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Re: My secret crush [Re: The_Red_Crayon]
    #6986101 -

The_Red_Crayon said:
What are you his marriage counselor? You put way to much effort in this, sounds like your woman cheated on you, maybe its you whose got the problems tough guy.


coAsTal is simply a fundamentalist, his words fall on deaf ears when he gets on his soap-box and starts preaching.

He has such a narrow point of view that he cant see how a relationship can get so F'd up that a person would be willing to find some happiness in the arms of another woman.......even if it is for a short moment.

He cant see that I DO love my wife. Even though I'm considering having an affair.

I know of MANY marriages.........MANY..........that do this on a regular basis. I have friends that are married and have a boy/girl friend on the side and still have a good marriage at home.

Not all marriages are the same............just like people and religion.

A person must do what is best for THEM, and not worry about what other people may think.


--------------------
Live for the moment you are in now
Don't be bogged down by your past
Don't be afraid of what lies in your future

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Re: My secret crush [Re: niteowl]
    #6986135 -

hehe thats cute...


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Wheels of cheese wheeels of cheeeeese!!!

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Re: My secret crush [Re: niteowl]
    #6986160 -

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPE!:rockon:

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Re: My secret crush [Re: indica]
    #6986176 -

.....


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Wheels of cheese wheeels of cheeeeese!!!

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Re: My secret crush [Re: niteowl]
    #6986201 -

So did you cheat on her and your children yet? I'm curious.


--------------------
Nothing says love like grannies prolapsed anus!

quote]Urb said:
I know... Its fucked up... Ill fix it minyana..[/quote]

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Re: My secret crush [Re: coAsTal]
    #6986209 -

coAsTal said:
I find it absolutely disgusting that you want to come on a message board, peopled with (mostly) a bunch of young kids, and look for validation to violate your marriage, your children, and your wife.



:rofl2:


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Re: My secret crush [Re: chemiKalz]
    #6986239 -

chemiKalz said:
coAsTal said:
I find it absolutely disgusting that you want to come on a message board, peopled with (mostly) a bunch of young kids, and look for validation to violate your marriage, your children, and your wife.



:rofl2:



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Re: My secret crush [Re: mndfreeze]
    #6987274 -

mndfreeze said:
So did you cheat on her and your children yet?  I'm curious.


No.
It may be another month before that happens.......IF that happens. This thread was more about the unexplained feelings I have had for this person more than my desire to have an affair with her.

I believe her to be a soul-mate. There has been a connection between us for years (10+). I knew her thru her last divorce. She has since re-married but still seems unhappy. (like me)

If things don't work out between my wife I may have a chance at a life w/her.


BTW

What have my grown children have to do with this.
They have their own life do deal with. If I decide to get a divorce or have an affair........do you think I'm going to tell our GROWN children?

:imslow:


I don't think so my friend. They will be told if we have a divorce......but their opinion on the matter will hold no weight, since it is not their decision to make.

:sorry:


--------------------
Live for the moment you are in now
Don't be bogged down by your past
Don't be afraid of what lies in your future

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Re: My secret crush [Re: niteowl]
    #6987333 -

Just do what makes you happy, you only got one life to live.

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Re: My secret crush [Re: niteowl]
    #6987657 -

If I have friends that cheat it still affects me and makes me see them in a negative light, it of course will still hurt and affect your GROWN children because if anything, they understand even more so the complete and utter lack of morals that caused you to cheat instead of leave her first, etc.

I'm not against divorce, just cheaters. I put it akin to a really horrible lie and backstabbing, self centered, blah blah etc etc ort of behavior.

Thats all!


--------------------
Nothing says love like grannies prolapsed anus!

quote]Urb said:
I know... Its fucked up... Ill fix it minyana..[/quote]

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Re: My secret crush [Re: mndfreeze]
    #6987748 -

Lotta white people on these boards, I noticed.


Funny that everyone seems to have already condemned me as a cheater and all I have done is fantasize about it.
:confused:


Some people need to read what I actually wrote, rather than make large assumptions as to what I may or may not do.

I'm more interested in the reason as to WHY I have this connection to my friend more so that I do in wanting/needing to have an affair with her.

Seems that everyone is more interested into turning this thread into a soap opera about cheating, when that is not the reason I started this thread.

Let me quote myself and focus on the more relevant points of the thread.

niteowl said:
I have a female "friend" I have known for about 10 years (and haven't seen in about 3-4 years). We each have a high school type crush on the other. Butterflies in our stomach when we are near each other. This "feeling" is very strong for me. She says it is strong for her too.

Many times we have considered having an affair. Things just never worked out in our favor.

The timing wasn't right I guess.

Today I got to see her again at a friends house. Still got the butterflies, we both acted like silly high school kids, laughing and giggling for lack of anything to say.

We were able to have a couple of minutes alone before we went our separate ways. Still shy, and unable to talk. I asked her if she still felt for me like I still felt for her. She kinda laughed and claimed I was a horn-dog but wouldn't let me leave without giving me a hug.

WOW!

I never realized you could loose yourself in the embrace of another person until today. I hugged her and lost myself. There is no other explanation for the feeling that came over me during that hug.

Is this normal?

I don't know.

We chatted later today and both agreed to a more "romantic" meeting at my house.

OMG!

The thought of being alone with her excites me, and scares the shit outta me, at the same time. I could care less if we have sex. I just want to hold her again. I want to feel her body against mine, smell her hair. I feel safe with her, in a way I cant explain.

If sex happens......all the better.........it probably won't the first time she comes over though, I think we will both be too nervous for that, just hugging, kissing and petting.....but sex is not the primary reason I want to be with her. I just enjoy spending time with her.

I could easily see myself married to her rather than my wife.

Is this normal?



Can you re-read that post and see/feel the confusion that I have right now?

My marriage has been rocky for the past 10 of 17 years. If there is a chance for me to be happy........why is everyone so quick to call me names when all I have done is express my feelings ??????


--------------------
Live for the moment you are in now
Don't be bogged down by your past
Don't be afraid of what lies in your future

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: My secret crush [Re: mndfreeze]
    #6987790 -

mndfreeze said:
If I have friends that cheat it still affects me and makes me see them in a negative light, it of course will still hurt and affect your GROWN children because if anything, they understand even more so the complete and utter lack of morals that caused you to cheat instead of leave her first, etc.


It simply amazes me that people read what they want to read rather than what was actually written.

IF I have an affair, it probably won't last long and NO BODY will be told........not even the Shroomery.

Quote:
I'm not against divorce, just cheaters.


Ignorance is bliss.

Quote:
I put it akin to a really horrible lie and backstabbing, self centered, blah blah etc etc ort of behavior.


I feel that my wife has let me down by not taking care of herself (aggravating my anxiety by causing me to worry more about her)......for years on end .......allowing herself to get so sick that she now has to have surgery.


Wasn't "love , honor and obey" part of the vows we took? When she was sick she should have gone to the Dr when I asked her too. That, in itself is a form of betrayal.

Tit for tat as far as I'm concerned.


--------------------
Live for the moment you are in now
Don't be bogged down by your past
Don't be afraid of what lies in your future

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: My secret crush [Re: niteowl]
    #6988185 -

I don't see what's so hard about getting a divorce before committing adultery.  If you REALLY see that the relationship is going nowhere, why not just call it quits and start anew? 

I'm assuming it's the fact that you want to see if this "new" relationship will work out before jumping in the ocean head over heels.  Perfectly understandable reasoning.  I wouldn't call it honest or respectable, but hey, not everyone is perfect right? :rolleyes:

(prepares for religious insults)
:thumbdown:


--------------------
  Moderation is key 

  "There is no god higher than truth." 


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Re: My secret crush [Re: D4NK]
    #6988229 -

Religion has nothing to do with our marriage.......we got married by the Justice of the Peace, on my lunch break.

Vows were made that have been broken by her.........I have yet to break any of my vows.........yet.

If my wife is able to make the needed life-style changes......our marriage has a chance of surviving.......I have my doubts about her commitment to changing though.......Meaning that the relationship is going to be on shaky ground for a few months, until I see if she is willing to do what is needed to save the marriage.


--------------------
Live for the moment you are in now
Don't be bogged down by your past
Don't be afraid of what lies in your future

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: My secret crush [Re: niteowl]
    #6988261 -

Basically your idea is its ok to cheat, lie, whatever as long as they dont KNOW. There-in lies my issue. That makes you untrustworthy and a number of other things.

We can also evaluate that statement you made...

"We chatted later today and both agreed to a more "romantic" meeting at my house.

OMG!"

It seems to me you were not 'fantasizing' but actually ACTING on it. How hard is it to go to your wife, and say, 'I feel this way, and because of that I'm leaving, it might be selfish but etc etc blah blah'

and WALK OUT THE DOOR and go be with who you want.

As opposed to just LYING to her becauise ignorance is bliss, leading her on to believe you are faithful and trustworthy, when really you are just about yourself. I'm not sure I get why exactly it is so hard to just man up and end it if its what you want. This is a cake and eat it too scenario.


--------------------
Nothing says love like grannies prolapsed anus!

quote]Urb said:
I know... Its fucked up... Ill fix it minyana..[/quote]

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Re: My secret crush [Re: mndfreeze]
    #6988294 -

Quote:
This is a cake and eat it too scenario.




And the problem with that is ..............



Fantasizing about killing someone isn't the same as actually killing them.......and that is all that has been done so far.

You can't condemn a person for fantasizing about killing someone........yet I'm being condemned for having a fantasy.

:flowstone:


--------------------
Live for the moment you are in now
Don't be bogged down by your past
Don't be afraid of what lies in your future

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: My secret crush [Re: niteowl]
    #6988314 -

hey nightowl. this exact same thing has been hapening to me latly. the exact sme. sept im not married. i am however in a commited relationship. i could never cheat on my girl freind. i just could not. and if i did i would have to tell her straight up. guilt is one of my biggest internal issues.

anyway. you are not weird. you are completly normal my freind. imagining how your life could be better with some one else is perectly natural. but you must take into acout th fact that no matter who yu are with there will be good and bad times. you just gotta accept that.
now i would say you owe it to your wife to ty and make things work. but if not....


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Re: My secret crush [Re: niteowl]
    #6988350 -

I'm not condeming you for thinking aout it. I'm condeming you if you actually DO it. The discussion is to point out the issues so that you dont create them. I.e. talking the friend OUT of suicide, not waiting until he is mid-attempt or post attempt. etc.

Its just proper decision making and discussion. You just lean heavy on the 'I'm going to just do this because I feel justified' response.

Now, the other thing is, I dont condem you for the fantasy of another women, but I can dislike your belief structure that causes you to act a certain way, no different then you would look at a murder or child molester. In my eyes, how ou are acting about the scenario and discussion shows to me its wht you feel is 'right' to do, and wouild do it (via your own self admission) because its what YOU wanted, making it pretty apparent to me at least that you are not overly concerned about her, or the kids, or anyone else for that matter. That is the part I most disagree with.

Just becuse my other pisses me off, and I THINK about hitting her isnt the same as straight up clocking her of course, but having a belief system that says its a-ok, you just havnt DONE it yet, is only better by a hair.


--------------------
Nothing says love like grannies prolapsed anus!

quote]Urb said:
I know... Its fucked up... Ill fix it minyana..[/quote]

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