given me serenity i could never have dreamed of.i recognise that this is not for everyone though. maybe you like painting maybe you like...who knows what!. there is a world of opprtunity to discover out there.people with low self-esteem will tell themselves "im not good at anything". haha.that used to be me.before i realised that talent was not given, it is created. undoubtely, some people have a natural talent, which accounts for 10-15% of their skills. the rest is down to HARD WORK.

this applies to life.relationships take work.professions take work.discipline takes work.being "happy" takes work. do not think too much all day. make thinking the 10-15%. but make it good thinking,where u are honest with yourself.set goals, targets. the remaining 85-90% should be ACTION. it is only through action that the problem is truly solved. fail 100 times, and u will eventually be successful. do not fear DEATH. just grab life with both hands and dont listen to anybody that tries to put you down. if their comments are valid, accept them and learn from them. accept that anxiety is a battle with yourself...and ultimately is caused by you and your responses to the external world. dont try to hate them and fit in..use your intelligence and experience to rise above what they tell you. finally i would like to say good luck- you can do it!.

their are decisions to be made in all aspects of our lives on a daily basis. taking the easy route, in my experience is rarely the good route.accept that you may never be truly "happy". life is always up and down. its a rollercoaster, and we may never truly find hapiness. we strive for it throughout but can we really define it? just go for the journey, and enjoy it...its one hell of a ride


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Offlinerogue_pixie
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Re: Socially Inept Reclusive Drunk [Re: bhopkinz]
    #4247262 - 06/02/05 10:14 AM (11 years, 6 months ago)

That description fits me to a T as well - apart from the fact I don't have one single friend. And my family don't love me.
See there's always someone worse off than yourself.


--------------------
'It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.' ~ J. Krishnamurti


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InvisibleYarry
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Re: Socially Inept Reclusive Drunk [Re: rogue_pixie]
    #4252763 - 06/03/05 05:46 PM (11 years, 6 months ago)

id be yer friend for sure. in fact im gonna pm you now!


--------------------
Grumpy Old Man.


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