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OfflineJackal
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How do you forgive/forget?
    #1491959 - 04/25/03 04:11 AM (14 years, 1 month ago)

I have been with my current girlfriend for almost 7 years, she is wonderful, pretty, patient and has everything I want in a woman. However, soon after we first met (I fell head over heels) she hurt me bad. We're talking about lies, deception, secret meetings with her ex - the works. Things got hairy for a week or so; I spent a night in a cell, I totalled a 2-month old car which put me in hospital with a fractured skull, and a broken leg - all because of the shit she put me through!

Eventually we got ourselves sorted, after a week apart she rang me and wanted to meet to talk - long story short - we got back together! And as I mentioned 7 years later we are still together.

My problem is this, I am still scarred from the earlier experiences. I don't do it anymore but I used to bring it all back up when we used to argue. But now I seem to suffer in silence. I can't forget about what happened as it was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life, but I am tired of dwelling on it - I want it to go away.

Please help!


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OfflineboOM
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Re: How do you forgive/forget? [Re: Jackal]
    #1492120 - 04/25/03 07:18 AM (14 years, 1 month ago)

though i'm pretty sure that she doesn't want to talk about that anymore, i think you might need to bring it up again. but this time, not during an arguement. what you need is closure and the only way you can get that is to know the full story. you need to sit down with her one day and ask her civilly about why she did all the things she did so that you can go on and stop hurting inside.

tough situation don't know what to really say about it..but if you guys have been together for 7 years then i really know that you two love each other.


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Anonymous #1

Re: How do you forgive/forget? [Re: Jackal]
    #1492389 - 04/25/03 10:39 AM (14 years, 1 month ago)

- Post History Deleted Upon User's Request -


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OfflineMarkostheGnostic
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Re: How do you forgive/forget? [Re: Jackal]
    #1495885 - 04/26/03 02:48 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Bringing up the past during an argument is dirty fighting. I do conflict mediation as a mental health professional, and that is one of the no-no's. You seem to be confusing memory with Reality. Reality exists in the Present, and to grasp it, one must be quite still inside and focused. It is not about forgetting, which would be tantamout to having amnesia. The prescription is for forgiveness, not forgetfulness. People drink, drug, f**k and fight all for the sake of forgetfuless. This is the wrong approach - this is ignorance. Forgiveness means you let go of the pain that you have been clinging to, identifying yourself with, laying down layers of ego that create the victim role. 'Poor me, she hurt me, therefore I am hurt, damaged, emotionally scarred.' I know this tendency very well, and the answer is the Sword of Discriminating Wisdom that those fierce Tibetan Buddhist deities are always waving around. The Sword cuts through thes malevolent attachments. It's like scraping barnacles off the hull of a boat. They encrust the vessel, weigh it down, slow its forward motion thereby hindering progress. So, the answer is to start cutting through your own self-pity, which is just more self-involvement - egoism. How? Realize that she stays with YOU, give thanks to God and show her additional appreciation by loving her more. 'True love dispells all fear,' and in your case, the fear that she is being unfaithful to you. How about becoming MORE faithful to her by loving her more? Get out of yourself.


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γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself


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Offlinecanid
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Re: How do you forgive/forget? [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #1510495 - 05/01/03 07:05 AM (14 years, 28 days ago)

all i can say is what my mother once told me after a similar situation.
growth, not time, will heal any wounds.
the healing may be slow and you will always have a scar, but scars show you that you learned soemthing tha hard way, and you'll never lose the lesson.

my lesson, as i interpereted it is this:

all people are imperfect. what makes somebody special is whether they strive to be less so and whether your love for them makes their imperfections seem less important.


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Attn PWN hunters: If you should come across a bluing Psilocybe matching P. pellicolusa please smell it.
If you detect a scent reminiscent of Anethole (anise) please preserve a specimen or two for study and please PM me.


Edited by concretefeet (05/01/03 07:08 AM)


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OfflineStrumpling
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Re: How do you forgive/forget? [Re: Jackal]
    #1511113 - 05/01/03 12:59 PM (14 years, 28 days ago)

how old are you dude?


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Insert an "I think" mentally in front of eveything I say that seems sketchy, because I certainly don't KNOW much. Also; feel free to yell at me.
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OfflineJackal
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Re: How do you forgive/forget? [Re: Strumpling]
    #1511779 - 05/01/03 05:25 PM (14 years, 28 days ago)

Thanks for the very helpful advice guys. Just to let you know that just by typing my thoughts out it feels like something has lifted.

Strumpling: I'm 25, but I don't know what that has to do with anything, wanna share your thoughts?


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