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I think i might kill myself pretty soon.
    #24954820 -

I have nothing to live for. I tried moving around from place to place but nowhere seems to work. People acknowledge im pretty unique, but i just feel alien, so when they tell me that i sort of realize im just not meant for this world.

I dont think i will ever like myself, and i dont think im capable of loving other people. I never really thought suicide was for me. But lately thats all ive been thinking about. Theres a bottle of sleeping pills next to me,it makes me smile thinking i could just swallow the whole thing and never wake up.

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Re: I think i might kill myself pretty soon. [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #24954917 -

Hey, buddy, I'll be your friend.

I'll tell you something a friend told me when I was where you are...

The person who is ready to die is the most free person in the world.

You can do anything you want to do in life because any consequences thereof will never amount to being worse than death. Want to quit your job and move someplace else? That job and money is far less important than your life. Will what you want hurt somebody''s feelings? Still not worse than ending your life. Chase your whimsies, dude, anything is better than turning out the light before you've given everything youve got. And if you haven't tried this, you've not given it everything.

If you feel like you have nothing to live for. Make something.

But, when it comes down to it, nobody can tell you what and what not to do, I'm just trying to offer you something somebody else gave to me. It helped put things into perspective, so I hope it helps you too. I'm sending you all the love <3

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Re: I think i might kill myself pretty soon. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #24954922 -

I love you man.
I can relate to that alien feeling you have. Just because you are very different doesn't mean you don't fit in. Do you really want to be like other people? Embrace yourself. Accept yourself. You are beautiful. Your uniqueness is wonderful. Be honest with yourself, and don't worry about what other people think. Don't worry about loving other people either. Start with yourself. Acknowledge your own pain. Forgive yourself. You are worthy of love.
Feel free to :pm: me if you want.
I have been there. I have had those same feelings.

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Re: I think i might kill myself pretty soon. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #24954981 -

I absolutely feel like an alien too. Misanthropy has plagued me greatly for most of my life. I don't understand this world nor do I feel like I fit into it anywhere but amongst nature.

Nonetheless, I still try. I mean what else am I gonna do? I'm here now, and I'll be gone soon, and ending it at any point before I'm facing a situation where I either cannot wipe my own arse or I'm dealing with an excruciatingly painful degenerative disease just seems like a waste to me. You never know when that situation will come up that totally changes your path..

It did for me, just over a year ago. Came out of nowhere. Now all I have to do is work and exist in the 'normal' world a little while longer before I can escape it to live the life of my dreams.

Don't give up so easy. It'll be worth it. Anything worth having takes hard fucking work, and anyone who tells you their life is easy is full of shit.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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Re: I think i might kill myself pretty soon. [Re: Anonymous #1] * 2
    #24955494 -

Ya know what man fuck other people and how they make you feel

Im sry to come across with a harsh demeanor, bit i resonate with your feelings expressed in your post

I just get so tired of seeing good people feeling like shit because theyre different or whatever reason they have because theyre people too and if things were perfect theyd all meet up together in life and feel welcomed because theyre all thinking the same thing, theyre different

But sometimes it doesnt happen that way, just like u said you moved around and still couldnt find your group

But dude that doesn't mean you should call it quits right now. Life is so funny that way sometimes, it just feels like your best efforts cant get you ahead

I hope there are people in your life that care about you and would miss u, even if its jist your ma, thats all i had when i felt like u do. But even if u dont have anyone YET, that doesn't mean throwing in the towel is the best option

Im sry for rambling on like im everybody else who says suicide is bad mmkay,  but i just feel like youre worth it to stick around for a while man

No supposed expert or genius here, just another guy who can totally understand what yer saying and just hopin youre around to wake up each morning and try and make things better. Thats all i can do now even after getting through what yer feeling like, but hey man im happy, i see myself in my daughter everyday and have a lady who does her best to deal with me (lol) amd loves me, so i think you cpuld figure something out too

Lotsa love man, feel better and get yer chin up, theres good people here if u need to talk to someone too

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Re: I think i might kill myself pretty soon. [Re: stzacrack] * 1
    #24956549 -

Quote:
I absolutely feel like an alien too. Misanthropy has plagued me greatly for most of my life. I don't understand this world nor do I feel like I fit into it anywhere but amongst nature.



This^

Most of us are on this forum because we're searching for freaks like ourselves out there. And when you meet another freak, even if they're nothing like yourself, you can usually at least enjoy each others company due to shared ostracization from the rest of society.

Great experiences are out there to be had, it is possible to alleviate your suffering, it's just not always simple or easy. Once you die, you're dead forever, and you'll never get to experience the joy that could have been if you only had only stumbled upon the right environments. In the mean time, you could try searching for a bit longer using a different approach and different strategies than you have been..?

That's what I did, and though there have been unpleasant times, I'm so glad I managed to claw my way out of my suicidal state, because it led me to a state of true serenity.

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Re: I think i might kill myself pretty soon. [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #24956751 -

OP, hope you're still hanging in there. Just a coupe thoughts about suicide.

There was a study done where they got 10 survivors that jumped from the Golden Gate bridge...and when asked about the experience....10 out of 10 said they changed their minds on the way down...almost as soon as they let go of the steel.

A friend of mine calls suicide a permanent solution to a temporary problem...there is nothing in life that can not be overcome in time. Please call a hot line and get some help...we need you.:heart::hug:


--------------------
Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better.

Albert Einstein

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Re: I think i might kill myself pretty soon. [Re: Anonymous #1] * 2
    #24957095 -

I’d be a bit suspect of anyone who does feel at home here.  It’s just a flash man.  We’re not from here, we’re just hanging out for the moment because it’s part of the process.. 

For real, with all the options available, why would you want to be ‘human’?  Let your freak flag fly, all the greats had an alien element that seperated them from the pack...  never give up.


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Re: I think i might kill myself pretty soon. [Re: Amanita86]
    #24957156 -

Amanita86 said:
I’d be a bit suspect of anyone who does feel at home here.


That's hella real talk.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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Re: I think i might kill myself pretty soon. [Re: Amanita86]
    #24957158 -

I feel.very similar. I think another traumatic event or two n I'd be eating a shotgun shell. If my dad n dog ied I'd have no one to live for and TN e loneliness would become unbearable


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Re: I think i might kill myself pretty soon. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #24958683 -

Anonymous #1 said:
I have nothing to live for. I tried moving around from place to place but nowhere seems to work.


Misery doesn't change because of where we live. Misery is self-created. It comes from within.

You and your misery are not unique. Feel your intimate connection to millions of other people.

Anonymous #1 said:
I don't think i will ever like myself . . .


The way you think about yourself determines your reality.

Begin to heal by simply noticing the hurricane of self-loathing.

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Re: I think i might kill myself pretty soon. [Re: LeeHarvOz] * 1
    #24958686 -

LeeHarvOz said:
If my dad n dog died I'd have no one to live for and The loneliness would become unbearable


It's nobody else's job to love you.  That's your job.

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Re: I think i might kill myself pretty soon. [Re: RJ Tubs 202] * 3
    #24958926 -

I felt this way for a VERY long time until a couple fat glasses of ayahuasca and "near death" experience got me straight. The world is an inherently beautiful place if you can learn to direct your attention on it. We could just as well be nothing, but yet we're blessed with color and sounds and intense feelings and all sorts of incredible day to day interactions we take for granted. I created such a nasty narrative for such a long time and to this day I still find myself picking out a lot of the bad things to focus on. It's hard not to. Growing up I was bullied a lot and took a huge blow to my self esteem. It's been impossible to recover from and I often deal with self hatred and the hopelessness of never really feeling valued by others again. I feel a lot of anger towards society in general too. Makes it hard to do a simple thing like drive in traffic without hating everyone. If people heard 50% of what I utter under my breath they'd think I was just a hateful old man. On top of that I've got to deal with severe physical illness as well. But as much as dying felt like a great idea when it was in my control, the second that it was out of my control was a horrifying regretful experience. My brush with "dying" was due to illness, but I've heard from a number of suicide survivors the same thing. Once you're over the rails of the bridge, or the bottle of pills is down, "oh fuck what did I do. i don't want this". You can't take it back.

And maybe not everyone feels that way. But the way I see it today, I have a few years to deal with the bullshit and make the best of the good things, and an eternity to rest. I can be strong enough for that. So that's what I do now. I do my best to keep my focus on the good things and vent the bad shit as much as possible. It feels like swimming upstream, all the time. ALL THE TIME. I'm fucking exhausted! But goddammit there is so much neat stuff on this planet. I don't know how you can possibly say you're an alien. I sell a bunch of auctioned goods on ebay for a junk collector. We sell everything from dental tools to motorcycle parts. We sell handcuffs to sexual deviants and postal locks to people who are quite literally obsessed with collecting them. There's also a whole bunch of stuff that I've never even heard of before. I mean, the amount of subcultural and interest diversity on this planet is extreme. You could find so many places to carve a niche. But you've got to feed your flame brother. Your eyes aren't meant for the dark.

Anyways, you have no judgement from my direction if you down those pills. I understand. I've been there. I still go there periodically. It's natural. What you feel is NORMAL. You are not an alien. We just live in a world where people like to keep this sort of thing behind closed doors. Makes it feel freaking lonely. Just speaking as someone who's broken through that dark illusion. Someone who never thought there was another way out. There is another side to this that's not death. Even if you don't see it right now, give me the benefit of the doubt and trust me that it's there. That's all I'm asking. Know that it's there. Whatever you choose, let it be an informed decision. You have tribe to help you. You always do. You merely need to reach out. There are plenty of people who'd open their doors for you

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Re: I think i might kill myself pretty soon. [Re: JacksonMetaller] * 1
    #24959774 -

That was an awesome response JM. You Rock!:hug:


--------------------
Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better.

Albert Einstein

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Re: I think i might kill myself pretty soon. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #24961182 -

Lamictal saved my life!!

Never knew I could feel normal.
Get to a doctor now...
I don’t care what anyone says.

We are all one.

Smoke DMT and meet your Creator)))


--------------------
If you can  get more loaded than that... I don’t wanna hear about it!!  RIP Terence

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Re: I think i might kill myself pretty soon. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #24986557 -

why can't you just pretend that everyone else is dead and go live your life alone until you feel comfortable with people again, there is no authority, the authority of god is your power of will, the supreme authority.

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