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InvisibleSuffer
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Registered: 03/06/99
Posts: 1,090
Loc: MA
hi... my name is Suffer, and im an alcoholic
    #2046627 - 10/27/03 06:19 AM (13 years, 1 month ago)

HI!
ok... partialy as a gesture of becoming a moderator (again), and i want to be honest with yall...
and MOSTLY because i need to admit it to myself... and i apoligize, but im not even gona spell check this

my name is Suffer, and im an alcoholic

yall dont know how hard it was to say that, or long it took me to admit that to ANYONE... expecialy myself.

I told someone else this tonight... someone i care for very much (she knows who she is), but i dont think i would be completly honest with my self if I couldnt admit it to the whole world with no shame, and I have no shame about it now.

I LOVE alcohol. I love what it makes me feel... or maybe its the fact that it helps me turn off my inhabitions and admit to myself what it is im really feeling. Ive had an awlsom life... as some of you know. But it hasnt always been so great... and even when its been wonderful... ive had more downs then ups.

being addicted is a scarry thing, and ive definatly had my share of addictions this life.

I think what makes it so hard for alcohol is that its not only legal, but "socialy acceptable." And being 21 only makes that worse. I dont NOT want to drink... and im probably not as bad as i can be... but if im going to stop myself from getting that bad... i need to start facing the truth... that I am addicted to it, that I do love it, and that I need to be responsable.

Im not asking any of you for even feedback on this... tell me what you think.... OR DONT! It doesnt matter to me (altho id love to hear what yall have to say).

All I really want is to share with you my experience... and get this off my chest, so that I can evolve myself into something more complete, so I can better understand WHO I AM.
So.... Im going to start by being brutaly honest with myself.

Hi, my name is Suffer, and im an alcoholic


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Offlinesirreal
devoid
Registered: 01/11/03
Posts: 1,775
Loc: In the borderlands
Last seen: 9 years, 7 months
Re: hi... my name is Suffer, and im an alcoholic [Re: Suffer]
    #2046753 - 10/27/03 08:52 AM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Hi...my name is sirreal and I am an addict.


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I may not always tell the truth, but atleast I'm honest
-----------

I see what everyone is saying. It is so hard to form an opinion when you see both sides so clearly!


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InvisibleRipple
Ripple
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Loc: the timbers of Fennario
Re: hi... my name is Suffer, and im an alcoholic [Re: Suffer]
    #2047629 - 10/27/03 03:57 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Once again Welcome....

and you have inspired me to mention a few things about myself.....At 45 years old I have battled addictions for the past 32 years. you name it i was addicted to it at one time or another. These days I mostly drink, I also love to drink and I drink to excess 2-3 times a week. I hold down a steady job and am respected in my industry, I also only drink at home other than the infrequent wedding.

Addiction, of any kind is a bitch, and Im not good at advising others on a subject which I have had so many difficulties with. But as they say, the first step is ......well you all know the rest!

Peace, Much love and most of all....shine On :smile: 


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The bus came by and I got on that's when it all began!



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InvisibleSuffer
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Re: hi... my name is Suffer, and im an alcoholic [Re: Ripple]
    #2047678 - 10/27/03 04:18 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Ripple, sirreal... thank you for telling me... seriously

getting that off my chest was SOOO hard
but now that ive done it, and im not worried about going through it alone... i feel like i can do anything

thank you both... and the others who havent posted, but know what we are going through


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Anonymous #1

Re: hi... my name is Suffer, and im an alcoholic [Re: Ripple]
    #2047685 - 10/27/03 04:19 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Suffer congadulations you have taken your first step. :thumbup:


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InvisibletrendalM
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Re: hi... my name is Suffer, and im an alcoholic [Re: Suffer]
    #2047800 - 10/27/03 05:27 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

I'm addicted to marijuana.

At first I thought that marijuana was in no way "addictive". I still don't think it is physically addictive...but the psychological addiction that has grown in me for bud has caught me unprepared.

I know why I can't quit: I like it too much. I love pot. Who doesn't, right?

But when you spend all your money on something, all your time and all your effort on one thing, there is little room left for anything else. Compound this with bud making me so incredibly lazy...and I have a hard time doing anything but read (not such a bad thing...but I also forget to sleep/eat/work/ect while I'm reading).

So I'm broke as shit, in debt, working a shitty job for shitty pay just so I can stay high all day long.

Quitting cigs was easy for me. Cold turkey, threw out my last 1/2 a pack. Quitting marijuana is turning out to be much harder a task  :confused: 


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You're here because you know something.
What you know you can't explain,
But you feel it;
You've felt it your entire life.
That there's something wrong with the world.
You don't know what it is, but it's there....
Like a splinter in your mind...
Driving you mad.


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Anonymous #1

Re: hi... my name is Suffer, and im an alcoholic [Re: trendal]
    #2047917 - 10/27/03 06:03 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

I feel where you are coming from. It realy stinks having friends stoping buy all the time as well. I have know power against smoking herb. If its there I will smoke it. I have been smoking a lot less since I dont buy it. But my uncle has kicked me down a bag and same with all my friends its like they feel sorry for me and pitty me for trying to quit. So they come over and leave me stoned with extra to smoke later. I guess they dont realy feel bad but rather they think if I stop I will stop being their friend. But since I have cut down I have no appetite. I think they might see that and thats why they leave me nugz. I just think that I need to know who I am better. I love who I am but I dont know who I was. I would like to see what sort of difference it would make. Well I have half a bowl left should I smoke it?


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InvisibleDelyrium
lemonadeh.o.n.e.y.

Registered: 12/27/99
Posts: 5,941
Loc: vermont
Re: hi... my name is Suffer, and im an alcoholic [Re: ]
    #2048332 - 10/27/03 09:13 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

hm suffer - you don't have to go through it alone.


--------------------
Fuck Ted Nugent he?s a fucking jerk
I wish that he?d be gone
Chauvanistic republican
Kills animals cause he
Forgot how to write a song


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OfflineZahid
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Re: hi... my name is Suffer, and im an alcoholic [Re: trendal]
    #2049227 - 10/28/03 01:35 AM (13 years, 1 month ago)

I am also psychologically dependent on cannabis to get me through the day. I have even made pathetic attempts to stop. I feel your pain.


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Offlinewrestler_az
PsiLLy BiLLy
Male User Gallery Arcade Champion: Chopper Challenge

Registered: 08/11/02
Posts: 11,591
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Re: hi... my name is Suffer, and im an alcoholic [Re: Suffer]
    #2049680 - 10/28/03 04:50 AM (13 years, 1 month ago)

we all got our addictions...i am addicted to cigarettes. smoke almost a pack a day, i love every drag but damn....i wish i could give it up i keep trying, and failing....maybe someday i will be strong enough to put them down....


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how's your WOW?





  Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM) 


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InvisibleSuffer
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Re: hi... my name is Suffer, and im an alcoholic [Re: wrestler_az]
    #2049686 - 10/28/03 04:57 AM (13 years, 1 month ago)

You are strong enough wrestler_az, one thing at a time bro

yea, im addicted to a few things...
ciggs, alcohol, pot, hallucinogens, sex, the shroomery
heh, im sure i forgot a few, and I know there are a few im not gona talk about.

were gettin there tho... many small steps get us far


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Offlinewrestler_az
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Re: hi... my name is Suffer, and im an alcoholic [Re: Suffer]
    #2050820 - 10/28/03 04:24 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

were gettin there tho... many small steps get us far

this is true...one step at a time! :thumbup:
 


--------------------
how's your WOW?





  Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM) 


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Offlineorizon
shroomin bliss

Registered: 08/22/03
Posts: 876
Last seen: 11 years, 8 months
Re: hi... my name is Suffer, and im an alcoholic [Re: wrestler_az]
    #2050956 - 10/28/03 05:17 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Im kinda glad this thread was started...I was going to start one concerning my addiction. Basically I Love Nitrous Oxide. Shamefully in the past month I have hit almost (1800 chargers)75 boxes of Nitrous!!! and I feel like a complete idiot (not physically or mentally...like not directly nitrous induced) I just feel so foolsih that I have hit that much nitorus in a months period of time. It has been mainly because a few things. First of all have been experiementing lightly with Ketamine and shrooms like once every 1-2 weeks and these mixed with nitrous takes me to heaven. It literally smears me across the universe with out of the Body experiences....Very intense halluciations and basically I am just fascinated by the event this Combo creates. 2 nights ago I woke up in my bed and found the remnants of 2 viles of K broken and deyhydrated into powder, 7 boxes of N20 unaccounted for and the girls next door passed out beside me half naked. I dont really even remember the incedent..more like images from a dream that are coming back to be slowly. I started 2 threads in the other drugs forum to try and decipher whether or not I am causing any harm whatsoever to my body and trying to find out if a oxygen-nitrous mixture is a good solution to this potentaial danger. But unfortuantely havent gotten many concrete answers. So Basically I am a nitrous oxide addict and ebay is calling my name to order another case. I thought buying in the bulk...600 cases at a time would save me money from buying retail but when you have all that nitrous just sitting by your bed...How can you refuse!??! Thats my second reason...having cases laying around is asking for trouble. I have to say that was some of the best damn nitrous I ever hit, I just hope I dint erase anything up in my brain. I would quit today if some research provided brain damage due to 2-2:15 minute long exposure to pure N20. Strangely I have not had a drink in over 2 years and havent smoked pot in a few months. (I guess they are just not my drugs) Well thats my story.


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Offlinedaba
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Re: hi... my name is Suffer, and im an alcoholic [Re: orizon]
    #2051569 - 10/28/03 09:45 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Denial is perhaps the first human "defense mechanism."
It's also the one of the last things a human will admit!

Reality, oh reality...


--------------------
Fold for The Shroomery!


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OfflineTwista
Fire it up
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Registered: 04/05/02
Posts: 554
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Last seen: 1 month, 27 days
Re: hi... my name is Suffer, and im an alcoholic [Re: daba]
    #2053463 - 10/29/03 01:42 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

my name is twista, im also an addict.

I refused to believe that a disease such as drug addiction is hereditary because of free will. However, we are offspring from our own parents and when i think of mine, I see myself.

Many if not all of my upper family at some point or another in their lives have been addicted to drugs (alcohol, weed, etc.). My mother is a recovering alcoholic and through her pain and both of our suffering I have learned to identify signs of addiction.

These skills are good to have but it saddens me when I identify these traits with people I really care about. I am here for anyone that is struggling. Ask and you shall receive.


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InvisibleJaredo
Whurrr.....

Registered: 10/16/03
Posts: 203
Re: hi... my name is Suffer, and im an alcoholic [Re: Twista]
    #2055728 - 10/30/03 02:15 AM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Hi, my name is Jared, and I am addicted to the internet.

I'm not joking.


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Let circle that which is square, and you shall feel the sharpness of that which is triangular.


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Offlinemonoamine
umask 077(nonefor you)

Registered: 09/07/02
Posts: 3,095
Loc: Jacksonville,FL
Last seen: 11 years, 2 months
Re: hi... my name is Suffer, and im an alcoholic [Re: Suffer]
    #2066728 - 11/03/03 01:59 AM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Hi,I'm monoamine and I'm addicted to benzodiazepines (Xanax in particular). I wish I didn't have to take it,but if I don't I feel like I'm going to die. I've taken it into long and thoughtful consideration,and I feel like I'm better off taking it than being off it and my psychiatrist agrees.

I've also been addicted to opiates (morphine,oxycodone,hydrocodone). I've been on and off them several times since I was about 13. Besides the occasional short day or two relapse,I've been clean of them for about a year and a half. I take small doses of tramadol (a quasi-opiate) on a daily basis to keep me from abusing stronger opiates. No matter how long I stay clean,I still have cravings for them. For this reason I no longer associate with former friends who could provide me access to said drugs.


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People think that if you just say the word "hallucinations" it explains everything you want it to explain and eventually whatever it is you can't explain will just go away.It's just a word,it doesn't explain anything...
Douglas Adams


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Offlinewhole9
LOVE ME BITCH

Registered: 04/28/03
Posts: 3,265
Last seen: 10 years, 6 months
Re: hi... my name is Suffer, and im an alcoholic [Re: monoamine]
    #2066849 - 11/03/03 02:44 AM (13 years, 1 month ago)

I am addicted to the internet and pot, but I am quiting pot and I have started a thread. So good luck to you, and to everyone else :laugh:


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Anonymous #1

Re: hi... my name is Suffer, and im an alcoholic [Re: Suffer]
    #2067065 - 11/03/03 04:03 AM (13 years, 1 month ago)

I'm addicted to masturbation and it is causing a lot of damage but I can't stop.


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Invisiblequestioning
shaker
Registered: 10/30/03
Posts: 64
Loc: joisey
Re: hi... my name is Suffer, and im an alcoholic [Re: ]
    #2068489 - 11/03/03 07:48 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

hey suffer- i admire you emensely. That must have taken a lot of courage to admit. Now the question is (not that you should answer to me, but ask yourself)- are you actively trying to quit? You don't have to right this second, unless you feel that it's best you do. You can come to terms with the fact. And learn to accept it before making an action. Take your time and learn to adjust.

i had an addiction, nobody knew i even did it. I did it so discreetly, and never ran short, it became part of me. two years later, i realized that i was so dependent on this drug that NOBODY even realized i did anything. IT WAS ME. After i made that realization, i told an online friend who i grew close to, but never in person. I needed someone to talk to and admit it to. I wasn't able to ever tell my family or close friends. I'm still ashamed about it. i feel that if they knew, they'd think less of me.

When i continued to do it, i kept it in mind that i was an addict. that this drug controlled my life. I never let that thought out of my mind. My friend helped me sort out some issues that i just needed an objective view on, and it became easier to go without. I realized my life was mine, and it could only be controlled by another if i chose to give up that power.

One day i woke up, and i didn't take it. I felt the urge an hour later, and i said 'it's not gonna control me anymore' I didn't feel pressured to quit, i didn't pressure myself. I simply decided that i didn't need it to be me, i needed to be me without it. This summer i was surrounded by the drug, it was offered to me consistantly. I knew that it would be fun, i contimplated that i could do it just once, and then i thought 'i've done it more than some will do in a lifetime, i'll have fun without it'

I'm not 'trying' to show you anything thru my post, but if you can gain some insight from it, i'm glad to have provided you that link. If not, well that was the most public broadcast i've ever made of it. kinda scary, even if no one knows who i am.


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important questions sometimes involve a quest to answer.


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