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Psilozero
StonedGuitar/BassPlayer

Registered: 03/06/03
Posts: 106
Loc: mile high
Last seen: 16 years, 10 months
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Dating friend's ex from abusive relationship
#5162785 - 01/10/06 01:50 PM (18 years, 1 month ago) |
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So I've known this couple for about over a year now, and apparently they broke up about 4 months or so ago. I let the guy from the couple move into my 5bdrm house, he's a really cool guy. His girlfriend had walked in on him fucking another girl, so she left him.
Skip forward to present time...his ex sent me a message saying that she was interested in me. This girl is extremely beautiful, nice, smart, and sweet. I got the okay from the guy I live with, and everything has been just fine now for the past 3 weeks or so.
I'm slowly finding out things he has done to her...abusive things... and I told her simply not to talk to me about it until I move out of the house someday.
One thing that happened is that he decided it would be a good idea to fuck her at the same time with his best friend (another guy). The idea of this is disgusting to me, but she went along with it when it happened. This 'best friend' is now back in town from the military, and I don't think I can handle seeing this guy in the same room as everyone else involved...my overactive imagination would surely end up with anger/violence.
He's done some bad stuff to her, most of which I don't even know of, but this situation is getting rough. I love her, and he is a really good friend as well....I just don't want any negative shit to go down.
I just wanted to get that off my chest, but any advice would be helpfull as well!
Thx .p-0.
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jonathanseagull
Cool!


Registered: 10/28/05
Posts: 993
Last seen: 10 years, 29 days
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Re: Dating friend's ex from abusive relationship [Re: Psilozero]
#5162890 - 01/10/06 02:21 PM (18 years, 1 month ago) |
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Man, I completely understand these feelings you are having, because I've gone through the exact type of thing.
I want to try and give you some advice, and I want you to know that in no way mean any disrespect, and I definitely don't want to piss you off...only to help.
It seems like you are at the early infatuation stage of the relationship still. The chemicals and hormones are still pumping, and the other person is perfect and an angel, and the love is so great and all that stuff. It seems like you are placing blame on the guy and the guy alone. But you admitted to the fact that she went along with the threesome. She is as much to blame as the other two guys. Don't let the love and infatuation keep you from seeing the non biased truth. And don't come up with excuses for her, or even believe her excuses. It is what it is. She accepted the offer and went along with the situation.
I say that because I did the exact things I'm telling you not to do, and I allowed the relationship to continue and continue, even though I was having problems dealing with all the crap she'd done and lied about to me and blah blah. I placed the blame on everyone BUT her. When the whole time, she was the culprit and I just didn't want to see it. I was lying to myself. If you think about it and be honest with yourself, and this is your situation, I'd reconsider everything. Don't waste any time in some crazy love triangle that's only going to cause you pain later.
Good luck, my man. Seriously, I hate to see and hear about people in relationships with problems. I am recovering right now from a 4 year relationship full of that kind of stuff. It sucks. Think about it. It'd might be the best thing to just back out of the whole deal. It can only cause problems, especially with your living situation. Good luck though, you'll do the right thing that you know is best for you. I just tried to help out Good luck
--------------------
Loving in truth, and fain in verse my love to show, That the dear She might take some pleasure of my pain: Pleasure might cause her read, reading might make her know, Knowledge might pity win, and pity grace obtain.
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badchad
Mad Scientist

Registered: 03/02/05
Posts: 13,373
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Re: Dating friend's ex from abusive relationship [Re: Psilozero]
#5162899 - 01/10/06 02:22 PM (18 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Psilozero said: One thing that happened is that he decided it would be a good idea to fuck her at the same time with his best friend (another guy). The idea of this is disgusting to me, but she went along with it when it happened.
Sounds like a really classy girl.
Has she met your parents yet?
-------------------- ...the whole experience is (and is as) a profound piece of knowledge. It is an indellible experience; it is forever known. I have known myself in a way I doubt I would have ever occurred except as it did. Smith, P. Bull. Menninger Clinic (1959) 23:20-27; p. 27. ...most subjects find the experience valuable, some find it frightening, and many say that is it uniquely lovely. Osmond, H. Annals, NY Acad Science (1957) 66:418-434; p.436
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badchad
Mad Scientist

Registered: 03/02/05
Posts: 13,373
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Re: Dating friend's ex from abusive relationship *DELETED* [Re: Psilozero]
#5162904 - 01/10/06 02:23 PM (18 years, 1 month ago) |
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Post deleted by badchadReason for deletion: double post
-------------------- ...the whole experience is (and is as) a profound piece of knowledge. It is an indellible experience; it is forever known. I have known myself in a way I doubt I would have ever occurred except as it did. Smith, P. Bull. Menninger Clinic (1959) 23:20-27; p. 27. ...most subjects find the experience valuable, some find it frightening, and many say that is it uniquely lovely. Osmond, H. Annals, NY Acad Science (1957) 66:418-434; p.436
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badchad
Mad Scientist

Registered: 03/02/05
Posts: 13,373
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Re: Dating friend's ex from abusive relationship [Re: jonathanseagull]
#5162910 - 01/10/06 02:24 PM (18 years, 1 month ago) |
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I usually stay away from girls that involve themselves in gangbangs.
Thats just me though.
-------------------- ...the whole experience is (and is as) a profound piece of knowledge. It is an indellible experience; it is forever known. I have known myself in a way I doubt I would have ever occurred except as it did. Smith, P. Bull. Menninger Clinic (1959) 23:20-27; p. 27. ...most subjects find the experience valuable, some find it frightening, and many say that is it uniquely lovely. Osmond, H. Annals, NY Acad Science (1957) 66:418-434; p.436
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gnrm23
Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 08/29/99
Posts: 6,488
Loc: n. e. OH, USSA
Last seen: 4 months, 11 days
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Re: Dating friend's ex from abusive relationship [Re: badchad]
#5164020 - 01/10/06 06:31 PM (18 years, 1 month ago) |
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a menage-a-trois is not exactly a gang-bang, mmmmmmkay?
~
but, anyways... jealousy can do a number on ya fer sure, i dunno...
-------------------- old enough to know better not old enough to care
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DirtMcgirt
in a pinch


Registered: 10/20/04
Posts: 2,213
Loc: city of angels
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Re: Dating friend's ex from abusive relationship [Re: Psilozero]
#5166113 - 01/11/06 02:53 AM (18 years, 1 month ago) |
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3 ways to solve this problem....
1. Don't be a woman vulture. Go out and meet women on your own and don't sit around waiting for your friends to dump their girlfriends so your can pick them up afterwards. That way you can avoid these kinds of situations altogether. Instead of committing social incest; bring new genes into your family of friends. Just because the carrion came to you doesn't clear you of the term. This may or may not completely describe you, but these kinds of situations where its friend vs friend over females always seem come back to this.
2. Don't believe everything this woman tells you. You claim to love her after only 3 weeks. Thats a bad sign already. She was hurt by him in multiple ways. Following a messy breakup anybody will undoubtedly exaggerate. I'm not saying your friend didn't do bad shit to her, but everything might not be as it seems coming from her end. You won't even listen to it so your imagination is already going wild. So don't hold him accountable for things you haven't heard his side on or even heard about altogether. It seems strange she calls you, a good friend and roomate of her abusive ex, out of nowhere to start a relationship unless you felt some kind of connection with her before. You are in a bad situation from the get-go here. Red flags went up in my mind with this post and you may or may not be in the middle of a drama much larger than you. Its worth at least considering for your own sake.
3. The past is the past and leave it in the past. You can't change it so live for the present. This past your worrying about doesn't even concern you anyway.
If you are the jealous type don't put yourself in a situation where jealousy will bring up issues because you always end up looking like a insecure tool or a jackass in the end. So avoid being around your friend's best friend if you know you will have problems with him. You may not be able help it seeing you live with this guy but you can still take steps to avoid problems. (aka don't go drinking with them or something)
Its one thing if he/they disrespect you or your gf (and therefore you) in front of you, but thats an entirely different subject.
-------------------- "And we, inhabitants of the great coral of the Cosmos, believe the atom (which still we cannot see) to be full matter, whereas, it too, like everything else, is but an embroidery of voids in the Void, and we give the name of being, dense and even eternal, to that dance of inconsistencies, that infinite extension that is identified with absolute Nothingness and that spins from its own non-being the illusion of everything."
Edited by DirtMcgirt (01/11/06 02:57 AM)
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eligal
Noobie


Registered: 05/25/05
Posts: 7,021
Loc: California
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Re: Dating friend's ex from abusive relationship [Re: badchad]
#5166539 - 01/11/06 08:38 AM (18 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
badchad said:
Quote:
Psilozero said: One thing that happened is that he decided it would be a good idea to fuck her at the same time with his best friend (another guy). The idea of this is disgusting to me, but she went along with it when it happened.
Sounds like a really classy girl to me.
Has she met your parents yet?
-------------------- \m/ Spanksta \m/ "do you have the freedom to do with your nervous system what you want?" "MolokoMilkPlus said: I'll respect you if you let me give you a blow job" "tactik said: respect the can."
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daimyo
Monticello

Registered: 05/13/04
Posts: 7,751
Last seen: 12 years, 19 days
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Re: Dating friend's ex from abusive relationship [Re: Psilozero]
#5166557 - 01/11/06 08:49 AM (18 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Psilozero said: I'm slowly finding out things he has done to her...abusive things... and I told her simply not to talk to me about it until I move out of the house someday.
Like someone else said, don't beleive everything she tells you. People have a way of making shit up to justify their actions.
Quote:
Psilozero said: One thing that happened is that he decided it would be a good idea to fuck her at the same time with his best friend (another guy).
Uhhh, that's not abusive. She did it, it's her fault. Don't hate the guy for being slick. She wasn't yours when he turned her out.
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Psilozero said: The idea of this is disgusting to me, but she went along with it when it happened. This 'best friend' is now back in town from the military, and I don't think I can handle seeing this guy in the same room as everyone else involved...my overactive imagination would surely end up with anger/violence.
Don't let jealousy get the best of you.
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Psilozero said: I love her, and he is a really good friend as well....I just don't want any negative shit to go down.
You've been with her for about a month? You don't love her. You love the pussy and attention she gives you. Take it slow. Don't fall in love before you know her and her past. It's not worth losing a good friend over.
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Psilozero said: I just wanted to get that off my chest, but any advice would be helpfull as well!
Advice? Take shit slow, save instead of spend, and enjoy life.
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"I have sworn upon the altar of God eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man."
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Psilozero
StonedGuitar/BassPlayer

Registered: 03/06/03
Posts: 106
Loc: mile high
Last seen: 16 years, 10 months
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Re: Dating friend's ex from abusive relationship [Re: Psilozero]
#5180216 - 01/14/06 01:25 PM (18 years, 1 month ago) |
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Yeah, so that night has come and gone and nothing negative happened. I didn't see the dude too much, but he seemed like a fucking prick to me....(I was nice to him though). The thing about this whole situation is that I've been out of school on winter break, having a good time with my girl and all my friends, and everything is chill between everyone.
I feel a good energy with this girl...the things she has done in the past do not reflect what will or is going on..
I only have 2 semesters of school left before I graduate. I feel like I found a chick that is right for me...I've been with a good amount of women (like 18), so I'd like to say I can judge women/people pretty damn well.
I'm confident in our relationship, as well as the relationship with my friend, and I know things can get pretty crazy when you're with someone for a long time.
Hopefully drama won't ensue from here......everything looks good on the horizon.
.smp
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Penguarky Tunguin
f n o r d

Registered: 08/08/04
Posts: 17,192
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Re: Dating friend's ex from abusive relationship [Re: Psilozero]
#5182257 - 01/15/06 01:34 AM (18 years, 1 month ago) |
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I feel a good energy with this girl...the things she has done in the past do not reflect what will or is going on..
Of course you do and yes it does. 
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so I'd like to say I can judge women/people pretty damn well.
Good luck to you. 
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Hopefully drama won't ensue from here
It will, her ex is your roommate, 'nuff said. Until you move out, there will be nothing but drama. Maybe not out in the open, but boiling underneath the surface. What are the odds of her hooking up with this ex again, say when you're not at home? She is a female after all.
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everything looks good on the horizon.
Again, good luck to you. You love her after a month? Either you're completely nuts or its meant to be. I advise you to keep your emotions in check. Harder said than done, but I would try my best.
McDMT
-------------------- Every mistake, intentional or otherwise, in the above post, is the fault of the reader.
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RandalFlagg
Stranger
Registered: 06/15/02
Posts: 15,608
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Re: Dating friend's ex from abusive relationship [Re: Penguarky Tunguin]
#5182670 - 01/15/06 08:38 AM (18 years, 1 month ago) |
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McKennaDMT said: What are the odds of her hooking up with this ex again, say when you're not at home? She is a female after all.
Ouch. I thought I was the most bitter male on the Shroomery, but you have definately surpassed me.
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Penguarky Tunguin
f n o r d

Registered: 08/08/04
Posts: 17,192
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Re: Dating friend's ex from abusive relationship [Re: RandalFlagg]
#5183317 - 01/15/06 12:30 PM (18 years, 1 month ago) |
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Realistic Randal, realistic!! Not bitter.
McKennaDMT
-------------------- Every mistake, intentional or otherwise, in the above post, is the fault of the reader.
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24hoursago
Stranger
Registered: 01/19/06
Posts: 65
Last seen: 17 years, 10 months
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Re: Dating friend's ex from abusive relationship [Re: DirtMcgirt]
#5201712 - 01/20/06 05:25 AM (18 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
DirtMcgirt said: 1. Don't be a woman vulture. Go out and meet women on your own and don't sit around waiting for your friends to dump their girlfriends so your can pick them up afterwards. That way you can avoid these kinds of situations altogether. Instead of committing social incest; bring new genes into your family of friends. Just because the carrion came to you doesn't clear you of the term. This may or may not completely describe you, but these kinds of situations where its friend vs friend over females always seem come back to this.
Well put!
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