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sui
I love you.


Registered: 08/20/04
Posts: 31,853
Loc: Cali, Contra Costa Co.
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Suicide
#5318665 - 02/20/06 04:17 AM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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Ive been thinking about this alot latly, it kinda scares me. i dont even think i could bring myself to do it, but its been on my mind for a good number of months. I feel really stupid posting this, but i just need to get it out. Life has lost its meaning, my music is vapid and without feeling cause i just dont care anymore. Writing music doesnt even help like it used to.
Fuck this sounds stupid.
I just wish you could turn off your feelings, i used to be so good at that.
ok, im gonna stop before i emmbarres myself in public anymore than i already have. I just had to get this out.
-------------------- "There is never a wrong note, bend it." Jimi Hendrix
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Seuss
Error: divide byzero


Registered: 04/27/01
Posts: 23,480
Loc: Caribbean
Last seen: 2 months, 20 days
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Re: Suicide [Re: sui]
#5318678 - 02/20/06 04:55 AM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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> im gonna stop before i emmbarres myself in public anymore than i already have.
I would much rather have you embarrassed in public than dead in private.
-------------------- Just another spore in the wind.
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sui
I love you.


Registered: 08/20/04
Posts: 31,853
Loc: Cali, Contra Costa Co.
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Re: Suicide [Re: Seuss]
#5318683 - 02/20/06 05:03 AM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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The thing about the music not working like it used to anymore is driving me freakin crazy. No matter what was going on i could lose myself in it and id feel better, but its not working. Its not channeling for some reason. I cant seem to translate it. The music sounds good, but it something just isnt there anymore.
EDIT: i just re-read my post and it sorta came off like i was thinking like this because of the music. Just to clarify, its not the reason, but the music just isnt working at making me feel better like it used to.
-------------------- "There is never a wrong note, bend it." Jimi Hendrix
Edited by sui (02/20/06 05:05 AM)
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Seuss
Error: divide byzero


Registered: 04/27/01
Posts: 23,480
Loc: Caribbean
Last seen: 2 months, 20 days
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Re: Suicide [Re: sui]
#5318723 - 02/20/06 05:37 AM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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I always used to get bummed during this part of the year... but would feel better once the days started to get longer and warmer. Spring is just around the corner... only a month away...
-------------------- Just another spore in the wind.
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demiu5
humans, lol


Registered: 08/18/05
Posts: 43,948
Loc: the popcorn stadium
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Re: Suicide [Re: sui]
#5318728 - 02/20/06 05:39 AM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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Seasonal Depression...this is by far the hardest it's ever hit me, and I'm struggling to make it to the warmth, hoping to god it is only seasonal.
-------------------- channel your inner Larry David
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Booby
Agent Mulder

Registered: 09/14/05
Posts: 3,781
Last seen: 14 years, 1 month
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Re: Suicide [Re: demiu5]
#5318751 - 02/20/06 06:04 AM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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I've used a light-box http://www.sunbox.com. Watching the sun rise on clear winter mornings can be spectacular in a meditational sort of way.
-------------------- Let it not be remembered That mycelium eats detritus and dies But that life in all it's glory Counts mycelium to be on it's side.
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gregorio
Too Damn Old


Registered: 09/08/05
Posts: 2,831
Loc: Classified
Last seen: 6 years, 4 months
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Re: Suicide [Re: sui]
#5318916 - 02/20/06 08:42 AM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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I have been thinking about suicide a lot over these last couple of months. And I have come to the conclusion that that isnt the answer or the solution.
Not that I would ever do myself in, I wouldnt, but I have thought about it.
Quote:
Start by considering this statement:
?Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.?
That?s all it?s about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn?t even mean that you really want to die - it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights... no matter how much you want to remain standing. Willpower has nothing to do with it. Of course you would cheer yourself up, if you could.
Don?t accept it if someone tells you, ?that?s not enough to be suicidal about.? There are many kinds of pain that may lead to suicide. Whether or not the pain is bearable may differ from person to person. What might be bearable to someone else, may not be bearable to you. The point at which the pain becomes unbearable depends on what kinds of coping resources you have. Individuals vary greatly in their capacity to withstand pain.
When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources.
You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things: (1) find a way to reduce your pain, or (2) find a way to increase your coping resources. Both are possible.
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gluke bastid
Stinky Bum


Registered: 12/20/00
Posts: 3,322
Loc: Charm City
Last seen: 5 years, 3 months
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Re: Suicide [Re: sui]
#5319713 - 02/20/06 12:09 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
suimush said: The thing about the music not working like it used to anymore is driving me freakin crazy. No matter what was going on i could lose myself in it and id feel better, but its not working. Its not channeling for some reason. I cant seem to translate it. The music sounds good, but it something just isnt there anymore.
EDIT: i just re-read my post and it sorta came off like i was thinking like this because of the music. Just to clarify, its not the reason, but the music just isnt working at making me feel better like it used to.
Well maybe at least I can give some advice on the music side of things, being a musician myself. If you place too much importance on music for happiness, then when you go through a cycle of uncreativity, you will get really depressed. Because most of us musicians work crappy day jobs or live in poor stressfull places just so we can have time and energy to make music. So its natural that when our music struggles, everything can depress us.
Well I think the first thing to recognize is that this is a cycle, you're feeling stagnant. The best thing you can do is go and expose yourself to some awesome live music you've never heard before. Either go to a show, or go and jam with some people you've never played before. Get inspired by them, let them show you new approaches to music and remind you how your approach is specific. I promise you will feel inspired and fulfilled by music again soon. But you can't force it out of yourself, you've got to get out there and have your mind blown. If I still lived in the bay Area I would invite you to come play with my old band, As A People. Not to say we would necessarily blow your mind!
Or take a break. Last year I spent two months backpacking and I didn't bring any music or instruments besides a little wooden flute. By the time I got back I was brimming with both musical ideas and a deep desire to play as hard as I could. Sounds like the desire is what you're missing, so take a break. It will come back. You gotta be patient with music, sometimes.
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Society in every form is a blessing, but government at its best is but a necessary evil - Thomas Paine
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The_Hobbit
Bilbo Baggins


Registered: 04/06/04
Posts: 1,382
Loc: The Shire
Last seen: 16 years, 10 months
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It never hurts to take a break from something. You could try some new hobby or fun activity for a while. Then when you come back to music, even if it's just for a short while each day, you might feel like you can explore more freely.
-------------------- Smoking my hobbit leaf... Please keep in mind that I am just a human being. Please read my posts carefully and interpret their meaning for yourself.
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Burning_Skies
Midnight toker


Registered: 02/18/06
Posts: 21
Loc: Denver
Last seen: 17 years, 9 months
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Hearing new music is always a good approach to any kind of derpression or stagnation, for me at least. What I do when there are no live shows around or they are too expensive is I google search record stores in my hometown, write down what stores came up, and then find a store that isn't on the list. then I buy their worst seller. I listen to it, and if I like it, I feel like I've acomplished something for someone. If I hate it, I pull out an instrument (preferably one I haven't mastered) and just jam until I like my music better than the crappy cd. Cheers me up every time.
Quote:
"suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain."
Try to find the root of you pain right now. If it is out of your control, then just cope as best you can. jam to the crappiest cd you can find, memorize lyrics and sing 'em when you feel down, or just for the rush of annoying the hell out of people you hate. Sing 'em badly and don't care. or you can (one of my personal favorites) take a stereo and play it as loud as you can stand with music that you used to like in front of a picture window. open the curtains at night halfway (before the local noise ordinance) and turn on a strobe light and dance in a decidedly 60s fashion. like nobody's watching. it'll put your problems in perspective when the only one who seems to actively care about what you are doing is you. then you can feel like you have enough control to cope with whatever may come your way.
at least that's the way it always goes for me
-------------------- __________________________________________________ Any mistakes in the above are the fault of the reader and/or his dealer. In the teachings of Zen, the beginner's mind is the most restful, the most aware. As we age, we lose that mind, the mind of the child. David Blaine once said "A little baby doesn't need magic, for it already lives in a world of astonishment, wonder, and discovery. For one fleeting moment, that is what magic does for the rest of us." Well, that is what psychedelics do for me, but over a longer period of time. So before you go regulating what I take into my body, keep that in mind. I will break the laws of the ignorant bigots who seek to stop me from experiencing a higher conciousness.
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toad857
President of theUnited States

Registered: 02/01/04
Posts: 283
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you'll die someday. no need to be in a hurry, y'know?
you only live once. spend this life like you mean it-- enjoy yourself.
every winter has a summer nipping at its heels. do you like the summer?
i love you.
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