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Offlinerecalcitrant
My Own God

Registered: 04/20/02
Posts: 2,927
Loc: Canada West
Last seen: 8 months, 11 days
Drugs, Pharms and Me
    #3138934 - 09/15/04 03:49 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

I took Drugs. I was a regular pot smoker and experimented with a variety of others.

It must have changed my brain chemestry, which is something I never wanted to have happen to me. I was always thinking that I am who I am and I can take drugs and still be me, but I don't feel like me anymore.

Now I am depressed. I don't want to be depressed. I have been this way for a very long time. Quiting drugs didn't really help all that much (has the damage been done?) A psychologist changed my diet (like I'm in a cult or something) and that didn't really help.

I want to feel again. This comfortable numbness, this nirvana, isn't doing it for me anymore.

Yesterday I went to my doctor and talked about it. He gave me two week program of pills. Today is day 2. I don't yet notice much of a change.

Is anyone else in the lowest place they have ever been?


--------------------

We have to answer our own prayers


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InvisibleFucknuckle
Dog Lover

Registered: 04/24/04
Posts: 6,762
Re: Drugs, Pharms and Me [Re: recalcitrant]
    #3139274 - 09/15/04 05:15 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

Let me get this right??

You did drugs
You quit drugs
You think your brain is now rewired because of drugs
But you think drugs didn't do it
So you went to the doctor
He gave you more drugs to fix the problem you have from the other drugs that didn't cause your problem.


Well you have a problem don't you???






Dude your problems has nothing to do with drugs. Your problem is your mode of thinking that's it. Nothing more. Your attitude

You have the complete control over any emotion you have or ever will. You must find the power to overcome this. Not some crazy drug plan.


--------------------
What it is, is what it is my Brother.
It is as it is, so suffer thru it.


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Offlinedeff
lovelightbliss
 User Gallery

Registered: 05/01/04
Posts: 8,412
Loc: all this Flag
Last seen: 4 hours, 20 minutes
Re: Drugs, Pharms and Me [Re: recalcitrant]
    #3139310 - 09/15/04 05:26 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

^- What he said. This is not related to drugs but rather to a feeling of detached awareness, as if you feel you're not yourself or that you're missing out on the experience of existence. Seriously, meditation may be helpful, as it can often raise one's own awareness of surroundings and self, and you don't have to worry about the negative aspects related to pharms. My advice is to not try and fix your illusionary drug problem with more drugs, and rather seek internal comfort :smile:


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Offlinerecalcitrant
My Own God

Registered: 04/20/02
Posts: 2,927
Loc: Canada West
Last seen: 8 months, 11 days
Re: Drugs, Pharms and Me [Re: Fucknuckle]
    #3139693 - 09/15/04 07:03 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Fucknuckle said:
But you think drugs didn't do it





I dont know where that comes from. I do think taking drugs for years caused many problems.

I think it stole my ambition.
I think it stole my personality.
I think it stole my money.

"it" is the part of me that did drugs for so long.

Quote:

Your problem is your mode of thinking that's it. Nothing more. Your attitude




Being a stoner changed my attitude about a hell of a lot of things. I might go so far as to say drugs helped me become enlightened. But enlightenment isn't always peaceful acceptance of the universe. I might call myself a nihilist. Nothing seems worth the effort, especially when I can spark a bowl and be at peace again.

I can't just be happy with the way things are, I can't help, I can't make change for the better. No matter how hard I try, no one will accept being taught how to fish.

Depressed thoughts consume me, and no matter how much meditating and reflection I do, I am stuck here emotionally. I want out.

I never wanted to go on prozac or zoloft or paxil or any drug to change how I felt and who I was. I abhored the thought of becoming a blue pill like the rest of these beer drinking, tv watching consumerist cattle around me. I didn't want to start funding the pharmacuetical big businesses. But I do want to feel good again. I do want to be able to get enjoyment out of life again.

Can you remember the last time you did something that made you feel good? Or bad? I don't get bored, I don't get lonely. All I ever feel is extremely guilty late at night when I try to sleep about acting like a jerk ten years ago, or being a lazy sponge who wont get a job.


Quote:

You have the complete control over any emotion you have or ever will



Well no I don't, because I dont feel much.


--------------------

We have to answer our own prayers


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Offlinedeff
lovelightbliss
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Registered: 05/01/04
Posts: 8,412
Loc: all this Flag
Last seen: 4 hours, 20 minutes
Re: Drugs, Pharms and Me [Re: recalcitrant]
    #3140002 - 09/15/04 08:03 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

You don't because you've accepted that you don't.

You are making this happen to yourself. Try and find something that excites you or interests you besides pot, I suggest meditation too for the reasons I said.

"I can't just be happy with the way things are, I can't help, I can't make change for the better. No matter how hard I try, no one will accept being taught how to fish."

Sounds very self defeating. No wonder you feel this way when you perceive it to be so absolute. You have set these barriers up around yourself, and through proper self exploration, you should see how illusionary they are. Trust me, I was in a similar situation a year ago. I smoked pot every single day, and it seemed as if it was the only thing to do on this planet worth doing. Then I realized that it was because I was doing nothing but smoking pot, that to me, there was nothing outside smoking pot. Plus, it's a very comforting experience, which one wishes to repeat to escape from themself, but it is not the actual cause of this. You have fallen in a hole, and you'll have to pull yourself out.

It sounds to me you just recently quit smoking pot. Hold out, trust me, things will get better. You need to realize you are the God of your own perception, of your own experience within this existence, and you can chose to be happy or sad. Right now you're chosing to be depressed because it's perceived as being easier - it's another place to hide behind yourself, to feel the void of getting high.

Go outdoors, take a walk. Learn an instrument. Meditate, take up a spiritual practice or discipline. Do something to get your mind off of creating this depression for yourself. You are an infinite being of light, now act like one :smile:


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OfflineSkikid16
fungus fan

Registered: 06/27/02
Posts: 5,666
Loc: In the middle of the nort...
Last seen: 11 years, 9 months
Re: Drugs, Pharms and Me [Re: recalcitrant]
    #3141764 - 09/16/04 01:40 AM (12 years, 4 months ago)

What did you used to do for fun before smoking pot?

I used to fish alot, I surfed, I played golf, I snowboarded, I read books......

Then I started to smoke, I'd still do the above mentioned things, but usually in conjunction with smoking. Now that I quit smoking, the above mentioned things are still fun, they still make me happy.

I recommend just trying to do things that brought you joy pre-stoner days.

Another great thing is just getting busy, with what? Well with whatever you can, if you don't have a job, go volunteer your time, people ALWAYS need help, and its a great way to realize how fortunate you are, and if nothing else, it will make you feel good that you have done a random act of kindness.

Be aware, there are things you can control, there are things you can't control, to the things you can control, well do what you can, to the things you can't, accept them for what they are worth, and try to find the lesson in EVERYTHING.


--------------------
Re-Defeat Bush in '04


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