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OfflinespasticSofa
I don't need noinstruction toknow how toROCK!

Registered: 01/03/04
Posts: 139
Loc: eh?
Last seen: 10 years, 5 months
Cutting...how to deal with it?
    #2287486 - 01/30/04 05:30 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

My girlfriend of one year was a cutter when i met her. A fucking serious one at that. No little scratches on her wrists to show off at school, real, serious disorder. After 4-5 broken promises she stopped cutting. But in a year of being with her she says she's still just as obsessed with it as day one. Nothing has changed.

I have no idea how to deal with this. I can't fucking take being with someone who is so obsessed with self-destruction when all i want to do is make everything right for her. Help. please.


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InvisibleZippoZM
Knomadic
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Registered: 06/17/03
Posts: 13,227
Loc: Pongyang, North Korea
Re: Cutting...how to deal with it? [Re: spasticSofa]
    #2287511 - 01/30/04 05:47 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

do you know anyone that has gotten over this before, a friend perhaps? if so i would recomend introducing your gf and your friend because someone that has been there before can really make a difference.there are also support groups but they can feel a little overwhelming at first.


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PEACE

:mushroom2:zippoz:mushroom2:



"in times of widespread chaos and confusion, it has been the duty of more advanced human beings - artists, scientists, clowns, and philosophers - to create order. In such times as ours however, when there is too much order, too much m management, too much programming and control, it becomes the duty of superior men and women and women to fling their favorite monkey wrenches into the machinery. To relieve the repression of the human spirit, they must sow doubt and disruption"

"People do it every day, they talk to themselves ... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it."


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OfflinespasticSofa
I don't need noinstruction toknow how toROCK!

Registered: 01/03/04
Posts: 139
Loc: eh?
Last seen: 10 years, 5 months
Re: Cutting...how to deal with it? [Re: ZippoZ]
    #2287541 - 01/30/04 06:06 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

She's been through endless therapy, tons of support groups, and talked to so many people, yet nothing has changed. She's obsessed with this stupid fucking act that has only brought her and everyone around her misery. I'm even forced to compete with it. I can't co-exist with cutting. I don't know what to do. It's really soul-destroying.

Tripping tommorow is definitely off.


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OfflinespasticSofa
I don't need noinstruction toknow how toROCK!

Registered: 01/03/04
Posts: 139
Loc: eh?
Last seen: 10 years, 5 months
Re: Cutting...how to deal with it? [Re: spasticSofa]
    #2287554 - 01/30/04 06:10 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Love is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Pain is the only thing she's brought me. And a lot of life lessons, too.

Forcing me to fight for my place in her life against a fucking blade. Man, i don't know what to think.


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OfflineOook
Oook!

Registered: 08/19/03
Posts: 533
Loc: England
Last seen: 12 years, 3 months
Re: Cutting...how to deal with it? [Re: spasticSofa]
    #2287562 - 01/30/04 06:13 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

I used to cut my forearms for about 9 months sort of as a weird coping mechanism for dealing with unwanted feelings or thoughts. Have you talked to your girlfriend about how it makes her feel when she cuts herself?
The problem with doing it IME apart from the obvious fact that you are slicing through your flesh is that after the initial, brief rush from the pain you are just left with a semi numb sad feeling.


I could prolly put her in contact with my friend, he's fucking smart.
He posed as a 23 year old therapist or something on a conselling msg board and sorted ppl out including someone that had been through similar treatments to your gf, my m8 sorted out all his problems in an hour.


Edited by Oook (01/30/04 06:21 PM)


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OfflinespasticSofa
I don't need noinstruction toknow how toROCK!

Registered: 01/03/04
Posts: 139
Loc: eh?
Last seen: 10 years, 5 months
Re: Cutting...how to deal with it? [Re: Oook]
    #2287601 - 01/30/04 06:25 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Oook said:
I used to cut my forearms for about 9 months sort of as a weird coping mechanism for dealing with unwanted feelings or thoughts. Have you talked to your girlfriend about how it makes her feel when she cuts herself?
The problem with doing it IME apart from the obvious fact that you are slicing through your flesh is that after the initial, brief rush from the pain you are just left with a semi numb sad feeling.


I could prolly put her in contact with my friend, he's fucking smart.
He posed as a 23 year old therapist or something on a conselling msg board and sorted ppl out including someone that had been through similar treatments to your gf, my m8 sorted out all his problems in an hour.




Thank you for the offer. I'll ask her if she has any interest, but I have a feeling she's just going to yell at me. My step-mom had a really fucking rough past and always provides excellent help for people who come to her. She practically provides therapy for half the kids at her church. But my girlfriend refuses to talk to her. Sometimes I think she doesn't want to get better. She seems to enjoy playing the troubled-teen role.


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Edited by spasticSofa (01/30/04 06:27 PM)


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InvisibleArmFromTheAbyss
Old Hand

Registered: 10/09/02
Posts: 1,364
Loc: Down here in Babylon
Re: Cutting...how to deal with it? [Re: spasticSofa]
    #2287798 - 01/30/04 08:01 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

I've known two cutters in my day. One half of them are better now.

There is an underlying, possibly repressed issue your girl has yet to deal with.

Could be insecurity, but who knows, probably not even her.

Thats about all I can contribute  :smirk:

Good luck man  :smile2:


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OfflinespasticSofa
I don't need noinstruction toknow how toROCK!

Registered: 01/03/04
Posts: 139
Loc: eh?
Last seen: 10 years, 5 months
Re: Cutting...how to deal with it? [Re: ArmFromTheAbyss]
    #2287843 - 01/30/04 08:17 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

ArmFromTheAbyss- you're right, there is an underlying issue. She was abused by her first boyfriend. Pretty seriously for a number of months. That's when it started. But that was 3-4 years ago now. She says that cutting isn't even related to him or that time period anymore. I s'pose all I can do is stick it out and hope that I can provide enough support.


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InvisibleYarry
Old Timer
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Registered: 01/05/04
Posts: 23,740
Re: Cutting...how to deal with it? [Re: ArmFromTheAbyss]
    #2287847 - 01/30/04 08:20 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

i used to cut.. it was more a way to rid my self of mental pain by feeling such physical pain. Theres definetly an underlying issue that yuo dont know about it. and she has probably repressed it to the point that she forgot it. i also went out with a cutter for awhile. I tried pretty much everything i could. in the end i caught her cutting herself one day and i took the knife from her and made a big gash on my forearm and looked at her and said "now you see how i feel" she didnt cut after that. not recommending you do that though.. i guess the only thing you can really do is talk to her about it and try and figure out why she does it? what is it about cutting herself that feels so good??

Ive been through it all so if you or her wanna talk you can get ahold of me;

msn or email: raging_platypus@hotmail.com
ICQ: 77518266

Im here for both of ya. good luck


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Grumpy Old Man.


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OfflinespasticSofa
I don't need noinstruction toknow how toROCK!

Registered: 01/03/04
Posts: 139
Loc: eh?
Last seen: 10 years, 5 months
Re: Cutting...how to deal with it? [Re: Yarry]
    #2288334 - 01/30/04 11:25 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Thanks for the kind words and support Yarry. I've actually done the same thing as you. After one of the times she cut i grabbed a razor and slashed my chest. Then she told me that it just made her feel more guilty and she cut again later that night. Effective, eh?


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InvisibleMOTH
Wild Woman
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Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,359
Loc: In the jungle
Re: Cutting...how to deal with it? [Re: spasticSofa]
    #2288627 - 01/31/04 01:39 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Hey, I'm a self-injurer, so I can relate to where your girlfriend is coming from. I agree to focus on the feelings for why she cuts. If you need support or help, allow me to direct you to a website which I visit on a frequent basis. (since I can't afford therapy)

You'll find that they have a messageboard for family and friends of self-injurers, and they really do try to help. Its not an easy thing that you're going through...my husband could vouch for that. He's used this board himself from time to time. Maybe even your girlfriend could take a visit if it would benefit her.

Just warning you, there are alot of guidelines and rules for posting there, so that nobody is triggered or upset by other posters, so it would probably be best to read them if you do decide to post.
Click Here

Good luck

truly,

ShadeGirl


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InvisibleYarry
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Registered: 01/05/04
Posts: 23,740
Re: Cutting...how to deal with it? [Re: MOTH]
    #2288670 - 01/31/04 02:03 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

wher does she cut? and is it with suicidal intentions or strictly self mutilation attempts? im a "self mutilator" but have found my solace in piercing. Controlled self mutilation. It looks alot better and is better for you... just an idea


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Grumpy Old Man.


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Invisiblemuse_sick
ĤŌĿŶĞЋ0$Ŧ

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Registered: 12/15/03
Posts: 9,399
Loc: Giu La Testa
Re: Cutting...how to deal with it? [Re: spasticSofa]
    #2289059 - 01/31/04 05:40 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

i know that a lot of peeps on this board might be self injurers or whatever but the best i can do is relate this to my own experience and what i've learned through my continuing education.
I dated a cutter for 3 years. And now that i am aware of some case studies in Borderline Personality disorder, i see that it fits her to a t.
This may not be the case w yr g/f but my ex was extremely co-dependant, clingy and jealous.
it became too much when she was looking through my stuff, erasing all females names from my cell phone memory, oh and looking through my stuff.
i loved her dearly but had to end it. and sometimes its for the better. I couldn't stand to be in a relationship w someone who had so many issues to deal with, b/c thats exactly what cutting is...issues.
no matter how many times i made her promise not to cut she always would again, and it was too horrible to sit there and watch her drop out of school, spiral into drugs, etc. AND cut herself.
i would put some thought into this relationship, and whether it was worth it to you...


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:beakedwhale:


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OfflineOook
Oook!

Registered: 08/19/03
Posts: 533
Loc: England
Last seen: 12 years, 3 months
Re: Cutting...how to deal with it? [Re: muse_sick]
    #2289118 - 01/31/04 07:03 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

I stopped cutting myself cos my ex gf asked me to, except for a cig burn on the back of my hand at a party once. I didn't really have that much of an issue stopping myself from cutting seeing as it was effecting someone I cared about.

Piercing, if it could even be called self mutilation is hardly as bad as cutting yourself. A piercing is designed for cosmetic purposes using equipment for piercing the body. A knife is not designed to slice through your body for whatever reason, I think it's the worst thing you can do apart from taking huge quantities of drugs to blank out what you are feeling.


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OfflinespasticSofa
I don't need noinstruction toknow how toROCK!

Registered: 01/03/04
Posts: 139
Loc: eh?
Last seen: 10 years, 5 months
Re: Cutting...how to deal with it? [Re: Oook]
    #2290593 - 01/31/04 10:28 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Oook said:
I stopped cutting myself cos my ex gf asked me to, except for a cig burn on the back of my hand at a party once. I didn't really have that much of an issue stopping myself from cutting seeing as it was effecting someone I cared about.

Piercing, if it could even be called self mutilation is hardly as bad as cutting yourself. A piercing is designed for cosmetic purposes using equipment for piercing the body. A knife is not designed to slice through your body for whatever reason, I think it's the worst thing you can do apart from taking huge quantities of drugs to blank out what you are feeling.




Too true, too true. At least I got her off vallium early on in the relationship. She was way hardcore into drugs before I met her. Far more than anyone I've ever known that isn't dead. I suppose I should count my blessings. She so very rarely cuts and she doesn't abuse drugs.

Thanks for all the help everyone, it really means a lot to me.

And I will be signing up on that message board. Thanks again.


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InvisibleYarry
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Registered: 01/05/04
Posts: 23,740
Re: Cutting...how to deal with it? [Re: spasticSofa]
    #2306418 - 02/05/04 09:02 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

hey dude, just wondering how she is? best of luck to ya


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Grumpy Old Man.


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