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OfflineJCoke
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Registered: 02/17/04
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lonely, you know, the kind of lonliness you get from too many lonely friendless nights *DELETED*
    #4597616 - 08/30/05 02:34 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Post deleted by JCoke

Reason for deletion: lies



--------------------
hello, your name is life on earth
------------------------------------

"I traveled a long way seeking God, but when I finally gave up and turned back, there He was, within me! O Lalli! Now why do you wander like a beggar? Make some effort, and He will grant you a vision of Himself in the form of bliss in your heart." -the saint of the Kashmir Shaivism tradition: Lalli.


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OfflineCptnGarden
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Re: lonely, you know, the kind of lonliness you get from too many lonely friendless nights [Re: JCoke]
    #4597715 - 08/30/05 03:14 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

im sober right now by the way. I've been in your shoes before, and they aint comfy. the only bit of advise I have for you, is to follow your heart.


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OfflineJCoke
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Re: lonely, you know, the kind of lonliness you get from too many lonely friendless nights [Re: CptnGarden]
    #4597982 - 08/30/05 05:20 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

ShroomieOfDoomie said:
im sober right now by the way. I've been in your shoes before, and they aint comfy. the only bit of advise I have for you, is to follow your heart.




yeah, honesty thanks, you know it feels good just to have someone hear your cries and listen, right? really, really, really, honestly, thanks,,,  :grin:

I know to follow my heart, the bible, my friends/co-workers, brother's/sister's/family,  and even people I don't really know (it seems, anways,,,  :confused: :grin: :confused: :grin: ), all seem to agree, so even if I do die, who could judge me wrong for how I die??? or how I live??? or how I cry??? or just keep to myself??? are they all wrong??? am I wrong??? do I express myself wrong???/eitherer wheather, do I keep myself the wrong way???

so many dreams through out my life so far, so many failures through out my life so far... (well I keep fucking up forever??, it's like I never feel complete...  :confused: :crazy: :confused: :frown: :crazy: :confused: )

thanks, I love everyone, even ones who can't help, it's like "I know I love Everyone", and yet nobody knows it, and what good is that? am I only good if I help others???

is this a nervous breakdown??? what difference does that make if it is??? does this help what i'm saying? right now, could these word help someone else in the now or in the futere??  :crazy:!!!!!!????????

"what is love?", "what is God?" "What is Life?",,,,all these thoughts, in my head,,, maybe this should be in s&p?  :grin: :grin: :grin:,,,, see, i'm a nice guy, I don't hate anyone, not anyone in my coversational/interactinal/phisical/social/work life, or here in net space (the shroomery/anywhere else in the net  :grin: :grin: :grin: ) I don't hatre anyone or anything thing, i dont eat meat out of hatred or anything, it's just the way I was raised and taught, And even than i wanna change from that, I wanna be perfect in all ways possible!!!!  :mad: :grin: :mad: :grin: :mad:

I guess drunkeness at the "shroomery" is a rarity ( tsk tsk,,, :grin: :grin: :grin: ), usually it's all the ramblings is just  "I see supermarkwet rugs bleeeding out of the walls!!!" or "I feel like snakes are fucking my dickhole!!!" or somefuck up trippy/(absulutely funny, IMO, silly shit,  :grin: :grin: :grin: ) stuff like that,, :grin:

:crymeariver:

:shrug: what can I say now? thank for listenjing, I don't have a girlfriend, like I said to here my cries/hear me drubnkenly vent, :shrug:



peace, look at link, I love that game, i love the shroomery for all those smileys,,, :grin: :grin: :grin:, you, Shroomieofdoomie, and all the shroomery made my night, I don't work tommororow (which is why i'm this fucking drunk tonight  :grin: :grin: :grin: lol, hahahahahahahahaha!@!!!) so i'llo be back soon tommorow (hopefully) best wishe's, I love all. :grin: :thumbup: :grin: :thumbup:

:slink: :slink: :slink: :link: :link:


--------------------
hello, your name is life on earth
------------------------------------

"I traveled a long way seeking God, but when I finally gave up and turned back, there He was, within me! O Lalli! Now why do you wander like a beggar? Make some effort, and He will grant you a vision of Himself in the form of bliss in your heart." -the saint of the Kashmir Shaivism tradition: Lalli.


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OfflineCptnGarden
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Re: lonely, you know, the kind of lonliness you get from too many lonely friendless nights [Re: JCoke]
    #4597996 - 08/30/05 05:34 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

what is love? a chemical reaction. what is god? well thats a topic that can start many more deeper discussions, but personaly I think its just a name used as a placeholder for something we all have already, and portrayed as "he" or "him" for most people to look up to like a better being, to do good.

I sense some confusion in the force young jedi :paranoid:

What is it your looking to gain from life? What goals do you have set for yourself?

And no you don't sound like a bad guy, just a lost/alone/spiritualy-confused kinda guy.


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OfflineJCoke
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Re: lonely, you know, the kind of lonliness you get from too many lonely friendless nights [Re: JCoke]
    #4597998 - 08/30/05 05:35 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)



Edited by JCoke (08/30/05 05:56 AM)


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OfflineCptnGarden
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Re: lonely, you know, the kind of lonliness you get from too many lonely friendless nights [Re: JCoke]
    #4598000 - 08/30/05 05:41 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

hear me drubnkenly vent




you said that so soberly wrong, yet so perfect. :beer:

and by the way those snakes that were fucking my dickhole got a Grade-A asswhoopin'.


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OfflineJCoke
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Re: lonely, you know, the kind of lonliness you get from too many lonely friendless nights [Re: CptnGarden]
    #4598005 - 08/30/05 05:49 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

ShroomieOfDoomie said:
Quote:

hear me drubnkenly vent




you said that so soberly wrong, yet so perfect. :beer:

and by the way those snakes that were fucking my dickhole got a Grade-A asswhoopin'.




:grin: :grin: :grin: hahahahaha!!!! I'm laughing so hard it really does feel like snakes are fucking my dickhole!!  ( which brings me comfert to these none-confy shoes as good O' S.O.D. mentioed :grin: ), anywaysm, I love you, ShroomieOfDoomie, and the rest of you all!!  :thumbup: :grin:

peace.

:grin: :mushroom2: :grin:


--------------------
hello, your name is life on earth
------------------------------------

"I traveled a long way seeking God, but when I finally gave up and turned back, there He was, within me! O Lalli! Now why do you wander like a beggar? Make some effort, and He will grant you a vision of Himself in the form of bliss in your heart." -the saint of the Kashmir Shaivism tradition: Lalli.


Edited by JCoke (08/30/05 05:51 AM)


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OfflineJCoke
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Re: lonely, you know, the kind of lonliness you get from too many lonely friendless nights [Re: CptnGarden]
    #4598061 - 08/30/05 06:23 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

I sense some confusion in the force young jedi :paranoid:

What is it your looking to gain from life? What goals do you have set for yourself?


it's like the way I see it, I never asked to be alive, really i don't know anyone who has "asked to be alive" ,,, so my goals are always small, like, to just "be", so here I am, what i'm soposed to be, what ever that is, i see what is "right" and i see what is "wrong", i choose to do what is "right", and yet it doe'snt always work out "right", i'm fairly religous, and Jesus said "you will hate your life", maybe that's it, it all builds up and gets to you andm e everyone in a while, maybe this is really me just venting, i don't know for sure, what choice do i have anyways??? here I asm, I need a hug, i guess, whatever, what difference does that make? maybe i could wait another year, or maybe anothenrer ten years, or maybe another million years, i feel like dont have a choice, (:crazy:) ,  it sucks i kow, but again, it's just life I guess, i'm sure it happend to you all already, and it probally already happend to me a millions time i'm just too drunk to remember (maybe that's a good thing :grin: :grin: :grin: )

and yet i'm pulledd by other's, they want me to do stuff, they don't want me to die or runaway, or disapear, should I worry about what they want from me? after all, I am only me, myself, and they are only them, themselves, if they need food i'd give it to them, if they need a roof over there head i'd give it to them, if it leaves me without food, and even if it leaves me with out a bed or rooof over my head,,,i'd say "take of mine, all of mine, i don't mind..." but i'm so uselesss, weak, broke, stupid, worthless, that kind of stuff...


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OfflineCptnGarden
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Re: lonely, you know, the kind of lonliness you get from too many lonely friendless nights [Re: JCoke]
    #4598117 - 08/30/05 06:43 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

i know exactly what you mean about wanting to give freely to others even when you have nothing to give.


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OfflineJCoke
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Re: lonely, you know, the kind of lonliness you get from too many lonely friendless nights [Re: CptnGarden]
    #4598184 - 08/30/05 07:14 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

ShroomieOfDoomie said:
i know exactly what you mean about wanting to give freely to others even when you have nothing to give.




oh holy God in heaven, how I love talking to people in the shroomery!!!

that's exactly how i feel, but it always seem's like it always more than just that, always adding, life is gaining, and it won't wait for me to catch up, but shroomie of doomie, i'm glad your there to help, to take the weight off, it just feels, how should i put this, "so fucking good your there to help me carry this weight"..
:grin: :thumbup: five  :mushroom2: your way my friend!! (if i haven'y giving you them befiore??  :confused: )

normally, before i would just go down to the creek and build a dam with some friends and go swimming in the pool that builds up, that we made, and more recently i would just get fucked up on shrooms or something, and i would be satisfied, i would be rested, not that those days are over, just need a break from those days, i think close friends/girlfriends are next,,, it's a change i'm going through, thanks, i'm feeling a bit hung over now, need to get sonme real sleepy kind of rest, i guess....
:shrug:


--------------------
hello, your name is life on earth
------------------------------------

"I traveled a long way seeking God, but when I finally gave up and turned back, there He was, within me! O Lalli! Now why do you wander like a beggar? Make some effort, and He will grant you a vision of Himself in the form of bliss in your heart." -the saint of the Kashmir Shaivism tradition: Lalli.


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InvisibleLouiseLouise
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Re: lonely, you know, the kind of lonliness you get from too many lonely friendless nights [Re: JCoke]
    #4598225 - 08/30/05 07:36 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Hey shroomy, Hey J. It's nice to see someone lending an ear when one is needed.  :thumbup:

I hear ya J. Shroomie is experienced and giving sound advice.
Imma write a word or two, but I gotta get to work right now.
Yeah, everyone goes through this, IMO, it's what makes a man what he is.

bbl

:peace:


--------------------
"That's why you get in close to them, and then take the picture!! Don't be a pussy!" ~CC


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Offlinerainbowlight
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Re: lonely, you know, the kind of lonliness you get from too many lonely friendless nights [Re: LouiseLouise]
    #4598247 - 08/30/05 07:54 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

yah man, i completely feel ya. I have a bit of a sob story myself. 19 years old and have never had a girlfriend, and never really been affectionate or physical with anyone ever before. i moved about a month ago with my family to a small redneck christian town, i dont know anyone here, everyday for the last month i've been staying up all night and sleeping all day, never going outside. lost all my connections when i moved so ive been compeletly sober more or less. and i gave up dxm a long time ago since i was indulging a little too heavily in that back in the day, being my favorite anti-depressant and all.

since my heavy haydays of drug use ive become quite a social retard myself. i get along pretty well with most people one-on-one with convos that hold interest in my mind, but u can only talk about deep stuff so much b4 it becomes overdone. around groups and stuff tho, i cant deal with the group mentality and become eerily quiet usually.

i dunno what to tell u personally, but my plan is to head out within the year and do some heavy travelling and try and clear my mind and pursue the most meaningful things in life

good luck and much love


--------------------
the bounty of life lies in thy breast


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InvisibleLouiseLouise
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Re: lonely, you know, the kind of lonliness you get from too many lonely friendless nights [Re: JCoke]
    #4599452 - 08/30/05 05:20 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Hey J. I've been thinkin about your post. I'm 37 btw and what you write sounds normal to me. I think everybody goes through this to emerge a man of your own.
There is one thing you mentioned that I think is way overlooked. You mentioned reading the bible. Lemme lay this on ya. There was a big controversy when that movie "The Passion of the Christ" came out. The Jews jumped up and down because they felt that they were portrayed as "the killers" when in reality, we all killed christ, which is why these words of life are overlooked, IMO.
Don't let me make this about Jesus Christ, I wanted to say that God resides in you. Quietly listen and meditate, you will hear him speak to you in a small still voice. That is God. I'm not trying to preach to you, my point being that all religions share the common message, love. Love your nieghbor, do unto others, etc... nothing good can come from being hateful.
I see it like this, 5,000 years ago a man wrote words. This man was the richest man to this day to ever walk the earth, he also was the wisest. He's done all the things that we do this day. he wrote the words for me to read.
He made garden terraces in the dessert, brought water to a man made oasis where there was no sign of water. This was quite an accomplishment.
His writings can be found in the books of Proverbs and Ecclesiates. Good stuff.


--------------------
"That's why you get in close to them, and then take the picture!! Don't be a pussy!" ~CC


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Offlineleery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/25/05
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Re: lonely, you know, the kind of lonliness you get from too many lonely friendless nights [Re: JCoke]
    #4599487 - 08/30/05 05:27 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

JCoke said:
and I feel i need to replace that feeling of "need to get fucked up", Maybe with a girlfriend?



No.... then instead of "abusing substances" to feel "normal" you'll be "abusing" another person to feel "normal". You need to fill it, and a girlfriend would more than likely be great for you... but you can't and should not fill it with a girlfriend, you need it to fill it with something steady and dependable that can easily be found inside you, such as meditation or something.

Quote:


but really I think there's something i get out of drugs that I think i need to experiance from another actual living human been, that been a girl, but i'm honest, and can actual say, i'm a social retard, I'm stupid with real life actual conversation's, I not only feel, but can actual know for a fact that I come across as stupid, (i've heard it from other, in fact, many other people, which i'm actually glad, so I know it's not just my persepctuion, which my own perseption i know not to trust {which is odd??  :confused:} )



Man I totally understand that though.... you want a "spiritual" connection with a woman like you get out of the intimacy of mind expanding drugs? Me too .... the first step though is to stop saying that you're a "social-retard" i used to describe myself kind of like that... then i said fuck it, what the hell am I talking about? All you have to do is act like everyon else acts... you may feel stupid saying "fo shizzle" (no don't really say it!) or "coooollll mannnnn" or whatever it is you have to do, but you'll adapt and it'll help you socialize more. Model tv characters or go out and watch people talk or something. It's not too bad to be able to carry yourself as a calm "normal" person in a social situation... for me the hard part is HAVING A SOCIAL SITUATION in the first place, so I can't help there.

Quote:


again, like I said, there's something when i'm high or drunk or robotripping or the so-called "normal, shroom/acid tripping", that i really feel could be replaced with friends, or girlfrieands, or you know, going camping/hiking, playing a game of pool at a bar, or fucking A, just swinmming in a pool or lake with some preaople or somebody, at a beach, so many dream i've got got, yet i'm i'm so stupid and dumb, slow even, like I said, a social retard, the dictonary shold have fucking picture of me under "social retard", i really, and honsestly feel that decribes 100% of how the world see's me, and about on't the little of how I am am, I want to prove myself, to show the world who I am!  :mad: Grr! (I feel so motivateded! and yet, it's just me, myself, motivating myself again, as usaual,, again i'm weak and beat up from life)




amen dude.... it sucks doesn't it :frown:

My advice is just to humble yourself, work on your "flaws" work on your "sins" (not in any religious sense, just in realizing your faults) ... and just spend some time trying to understand why you're alone.... trying to understand why YOU have made the situation for yourself, and how OTHERS have made the situation for yourself.... and just trying to find a pattern that you can break that will put you on the right track toward eventually having some of the things you talk about.

Like for me it's like, I can't really go up to good looking girls and say "hi" and I have it ingrained into my brain that girls are automatically creeped out by me... so that's rough... but I just sit back and I think "Well, do you have to be so lustful over them?" "Are stupid spoiled sluts the kinds of people you want to talk to?" "Why do you think they think you're...." etc.... and you know... just ... keep examining yourself... do some meditation maybe....

it clears your head up, and it helps you fit in naturally with your own goals without having to work too hard to achieve them (synchronicity)....

Something will eventually fall in place for you once you've aligned yourself with it enough, and alignment in my opinion comes naturally when you meditate upon your shortcomings, wrongdoings, hurtings, bad habits... etc... and just try and feel a general feeling of "renewal" for the world like.... learning to appreciate everyone even if they do things that you might judge as being assholes, or something like that.

You can choose to do drugs or not through this.... I'm not sure of any answer but I'm in a similar boat and this is what I'm going through, and it seems to be helping.....

patience is the ultimate key .


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!


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