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Offlineenotake2
Stop Bush's war
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Registered: 01/30/03
Posts: 1,457
Loc: Comfy chair in my lounger...
Last seen: 9 years, 8 months
relationship insecurity
    #7733583 - 12/08/07 04:58 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

I just started seeing this guy who is really good looking and seems to be quite into me. The thing is he is so good looking that he could be a model and we go out and girls stare at him, try and talk to him, sit by preening themselves, ask for cigarette lighters, etc. I look OK but I have my imperfections and I get some attention but not usually from guys this cute. Anyway, you are probably like: I wish I had your problem, get over it and enjoy it. But I feel quite insecure because I just think he will leave me bc I am not attractive enough and I am afraid I will drive him away because of my insecurity. I am also constantly watching what I eat and how much exercise I do. I figure that is a pathway to help myself feel more confident. But I don't lose weight easily -I have always been on the upper end of the normal weight range so I just wish I could accept myself and accept that he could like me anyway. I have always had problems with my body image. Anyway, does anyone have any suggestions? I would like to hear what some guys have to say about this.


--------------------
Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium

"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.


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Invisibleim_on_a_boat
Stranger

Registered: 04/06/06
Posts: 3,950
Re: relationship insecurity [Re: enotake2]
    #7733618 - 12/08/07 05:09 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

well if he doesn't appreciate you i would say fuck 'em..

maybe you are overly paranoid. obviously he is attracted to you if y'all are dating..

doesn't sound like you're worried about this dude sounds like you're not comfortable with your body image and all i gotta say is:

exercise!

fuckin' a pretty easy to figure that one out. if you aren't comfortable with how you look, then change. there are some things you cant change and if that fucker cant accept it, fuck 'em.


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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male


Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
Re: relationship insecurity [Re: enotake2] * 1
    #7733631 - 12/08/07 05:13 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

He's attracted to you the way you are now. Let me give you some good advice about changing to get "better".

IF IT WORKS DON'T FIX IT.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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OfflineNiamhNyx
I'm NOT a 'he'
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Registered: 09/01/02
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Re: relationship insecurity [Re: enotake2]
    #7733702 - 12/08/07 05:27 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Icelander is right, he is obviously attracted to you the way you are right now, or he wouldn't be with you. It sounds like he could be with any of these silly preening girls if he wanted to be, but he wants YOU for a reason. I suspect that you are probably more of a total package than just another boring, primping 'hot girl.' He probably sees you as a refreshing change from the girls that usually throw themselves at him.

Women come in all shapes and sizes and there is no 'perfect' as far as beauty goes. You are probably hotter than you think you are. Believe me. I recommend looking in a mirror and picking out 3 things you like about your appearance. Do this on a regular basis. Anytime you feel shitty about being on the "upper end of the normal weight range" think about the features you like in yourself. Also, remember that there are thin girls that wish they could be more shapely. Love what you got.


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OfflineMushroomTrip
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Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 1 year, 10 days
Re: relationship insecurity [Re: enotake2]
    #7733735 - 12/08/07 05:34 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

The problem is solely yours and from what it looks like, you're aware of it.
Now tell me, why do you think he chooses to be with you, the way you are, and not with other girls? Not because he doesn't have any other options, so this leaves room for a clear answer: because he likes you.
Do you think that he's going to leave you just because you are a little beyond the normal weight?
If he will do that, it means that everything was for the best, since you obviously don't need someone that shallow.
But he might leave you because of your insecurities.
The answer is obvious and you already know it: work on yourself (mentally not physically, because the mental will always be the most important since it's the direct influencer of our happiness). If there will be circumstances in which you'll act out of jealousy or anxiety, be open to him right away. Tell him what's on your mind, but make sure that you come from an honest place, not from a manipulative one. It is highly tempting is such situations to use some sort of emotional blackmail such as: "I am worried that you might leave me for a girl who's hotter than me :frown: ... blah blah blah"... because such a statement could force him to tell you that this will never happen, even though he doesn't really mean it.
Instead of that, tell him that you have your own insecurities, just like any other human and that you're working on them because you really want to make things work between the two of you.
I'm sure that you're able to note the difference between the first situation and the second.
Being open and honest in a relationship is what's most important, and if there is a real connection between the two of you, he will appreciate your gesture.
If you need to change your physique because YOU don't feel good in your skin anymore, then by all means, do it!
But if you do it just because you want to look good for him and in this way determine him not to leave you, I suggest that you reconsider your reasons.
BTW, I have seem many overweight girls which are more sexier and interesting than the skinny ones. Also sensuality has nothing to do with weight.
Also I am not a man, but I really think you should consider my advice.


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:


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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male


Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
Re: relationship insecurity [Re: NiamhNyx]
    #7733771 - 12/08/07 05:39 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

"upper end of the normal weight range"

Not to be crude but,I like.:doggystyle:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


Edited by Icelander (12/08/07 05:40 PM)


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Offlineenotake2
Stop Bush's war
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Registered: 01/30/03
Posts: 1,457
Loc: Comfy chair in my lounger...
Last seen: 9 years, 8 months
Re: relationship insecurity [Re: Icelander]
    #7739221 - 12/10/07 06:21 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Thanks heaps for your suggestions, I feel much better about things :smile:


--------------------
Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium

"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.


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Offlinemushroomplume
Stranger

Registered: 10/16/06
Posts: 1,395
Last seen: 11 years, 1 month
Re: relationship insecurity [Re: enotake2]
    #7742796 - 12/10/07 11:20 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

I wouldn't worry about anything.

I once had a girlfriend who was very concerned about how she looked around me, but I honestly did not care if she got any prettier/hotter. I liked her the way she was.

Unless you put on 100lbs, you should be absolutely fine :thumbup:


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