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InvisibleAdden
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I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 06/04/03
Posts: 34,183
Loc: Amongst the Dunes
My brother shot himself 8 days ago and he died in my arms
    #2835509 - 06/28/04 05:12 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Post deleted by S_2<p>Reason for deletion: k


Edited by Dystopia (07/11/13 11:04 PM)


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OfflineCaRnAgECaNdYS
Tool's groupie
Female User Gallery

Registered: 04/09/04
Posts: 11,505
Loc: Billy Howerdel's closet Flag
Last seen: 1 month, 15 days
Re: Suicide [Re: Adden]
    #2835544 - 06/28/04 05:53 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my father to suicide when I was 8 yrs old. I found his body in my bedroom closet, that's also some pretty tramatic s**t! I don't know what to say except for stay strong, and don't hold anything in. I was depressed for years because I never talked about how my fathers suicide affected me. Finally, someone got me to open up and talk about it. It's helped me so much.

As far as your visions, I had the them as well. I won't lie, I still occasionally get them. There's not much I can do about it except to deal until they go away. This must be so hard for you, and I'm definitly feeling what your going through. I'm sorry, I'm just kind of blabbing away here. But if your thinking of taking a trip to get away, maybe it's a good idea, but maybe your family really needs you right now. Maybe you need eachother, I don't know. My family wasn't there for me, s**t, I wasn't even allowed to go the funeral, I never got to say goodbye.


My heart is with you!  :heart:


--------------------

The secret to being funny is to say smart things stupidly, or is it stupid things smartly? Whatever..it's not rocket surgery...or something like that.


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InvisiblePjS
Jack Of AllDongs

Registered: 12/19/99
Posts: 3,484
Loc: gototheshow dot com
Re: Suicide [Re: Adden]
    #2835816 - 06/28/04 10:24 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

About your brother. If it's any help, he's in the ground now. Sure, it's bad news for him. But on the other hand, it's party time for all those little worms.


--------------------
**************

(Ped) Slavery leads to rebellion which leads to liquor store robberies, rap and hip-hop



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OfflineWysefool
I AM SKELETON JELLY
Male User Gallery
Registered: 12/26/02
Posts: 6,641
Last seen: 18 days, 10 hours
Re: Suicide [Re: PjS]
    #2835842 - 06/28/04 10:35 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

I thought being schizo and using drugs was a really bad idea...
But ya if I were you I'd find an ounce and sunny beach


--------------------
GET MAD SWAG MONEY BIG PIMPIN


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OfflineChonger
Olive grower

Registered: 09/30/00
Posts: 551
Loc: England Flag
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
Re: Suicide [Re: Adden]
    #2835846 - 06/28/04 10:37 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Desire, what you described is almost identical to me, except i was 7 and it was my mother but i found her on her bed instead. I also didnt get to go to the funeral and i was also depressed for like 10+ years after it cos it never got spoken about, but then i realised, you cant be living with these things buried away or covered up in day to day life, like i did for a while.

Sorry to hear about your loss, Dope. It gets easier.
I think taking a trip would be a great idea to help you right now.


--------------------
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than have a frontal lobotomy


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InvisibleMOTH
Wild Woman
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Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,364
Loc: In the jungle
Re: Suicide [Re: Adden]
    #2835896 - 06/28/04 11:00 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Dope, I'm so sorry.  :frown: 

I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts.  :heart:


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OfflineChiefThunderbong
Inhale to theChief
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Registered: 10/18/02
Posts: 3,647
Last seen: 3 years, 5 months
Re: Suicide [Re: Adden]
    #2836093 - 06/28/04 12:47 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

God damn dude, thats harsh. I hope you can get over it. :frown:


--------------------
Yeah spinnin' around again
yea caught in a tailspin


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OfflineLoneDeranger
Deranger

Registered: 05/10/04
Posts: 374
Loc: Nonething
Last seen: 12 years, 4 months
Re: Suicide [Re: ChiefThunderbong]
    #2836392 - 06/28/04 02:34 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

My respects go to you and your brother, i hope you get through this alright. Death is a very sensitive subject that i haven't really delt with in my life. My grandfather that i barely knew died, and my dads best friend, but omg. If my one and only sister died, i'd be crushed. Do you mind me asking how old he was? I'll pray that you get through this, just hold strong. If you take a trip, go with a couple of close friends, some family, but don't go alone. God bless s2dope.


--------------------
Mescalito is my homeboy...


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OfflineTurdy
understandingthe universe

Registered: 07/03/03
Posts: 327
Loc: us of a
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
Re: Suicide [Re: Adden]
    #2837173 - 06/28/04 07:52 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Im sorry about the suffering tradegedy you were open to. There is no shame in going away untill you know yourself again. They will be able to help you with medcine and theropy. I do not like theropy but when ur feeling as low as you are it helps a great deal. I hope you the best.


--------------------
I see picasso as a realest. Monet is way abstract.


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InvisiblePsilostylin
Captain Save Em'
Registered: 03/13/04
Posts: 678
Loc: New Orleans!
Re: Suicide [Re: Adden]
    #2837472 - 06/28/04 09:32 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

i'm sorry for your loss. it's hard to believe but this will get easier and it will make you a lot stronger of a person. he's in a better place now.

my heart goes out to you and your family
peace


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OfflineCaden
One Of TheUnknowing
Registered: 06/28/04
Posts: 25
Loc: Here
Last seen: 12 years, 2 months
Re: Suicide [Re: Adden]
    #2837836 - 06/28/04 11:47 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

I Lost my Father at a young age... not by sicide, but I do know wahta losing a loved one can do to a person. I was in theropy for 3 years. I guess it helped me in the long run but most of the time I just got pissed off at the Theropist... But yea, Have you talked to your family about all of this? I agree with LoneDeranger about the trip thing. You and your family will be in my prayers. Best Of Luck!


:heartpump:Caden


--------------------
We the Unwilling, Led by the Unknowing, Are doing the Impossible, For the Ungreatful, We have done so Much, For so Long, With so Little, We are now qualified to do ANYTHING wiht NOTHING!


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Offlinesykobish
ProfessionalPsycho - JTOKREW
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Registered: 03/15/03
Posts: 17,805
Loc: Toronto, eh?
Last seen: 11 years, 9 months
Re: Suicide [Re: Adden]
    #2838403 - 06/29/04 02:58 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Oh hun.. You don't know how horrible I feel for you. We've talked a few times before and to hear that this has happened really saddens me. I wish I could be there for you and tell you it will be alright. If you EVER need anyone to talk to, please, don't hesitate to get me on aim. My screen name is in my profile. I'm here for you whenever you need someone to talk to and even if I'm not at my computer, I'm always logged in so feel free to talk to me so it will be there for me to read when I am around my pc.

I really wish there was something more I could do for you. I'm beside you every step of the way if you want me to be. I don't want to see / hear anything bad happening to you so please, if you need someone, I beg you not to hesitate to contact me.

That really sucks and I hope you are alright.. or as alright as you possibly can be after something like that. I feel helpless and I'm rambling so I'll stop. I just want to you know inside your heart that I am thinking about you and wishing you well thru your hard times and if there is anything I can do, just name it.

Take care of yourself hun. You're in my thoughts and heart. My condolences to you and your family.


--------------------
I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.
-={Nite-Crew}=-

*-_Thread_Jacker_-*
To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind. - Th?ophile Gautier.
Seek not every quality in one individual - Confucius.
Global Living Space


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InvisibleAdden
Saprotrophic Specimen
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 06/04/03
Posts: 34,183
Loc: Amongst the Dunes
Re: Suicide [Re: sykobish]
    #2839742 - 06/29/04 02:15 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

PjS - he's getting cremated and we're spreading his ashes at the Cape in 3-4 wks when they're ready. God might have taken him, but the worms won't.

desiree - I'm sorry to hear about your traumatic experience. I'll say a prayer for his eternal soul and your family tonight.

BZ - I'm not fully schizo. I just have some similar symptoms. I use drugs recreationally and I can trip just fine, even with my meds. Its a self-defeating negative cyclical thought loop that gets me, as well as anxiety, but I know how to handle mindfucks.

Chonger - Sorry to hear about your loss. And thank you much for the support. I know I can score cid where I'm going and worst case scenario there's lots of horse farms there (sub alts). My brother never did any drugs but when he was in my arms and I knew there was no chance of saving him. I let some blood out of his throat so he could breathe and right as I finished the "I love you, Mom, Dad, X, Y, Z love you too" he flatlined. He was tripping hard off DMT at the end as we all do, so when I get my rootbark I'm going to visit him.

Chief - Thx for the support. You're a good man.

Lone - Thank you.

Liquid - Meds and therapy pulled me from borderline schizo to fewer symptoms. They'll be there for me, my doc doubled my benzos (which is a lot) for the time being. :smile:

Psilo - Thank you for your support. :smile:

Caden - Thank you.

Syko - Thanks for your kind words. Whenever I post a thread where I need emotional support you're always there. You are a godsend. Don't you go anywhere. A heart as big as yours beats for a long, long time.

"Joe" was 23 years old, a firefighter, registered EMT, and he worked as a tow-truck driver for 4 years to pay for school. In his short time here, he achieved a Bachelors in Fire Science and Arson Investigation. Engine #1 led a procession through the town past all the firehouses and they set off their sirens as their firefighters saluted. Our town musta thought we were being bombed, LOL. Behind engine #1 was his tow truck with black drapes over it being towed by a wrecker (the long tow trucks for demolished cars). Behind that, the hearse, our limo, and enough cars to close the entire town down for the procession. The police closed off all major intersections. They didn't open some for a good hour because the line was so long.

All people from all walks of life came to pay their respects. A guy from the Mobil station. His boss from a job he had when he was 17. The lady who he used to buy flowers from for his girlfriend all the time. Random people who "Joe" touched their lives in profound ways. I hardly expected a lot of people, but there were probably 5-700 firefighters, a good hundred EMTs, and friends/family/etc which made it like 3000 people. There was no standing room in the Church.

I'm leaving tonight. Thank you all (most) for your kind words.

To those of you who rated this thread a 1, I wish the most vilest future for you and your family. This is a slap in the face. Consider it a curse. When you lose someone close to you, think of one mushroom fucking you up your stupid ass, faggot.


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OfflineUncleMike
Visionary
Male

Registered: 05/18/03
Posts: 964
Loc: S.W. Virginia
Last seen: 8 years, 20 days
Re: Suicide [Re: Adden]
    #2840952 - 06/29/04 08:06 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

sorry for your loss. I think losing a sibling is harder than losing parents. It took me a long time to get over losing my brother. he didn't comitt suicide but he die young. Just pray that GOD will give you the strength to get through it. you are in my prayers.


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Offlinesykobish
ProfessionalPsycho - JTOKREW
 User Gallery

Registered: 03/15/03
Posts: 17,805
Loc: Toronto, eh?
Last seen: 11 years, 9 months
Re: Suicide [Re: Adden]
    #2841119 - 06/29/04 09:14 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

It really sucks to see someone so full of life and who was an important person and made a difference in others lives, pass on like that.  I wish you the best hun.  Hang in there.  I'm always here for you.

:heartpump:

And thank you for your kind words as well.


--------------------
I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.
-={Nite-Crew}=-

*-_Thread_Jacker_-*
To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind. - Th?ophile Gautier.
Seek not every quality in one individual - Confucius.
Global Living Space


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OfflineCaRnAgECaNdYS
Tool's groupie
Female User Gallery

Registered: 04/09/04
Posts: 11,505
Loc: Billy Howerdel's closet
Last seen: 1 month, 15 days
Re: Suicide [Re: Adden]
    #2844179 - 06/30/04 05:57 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

OMG, I just have to make this comment because I feel absolutely horrible! The day that I made my first reply to this post, my computer had been acting up real bad. The screens kept freezing on me! Anyways, I went down to the bottom of the page to submit my rating and (here's the I'm an idiot part) I went to click on 5 mushies, but when I checked back, It showed that I only rating this thread as 1. s2dope, after I read your last comment was when I realized what I did. So after that I felt real bad. I honestly didn't mean to do it. So, this may not be a big deal, but I just wanted to make that clear.  Please forgive me!

Here's my real rating!
  :mushroom2: :mushroom2: :mushroom2: :mushroom2: :mushroom2:


--------------------

The secret to being funny is to say smart things stupidly, or is it stupid things smartly? Whatever..it's not rocket surgery...or something like that.


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OfflineTasty_Smurf_House
Stranger
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Registered: 08/20/03
Posts: 8,657
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
Re: Suicide [Re: Adden]
    #2844243 - 06/30/04 06:24 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

I'm giving you 5 mushrooms just for the fact that you're strong enough to still be around. If that happened to me I'd be pretty down too. On and off I've had to deal with a lot of problems, including depression and often I'd seriously consider suicide. Reading this makes me realise how many people I would hurt if I did like my younger half-siblings who are 8, 12, and 13 I think, not to mention my parents. So I in an odd way, you've helped me by making your post. It may be one of those little things that prevents me from suicide one day. So thank you, and just keep hangin' in there.


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OfflineCaRnAgECaNdYS
Tool's groupie
Female User Gallery

Registered: 04/09/04
Posts: 11,505
Loc: Billy Howerdel's closet
Last seen: 1 month, 15 days
Re: Suicide [Re: Tasty_Smurf_House]
    #2850157 - 07/02/04 05:02 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

TO: Tasty_Smurf_House....I'm glad that something like this could make you change your mind on something this horrible. Suicide is a very selfish act, kills everyone who's close to you. Thank God someone like you can realize how important you really are and have the mentality to change your way of thinking. I don't know if any of that made any sense, but I think I give you props man! I hope for the best for you!!


and to s2dope as well!


--------------------

The secret to being funny is to say smart things stupidly, or is it stupid things smartly? Whatever..it's not rocket surgery...or something like that.


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InvisibleAdden
Saprotrophic Specimen
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 06/04/03
Posts: 34,183
Loc: Amongst the Dunes
Re: Suicide [Re: Adden]
    #2856386 - 07/04/04 03:14 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Des, its ok.

btw - happy 4th everyone

If "Joe" didn't do it last week I would've done it today. By sacrificing himself he saved my life. I almost died and killed my mother at birth, I'm slightly schizo, and I was planning on doing it on the 4th.

The Boss saved my life. I dont' know why I'm still here,

or why he left me here, but God knows I'm gonna make the best of my life. It's amazing; his confidence, arrogance (friendly/funny, not assholish), pompousness and everything is now instilled in me and I haven't taken my valium for a few days and feel fine.

But I gotta be here for my parents then I'm going back to my place.

Thank you all for your support. My days on vacation fixing things with family did wonders for my pre-existing probs and I may just come out of this a stronger person.

des- LOL i thought it was pjs being an ass (surprise! surprise! lol) but honest mistakes are forgivable (that a word? i'm drunk)

tasty- considering I was going to kill myself today, "joe" saved me from doing it. if you saw what a wreck my family and everyone was, you'd never think of suicide again. Besides, you've had a lot of informational/funny posts that I'd miss hardcore. You'd be one of those users that disappear in the shadows and every1 wonder if they got hit or died. Take care of yourself. If you ever need anything, PM me your AIM/AOL handle and we'll sort some shit out. Things are NEVER bad enough you need to take yourself from this plane.t Thank *you*, and you hang in there man, because I'm doin better.


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OfflineThe_Red_Crayon
Exposer of Truth
Male User Gallery

Registered: 08/13/03
Posts: 13,673
Loc: Smokey Mtns. TN Flag
Last seen: 4 months, 18 days
Re: Suicide [Re: PjS]
    #2856881 - 07/04/04 07:43 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Thats the stupidest remark ive ever heard you make me sick i have no sympathy for jackasses like you.

Kids with no respect make me sick.


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