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ego loss
    #339348 -

I am utterly amazed at the clarity of mind and inner emptiness that occured the last few trips.

I usually go to a stream and listen to the sound of the water and it it seems as if the sound just pushes the chattering right out of my head and a spaciousness appears. I am not sure if this is full blown ego dissolution because there is still functioning, and i feel i could think if i needed to. But i did feel totally present here and now. Without the chatter all my senses operated more accutely. It felt as if there was no naming, and classifing, no divisions, just simple perceiving. There was no agenda--no trying to 'get' this or 'get away' from that. Just a innocence and total satisfaction. I guess maybe there was a small bit of fear to see my personal history and conceptual 'self' fade away. But the joy of being so fully in the world, rather than in 'my' head made up for the loss.

I haven't tripped much. the last few times were incredibly blissful and ecstatic. It was nice to have a perspective of the 'ego' from another pov, and i can definitely see its uses for spiritual growth.

I have been meditating, and practicing for a few years now and attend satsang frequently as well as some WORK in a Gurdjieff based approach. After a full day of satsang last friday i was really feeling the need for some 'instant realization' through the cubenis and i immediately found some on the streets. There were several people already tripping good and they had only eaten a couple of grams so i was really excited for them to kick in. Anyways i ate 6 grams and NOTHING really happened. They started to hit me really hard within the first 30 to 40 minutes and then nothing. No trip at all--just a sleeplessness and a very uncomfortable, uneasy, feeling. i am wondering if the presence of Being that had been transmitted through the satsang was somehow working in me, perhaps letting me know it was time to move on. It almost felt as if the psilocybin did not find me worthy. I dont feel as if i were resisting it in anyway. Maybe my expectations preventing me from tripping. I dont know.

I LOVE shrooms. And i feel as they can be respected and used sacredly as a path to wholeness. But i wonder if the 'desire' is keeping me from BEING. Maybe the few mystical experiences of grace were all i will be allowed and it is time to give it up. I dont feel like i am ready too i dont think i have yet experience a level 4 or 5. Maybe then i can quit. But i cant understand what that terrible uneasiness was. Where was the usual comfort and contentment.

Am i being too anthropomorphic here or do you all think that there might be a time in our path where the 'shroom' just wont open up for us anymore?

Oh yeah. another good book suggestion i am reading now is
On having no Head: Zen and the rediscovery of the obvious by Douglas Harding

Thanks everyone


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Re: ego loss [Re: mit]
    #339802 -

I find drugs stop acting on me as I practice more. I can't explain. It's not like the effect isn't there, it just can no longer be called a trip, because you are already there without any drugs. It's like taking the elevator to the floor you're on -- you press the button but the elevator isn't moving....

It also seems to me that there is just so much the "shroom" can open up. It is kinda like the table of multiplication, you use it once and WOW! you can multiply. Then you use it twice and it is still WOW!. The third time, though, you've already learned it and it becomes useless. Time to move on to division, may be. (Not because the "shroom" stopped opening up, but because it has stopped being closed, so to say)

> i dont think i have yet experience a level 4 or 5

As you are tripping, while in the state of clarity you are talking about, do you care which level it is? Levels are for those who compare there drug experiences as one compares cars -- by the size of the engine. Does it matter what size your engine is if you only turn it on in the garage? And, conversely, you can go on a bicycle to places where no Ferrari can take you.


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Re: ego loss [Re: gribochek]
    #340045 -

So did I misunderstand your post, gribochek, or did you just say that shrooms have lost there 'wow'? If that's the case, conventional wisdom says to try different things while trippin.

You did say that you believe there is only so much shrooms can unlock. I disagree... as long as you are gaining wisdom during ordinary reality, using the sacred fungus can help to evaluate and integrate this knowledge into your 'self' (metaprograming or something, I believe it is called). At the very least, mushrooms can continue your growth as a person, as no doubt you experience new things daily.

I do agree with your assessment of the levels, though.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thoughts follow my vision and dance in the sun

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Re: ego loss [Re: ]
    #340492 -

It is hard to explain. Tripping on mushrooms is like visiting another land. At some point you simply move to that land and never come back. I don't mean stay psychotic. I mean stay with your eyes and ears open. After that happens mushrooms become, well, unnecessary. Not to say that one can't use them recreationally or to have fun or to relate with close friends or to experience love of God. But you already know those things exist, and at that point, I think, you can achieve all of them without mushrooms. Furthermore, sticking with mushrooms and expecting more WOW will hold you back.

To put this another way, mushrooms is like a bridge over a beautiful river. On one hand you like being on that bridge, because a very pretty view opens up from it and you can watch marvellous sunsets from it. On the other hand, it is a bridge to another land, so its use is to cross the river. Once you cross the river, you don't have to return to the brigde. Even worse is when you want to stay and live on the bridge. But, of course, you can still come there to watch the sunsets once in a while.


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Re: ego loss [Re: mit]
    #340528 -

Congratulations!
It sounds to me like you are well on your way down the road of enlightenment.


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Re: ego loss [Re: gribochek]
    #340646 -

I read Tom Wolfe's "Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test" after my first couple of trips. Ken Kesey shared the same thought on this matter as I do (and you, gribo). There is a certain point when the drugs just aren't needed anymore. Recently I've hung out with some of my friends when they were tripping and I was able to keep up with it all (Note: I'm not trying to brag here).

I then decided that the entire psychedelic experience is just the dissolution of one's closed egocentric point of view. After awhile, the drugs aren't needed to do this. All the visuals and "hallucinations" are just the tinsel... they aren't the important part of the experience, but they are fun.



--------------------
Note: In desperate need of a cure...

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Re: ego loss [Re: Sclorch]
    #340696 -

Who are we to know what's important and what's not? Are you sure the closed egocentric viewpoint exists anywhere except your imagination? I choose what I choose, and I haven't tripped for many months now, not because I think anything in particular, but because I just didn't feel like it. Am I to give advices and say "Don't do it anymore, because it won't do you any good"? No, because a) I may be wrong and b) even though it won't do you any good, you can still do it.

But to the original question I gave an answer, because I know from personal experience -- meditation and regular practices of certain kind don't go well with tripping, just like coming back to a bridge you just crossed is bad if you are already dosens of miles past it.


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Re: ego loss [Re: mit]
    #341090 -

alan watts wrote that tripping is like climbing a tree in the forest, it gives you a broader and clearer view of where you are, he also noted that it is pointless to keep climbing the same tree just to see the same view.
to a point i must agree with mr watts, but if you travel further along thru your journey of life in the physical and climb another tree to check things out, you will reap mucho benefit.
for me, shrooms helped me grow and realise many things, but it came to be that i needed to take a break and absorb what i had learnt.
the only way knowledge can be transformed into wisdom is thru experience, implement what you have learnt into your life and actions
i, too, experienced some full-on religous type bliss on a few trips then on one trip where i was looking for the same feeling, the voice told me i had been given a taste of the cheddar but i had to study and learn and grow if i wanted to get back there again.
so, yah give the shrooms a break every now and then


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Re: ego loss [Re: mit]
    #359500 -

I am very interested in the subject of ego loss as well.
Although I have tripped, ( I dont like using that term, it sounds too accidental) I am in no way a shroom expert,. But I have done my share. I find the period of time right after coming down to be very introspective. Reading and writing are easiest at these times. I dont fall asleep after a trip. I try to go out and rediscover something, if I have the energy.
I have never had ego loss. I have felt 'transported' but totally aware of 'Me'. Im not sure I am ready for ego loss.
Nor am I sure I want to attain it. Frankly, the thought scares me.
-DCC

If your going to dine with the Devil, bring a long spoon.


--------------------
...And the Eyes of the World are watching you now...watching you now...
-P. Gabriel

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Re: ego loss [Re: gribochek]
    #359616 -

+++Amen+++
Nice post! Peace.



--------------------
γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself

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Re: ego loss [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #6193488 -

Well I just had my first trip after 3 mths of being sober. Shrooms are like working out, you have to get broken in before you can enjoy the routine. Me, I was less than motivated about shrooms myself. I recommend that if you aren't experiencing good highs, I'd switch up the method and the dosage. I perfected my methods over the yrs of dosing, and I have figured a way to TOTALLY cover the taste. Also you want an agent that mixes well with your shrooms, so that it mixes well with your blood stream, also don't eat alot before a trip, and make sure to keep your tolerance down.

Doing successive small trips will only build your tolerance, the best trips are the challenging trips so if your not raising the level of your trips 1...5 then you'll start to feel that you came to the threshold of the experience which is not really true. Always be willing to raise it a barometer or two, IMO I like to start with an easy trip, then my next trip I make it stronger. But really why reject the prospective that the shroom gives, some times the trip doesn't open or unveil itself, but that is because you haven't had enough experience, switching up the dosages and the methods and mixing them with other drugs such as herb will help facilitate the trip, for me the threshold of experience begins at the level where I begin to become nervous about my comfort lvl of the high. I somewhat even understand how my hallucinations come about and I've reached the plateau of experience, but then....... you raise the bar.. and don't waste time doing shrooms when you can get them...most nay sayers are sluffers.

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Re: ego loss [Re: capliberty]
    #6193685 -

Once you use the drugs to shatter your foundation then you can move on. They help stop the internal dialog which can guide you to enlightenment. You will never be able to see quite the way you can when your on the drugs because its such a specific experience. I think the long term effects can be good for you on the path of enlightenment if you are wise enough to harness the knowledge. If you do not have the personal power to use that knowledge then you could take all the mushrooms you want and still progress nowhere spiritually or, be worse of than you already are.


Sounds like you doing good though:) I can shut of the internal dialog extremely well because of my astral projection training. Used to use shrooms when I first came to this site(7 years ago). I used them many times. Then, when I started to follow a more spiritual path in life, I seemed to stop doing them. I have now been meditating, astral projecting, martial arts and studying religion(mostly eastern stuff) and magick and all that.

I find I am still learning things from my psychedelic experiences.


--------------------
addicted to reason
a hollow understanding trapped me
I cannot see outside but its calling

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Re: ego loss [Re: Glacius]
    #6194457 -

i dont like the idea of 'levels' of trips. it adds something, like identification. the psychedelic experience book comes closer than the 'levels' do.

psychedelics are a key. once the door is open you go through it. you cant just open the door over and over again.

ken kesey and the merry pranksters were noobies. they did some amazing things with psychedelics, but they were on the wrong track for the position they were in. irresponsible hippies.

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Re: ego loss [Re: Maitereya]
    #6201300 -

Maitereya said:
i dont like the idea of 'levels' of trips. it adds something, like identification. the psychedelic experience book comes closer than the 'levels' do.

psychedelics are a key. once the door is open you go through it. you cant just open the door over and over again.

ken kesey and the merry pranksters were noobies. they did some amazing things with psychedelics, but they were on the wrong track for the position they were in. irresponsible hippies.


I agree they had it all wrong. Newbie hippes~~


--------------------
addicted to reason
a hollow understanding trapped me
I cannot see outside but its calling

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General Interest > Philosophy, Sociology & Psychology
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