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Dementia/forgetfulness
    #19491805 -

Having older parents is a depressing thought.. Not only do i have an older father but he's also slowly losing his wits.



It almost makes me tear thinking of all the activities we used to do together when I was younger, up through my teenage years, but now, it's as if he's no more than a roommate. Quietly occupying the other room while i slowly grow into a mature adult that is the days he's not being completely senile.. It's like i don't even know him anymore.


It's really tough because he's a VERY head strong individual. Pessimism, and narcissism would be two very good describing words for my father. Very short fuse and never educated enough to experience anything other than poverty.  Coming from a VERY VERY strict german background, he was always told how to do something, his father (my grandpa) was the single most intelligent human I've ever come across. Knowledgeable in every subject.. Thus, the reason why my dad always had the easy route. He was always told the answer..

Now as he gets old having bipolar, and being very aggressive person in General, when we argue it just gets way out of hand. He yells like I'm some foreign object trying to steal his lunch money. To friends and people outside our house, he's the most friendly individual you'd ever meet. Most others have no clue anything is going wrong, and look at me like I'm the crazy one because he's so nice... When it comes to me doing something he isn't fond of or doesn't like, hell constantly make judgments and get his point across that he doesn't like what I'm doing.

Constantly putting me down, constantly telling me I'm worthless when I have 2 jobs and just got done with a certification for welding. I mean he's lucky he has me here.. If I was mentally unstable i probably would of snuffed him in his sleep years ago..

Anyway.. My father Literally just has scary violent arguments. I walk on eggshells to avoid his ear wrenching screams. And 9/10 of the arguments are because he forgot something and i prove him wrong.. I just keep my mouth shut now, but he still finds ways to berate me, put me down and isolate me from the outside world. I love him more than anything and i want to stick around to take care of him as he ages, because i mean the mans my dad for fuck sake, but I'm scared one day it'll go to far. He's in the mild stages of early dementia. I'm trying to document most of his activity, to maybe if anything, promote a cure for this nasty life taking disease.


I feel when my father dies, the burden will be lifted and the chains come off.. As I'll finally be free i never thought I'd see such a strong man wither away from a disease.


Anyone have any input similar stories.. Shroomery acts as a good way to get my feeling out there, i hate the idea of consoling, so you guys are my consolers.

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Re: Dementia/forgetfulness [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19493252 -

How much longer can you keep caring for him?  It sounds like you are making great sacrifices for him, but there has to be a limit.  What if you added an element of consequence to his actions, or at least the illusion thereof?  Get a brochure for a "retirement home" and leave it someplace where he will see it.  If he brings it up, say it came in the mail, nonchalant.  You don't want to "threaten" him with it, only let him know that there are other living arrangement options...

and realistically, think about how much more you CAN take, there are many people who think that they should carry around a burden for as long as it takes, but YOU also have a life to live.  Taking care of the elderly is tough enough as it is, but this mental situation could leave permanent marks on your own psyche.  You are in a tough spot and I hope you find the answer.  I have heard that dealing with a family member that has dementia can be one of the most difficult trials.  Good luck and let us know how it turns out.  You might be helping others in dealing with this same situation.


--------------------
One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the dark conscious.
--Jung

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Re: Dementia/forgetfulness [Re: j_db69]
    #19493449 -

j_db69 said:
How much longer can you keep caring for him?  It sounds like you are making great sacrifices for him, but there has to be a limit.  What if you added an element of consequence to his actions, or at least the illusion thereof?  Get a brochure for a "retirement home" and leave it someplace where he will see it.  If he brings it up, say it came in the mail, nonchalant.  You don't want to "threaten" him with it, only let him know that there are other living arrangement options...

and realistically, think about how much more you CAN take, there are many people who think that they should carry around a burden for as long as it takes, but YOU also have a life to live.  Taking care of the elderly is tough enough as it is, but this mental situation could leave permanent marks on your own psyche.  You are in a tough spot and I hope you find the answer.  I have heard that dealing with a family member that has dementia can be one of the most difficult trials.  Good luck and let us know how it turns out.  You might be helping others in dealing with this same situation.



He's not quiet elderly yet, and if i even brought up the words retirement home or assisted living, he freaks out..


My father would put a bullet in his head before living in a retirement home. But yet he can't be alone without getting depressed and calling me repeatedly.

It's a fucked situation. I really appreciate you taking the time to comment.

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