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InvisibleSilversoul
Rhizome
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Registered: 01/01/05
Posts: 23,576
Loc: The Barricades
Forgetting past fuckups
    #7039181 - 06/12/07 09:13 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

You know, no matter how much better my life gets, I still find myself haunted by memories of the stupid shit I've down in the past. I can't count the number of embarassing things I wish people would forget, not to mention the shameful things I'll never tell anyone about. I'm one of the most forgiving people you'll ever meet, so why can't I ever forgive myself? I often imagine if someone knew everything about me, what they would think of me. How would I explain it all to them, so they wouldn't think I was some sort of freak? I don't know, because I haven't quite convinced myself of that.


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Invisiblerod
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Registered: 06/29/05
Posts: 3,727
Re: Forgetting past fuckups [Re: Silversoul]
    #7039253 - 06/12/07 09:33 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

I use to feel this way, but just remember everyone else feels
the same regrets. Just live for the present, and future, not
the past

"One problem with gazing too frequently into the past is that we may turn around to find the future has run out on us". ~Michael Cibenko


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OfflineLion
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Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 8,662
Last seen: 9 hours, 40 minutes
Re: Forgetting past fuckups [Re: rod]
    #7039521 - 06/12/07 10:51 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

Here's a question.  Do you still lie about the shameful stuff?  Or the embarrassing stuff?  Do you cover it up and disown it?

If so you cannot forgive yourself, I think.  I'm not quite there yet.

Leery11 put it really well to me the other day.

I was telling him how I still always feel embarrassment, shame, and anxiety after having expressed spontaneous feelings of love.

He said

" :smile: You dummy"

The past is Now, it's all happening Now, you just have to steer the wheel.  The ego wants you to be afraid of things that no longer exist.  The real you is all about what's unfolding now. :yinyang:


--------------------
“Strengthened by contemplation and study,
I will not fear my passions like a coward.
My body I will give to pleasures,
to diversions that I’ve dreamed of,
to the most daring erotic desires,
to the lustful impulses of my blood, without
any fear at all, for whenever I will—
and I will have the will, strengthened
as I’ll be with contemplation and study—
at the crucial moments I’ll recover
my spirit as was before: ascetic.”


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OfflineMushroomTrip
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Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 months, 2 days
Re: Forgetting past fuckups [Re: Silversoul]
    #7039567 - 06/12/07 11:07 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

You know you said it yourself. First you have to convince yourself you're not a freak.
Do you think we are "normal"? As in how we try (or tried) to show? This all a facade and this is the reason this world is so fucked up. Because we fake too much. We do it out if fear, out of insecurity, because we don't want to be rejected, because that's how we've been taught, basically because of the low self esteem that we feel.
Why do you think you're not good enough?
Because there are judgmental people out there who point fingers?
Do you really want to make friends with people around which you have to hide who you are?
Or do you want to be with people which are OK with themselves and therefore will accept you for who you are? It's pretty simple if you take a deeper ,look: do you wanna live a free life or a fake one?

I think that deep down you know who you are and you know you have nothing to feel bad or ashamed about yourself, so why don't you get rid of all that garbage that's not yours and start feeling good about life and about yourself? :smirk:


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:


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InvisibleSilversoul
Rhizome
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Registered: 01/01/05
Posts: 23,576
Loc: The Barricades
Re: Forgetting past fuckups [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #7039581 - 06/12/07 11:11 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

Well, I understand the thing about not wanting to be around judgemental people, and that's fine for the things that I'm merely embarassed about. But then there are the things I've done that I consider morally wrong, and for which I'm deeply ashamed. That's the hardest stuff to get over.


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OfflineLion
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Re: Forgetting past fuckups [Re: Silversoul]
    #7039604 - 06/12/07 11:16 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

Have you tried talking to a therapist about them? I assume you wouldn't want to reveal them here so having a professional to talk to seems like it would be a step in the right direction


--------------------
“Strengthened by contemplation and study,
I will not fear my passions like a coward.
My body I will give to pleasures,
to diversions that I’ve dreamed of,
to the most daring erotic desires,
to the lustful impulses of my blood, without
any fear at all, for whenever I will—
and I will have the will, strengthened
as I’ll be with contemplation and study—
at the crucial moments I’ll recover
my spirit as was before: ascetic.”


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InvisibleSilversoul
Rhizome
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Registered: 01/01/05
Posts: 23,576
Loc: The Barricades
Re: Forgetting past fuckups [Re: Lion]
    #7039609 - 06/12/07 11:17 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

I suppose. But some of the stuff I'm not sure I'd even be comfortable telling a therapist about.


--------------------


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OfflineBooby
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Registered: 09/14/05
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Re: Forgetting past fuckups [Re: rod]
    #7039615 - 06/12/07 11:19 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

I'm thankful i don't remember past-lives; the tally on fuck-ups could be overwhelming.


--------------------
Let it not be remembered
That mycelium eats detritus and dies
But that life in all it's glory
Counts mycelium to be on it's side.


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OfflineLion
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Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 8,662
Last seen: 9 hours, 40 minutes
Re: Forgetting past fuckups [Re: Booby]
    #7039644 - 06/12/07 11:27 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

Well if my powers of hyperspatial projection into others' past lives are valid at all, your actions towards a certain gray rabbit were, to say the least, dethhhhpicable.


--------------------
“Strengthened by contemplation and study,
I will not fear my passions like a coward.
My body I will give to pleasures,
to diversions that I’ve dreamed of,
to the most daring erotic desires,
to the lustful impulses of my blood, without
any fear at all, for whenever I will—
and I will have the will, strengthened
as I’ll be with contemplation and study—
at the crucial moments I’ll recover
my spirit as was before: ascetic.”


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OfflineBooby
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Last seen: 11 years, 5 months
Re: Forgetting past fuckups [Re: Lion]
    #7039656 - 06/12/07 11:29 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

Keep your judgements to yourself. :wink:


--------------------
Let it not be remembered
That mycelium eats detritus and dies
But that life in all it's glory
Counts mycelium to be on it's side.


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OfflineMushroomTrip
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Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 months, 2 days
Re: Forgetting past fuckups [Re: Silversoul]
    #7039672 - 06/12/07 11:33 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

Yes.
There are stuff which I did and now I won't do even if you'd have to kill me.
And for a long time I felt horrible about them.
Then I just made peace with myself.
How?
I just decided that I need to do that and that because since I was not in any position of judging anybody else, how could I judge myself? This is in no way constructive for you or those around you. And besides you are who you are and you've come to the realizations you did because of those mistakes. How can you hate or despise them when they are your teachers?
It's what made you grow. And denying them is equivalent to denying your personal growth.
This reality, this life is too vast to find impediments in that. You have so many things to experience.


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:


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OfflineBooby
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Re: Forgetting past fuckups [Re: Lion]
    #7039803 - 06/12/07 11:59 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

bug said:
Well if my powers of hyperspatial projection into others' past lives are valid at all, your actions towards a certain gray rabbit were, to say the least, dethhhhpicable.




I'd like to pursue this further. Is this what's known as 'Transference' where a fantasy is transferred into real life or is it just a manifestation of humor?


--------------------
Let it not be remembered
That mycelium eats detritus and dies
But that life in all it's glory
Counts mycelium to be on it's side.


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OfflineLion
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Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 8,662
Last seen: 9 hours, 40 minutes
Re: Forgetting past fuckups [Re: Booby]
    #7039860 - 06/13/07 12:12 AM (13 years, 10 months ago)

I have no idea what Transference is, doc. Could you elaborate?


--------------------
“Strengthened by contemplation and study,
I will not fear my passions like a coward.
My body I will give to pleasures,
to diversions that I’ve dreamed of,
to the most daring erotic desires,
to the lustful impulses of my blood, without
any fear at all, for whenever I will—
and I will have the will, strengthened
as I’ll be with contemplation and study—
at the crucial moments I’ll recover
my spirit as was before: ascetic.”


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OfflineBooby
Agent Mulder
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Registered: 09/14/05
Posts: 3,781
Last seen: 11 years, 5 months
Re: Forgetting past fuckups [Re: Lion]
    #7039912 - 06/13/07 12:19 AM (13 years, 10 months ago)

No. Will you elaborate on your own statement?


--------------------
Let it not be remembered
That mycelium eats detritus and dies
But that life in all it's glory
Counts mycelium to be on it's side.


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InvisibleSilversoul
Rhizome
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Registered: 01/01/05
Posts: 23,576
Loc: The Barricades
Re: Forgetting past fuckups [Re: Booby]
    #7039929 - 06/13/07 12:23 AM (13 years, 10 months ago)

I think he was making a reference to your avatar.


--------------------


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OfflineBooby
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Re: Forgetting past fuckups [Re: Silversoul]
    #7039943 - 06/13/07 12:26 AM (13 years, 10 months ago)

I was hoping it was deeper


--------------------
Let it not be remembered
That mycelium eats detritus and dies
But that life in all it's glory
Counts mycelium to be on it's side.


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InvisibleMOTH
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Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
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Re: Forgetting past fuckups [Re: Silversoul]
    #7042145 - 06/13/07 03:53 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

I think you just have to develop the ability to laugh at your mistakes. Everyone makes them. Some of mine are truly repugnant. But whatever...that's life. It's kinda funny if you think about it.


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OfflineGrok
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Re: Forgetting past fuckups [Re: MOTH]
    #7042729 - 06/13/07 06:09 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

For the majority of my life I was haunted by certain things I'd done and certain things that had happened to me; things I would never speak of. I was certain that I would be haunted all of my life for them; it nearly drove me to suicide.

Eventually I overcame this however. I do not dwell about these things at all anymore. It used to be when they'd come to mind, I felt like I'd never be able to stop thinking about them. Now they can come and go as they please and it doesn't phase me a bit. I don't have any problems sleeping anymore, I feel like the weight has been lifted for good.

It took me a tremendous deal of psychedelic therapy. A lot of purging. Several death/rebirth experiences. Coming to my own understanding about life itself and discovering that nothing matters...nothing that has ever happened to anyone matters in the least...so why worry about it? When you can fully forgive and accept yourself, you have found the greatest strength we have IMO. See your situation as nothing more than an opportunity to help you grow, because that's all it is. When you know how to heal yourself you have learned how to heal others; and IMO there is nothing more fulfilling to me than helping other people heal.

Good luck man, feel free to PM me...I can really relate to where you're coming from. Learn about and perhaps pursue Ayahuasca.


--------------------
Entropy is increasing.
To send me a PM, go to my journal


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InvisibleLe_Canard
The Duk Abides


Registered: 05/17/03
Posts: 94,392
Loc: Earthfarm 1 Flag
Re: Forgetting past fuckups [Re: Silversoul]
    #7043819 - 06/13/07 11:21 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

Don't be so hard on yourself. We all do stupid things we regret. The point is to learn from them and move on.


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Offlinefireworks_godS
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Posts: 24,855
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Re: Forgetting past fuckups [Re: Le_Canard]
    #7043838 - 06/13/07 11:25 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

The first step to recovery is posting all about them on The Shroomery so everyone can laugh and so that, through the laughter, it can all be transcended. :smirk:


--------------------
:redpanda:
If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you

:heartpump: :bunnyhug: :yinyang:

:yinyang: :levitate: :earth: :levitate: :yinyang:


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