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Offlinezzenix
sister
Registered: 02/26/03
Posts: 20
Loc: betwixt
Last seen: 13 years, 8 months
shyness/loneliness
    #1407458 - 03/25/03 04:30 AM (14 years, 3 days ago)

Does anyone else have a problem with shyness?

I'm in college, but I live at home so it makes it kind of hard to meet people. When i see people that look interesting at school, for some reason I can't make myself talk to them; I can't think of anything to talk about so I just don't bother. All my friends are away at school, so I'm really lonely...I only have a few friends in my town that i hang out with, and the rest of the time I spend alone. I just feel like I'm sinking deeper and deeper into a hole...I know that I should join clubs and shit to get to know people, but class and work take up most of my time as it is. I think I'm a pretty friendly girl when people talk to me, but I just can't get myself to go out of the way to talk to them, especially if I don't know anything about them. I've thought about living at school (which would kind of force me to meet people) but it's only 20 mins away from my house so it would be kind of pointless.

Any suggestions for overcoming shyness would be appreciated...


Edited by zzenix (03/25/03 04:34 AM)


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Invisiblematts
matts

Registered: 01/28/02
Posts: 3,649
[Re: zzenix]
    #1407477 - 03/25/03 04:46 AM (14 years, 3 days ago)



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Invisibledjfrog
omgws!!!1!

Registered: 10/23/00
Posts: 3,710
Re: shyness/loneliness [Re: zzenix]
    #1407478 - 03/25/03 04:46 AM (14 years, 3 days ago)

Join a club.


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OfflineJackal
Well Versed In Etiquette
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Registered: 10/16/02
Posts: 4,571
Last seen: 2 years, 5 months
Re: shyness/loneliness [Re: zzenix]
    #1407580 - 03/25/03 05:46 AM (14 years, 3 days ago)

Confidence isn't something you are born with. I like to think of confidence as an "Unvicious Circle" (My own words). You have to make an effort to begin with; then it comes naturally. Next time you're out an about, strut your stuff, walk around like you own the place. Next, when you're buying something from a shop - be more assertive with the checkout girl, try starting a conversation. Speak with confidence, don't hesitate your words. You'll the start to enjoy it, and this is where the "Unvicious Circle" comes in. You get a taste for it and you want more, you become more confident, you become more assertive and direct.

Remember your not born with or without confidence - you create it yourself. I can turn confidence on or off like a switch without the aid of substances - soon you'll be able to too.


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Anonymous #1

Re: shyness/loneliness [Re: Jackal]
    #1407650 - 03/25/03 06:23 AM (14 years, 3 days ago)

i tend to be shy and on the quiet side, but it was more by choice. i used to be the sarcastic witty person, but after some self exploring i've found beauty in humbleness. i try not to exert myself on anyone that doesn't want to listen. I refuse to play the games. its a rewarding experience, but it can erode your confidence unless your careful. i'm very confident in being humble, and it shows. people can detect confidence in many ways, find yours.


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OfflineShaMan1988
ShaMaN InC.
Registered: 03/05/03
Posts: 188
Loc: my room, my house, my rul...
Last seen: 10 years, 3 months
Re: shyness/loneliness [Re: zzenix]
    #1407730 - 03/25/03 06:51 AM (14 years, 3 days ago)

a problem with shyness/loneliness... ahahah... i remember that. back in the day, from grades 9-11. i for some reason i thought that the world was against me. staying in the library at skool instead of the cafe. i had friends, i just never realized it. some force kept me like that for that length of time. then some o my friends said sumpthin like why u always in here and never in the cafe. it all changed when i made the wrong kind of friends. i quote from my yearbook in OAC "you were pretty smart in grade 11 chem, what happened?" haha.. now i'm in college. meeting people and blah blah is always a sinch. and then i made friends with players... now i've learned 2 manipulate pretty much anything and everyone. it's a great feeling, control that is. the question about you living at home and never having time. i thought about that one while i was in high skool still. would i wanna live at home or move the hell outta a hole riddled with rules? so upon this thought, i decided to move into residence. It's pretty sweet, cept the $5 a night rule. If anything, joining a club at college would prob not b the best idea, considering i remember ppl joining clubs in high skool just to put it on their resume not givin a damn bout anyone else... i even did that :P.... you should grab a couple o ppl from one of your classes and say look, i haven't done anything fun yet this year, come out w me to this club/bar, i hear its sweet.


shaman


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InvisibleBilge
longtimenoC

Registered: 08/26/02
Posts: 1,858
Loc: USA
Re: shyness/loneliness [Re: zzenix]
    #1407793 - 03/25/03 07:32 AM (14 years, 3 days ago)

i am the same. my sad semi-resolution to the problem was to join a frat and drink plenty in general. i still drink to loosen inhibitions in uncomfortable situations.


--------------------
Shopping for your head? Visit HeadShopFinder.com or find Online Head Shops.


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OfflineAlobar
A Bucket of Lard

Registered: 01/13/03
Posts: 322
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
Re: shyness/loneliness [Re: zzenix]
    #1407936 - 03/25/03 08:20 AM (14 years, 3 days ago)

Sounds to me like you're a sweet girl... Why would'nt anybody like you?
I realize that this was posted quite a while ago, but I feel compelled to reply. I can't give advise, though, for I suppose that I'm in the same boat as you. You see, I recently enrolled in college again after a long stint of isolation in the deep south, jamming with my bros. Back up north, I secured myself an apartment by my lonesome and am attending classes in an attempt to graduate as an english major. New town, new school, new people, new life... Sad part is (not to be morose- joy in spite of everything, right?), I haven't found anybody that I "click" with. I think I'm a fairly good looking guy, talented, and realize that I am no better than anyone else... But for some odd reason, I can't hold a conversation. I'm not interested in the "idle chit-chat," albeit it's a good way to meet people. I'd rather reach straight for the stuff down deep. Unfortunately, nobody else seems to be interested in this. So I remain alone, waiting for the click. I have faith that it'll happen; in the mean time, I use the loneliness to my advantage and struggle with creation- art is the outlet for the lonesome soul, whatever that art may be. I guess I have some advise after all- smile by yourself, pour your heart out into something that you love- be it writing, painting, making music, or just breathing- relax and have patience. The world is your oyster? Perhaps, and perhaps also everything happens for a reason, every action has a reaction, so forth and so on. But don't forget to smile! Oh, and read some Tom Robbins- he's a good guy.


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OfflineAlobar
A Bucket of Lard

Registered: 01/13/03
Posts: 322
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
Re: shyness/loneliness [Re: zzenix]
    #1407940 - 03/25/03 08:23 AM (14 years, 3 days ago)

nix the "quite a while ago" part.


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Offlinezzenix
sister
Registered: 02/26/03
Posts: 20
Loc: betwixt
Last seen: 13 years, 8 months
Re: shyness/loneliness [Re: Alobar]
    #1408239 - 03/25/03 10:35 AM (14 years, 3 days ago)

Thanks for all of your kind words...

I wasn't sure if this post had been done before because the search engine on this site isn't working for me.

I know I'm a quiet person, and I don't really like a lot of people either...
I don't really freeze up when I talk to people--the people that do know me actually say I'm a great conversationalist. I just can't get myself talking to people I don't know. I like getting to know people, but I have trouble initiating it. I've considered social anxiety disorder or whatever else, but I'm not afraid of people; groups of people don't scare me at all. I don't really get along with other girls that well, a lot of them annoy me. I always worry that the guys that I'm attracted to wouldn't think I'm their type or something, or would be turned off by the fact i smoke weed (which has happened to me more than once). Starting next week I'll start putting more effort into being more friendly. Thanks everyone.


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OfflineMarkostheGnostic
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Registered: 12/10/99
Posts: 12,827
Loc: South Florida
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Re: shyness/loneliness *DELETED* [Re: zzenix]
    #1408700 - 03/25/03 01:00 PM (14 years, 3 days ago)

Post deleted by MarkostheGnostic


--------------------
γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself


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OfflineSkikid16
fungus fan

Registered: 06/27/02
Posts: 5,666
Loc: In the middle of the nort...
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Re: shyness/loneliness [Re: zzenix]
    #1408822 - 03/25/03 01:52 PM (14 years, 3 days ago)

What are your interests outside of school and work? I myself love my dogs, fishing, golf, snowboarding. Find some way to incorporate your interests into your everyday conversations, you'd be suprised how many people have the same interests, or are at least interested in hearing you talk about them.

Good luck. And I'd be your friend if you went to my school.


--------------------
Re-Defeat Bush in '04


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OfflineeoPh
scruffy hippyboy

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 93
Loc: the magical land of canad...
Last seen: 13 years, 7 months
Re: shyness/loneliness [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #1408872 - 03/25/03 02:12 PM (14 years, 3 days ago)

Wow man, I know exactly how you feel

Last year was my first year in university, and to say the least, the first half sucked. I tried the whole "cleaning up my act because I'm going to University now" for a while, but all it did was depress me, because that wasn't who I really was. There were a couple people in some of my classes that I talked to, but not a lot. It was kind of a self-fulfilling-prophecy sorta thing, though. I wasn't exactly the kind of person that *I* would want to talk to, and so I had it in my head that others wouldn't want to talk to me, and so I never really tried.

So once I realized that the image I was trying to create for myself was nothing like who I really am, I decided to go back to looking the way I wanted to look, and acting the way I wanted to act (much to the despair of my family, who were really quite happy with what I'd become). I started talking to people easier, because I started to believe that people might want to talk to me.

It's weird, but I've changed a lot (for the better, I think) since I started University, and most people who knew me last year don't really recognize me anymore. Of course, since then I've changed my major from computer science (bleh) to philosophy, grown shoulder-length dreads, gotten a piece of metal shoved through my face and traded in my jeans and t-shirt for army boots and a spikey trenchcoat. Not exactly everyone's solution, but what can I say, I'm happy :grin:

Yea, I know, my rambling probably doesn't console you in the least, but this is the sort of thing that happens when I'm browsing the forums stoned....

(Oh yea, know what's really sad? I've found that the easiest way to meet people is when I'm having a smoke. Someone asks to bum a smoke, or is just sitting around puffing away at their tarry death-stick, and for some reason, conversation ensues...) 


--------------------
[I do not, nor have I or will I ever grow mushrooms; the mushrooms grow themselves]

"You say nothing's right but natural things
Ah, you fool
Poison oak is a natural plant
Why don't you put some in your food"
(Jefferson Airplane, "Eat Starch Mom")


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Anonymous #1

Re: shyness/loneliness [Re: zzenix]
    #1409191 - 03/25/03 04:35 PM (14 years, 2 days ago)

You're still young, and most people outgrow their shyness by their mid 20s, so don't worry too much about it. I've been there, and I'm still there sort of. I'm in my 3rd year at university now and I can safely say that I've overcome most of my shyness. I'll give you some advice from my experience since overcoming shyness has been the story of my life. First of all, it really is a natural process. As you get older you'll shed your inhibitions naturally. Forcing yourself to overcome your fear is good, but if you push yourself too much you'll get stressed out, fall short of your goals, and get angry and depressed. And since you're a chick it's expected of you to be more social than guys are, so I can understand that it's probably pretty frustrating for you.

Another piece of advice... and I'm sure you heard this before, but you must MUST MUST stop caring what people think about you. Constantly thinking about what you're going to say or whatever is totally not gonna help you in any way. I think what the real problem a lot of "shy" people have is that they're not accepting who they are as a person, and instead we try to fit into the prepackaged roles of society. This was the key for me, at one point I became so depressed I lost all hope. I shed EVERYTHING that was not a part of my true self, so that all that was left was ME. And then I became DAMN PROUD of who I was, because I was no longer lying to myself. When you reach this point people will begin to notice you, because your level of confidence in yourself will fucking RADIATE.

Ok I'm beginning to ramble now, but one last thing. I don't condone this, but my low-dose DXM use has helped A LOT in overcoming some social situations. I only recommend using drugs in this way as a last resort though.

Don't give up! You'll be the person you want to be someday, believe me.


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Invisiblepsyphon
mneumatic device

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 11/27/01
Posts: 565
Re: shyness/loneliness [Re: zzenix]
    #1415558 - 03/27/03 10:20 PM (14 years, 17 hours ago)

All of the words you have written, I could hear myself say. They describe me almost exactly. Essentially, the only differences are that I'm a guy so you'd have to reverse the genders for it to make sense.

Perhaps because of this I might not be able to offer advice. But I read a piece of advice once that said you should talk to someone within 3 seconds of having any kind of urge or desire to talk to them.

This is my take on it:

Say something, say anything. If they're a talkative person you can let them do the talking and find out if you want to get into a conversation or just see where it goes. If they're not a talkative person, there's a good chance they'll be happy someone is talking to them.

As corny and cliche as it sounds; be yourself. If someone doesn't like you being yourself, then they can fuck off, you don't need them. And if someone does like you being yourself, you've probably just made a new friend or at least a potential friend.

I hope this helps. Unfortunately, I haven't had much opportunity to take my own advice, sometimes it seems so much easier to give advice than to follow ones own.

I wish you good fortune and good friends.


--------------------
"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes."
- Marcel Proust

I wish you all ceaselessly flowing moments of happiness.


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OfflineMickel
enthusiast
Registered: 02/25/03
Posts: 242
Last seen: 5 years, 7 months
Re: shyness/loneliness [Re: psyphon]
    #1467974 - 04/17/03 06:31 PM (13 years, 11 months ago)

I don't know who I am. It seems like this anxiety is taking over.


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OfflineWildLASER
Infinity In AGrain Of Salt

Registered: 04/02/00
Posts: 870
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
Re: shyness/loneliness [Re: Mickel]
    #1504355 - 04/29/03 02:20 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

Infinity In A Grain Of Salt


--------------------
,'~Þ


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InvisibleRevelation

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Registered: 08/04/01
Posts: 6,131
Loc: heart cave
Re: shyness/loneliness [Re: ]
    #1504414 - 04/29/03 02:34 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

When you got nothing, you got nothing to lose
You're invisible now, you got no secrets to conceal.

- Bob Dylan


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OfflineMarkostheGnostic
Elder
Male User Gallery

Registered: 12/10/99
Posts: 12,827
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 3 hours, 34 minutes
Re: shyness/loneliness [Re: zzenix]
    #1504974 - 04/29/03 05:29 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

New post.
Passion. What is your passion? If you don't know, then you haven't discovered yours yet, and you must use the solitude that you now have to make this discovery. Why? Because passion attracts passion. When you make that discovery, you will have acquired a certain kind of Self-Knowledge. You will know who you are, at your core, and it will begin to manifest - in your language, your look, your aesthetics, your choice of friends. Without a passion, without Self-Knowledge, whom will you seek out, and why?


--------------------
γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself


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