|
NiamhNyx
I'm NOT a 'he'


Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 3,198
Last seen: 14 years, 8 months
|
Breaking the ice after an extended winter of shyness
#7999059 - 02/09/08 02:44 AM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Alright, so I've had this dynamic with this cute guy I see around on a more or less regular basis, where we smile at each other when we pass but never talk to each other. He is friends the owner of this coffee shop I study at so he comes in pretty often, but when he's there we avoid eye contact for the most part and just keep it to 'hello' when one of us walks in the store, and 'see ya' when one leaves. It's the kind of thing where we're both just kind of shy, but it's gone on so long now that it's just kind of ridiculous and I've become embarrased by my childish inability to talk to him. I haven't been this pathetic since highschool. The thing is, it's actually been a lot of fun to have the suspense and anticipation of a very slow and non-progressing flirtation. I definitly enjoy it more than when people are just immediately very forward, and I usually don't like guys that are too forward too soon. The anticipation builds tension and when resolved, the tension usually explodes in the best kind of passion.
I guess part of my problem is fears based on past experience that it'll just be really anticlimactic and end after an awkward and quiet few days once the pattern is shifted and something happens. I suppose that's the risk I have to take. I used to be shy around pretty much everyone, now I've worked through it for the most part and now my shyness is reserved solely for the people I find attractive. I know I can get over this too, it'll just take pushing myself.
Anyways, I just wanted some second opinions on my 'strategy' for ice breaking. I'm thinking about just being really goddamn blunt and saying something like "It's pretty silly that I never talk to you. I can be too shy sometimes, but I think you're cute." This seems better to me that trying to come up with some half assed small talk about nothing after so many months of not saying anything. 'So, the weather's nice for a change, eh?' is just way too anticlimactic after all the silence. But then I guess it also puts pressure on the interaction. I should probably just say it on my way out the door so I can get it out and let it settle.
I definitly over think things sometimes. It's funny because it's really not that big a deal and I don't even know him that well or really even expect it to be anything in particular. I just want to stop being so shy since the more time goes by the more uncomfortable and silly I feel and the harder it is to change the dynamic.
|
impgl
CrimethINCspecial agent


Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 2,462
Loc: california!
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
|
Re: Breaking the ice after an extended winter of shyness [Re: NiamhNyx]
#7999071 - 02/09/08 02:57 AM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
are you a boy or a girl? if a boy, word it more carefully, maybe the boy is straight. just cause he's "straight" doesn't mean he 's "straight". if your a girl, i think what you said is awesome.
-------------------- omg really?
|
NiamhNyx
I'm NOT a 'he'


Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 3,198
Last seen: 14 years, 8 months
|
Re: Breaking the ice after an extended winter of shyness [Re: impgl]
#7999073 - 02/09/08 03:01 AM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
I'm a girl... and I'm pretty certain he's interested as well. He does, after all, return some pretty adorable smiles and hello's.
|
LeftyBurnz
Mr. I Eat Butthole



Registered: 06/21/05
Posts: 24,570
Loc: FL
|
Re: Breaking the ice after an extended winter of shyness [Re: NiamhNyx]
#7999079 - 02/09/08 03:04 AM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
go for the gold babe. men love confident women.
--------------------
|
impgl
CrimethINCspecial agent


Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 2,462
Loc: california!
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
|
Re: Breaking the ice after an extended winter of shyness [Re: NiamhNyx]
#7999083 - 02/09/08 03:07 AM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
sounds hella hot, flirting rocks, but i guess you can never be too sure if they're actually flirting with you or not. def. talk to him, you'll never know unless you try, right?!
-------------------- omg really?
|
impgl
CrimethINCspecial agent


Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 2,462
Loc: california!
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
|
Re: Breaking the ice after an extended winter of shyness [Re: LeftyBurnz]
#7999087 - 02/09/08 03:08 AM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
leftysurprise said: go for the gold babe. men love confident women.
some do, some dont.... i go nuts for it.
-------------------- omg really?
|
NiamhNyx
I'm NOT a 'he'


Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 3,198
Last seen: 14 years, 8 months
|
Re: Breaking the ice after an extended winter of shyness [Re: impgl]
#8000725 - 02/09/08 03:50 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
impgl said: sounds hella hot, flirting rocks, but i guess you can never be too sure if they're actually flirting with you or not. def. talk to him, you'll never know unless you try, right?!
Hahah, for sure. I'm pretty much certain that I won't be rejected, it's just a matter of sucking up the courage to get over bad habits and insecurities. I'm sure he's interested, or he wouldn't look at me the way he does. I'm just insecure about my capacity to hold up interesting conversation and not just be an awkward wierdo. It's funny, because when I talk to my friends about how shy I am they laugh at me, because they don't see that side of me. I'm pretty chatty and outgoing around people I don't have the hots for... probably because there's no ego to be damaged with general acquaintances and friends. 
I should approach it like I used to approach school and pretend I don't care at all about it even though I do, because it takes off the pressure and makes it easier to stay calm and grounded and not get too insecure or stressed out.
|
Newbie
User of semicolons.



Registered: 07/18/04
Posts: 24,710
Loc: SoCal
Last seen: 1 day, 12 hours
|
Re: Breaking the ice after an extended winter of shyness [Re: NiamhNyx]
#8000786 - 02/09/08 04:04 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
As a guy, I'm personally tired of being the one who always has to break the ice. If some chic was interested in me I wish she'd just step up and say something! If I were the guy in your story, I probably wouldn't have said anything by now because YOU haven't said anything by now. I'd definitely break the ice immediately, be it subtle or just coming right out with it.
|
mushbaby
woodswalker




Registered: 09/30/06
Posts: 2,645
Loc: in my own lil world
|
Re: Breaking the ice after an extended winter of shyness [Re: Newbie]
#8000819 - 02/09/08 04:11 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Well you know, Valentine's Day is right around the corner.
How about buying a funny card and asking the clerk to give it to him when he gives him the coffee? Make it funny so you can start the conversation by laughing about it. Mushy would probably scare him off.
Take a chance and give cupid a push.
Good luck!
|
impgl
CrimethINCspecial agent


Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 2,462
Loc: california!
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
|
Re: Breaking the ice after an extended winter of shyness [Re: mushbaby]
#8000843 - 02/09/08 04:16 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
maybe limit it to a quick convo, like hey whats up? whatd you do today? i just went for a run, did some yoga, etc. whattever. alright, i have to go, later!
-------------------- omg really?
|
NiamhNyx
I'm NOT a 'he'


Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 3,198
Last seen: 14 years, 8 months
|
Re: Breaking the ice after an extended winter of shyness [Re: Newbie]
#8000894 - 02/09/08 04:27 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Well, I was the one that initiated the distant flirting in the first place. I noticed him around and after a friend passingly introduced us I started catching his eye and smiling whenever I saw him. So technically, I've at least had the balls to make some sort of a move even though it's very subtle and he could definitly try as well. I actually did sort of try and talk to him once, commenting on how busy the store was when he was working there. I think the problem here is that we are both really shy and it usually takes one person with a little courage to take the lead.
I agree that its totally stupid to expect it to be the guy who makes the moves and I think it's totally awesome when women take the initiative which is why I'm planning on doing it. It'd make me feel really good about myself to step up instead of waiting for him or just giving up when it doesn't happen. I definitly have a giant soft spot for shy boys, so I've gotta learn to be more forward in order to make things happen.
This reminds me... when I was a kid I totally saw myself growing up to become the sultry, mysterious woman wearing a glamourous dress and sitting at the bar alone, who sends a drink and a sly smile to the guy at the other end of the bar. It's time to step up and embody that archetype.
|
NiamhNyx
I'm NOT a 'he'


Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 3,198
Last seen: 14 years, 8 months
|
Re: Breaking the ice after an extended winter of shyness [Re: impgl]
#8000935 - 02/09/08 04:34 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
impgl said: maybe limit it to a quick convo, like hey whats up? whatd you do today? i just went for a run, did some yoga, etc. whattever. alright, i have to go, later!
That's definitly an option... but it seems like we could have so easily started doing this months ago, that by now it's almost necessary to just start with 'yeah, this no talky thing is pretty funny eh? i think you're cute, bla bla bla' like I said in my OP. I kind of like the idea of being blunt and shattering the pattern in that way.
Mushbaby - definitly a cute idea but I don't know if I'm the type who can pull off valentines cards, or that he's the type that'd go for it. I was thinking I could also just slip my phone number into a folded $5 bill the next time I buy a coffee from him, but he rarely works there and I have no idea when the opportunity would come up.
|
Newbie
User of semicolons.



Registered: 07/18/04
Posts: 24,710
Loc: SoCal
Last seen: 1 day, 12 hours
|
Re: Breaking the ice after an extended winter of shyness [Re: NiamhNyx]
#8000954 - 02/09/08 04:37 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
NiamhNyx said:
This reminds me... when I was a kid I totally saw myself growing up to become the sultry, mysterious woman wearing a glamourous dress and sitting at the bar alone, who sends a drink and a sly smile to the guy at the other end of the bar. It's time to step up and embody that archetype.
I totally dig your style. Go and get 'em!
|
NiamhNyx
I'm NOT a 'he'


Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 3,198
Last seen: 14 years, 8 months
|
Re: Breaking the ice after an extended winter of shyness [Re: NiamhNyx]
#8000962 - 02/09/08 04:37 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Oooh, a mixtape would be a good one. But I think I want to actually talk to him a few times before giving him something like that. That's definitly the sort of thing that'd be slightly too much without having first set some groundwork.
|
todesengel
the chinese chicken


Registered: 08/04/05
Posts: 809
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
|
Re: Breaking the ice after an extended winter of shyness [Re: NiamhNyx]
#8001653 - 02/09/08 06:27 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Its pretty uncommon to find a lady who will talk to a man. We men should step up and start not trying to find women. We shouldn't have to do the work each time!
|
mushbaby
woodswalker




Registered: 09/30/06
Posts: 2,645
Loc: in my own lil world
|
Re: Breaking the ice after an extended winter of shyness [Re: NiamhNyx]
#8002054 - 02/09/08 07:26 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
I understand. You just mentioned trying to break out of your shell. I know how difficult that is.
When I was 16-21 ish, if I really really liked a guy, if he came into the room I was in, I'd leave! So I definitely understand shyness.
|
appleorange
Rainbow Technician



Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 4,868
Loc: Reykjavík
|
Re: Breaking the ice after an extended winter of shyness [Re: mushbaby]
#8002328 - 02/09/08 08:24 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
niam, hey!
it's much different for us guys when it comes to being hit on. i promise that he will not be weired out or feel awkward in the least bit if you take the initiative here, it will be really flattering for him. guys are the ones with the pressure to always put the moves on you ladies, it's a total turn on when a chick does it instead.
just go up to him and say I think you're cute and we should do something sometime.
Edited by appleorange (02/09/08 09:31 PM)
|
NiamhNyx
I'm NOT a 'he'


Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 3,198
Last seen: 14 years, 8 months
|
Re: Breaking the ice after an extended winter of shyness [Re: appleorange]
#8002507 - 02/09/08 09:10 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Mush, after I last responded to you I remembered that I have this cute card made by a local artist that has a cat on the front with a speech bubble that says "wow, you're so..." and it's blank inside. I could totally write something like "...cute. And I'm so terribly shy sometimes. Here's my #______."
I guess it doesn't really matter how I make a move, I just have to do it. I'll feel so much better once I do...
appleorange: thanks for the encouragement! I'm pretty sure he'll appreciate it, it's just a matter of me not letting myself be a total weiner anymore.
|
mushbaby
woodswalker




Registered: 09/30/06
Posts: 2,645
Loc: in my own lil world
|
Re: Breaking the ice after an extended winter of shyness [Re: NiamhNyx]
#8002538 - 02/09/08 09:17 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
That would work or "Wow, you are so..............."
"Mysterious, I'd like to know more."
But I don't know what he's like.
Flirting just takes a little practice and it's soooooooo fun! I'm kind of a bratty flirt now. Works for me.
|
appleorange
Rainbow Technician



Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 4,868
Loc: Reykjavík
|
Re: Breaking the ice after an extended winter of shyness [Re: mushbaby]
#8002603 - 02/09/08 09:30 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
i'm fuckin envious of your crush though, i wish smart girls would crush on me. 
the day I meet a girl in real life who knows who Nietzsche is, I'm going to try my best at concealing my hard-on.
|
|