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 Locus
Registered: 03/11/04
Posts: 6,112
Last seen: 3 years, 20 days
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 Suicide 
#4236541 - 05/30/05 12:17 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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Well, I think this is it. I think it's about that time. So as soon as I can get myself a gun I will do it. If I knew another more surefire way Id do it right now but I dont and i dont want any attempts. It's been a very long fucking time and I've lost everything that ever mattered to me at all, everything. And I've waited it out for so long and things have only gotten much worse. It's not worth it anymore and it hasn't been for a very long time.
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The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity. ~ Albert Einstein
"Fear is the great barrier to human growth." ~ Dr. Robert Monroe
~~~*Dosis sola facit venenum*~~~
*Check my profile to listen to my music* 
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Organic
Lloyd
Registered: 04/14/02
Posts: 5,774
Loc: Overlook
Last seen: 14 years, 10 months
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Re: Suicide [Re: Locus]
#4236561 - 05/30/05 12:25 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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We love you, don't go now, there is so much more out there than what has you down right now. You deserve to experience more than you have. Have you considered up and moving from the source of your problems? I don't know your exact situation but I feel I can sympathize with losing most everything. Things will look up, they have to.
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 MOTH
Wild Woman
Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
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Re: Suicide [Re: Locus]
#4236609 - 05/30/05 12:41 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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Locus...I'm sorry you feel this way.  I won't pretend to know what you're going through right now, but are you sure you've exhausted every other alternative?
I also have to wonder why you wrote this post if there is nothing we can do to deter you from your suicide plans. Could it be that a part of you still wants to live?
I'm so sorry you feel this way and at the same time I feel very helpless because I know that this something personal that you have to figure out on your own. But I will say that I hope you won't go through with it, because even though you might feel as though nobody will care, I can assure you that is not true. I would care. Even though we've never met; a person on the internet, hundreds of miles away from where you are sitting right now, would be very sad if you took your own life.
Is there any way we can help you here? I want to help you man. You've offered me advice on many occasions. It sounds like you're in some hell of a hole right now, and daylight might seem impossible to believe in...but there is always hope for a better existence with every day that passes. We all need a little help at times when things get rough. If you feel okay talking about it, what is happening in your life right now that has made you consider suicide?
Again, I know it's your decision...I know how it feels to be that low. But I wish you would give yourself another chance in life. Whether you believe it or not, you deserve at least that much. There is always a chance to start over. It's not always easy, but it might help you save yourself if you're willing.
Sorry I can't be of more help...I'm thinking of you. 
*me*
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Spencyspence28
Texan CubeFarmer
Registered: 03/21/05
Posts: 327
Loc: Tx.
Last seen: 18 years, 8 months
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Re: Suicide [Re: MOTH]
#4236653 - 05/30/05 01:03 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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Im not going to stop you,but your thing really doesnt make sense.HOw is killing yourself isnt going to make anything better
RELAX.
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Ravus
Not an EggshellWalker
Registered: 07/18/03
Posts: 7,991
Loc: Cave of the Patriarchs
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Re: Suicide [Re: Locus]
#4236693 - 05/30/05 01:18 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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Others will tell you not to do it, but consider it thoroughly.
With that out of the way, also, it'd be better not to use a gun. Guns are extremely messy and it would be a painful experience for a family member to come in with your head blown off.
*mod edit: no methods*
But first, think long and hard about this. You don't want to be committing suicide and then suddenly realize you want to live. Maybe talk to a close friend or someone you know who's been suicidal before and get as much information as you can.
Whatever you do, I hope you make the right choice for your situation. I can't tell you that suicide is or isn't right for you, because only you know that.
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So long as you are praised think only that you are not yet on your own path but on that of another.
Edited by EllemyshShade (06/25/05 01:05 PM)
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Kenny7822
Kenny
Registered: 01/29/04
Posts: 842
Loc: MA, USA
Last seen: 11 years, 5 months
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Re: Suicide [Re: Locus]
#4236728 - 05/30/05 01:26 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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*mod edit: no methods*
Seems like the easiest, most comfortable way to die. I wouldn't kill myself though and neither should you because you have so much more to experience in life. But I wont stop you nor can I stop you if I wanted to. Good luck with whatever decision you make, just remember there are many people who will be upset if you do kill yourself, including us here at the shroomery.
Edited by EllemyshShade (06/25/05 01:06 PM)
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Irradiated_Feces
doomedgeneration
Registered: 07/11/03
Posts: 4,278
Loc: Great White North
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Re: Suicide [Re: Locus]
#4236743 - 05/30/05 01:29 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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*mod edit: no flaming*
Do something that fucking matters.
And happy birthday, will there be another?
Edited by EllemyshShade (06/25/05 01:06 PM)
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ShroomOmatic
Ethno Apprentice
Registered: 10/14/04
Posts: 2,373
Loc: Sailing the Seas of Chees...
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Re: Suicide [Re: Locus]
#4236814 - 05/30/05 01:49 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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I'm sorry locus. Please dont go though with it. I'm sure there is a way you can be happy again.
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gdman
badger, badger,badger...
Registered: 12/10/02
Posts: 16,286
Loc: Dancing In the Streets
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Re: Suicide [Re: Locus]
#4236881 - 05/30/05 02:08 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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Locus, things can always get better, don't give up now. Think about the people who care about you. We're here for you, hit me up on AIM (gdmang1) if you ever feel down or whenever. Don't give up Locus.
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Got a question about a substance? Erowid might already have your answer! Have questions about the mushroom experience? The Tripper's FAQ may have your answer or someone else might have had your question before.
I know up on the top you are seeing great sights, but down at the bottom we, too, should have rights.
- Theodor Seuss Geisel Dr. Suess
"I didn't come here to be easily understood" - Steve
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Adden
Registered: 06/04/03
Posts: 39,201
Loc: 
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Re: Suicide [Re: Locus]
#4236888 - 05/30/05 02:09 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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The worst thing I will ever have to experience in my life was when my brother died in my arms after he shot himself in the head.
Giving my father's eulogy will probably be easier, as hard of a thing THAT even is.
And, by the way, you don't die instantly like in the movies. The only brain activity you really experience (depending where the bullet goes) is pain. As far as a single bullet is concerned.
If you shoot yourself in the chin, you get to choke on your own blood for 4-5 minutes while convulsing.
Feel better.
Happy birthday, as well.
s2
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looner2
ABBA fan
Registered: 06/20/04
Posts: 3,849
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Re: Suicide [Re: Adden]
#4236911 - 05/30/05 02:14 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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If you are going to do it, do it like the indians used to do when they realized it was time to die. I just heard about this and I think its absolutely the best way.
Go into a forest and sit down. *mod edit: no methods* This will give you time to think and realize whats happening.
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I am in love with Acidic_Sloth
Edited by EllemyshShade (06/25/05 01:08 PM)
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Ravus
Not an EggshellWalker
Registered: 07/18/03
Posts: 7,991
Loc: Cave of the Patriarchs
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Re: Suicide [Re: Adden]
#4236916 - 05/30/05 02:15 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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*mod edit: no methods*
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So long as you are praised think only that you are not yet on your own path but on that of another.
Edited by EllemyshShade (06/25/05 01:08 PM)
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Roadkill
Retired Shroomery Mod
Registered: 12/11/01
Posts: 22,674
Loc: Montana
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 Re: Suicide [Re: Locus]
#4237080 - 05/30/05 02:59 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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first off...Happy Birthday!~
Do not put your family and friends through this kind of shit.
Life always gets better...in time.
I have been in the space that you in...and its a terrible dark place to be.
Never give up on you!~
---
My X father-in-law blew himself away on Thanksgiving 10 years ago.
His youngest daughter found him dead on the couch.
Both my X and her sister have never gotten over it.
Suicide is a selfish thing...you don't think about how it will effect the ones that are left alive to deal with the aftermath.
His suicide ruined the relationship between me and his daughter!~
His suicide ruined his daughters Thanksgiving's for the rest of their lives.
His suicide left alot of questions to why he took his own life.
His grandkids were too young to remember him.
I miss him...he was a good person...it was such a waste of life.
---
I was suicidal many years ago.
I was in some pretty dark space at the time...and really don't want to share the experience with anyone right now...I have shared it before.
It really helps to talk to people that you trust.
Talking about your problems will really help...I can't express this enough!~
I have never been suicidal again.
Call someone you trust and have them come over and talk to you.
Don't feel embarrassed...alot of people have depression at one time or another in their life!~
Get out of the house and go for a hike...see the beauty in Nature!~
Get out of the bad space that you have going around in your head.
Call someone and go out and do something with them.
Open up the curtains and let some sun shine in.
Go on a cleaning spree...and clean your house.
Do something positive...to make you feel better...anything!~
Go for a walk...and if you run into someone...say something nice to them.
Do something nice for someone else...helping others can always help me get out of bad space.
If none of these things help you...seek some professional help.
There is nothing wrong with seeking help...you are worth it!~
much
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Laterz, Road
Who the hell you callin crazy?
You wouldn't know what crazy was if Charles Manson was eating froot loops on your front porch!
Brainiac said:
PM the names with on there names, that means they have mushrooms for sale.
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HeavyToilet
The Heaviest OfThem All
Registered: 08/06/03
Posts: 9,458
Loc: British Columbia
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Re: Suicide [Re: Adden]
#4237090 - 05/30/05 03:04 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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*mod edit: no methods*
I'd recommend that you try and spend some more time thinking about your options. Once you're gone you're gone.
Edited by EllemyshShade (06/25/05 01:09 PM)
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Ravus
Not an EggshellWalker
Registered: 07/18/03
Posts: 7,991
Loc: Cave of the Patriarchs
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Re: Suicide [Re: Locus]  1
#4237148 - 05/30/05 03:23 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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I once told myself that if I was about to commit suicide, first I'd go live as a hermit in the wild. Put the gun down for a minute, and just go walk as far into the woods as I could and escape this shitty society and fabricated illusion of a "natural life" we have.
If I still wanted to kill myself when surrounded by nature, then I'd know I was serious. But if I had walked away from all the useless people and objects and was now at peace with just trees around me, I'd know I wasn't the problem, but rather it was everybody else's influence on me.
To me it sounds like you aren't the problem, it's the situation around you. I'd recommend getting away from those people and going into a simpler existence before committing suicide, even if that just means moving to another town where you can start over or dissociating from all your friends and acquaintances. Staying with all the useless shit we have to go through isn't worth your life.
Do as you will though, as others have been in the situation you're in now and chosen suicide. A few words on the internet from some people can't discourage you if you're serious enough, but if you're still in doubt, I'd recommend seeking a couple alternatives first.
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So long as you are praised think only that you are not yet on your own path but on that of another.
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eris
underground
Registered: 11/17/98
Posts: 48,024
Loc: North East, USA
Last seen: 7 months, 3 days
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Re: Suicide [Re: Locus]
#4237194 - 05/30/05 03:36 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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I've been in that spot so many times that I can't even count them. Doctors have thrown me into impatient mental institutions a couple of times for it and given me all sorts of pills.
When I get like that, nothing that anyone says will help because I am just too sick of it all to care.
The feeling goes away for me eventually. It doesn't pass easily or quickly though.
Later on in life, when I find myself having a good time, I look back to the days that I wanted to die. Back then I never would have believed some of the things that I accomplished in life - and that I would be enjoying myself. I think of it as "bonus time" that I would not have ever known or experienced if I had took my own life.
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Immortal / Temporarily Retired
The OG Thread Killer
My mushroom hunting gallery
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jsb
Stranger
Registered: 04/22/05
Posts: 60
Last seen: 17 years, 7 months
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Re: Suicide [Re: Ravus]
#4237206 - 05/30/05 03:38 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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*mod edit: no methods*
cheers.
Edited by EllemyshShade (06/25/05 01:09 PM)
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Ravus
Not an EggshellWalker
Registered: 07/18/03
Posts: 7,991
Loc: Cave of the Patriarchs
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Re: Suicide [Re: jsb]
#4237228 - 05/30/05 03:44 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
jsb said:
*mod edit: no methods*
cheers.
*mod edit: no methods*
If there's one thing I would hate to do, it's attempt suicide.
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So long as you are praised think only that you are not yet on your own path but on that of another.
Edited by EllemyshShade (06/25/05 01:10 PM)
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Divided_Sky
Ten ThousandThings
Registered: 11/02/03
Posts: 3,171
Loc: The Shining Void
Last seen: 15 years, 10 months
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Re: Suicide [Re: Ravus]
#4237349 - 05/30/05 04:28 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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If you feel deep in a rut, you can still get out. If you end your life that is final, and you will never, you will seal yourself in the hole forever.
Personally, I strongly believe that death is NOT an end or an escape. If you take your life you mind will still exist in some form, and all of your problems will still remain. You will have wasted the good fortune of this life, and may find yourself in an even worse place, where it is harder to fix your unhappiness.
Really think about this. Life can't just blip into existence out of nothing and then disapear forever. You can't use death to escape pain.
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1. "After an hour I wasn't feeling anything so I decided to take another..."
2. "We were feeling pretty good so we decided to smoke a few bowls..."
3. "I had to be real quiet because my parents were asleep upstairs..."
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Le_Canard
The Duk Abides
Registered: 05/16/03
Posts: 94,392
Loc: Earthfarm 1
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Re: Suicide [Re: Locus]
#4237357 - 05/30/05 04:31 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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There's been more than a few times I felt like ending it all. Sometimes things just overwhelm us, and it seems like the only option. But you know, things have always gotten better. Hang in there and things will get better. It sounds cliche, I know, but I've always found this to be true....
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