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How to deal with jealousy
    #5740613 -

Ok there is this girl I really like, we are not together or ina relationship. She likes me too but is young and we cant date for another couple of years.

I get irritated, pissy and jealous when I see her laughing with other guys or talking to them for extended periods of time? I've always been like this with girls I've liked.

How do I deal with it? I know she is not my GF and can do whatever she wants. But it doesnt change the way I feel. Like how do I stop caring? I dont tell her this, or act any different towards her.


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My first mushroom trip
My first Mescaline trip

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Re: How to deal with jealousy [Re: Pirate_Patrick]
    #5740619 -

no bullshit sarcasim in this forum- Zip

Edited by zippoz (06/12/06 09:57 AM)

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Re: How to deal with jealousy [Re: Pirate_Patrick]
    #5740651 -

Jealousy most often comes from a uncertainty, a missbelief in yourself and the image you reflect in others. Maybe your problem is not necessarily just denying or running away from these feelings, but look forward for the deeper problem. Maybe there is something that makes you feel unsure of yourself and your power. Try to see your qualities and also your fauts.
This is pretty complicated cause we don't really have almost no relevant datas concearning your jealousy, you are the only one who knows what kind of relationships you've had and how and why they've determined you to feel this way. Cause from what I understand, this has been happening a long time before you met this girl, so try and remember what caused all this. Maybe it was some girl who cheated on you or acted in such a manner that determined you to lose your self confidence.


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:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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Re: How to deal with jealousy [Re: Pirate_Patrick] * 1
    #5740730 -

There are many types of jealousy, but the one that always accompanies relationships/lust/intimate type events is one of attention. Like someone just said, it is an image that you have of yourself, and even though it is far from reality, you like to believe that you are that guy, and having a girl give you enough attention is what you need to solidify, however briefly, that notion.

You aren't unique, there is no ONE true love out there, no penultimate mate. People have a hard time accepting that their is truth and beauty in despair and unfavorable traits like jealousy, but that is the ebb and flow of life, and the "perfect" mate will not solely maintain your happiness forever, but will balance out that indescribable and blinding happiness that is only derived from love with that irrational feeling of emptiness (or jealousy).

maybe none of this really applies to you (yet), and some sort of alpha-male ego becomes bruised because of your illusory notion that she should give unyielding attention and infatuation to you.

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Re: How to deal with jealousy [Re: SneezingPenis]
    #5740953 -

well said people !

Im having a similar problem at the moment, and its always kicking me in the nuts.
I wish i knew HOW to deal with it. Its so hard because its not just your thoughts, there's an whole set of emotions and feelings attached to it.
Its these feelings that make it hard to control anything, they make me act like a total dick.

Im starting to think that the only way around it has to come from a major change in attitude.

Try not to be so scared of what could happen, i know its hard cos it kills you.

Life is bigger than you and her,

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Re: How to deal with jealousy [Re: Mike_yy]
    #5741142 -

i can understand that its difficult, and im sure that you dont want to hear it, but if youre getting jealous of other guys that hit on her, and she is letting this happen, then she might not feel the same way that you do.

as for dealing withe the jealousy, id say its probably best to walk away from the girl and show back up in a year or so when she is old enough.


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PEACE

:mushroom2:zippoz:mushroom2:



"in times of widespread chaos and confusion, it has been the duty of more advanced human beings - artists, scientists, clowns, and philosophers - to create order. In such times as ours however, when there is too much order, too much m management, too much programming and control, it becomes the duty of superior men and women and women to fling their favorite monkey wrenches into the machinery. To relieve the repression of the human spirit, they must sow doubt and disruption"

"People do it every day, they talk to themselves ... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it."

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Re: How to deal with jealousy [Re: ZippoZ]
    #5743729 -

Who's being sarcastic? Guy says he's having pedophiliac urges and is asking for help in dealing with it. I gave sound advice!

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Re: How to deal with jealousy [Re: paulie_walnuts1]
    #5744215 -

You probably let her become too big a part of your life. And when anything comes along that threatens whatever picture of the future you have it makes you feel this way. The feelings just suck, really hard to control. I'd say step back for awhile. There is no way to really think yourself out of this situation. Do other stuff away from her. Don't get attached! You're not even together yet. This stuff will drag both of you down if you don't deal with it now. Girls like attention, best accept it now.


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Entropy is increasing.
To send me a PM, go to my journal

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Re: How to deal with jealousy [Re: Pirate_Patrick]
    #5744484 -

relinquish control


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"Outside of a dog a book is a man's friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read"
-Groucho Marx

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Re: How to deal with jealousy [Re: bobjones]
    #5744795 -

Great advice everyone. Everything makes sense. BTW when a girl is 17 and looks 21 how is that pedophilia?


--------------------
My first mushroom trip
My first Mescaline trip

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Re: How to deal with jealousy [Re: Pirate_Patrick]
    #5745066 -

Pirate_Patrick said:
Great advice everyone. Everything makes sense. BTW when a girl is 17 and looks 21 how is that pedophilia?


It isn't in my book.

Pedophilia is being attracted to individuals who have not yet matured physically into a fully developed form.

Or in other words, there's nothing wrong with being attracted to a 17 year old who is fully developed. Pedophilia is being attracted to a girl (regardless of age) who has not yet physically matured into a woman.

That being said, there is still a grey zone regarding whether or not it's a good idea to date someone who's a bit younger, simply because they may not be mature enough mentally for a real relationship.

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Re: How to deal with jealousy [Re: JacquesCousteau]
    #5745164 -

I can tell you how NOT to deal with jealousy...

Don't cut her off from her friends; don't make her feel like she's not allowed to do anything without you; and for god's sake, don't start accusing her of stuff.

Deal with your insecurities instead of taking them out on someone else.

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Re: How to deal with jealousy [Re: adrug]
    #5745840 -

you need to work on your confidence and self-esteem it seems. When you have unshakable confidence and belief in yourself it won't bother you when she interacts with other males...because YOU'RE the man! don't even let the thought of them as competition enter your mind because they don't have shit on you bro!

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Re: How to deal with jealousy [Re: adrug]
    #8067691 -

adrug said:
I can tell you how NOT to deal with jealousy...

Don't cut her off from her friends; don't make her feel like she's not allowed to do anything without you; and for god's sake, don't start accusing her of stuff.

Deal with your insecurities instead of taking them out on someone else.


:werd:


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Wheels of cheese wheeels of cheeeeese!!!

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Re: How to deal with jealousy [Re: Merkin]
    #8067861 -

oye - this is the worst situation to be in. I know from experience (as most of us do).

The girl I had to deal with it was my HS-girlfriend of a year or so. GOD she was a flirt whore (it was terrible).

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Re: How to deal with jealousy [Re: Pirate_Patrick]
    #8071366 -

Pirate_Patrick said:
I get irritated, pissy and jealous when I see her laughing with other guys or talking to them for extended periods of time? I've always been like this with girls I've liked.


I personally do not see jealousy as a healthy personality trait. You need to tell yourself over and over again that first of all, this girl is an independent person, a separate human being who deserves the right to be with other people. First and foremost, she deserves the right to grow into an adult, without anyone interfering with her life, and her emotions by being jealous. Let me assure you Patrick, expressing jealous emotions to a girl (you are not dating especially), who is still developing herself into a woman will put unnecessary strain on her, on you, and on any relationship you two may have together. I think learning to overcome jealousy is a maturity issue, and perhaps this is something you need to explore within yourself before you decide its time to even think about dating girls. Give yourself time away from women to think about why you truly fall into a pattern of jealous behavior for girls.

I think the first step is truly realizing that this girl and no girl should ever be thought of as property, rather her own person who should have the right to hang out with, sleep with, and see whoever they want. They are human beings who deserve this right.


Pirate_Patrick said:
How do I deal with it? I know she is not my GF and can do whatever she wants. But it doesnt change the way I feel. Like how do I stop caring? I dont tell her this, or act any different towards her.


The only way to stop caring is to have an understanding of why you act the way you do. This takes time, and in all honesty, the best solution I see for you is to let this girl go for a while, and give yourself time alone to mature and figure things out. If it was meant to be, it will be there in two years probably. If not, like someone said earlier, there is an overabundance of women, many of whom you could probably have a stellar relationship with. People get stuck in this habit of laser vision, where they focus so hard on one object they fail to see all the other options, some of which are even better than the original. Stop thinking that this is this only girl for you, open your eyes to the possibility of there being other better possibilities out there.


--------------------
notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "

ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."

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